Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
Well
Atleast this will make people something to laugh about…
Though at me I’ll admit 
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
Aisa hi hota hai jab ghussa saar pe chad jaye :p
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
It is better to have two mothers than one! :)
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
Very diplomatic respnose :p
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
^ :D
Happy Mother*s* day, to all, by the way!
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
Kya huwa? :ASA:
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
I assumed accidently that sweetmoi was telling something
When infact after my rant to read it was I who hadn’t read her post properly 
Voluneteering work, normal work?
But you're right, your baby should take care of your attention.
Read the thread please. :)
Im sorry, did i give you the impression I wasnt looking for a job?????? Or that i CHOOSE to sit at home while he goes to work,..and then moan about it?
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
MODS can close thread now as its getting derailed.
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
but er you haven’t said you were looking for a job were you?
I am suposed to assume that you are?
Jo meray saamnay hai wohi kehna hai meh nay :halo:
Thanks for telling us
Bit in bold is wrong, it’s recommended not to live with inlaws unless there is a need ie. they’re elderly or lonely.. The joint family system the way it’s practised by desis with DIL moving straight into the inlaws home is a Hindu concept, not a Muslim one.
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=273&CATE=87
Please stop implying that the joint family system is the Islamic ideal when clearly it’s not. Good for you if that’s what u prefer but to try and make out a girl is in the wrong for wanting to move with her husband into their own home is not fair.
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
Maham, having respect for your inlaws is not the same thing as having them live in your house, or living in their house with your only psuedo-personal space being your bedroom with your husband, and that too, your inlaws can walk into whenever they want.
I've seen this kind of think happen in desi families. They walk into the bahu's bedroom during the day as if they own the place, fixing the son's stuff as if he's still a little baby, and cleaning his room. They'll hang out in the bahu's bedroom and watch tv during the evening.
Look, it happens. A lot of people live in cramped spaces because they really cant afford a bigger house/apartment. In Karachi, huge bungalows are divided so that multiple families are living in them, and even though the house has a lot of rooms overall, it is pretty snug with 3-4 couples living in them.
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
Ok guys, i guess i came here to see what other people think but that didnt mean i was gonna agree with whatever you say. Just like you guys have the rite to your opinion, so do i.
1). I THINK there is no reason the girl can demand a seperate accomodation unless there is trouble from the in-laws.
2) If you think you can take somebody's son away from them and still maintain a loving and respectful relationship with your inlaws then good for you. BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!
3) If its more important to you that you get to make your own decisions about what is cooked or how many chairs u put at the living area then to have your husband at peace with his family and you then Goodluck.
Like i have said many times b4 in this thread and various others, NOBODY is saying that you stay with your inlaws if they are beating you up, being ridiculousy involved in your life, taunting you or treating you bad. BUT If none of this is happening n they r loving n respectful to u then i see NO reason for asking to move just based on your wants to be THE lady of the house. That attitude is very wrong.
Maham, having respect for your inlaws is not the same thing as having them live in your house, or living in their house with your only psuedo-personal space being your bedroom with your husband, and that too, your inlaws can walk into whenever they want.
I've seen this kind of think happen in desi families. They walk into the bahu's bedroom during the day as if they own the place, fixing the son's stuff as if he's still a little baby, and cleaning his room. They'll hang out in the bahu's bedroom and watch tv during the evening.
Look, it happens. A lot of people live in cramped spaces because they really cant afford a bigger house/apartment. In Karachi, huge bungalows are divided so that multiple families are living in them, and even though the house has a lot of rooms overall, it is pretty snug with 3-4 couples living in them.
I dont know what kind of families you are talking about BUT I was talking about normal families and this is not what happens in normal families.
Give me Quran’s context not any randomn website.
Btw, maybe you forgot to read but the given link also says that if need be the husband should beat his wife up to get her on the right track. How does that sound to you :)?!
Ok guys, i guess i came here to see what other people think but that didnt mean i was gonna agree with whatever you say. Just like you guys have the rite to your opinion, so do i.
1). I THINK there is no reason the girl can demand a seperate accomodation unless there is trouble from the in-laws.
2) If you think you can take somebody's son away from them and still maintain a loving and respectful relationship with your inlaws then good for you. BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!
3) If its more important to you that you get to make your own decisions about what is cooked or how many chairs u put at the living area then to have your husband at peace with his family and you then Goodluck.
