Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
How do Arab ladies keep their feelings intact after their husbands married to other ladies. I heard that its still common in Arabs and they don't consider it a taboo.
Some women mind it , some don't. Everyone is entitled to their views and feelings.
Why does asking for Khula if my husband married another make me bad ? Khula is allowed in Islam.
And btw , its no longer as common as you think among the new generation of arabs.
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
Some women mind it , some don't. Everyone is entitled to their views and feelings.
Why does asking for Khula if my husband married another make me bad ? Khula is allowed in Islam.
And btw , its no longer as common as you think among the new generation of arabs.
Its all ok if someone demands for Khulla (including the reason if husband gets married to another woman), but the question that comes to my mind is why it has become a social taboo when Allah allows it?
There are reasons behind it. Its not a rule to marry four, its an exception with certain conditions and if circumstances arises then why not submit to the command of Allah instead of going for options like Khula and asking question like practicing polyandry?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Here’s another thought that comes to mind. How does a widow (or a divorcee) feel at the thought that a man married her b/c he thought she’s not capable of controlling herself and would commit sin? When a woman is single, widowed, or a divorcee…aren’t we women capable of controlling our desires while we search for a man who doesn’t already have a wife? My nana died when my mother was in 8th grade. My nani never re-married and died when she was in her 90’s. My best friend (who is a Pakistani btw) lost her dad to a heart attack when she was 11. Her mother chose not to re-marry and has managed to live life and raise 2 daughters for 20+ years. As far as I know…my nani and best friend’s mother didn’t go around the community committing “sin” to fulfil their needs.
All this talk of widows…what about women who are physically handicapped or have some form of deformity (either through birth or a medical condition)? Don’t these women have needs too? Yet when was the last time anyone here met a man who took on a woman (virgin or otherwise) as his 2nd wife who had some form of handicap?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I meant some people think financial "help" (enough money to buy two meals a day) is all what a divorced and widowed women need in life. No, that's not it. That's not why Islam encourages divorced or married women to remarry as soon as they can so there's someone to afford her meals or pay her bills. The whole idea of marriage goes a lot deeper than that.
Sorry I'm at work therefore cannot make long posts. Will get back to my point later.
ahh ...okay....got it.
so you are basically saying that "supporting a widow" is not limited to providing for her basic financial needs but also fulfilling her physical needs as a woman and mental needs, like companionship, etc.
as for being insulted that a woman cannot provide for herself financially.......perhaps there are instances where she can earn a meagre living but cannot earn enough for her family, who knows. let's not take the approach that every woman is equally capable of getting an education or resides in a welfare state.
Would a guy tolerate another husband for his wife? Nope. So the same applies to women.
obviously you are not taking Islam into consideration when you say this......right?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
As far as I know.....my nani and best friend's mother didn't go around the community committing "sin" to fulfil their needs.
not to be disrespectful in any way whatsoever to the people you have mentioned.....but the sin being referenced may not require the participation of any other parties but the individuals themselves.
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
Its all ok if someone demands for Khulla (including the reason if husband gets married to another woman), but the question that comes to my mind is why it has become a social taboo when Allah allows it?
There are reasons behind it. Its not a rule to marry four, its an exception with certain conditions and if circumstances arises then why not submit to the command of Allah instead of going for options like Khula and asking question like practicing polyandry?
By asking for khula I'm not going against Allah's command.Allah has given me the option of khula if I'm unhappy.Why can't I avail that option ?
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
By asking for khula I'm not going against Allah's command.Allah has given me the option of khula if I'm unhappy.Why can't I avail that option ?
ok, if its about personal choice, then there is no issue in it. Allah provided options for that as He provided right to a man to marry another woman if need be.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Fair enough. But the bottom line is…are we women not capable of controlling our desires? Even for single women. I’m sure there are women on this forum who are in their mid-late 20’s and not married. Is there a particular age where a woman’s physical/mental need becomes so intense that she must start considering another woman’s husband just so she doesn’t commit sin?
Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another
ok, if its about personal choice, then there is no issue in it. Allah provided options for that as He provided right to a man to marry another woman if need be.
yes , this is exactly what my initial post suggested.
"
Well sara he can exercise his god-given right and marry another lady.I'll exercise my God given right and ask for khula.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
So you would divorce him just because he is exercising his god-given right?
yes. He can exercise his god given right when and if he meets all conditions that give him that very right.
If he treats you good, fulfills all your needs then why would you divorce him just because he took on another? Which btw is his Islamic right if he can be fair with you and your co-wife.
It is one of my primary "needs" to be the sole woman in his life. By marrying another he will automatically fail in fulfilling my needs. This argument is thus an oxymoron and void.
Would you rather have half a good husband or no husband at all?
*None. I, like many others on this forum haven't married because I need someone to "help" me financially. I choose to be with him because I love him and believe he returns my feelings. The moment he stops is the moment I part my ways with him ... it will also be the moment he will part with his life :D *
and now I have a few questions for you OP
1) Are you a female? .... see I don't judge genders by online nicks
2) are you married?
3) if yes, have you personally experienced polygamy or any of your close females relatives? ... plz dont tell us about "my friend that is so very happy in the situation"
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
of course there are both men and women out there that are fully capable of controlling their desires.
Allah, however, has made it so that they don’t have to and/or they can choose not to by entering into a nikah.
I certainly can’t object to a faith that accommodates needs at every level.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
What? that doesn't evne make any sense. Are you a troll?
I'm not sure whether or not this is a troll but.....
I think they are referring to having "half a good husband" from the perspective that if he were to take another wife then interaction with the first wife would likely be cut to half, get it?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Two wives...easier said than done.
It is not easy to be just and fair with two women who want your time, attention and resources.
Personally, since I cannot stop him from complicating my life...I'd do what I can to keep things in balance for me. If he feels the need to marry again, it won't be because I said so. It will be because he chooses to - which is his God given right.
However, I know myself. I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it so I'd probably leave him - my God given right.
In this day and age, women don't need to marry for support. They marry for companionship, love, creating a family, etc. If he cannot offer that, she's better off without the extra baggage.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
What I don't understand is, if a man is using his God given right to have a second wife and all should be ok (as it's his right) then why does a woman need to give reasons to exercise her God given right of khula?
Why is the OP pushing for women to accept the man's right but its not ok for the woman to practise hers?
If God forbid this happens to me, I'll do what I think is fit for me and I don't need to give reasons/explanations to anyone for it.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I'm going to repeat ehl-e-chamman's question, i hope you don't mind but, are you a female?
In response to your question, I wouldn't want my husband to marry a second woman. Even though it is a God-given right, it isn't farz on him is it. Especially with the desi men, you're lucky if he's fair to you alone, let alone being fair to two women!
I would definitely don't mind helping him help the the widow and her children financially, and even help her find another unmarried man or a widower (i'm sure they exist too, right?).
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Also, I've seen someone very close and dear to me (I prefer not to disclose who) suffer because her husband chose to marry another woman. It broke families and ruined someones childhood.
So I guess having personally seen this fuels my strong reaction against a man having 2 or more wives.
When a woman is single, widowed, or a divorcee…aren’t we women capable of controlling our desires while we search for a man who doesn’t already have a wife? My nana died when my mother was in 8th grade. My nani never re-married and died when she was in her 90’s. My best friend (who is a Pakistani btw) lost her dad to a heart attack when she was 11. Her mother chose not to re-marry and has managed to live life and raise 2 daughters for 20+ years. As far as I know…my nani and best friend’s mother didn’t go around the community committing “sin” to fulfil their needs.