Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
So you would divorce him just because he is exercising his god-given right?
If he treats you good, fulfils all your needs then why would you divorce him just because he took on another? Which btw is his Islamic right if he can be fair with you and your co-wife.
Would you rather have half a good husband or no husband at all?
Well, well, well! I read most of the comments in reply of this thread AND, I agree to both parties. Ones, who say they can't share their husband and others... who are arguing of why can't it happen!!
I believe (& according to my opinion), its all about tolerance and capabilities! Not every woman on earth is same. Some will embrace their husband's decisions provided they are doing it on completely humanitarian basis.. while others would want their husband to choose between two. Its as simple is that!!
About me, maybe I can allow my husband to have a second marriage provided he really wants to marry someone on humanitarian basis. To provide her shelter, to save her from an evil world which exists there on earth.. to help her..!!! Remember, in the starting of this paragraph, I have already mentioned "Maybe" So there is always a chance that it "may not be" too..... I don't know.... because sometimes, when something's gonna get happened.. only then you can feel consequences!! I don't find myself too much strong but I have a feeling that if my husband genuinely wants to marry someone, not for love but only for helping someone, (and that should be clearly seen to me), then maybe and again MAYBE I can allow!!
My comments here are not at all expressed here to feel superior. This is just..... every woman on earth is different. So I agree to everyone here like Khatti, Like paheli, Like Muzna, everyone!!
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I won't allow him, even if its on humanitarian basis, yup go ahead, curse me for this. I will be more than happy to find a companion for that woman, try to help her in any way possible, but sharing my husband, nopes never! Imo there's nothing wrong in being possessive about your husband. If he truly loves you and cares about your feelings, he won't go ahead with this any way. Its in women's nature to be jealous of other women when it comes to their husbands. Even Azwaj ul mutaharat used to be possessive about Prophet SAW and they were the greatest women of us all, so it's not shocking at all if we, ordinary women, don't allow our husbands to bring another woman in our lives.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Has anyone here ever met someone who is/was a 2nd wife? Like someone close? What was their reason for consenting to the marriage? How on earth does a woman look at a married man as a potential spouse?! I don’t recall ever looking at married man and feeling “oh hey…I could marry him!”. I mean…I know men who have had affairs and divorced their 1st wife to marry their mistress. It takes 2 to tango so while the man is definitely to blame…as a married woman I have harsh feelings towards women who choose to become a married man’s mistress. Should I feel differently towards a woman who takes it one step further and actually marries the already married man? By actually making her claim to the man “official”…is she better or worse than a woman who just has a temporary affair?
No doubt Islam allows polygamy so I’m not debating that. But what does it say about a woman’s character when she actually considers another woman’s husband as a person to meet her “needs”?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
My sil’s uncle has two wives.. I’ve met them both a few times..
They seem fine with the arrangement, they visit us together and I haven’t seen any negativity between them.. They are both apparently very religious now (both wear burqa etc).. He has young kids with both of them..
Wife 1 was his parents’ choice (his cousin from ‘back home’) and wife 2 was his gf who he wanred to marry in the first place.. We were told he asked for a divorce from wife 1 but she wanted to stay with him and preferred he take another wife..
I know of a few other cases but neither wife gets on with the other in those and basically the kids have ended up hating their father (these kids are teenage and older.. In the first case I mentioned the kids are still toddlers)..
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Debate is getting pretty intense around here. And i agree with queen. To each of their own. I personally knew this girl very closely..who said..she doesn't mind being a second wife at all. She was very conservative in her beliefs. Again..not to judge her negatively. She is what she is..and that is her choice.
My argument is...can average man in this dire financial circumstance afford two wives?. If the answer is no..then we all know..it is better to stick to one. After-all..there is more to a life than marriage.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I EXTREMELY EXTREMELY disliked polygamy before my husband married another woman three years ago and I hated it like nothing else on the planet. I was in pain for the whole next year. Then I found a blog called Polygamy 411 which is run and frequented by women [Muslim women] living in polygamous marriages. We all help each other cope and have now accepted that this is Allah's will for us, we are not to question what Allah has written for us in our fates.
I was initially going to divorce but the bloggers advised me, why would you let the other woman win by taking all yur husband? IMPROVE AND WORK ON YOUR OWN MARRIAGE. His marriage with the second wife is *his *business, not yours.
And make Allah your focus in your life, he should be your first love, not your husband. Once you live for Allah everything becomes easy on its own.
I recommend you all visit this great and helpful blog run by an American Muslim revert woman who went through a traumatic experience with polygamy [Its in the section of the blog called ''My Story''] and she has now after many years accepted it and now lives in peace.
I wonder what you guys make out about this article. A lot of polygamous marriages are happening still and its numbers in the UK and even in the Pakistani community in Britain is increasing. A lot of men rely on welfare benefits to provide for their ‘other’’ families and a lot of men have actually either physically or emotionally cheated the first wife prior to marrying the ‘glorified mistress’ whose becoming a second wife is usually only a glorification of her previous status as a mistress.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I was initially going to divorce but the bloggers advised me, why would you let the other woman win by taking all yur husband? IMPROVE AND WORK ON YOUR OWN MARRIAGE. His marriage with the second wife is *his *business, not yours.
How is a husband taking another wife none of the first wife's business when it also impacts HER life in such a huge way?
Allah gave us brains and free will to make choices.. Would you tell a woman who was being cheated on to just accept her fate and not question anything?
About the rest of the quote I don't know what to say.. I was actually speechless reading that..
In contrast to your happy ending I could probably point to five or ten that ended badly.. I'm not totally against these sorts of marriages when done properly but more people involved in them seem to end up unhappy than not.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I know of a few men who do have second wives, majority in the DFW, TX area.