Like i have said many times b4 in this thread and various others, NOBODY is saying that you stay with your inlaws if they are beating you up, being ridiculousy involved in your life, taunting you or treating you bad. BUT If none of this is happening n they r loving n respectful to u then i see NO reason for asking to move just based on your wants to be THE lady of the house. That attitude is very wrong.
I dont think you understand.
A woman's first priority is her family. Anyone's first priority is their family. Inlaws may feel like their attitude or treatment is perfectly fine and as we can see in this thread...all of us have different views on what is acceptable and what is not. A girl's first thought will be about her husband, child, her parents and then inlaws. Its just a natural thought process that occurs in everyone's mind. If she feels like separate accomodations are important and her inlaws are so loving, caring and accepting...why all the drama over her moving out? They are so loving and caring, surely they can understand this basic human need of living your life according to your own rules. If they dont, its a great idea to move out because that is imposing behavior. "Alag rehne ki kya zaroorat hai, hum koi usko marte peet te thori hein"
So, they may be offending her and not consider it such. They may be annoying to her and not consider it such. They may be imposing in certain areas of her life and not consider it such. They may be giving unsolicited advice and invading her privacy without knowing or may not consider it such. "Humne koi ziyatti nahin ki hai uske saat"...bas sara din uske moon pe usko taanay dete rehte hein...koi ziyatti nahin ki hai.
If even Islam recognizes this basic human need, who are these people to question that, stop her or even get in her way? No one.
The bahu is not responsible for taking care of her inlaws...she SHOULD do it out of the goodness of her heart and because she cares for them lekin its NOT her responsibility. MIL and FIL have kids of their own (sons and daughters) to do that and if those children do not realize their own responsibiities towards their own parents...that is the sadder part...that they raised their kids to be callous towards their own parents and shove off their job to someone else.
If a woman wants to take care of her own parents in their old age, its great and should be recognized as an example for other girls to follow. Girl or guy...your parents are your responsibility. Sons marrying doesnt mean daughters can relax and do their own thing now because bahu agayi hai...ab sara vo dekhegi. Nope. Usko dekhna chahiye hai, sure. Lekin, uski zimmidari nahin hai.
Its such sick and twisted thinking when you see people labeling a bahu as chalak and hoshiyar if she wants to help her own parents.
Ok guys, i guess i came here to see what other people think but that didnt mean i was gonna agree with whatever you say. Just like you guys have the rite to your opinion, so do i.
1). I THINK there is no reason the girl can demand a seperate accomodation unless there is trouble from the in-laws.
2) If you think you can take somebody's son away from them and still maintain a loving and respectful relationship with your inlaws then good for you. BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!
3) If its more important to you that you get to make your own decisions about what is cooked or how many chairs u put at the living area then to have your husband at peace with his family and you then Goodluck.
Like i have said many times b4 in this thread and various others, NOBODY is saying that you stay with your inlaws if they are beating you up, being ridiculousy involved in your life, taunting you or treating you bad. BUT If none of this is happening n they r loving n respectful to u then i see NO reason for asking to move just based on your wants to be THE lady of the house. That attitude is very wrong.
Are you married??? Or are you just upset at your bhabhi??
A son/husband living separately with his wife away from his parents, does NOT mean that his parents have 'lost' him. How insecure can the parents be? I love my parents and my mom is my best friend but I am not going to apologize for the fact that I want to spend the first few years of my married life without his or my parents living with us. My fiance's and my parents are independent, have their own lives and honestly they are not interested in living with us at all. They want us to live our own lives and be comfortable. That does not mean we love them any less or we will neglect them. God forbid if his or my parents are sick and need us, they of course we will whole heartedly take them in with us and take complete care of them. But as long as they are independent and have their own lives, why can't we have our own as well?? And I am not 'all about' living separately from in-laws. My in-laws are very sweet and don't interfere at all!! And I have no problem living with them because they are very decent people who respect all our decisions and don't impose their views on us. It's actually my fiance who needs his own 'space'!! Does that mean my fiance doesn't love his parents????
I honestly don't understand why parents are so keen on staying with their son after he is married. My mother would not like to live with my brother and his wife since she has her own life and understands that every woman wants to run her house HER way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
As for you saying that there is NO reason for a girl to demand separate accommodation, well it's girls like you who take away rights from girls. Also, who gives you the right to decide that it's the girl who has to live with the guy's parents and not vice versa?? Why are you promoting cultural vices? The Quran has told us time and again to take care of our aging parents...nowhere does the Quran discriminate between a son and daughter.