1) Pakistani/US man married his dead brothers widow after her iddat was over. Parents wanted him to marry the younger widow, so the 'children' could be taken care of. He was ENCOURAGED to divorce his first wife ( his distant cousin), to whom he was married to for over 20 years. His parents put pressure on him, how his wife was a terrible woman etc etc; he went to Pakistan and married his brothers widow, and also started divorce proceedings with his first wife. He is now divorced from his first wife. He was throwing her and their four children out of the house, intervention through Imam of masjid made him reconsider THAT decision.
2) American black Muslim with three wives. First wife is his legal wife in the eyes of the US. Other two are not. One wife or the other cranks out a baby every year, so he has quite a large number of children. Wives #2 and #3 are so subserviant , it is ridiculous. Both are very well educated with Masters degrees. He does not work, well he is fired every few months due to his inability to keep a job. Wives #2 and #3 are all on welfare. Wife #3 recently left him, taking the children with her to Europe.
3) Benagli couple helping out a Pakistani woman who was having marital troubles. Bengali woman was expecting,and unbeknownst to her, her hubby and Pakistani friend began spending more time with one another. One thing led to another, and the two began having intimate relations. Bengali man 'nikkafied' with Pakistani woman, dumped his own pregnant wife in a shelter and moved in with Pakistani woman. Pakistani woman's (now ex hubby) filed for custody of his four children, was awarded custody and promptly took his children to Pakistan. His ex wife and Bengali man moved out of TX. Bengali sister gave birth whilst living in shelter.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Wait..wait…wait… so … i mean i couldnt understand your point properly… is it like any married man provided experienced a worst marriage life in past can’t be a potential husband for any one? Would u please clear it?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
This right of men is in the Quran and given by Allah himself. There are many things that women have over men and men over women. This is one of those things that men have over women. Most women might not like this nor be willing to share a husband. This is all good but never question Allah. It is the way it is and there is nothing anyone can do about it. This exists because of orphans and widows so they can get easily married. It exists for wars as more men die than women so no woman can be left behind. It exists because there are more women in this world than men so they all can get married. It exists because sometimes one cannot have children and one needs a second wife but does not want to divorce the first as it is not her fault. As much it seems to be good for the men it is for the good of women too.
Personally I would only want one wife. Most men are this way. However there are some who choose to have more than one. There are some women that are OK with it. It is hard finding them but they are out there. I would recommend that it is not done without all wives' agreeing to it. Everything from the money spent to the time should be the same. One should truly try their level best to be equal to them for we will all be answerable to Allah. I live in a state in the U.S. where you can only have one wife but as many girlfriends as you want. My local Imam has three wives and is looking for the fourth. He was born and raised in the U.S. All of his wives are from here. He never did the court marriage just the Islamic one as in my state if you get a divorce the wife takes half of everything. He did not want anything of them to have this over each other. I have a uncle who had two best friends in Pakistan who are poor and got married to each of their daughters. He married the first and after three years gave a court divorce and then married the second so they can both be here.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
This right of men is in the Quran and given by Allah himself. There are many things that women have over men and men over women. This is one of those things that men have over women. Most women might not like this nor be willing to share a husband. This is all good but never question Allah. It is the way it is and there is nothing anyone can do about it. This exists because of orphans and widows so they can get easily married. It exists for wars as more men die than women so no woman can be left behind. It exists because there are more women in this world than men so they all can get married. It exists because sometimes one cannot have children and one needs a second wife but does not want to divorce the first as it is not her fault. As much it seems to be good for the men it is for the good of women too.
Personally I would only want one wife. Most men are this way. However there are some who choose to have more than one. There are some women that are OK with it. It is hard finding them but they are out there. I would recommend that it is not done without all wives' agreeing to it. Everything from the money spent to the time should be the same. One should truly try their level best to be equal to them for we will all be answerable to Allah. I live in a state in the U.S. where you can only have one wife but as many girlfriends as you want. My local Imam has three wives and is looking for the fourth. He was born and raised in the U.S. All of his wives are from here. He never did the court marriage just the Islamic one as in my state if you get a divorce the wife takes half of everything. He did not want anything of them to have this over each other. I have a uncle who had two best friends in Pakistan who are poor and got married to each of their daughters. He married the first and after three years gave a court divorce and then married the second so they can both be here.
Yeah that all sounds nice but most men don't marry widows ,they marry to get pleasure in reality, many of them cheat before marrying the second time round and many treat their wives badly and unjustly.
Anyways why don't women start making conditions in their marriage contracts that say the husband can't marry another woman?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
That might be true but it does not make what is lawful unlawful. Most Muslims do not pray five times a day but that does not mean we shouldn't pray. The 4 imams of Sunni jurisprudence have some minor differences but most agree that there can be conditions in the contract. The first wife can get a Kuliah anyways if she is not happy. If she is happy or not the husband is allowed to get a second wife. The way around the contract is to simply give the first wife a divorce for one cannot make what is lawful unlawful. It does make it harder to have two wives. If the first wife is OK with it then it does not matter. If the next 4 wives are Ok with it then it does not matter either after giving the first a divorce.
I don’t recall ever looking at married man and feeling “oh hey…I could marry him!”. I mean…I know men who have had affairs and divorced their 1st wife to marry their mistress. It takes 2 to tango so while the man is definitely to blame…as a married woman I have harsh feelings towards women who choose to become a married man’s mistress. Should I feel differently towards a woman who takes it one step further and actually marries the already married man? By actually making her claim to the man “official”…is she better or worse than a woman who just has a temporary affair? 