Frankly speaking I hate this cultural system. A son cannot take care of his elderly parents the way a daughter can. Women are nurturers, they know how to take care of their loved ones. Aging parents don't just need financial support. They need a lot of love, time and patience and a daughter is better equipped to provide them that. That doesn't mean sons don't love their parents. Of course they do but they are not able to nurture the way a daughter can. So I think aging parents should move in with the daughter as opposed to this century long Hindu practice of relying solely on the son.
You know when a girl gets married, there are really high expectations from her… and its really hard adjusting… and every eye is on you, noticing and pouncing on everything you are doing wrong… the nicest of people will point out your shortcomings, I don’t know if its human nature or what 
plus you get married with so many dreams… of romance, of getting to know each other, etc. and there’s absolutely zero privacy.
Example: When we were newlyweds, I was just sitting on the sofa’s arm beside my husband dabayofying my husband’s head cuz of a headache when my MIL came and scolded me saying kanwari bachiyaan hai ghar mein kuch tau khayal karo, when it was him who had asked me… she could have scolded him but no I got the scolding and if I had refused, my husband would have been naraz obviously… and then if we would have gone to our room in the middle of the day even then we would have gotten a scolding or a dirty look, so whats a couple to do then. Khair, now tau no-one cares since we’re bachay walay log 
So yeah, privacy in the first few years is very crucial for any relationship.
It also takes time to learn of your in-laws mizaaj, how the ghar ka mahol is, what are their practices, etc. etc. and trust me, I’ve lived abroad for 5 years but I have learnt everything about my in-laws… we talk to them every single day. Thats how involved my husband is, he even knows the whole khaandaan ki gossip which my MIL shares with him and I love my MIL a lot, she’s a great individual although has her own negatives, but then who in this world is perfect. But at least I know her likes/dislikes, whats important to her and what would hurt her or make her happy and thats extremely important to know.
Personally, I think I’m better equipped now to live with my in-laws… I understand them better now, I know their expectations, their likes dislikes, etc. and I’ve established that my priority is my home and my family, not husband kay saath ghoomna, sajna sawarna, etc.
Its more important to help my MIL and take care of her when in need than go attend some shaadi and show off my jewelry or visit family & friends. I’ve settled down in life, seen many ups and downs and can appreciate my in-laws more now.
So in my opinion, its better for the couple to live separately for the first few years, then if need arises, move in with in-laws or welcome them into the home you’ve established. Although MILs are more comfortable in their own homes, so I guess the couple should move in there… just my 2 cents 
^ Exactly the point I previously made - you were able to demonstrate with a real example.
One more thing, said it before, but I’m going to say it again in a different way, a lot of the times, the ILs expect that when the DIL moves in with them, woh un kai rang mai rang ja-aygi. That she will learn to do things “their way”. Obviously, each person can learn from others around them and they can teach the people they come into contact with, but, the attitude that she needs to be “made-over” to suit the IL family kai taur tareekay is insulting. Agar unko larki kai taur tareekay nahin pasand thay, phir unko ussay apni bahu hi nahin bana na chahiyey tha.
And I say this based on a rishta experience in our family. The prospectives came for a look-see of my sister (who was 21 at the time). The prospective ILs were interested in her because she was young and she was 12 years younger than their son 
The potential MIL said, it’s good when the girl is young and there’s that much of an age difference - she can learn about how our family does things and fit in and the age difference means she’ll defer to our son.
Obviously, things didn’t go anywhere in that situation.
As for you saying that there is NO reason for a girl to demand separate accommodation, well it's girls like you who take away rights from girls. Also, who gives you the right to decide that it's the girl who has to live with the guy's parents and not vice versa?? Why are you promoting cultural vices? The Quran has told us time and again to take care of our aging parents...nowhere does the Quran discriminate between a son and daughter.
Frankly speaking I hate this cultural system. A son cannot take care of his elderly parents the way a daughter can. Women are nurturers, they know how to take care of their loved ones. Aging parents don't just need financial support. They need a lot of love, time and patience and a daughter is better equipped to provide them that. That doesn't mean sons don't love their parents. Of course they do but they are not able to nurture the way a daughter can. So I think aging parents should move in with the daughter as opposed to this century long Hindu practice of relying solely on the son.
Huh? Who am i to take away anyone's rights? just like you have your opinion, i have mine. Now who gave u the right to claim all that on me just cuz i think different from you? Lets take it like an argument and not a match where we have to put the other one down.