Hey 
Lets say, you get married and alls not well. Your wifey is not settling in well with your parents for apparently no valid reasons. She is just more inclined towards a seperate accomodate for herself where she gets everything done her way. So if it comes to making your choice;
What would be your reaction to that?
How would you go about such a situation?
How will it affect your relationship with your wife and your family?
Your final decision?
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
I don’t get why people of todays world live in a joint-family system 
Agar paisay hain, aadmi apna ghar khud le!
1- I would get my own house anyway when I get a job
2- Same as above
3- Above
4-Above
phaintee
For any ladies in the UK area…hellooooo!!! This is a keeper!!!
How shak doesn’t have 20 UK guppans after him, I don’t understand.
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
PCG they dont aprreciate what they don't have (me) :(
Why? What does the today world teach you? to be cold, mean and disoriented?
Give me a break. Don’t make stupid statements.
I pity girls who would want a guy like you. If he has issues living in a joint set-up i.e living with his own parents then i doubt how loving he would be with his wife.
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
[QUOTE]
Why? What does the today world teach you? to be cold, mean and disoriented?
Give me a break. Don't make stupid statements.
I pity girls who would want a guy like you. If he has issues living in a joint set-up i.e living with his own parents then i doubt how loving he would be with his wife.
[/QUOTE]
Er ghusay kay issues hain maam saheb ko?
Unless there is only one son, or parents' need to be taken care of what is wrong with living alone? My parents are self-sufficient, have excellent full-time jobs mashAllah, and only want me to marry when I can get my own place and afford my own expenses like a man instead of mooching off my maa baap and I agree with them. My wife will leave HER home, ghar, family and I think it would be easier for her to adapt if its ony me and her living alone. In later life when my parents' or her parents' need help then ofcourse Ill have them live with me, that would be coomon sense. What is so cold hearted and un-loving about that?
Does it look like I am having issues with my parents?
I am making stupid statements?
Aap ki post dekh kay lagta hai aaj school se bachon ko jaldi chuti ho gai hai, the phrase 'moo khlonay se pehlay sochna zaroori hai' seems apt here for you :)
Er ghusay kay issues hain maam saheb ko?
Unless there is only one son, or parents' need to be taken care what is wrong with living alone? My parents are self-sufficient, have jobs mashAllah, and only want me to marry when I can get my own place and afford my own expenses like a man instead of mooching off my maa baap and I agree with them. My wife will leave HER home, ghar, family and I think it would be easier for her to adapt if its ony me and her living alone. In later life when my parents' or her parents' need help then ofcourse Ill have them live with me, that would be coomon sense. What is so cold hearted and un-loving about that?
Does it look like I am having issues with my parents?
I am making stupid statements?
Aap ki post dekh kay lagta hai aaj school se bachon ko jaldi chuti ho gai hai, the phrase 'moo khlonay se pehlay sochna zaroori hai' seems apt here for you :)
Is there an older Canadian version of you :@:
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
I am old enough :@:
Why? What does the today world teach you? to be cold, mean and disoriented?
Give me a break. Don't make stupid statements.
I pity girls who would want a guy like you. If he has issues living in a joint set-up i.e living with his own parents then i doubt how loving he would be with his wife.
He posted his opinion which wasnt disrespectful or harsh in its nature. You are looking for opnions on this forum so be ready to get them. Lots of men prefer to live separately and for various reasons...it has nothing to do with being callous towards one's parents.
Often times, the household is too large to accomodate another couple with their own wishes of how to live.
Often times, an older brother is already taking of parents so younger ones dont really have to physically be there...and will support finacially.
Often times, you will find men who understand how their mothers and wives will interact and try to save the relationship pre-World War IV.
Often times, for their career they may move for a little while but then come back later.
Not only that, every girl wants to be the lady of her house. Every woman gets married thinking she can live her life the way she wants to now. SO if her husband is sensitive to that need and also tries to establish himself in close proximity to his parents...that is being mean and stupid? How?
All jokes aside, what you said is spot on! It's tough enough when a couple is newly married adjusting to the reality of married life. For the girl to move in with her in-laws no matter how wonderful they are, may not always the ideal scenario (works for some families and kudos to them).
But for the most part, the bride who's used to doing things her way in her maika, feels self-conscious fitting in with the in-laws since she's the new variable in the mix - cooking, cleaning, schedules, socializing, conversing - there might be minor, inconsequential differences, but they feel amplified when two styles comes together. If anything is slightly off-kilter it's easy to say, pehlay to aisa nahin tha.
The sons and parents (and any sibs) are grappling with a new relationship between them - the son is not just their son, he's now a husband, so all of the changes again get attributed to his marriage. It's for this reason, I think a couple should live on their own for the first few years of their marriage. They, the newly married couple, learn to work together as a unit and establish a mutual understanding of their future goals.
Eventually, when they're financially self-sufficient, they should buy/rent a large enough place and invite his parents to live with them - because yes, as a son and DIL, they should be respectful of the parents needs and want to out of love and loyalty, emotionally, financially and physically support the parents.
But, hey, it doesn't always work out the way you want and everyone in the relationship needs to be willing to make compromises and work on a healthy, loving and respectful relationship no matter what the living arrangements are.
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
The way I see it is before marriage, you live life according to how parents dictate. After marriage, there should be some freedoms...
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
It all depends on individual circumstances.
Joint family or living separately, both are fine if people are happy with what they have.
Forcing the wife to live with his parents is not a good idea if the husband feels both sides do not tolerate each other.
In situations where son cannot live separately then wife should be accomodating and understanding. In that case husband has to take charge. It is not like the wife was in the dark before marriage and did not know his problem.
Forcing the husband by using emotional blackmailing in these situations is also not good.
Hey :-)
Lets say, you get married and alls not well. Your wifey is not settling in well with your parents for apparently no valid reasons. She is just more inclined towards a seperate accomodate for herself where she gets everything done her way. So if it comes to making your choice;
1) What would be your reaction to that?
2) How would you go about such a situation?
3) How will it affect your relationship with your wife and your family?
4) Your final decision?
Ana & Zidd - their is no solution for that except a taste of living in "hell"
She will be perfecto in less then a month !
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
After marriage I think its more of a team building exercise . Of course if man and wife can live alone then chances are that they'll be able to build a stronger team . For the very same reason we have concept of 'honeymoon' . Both need to be in sync . Having your own place to live is ideal situation .
But considering living conditions in Pakistan and current economic situation I doubt if everyone can afford a separate living . In this situation if there is any friction between the people living in a house then it must be very uncomfortable . A man can provide a communication bridge between two parties and tries to ease the situation . One of my friend solved the situation by telling everyone at home that if I'll see you guys fighting then I am not coming back home. :D
So yea it requires bigger team building strategy and a LOT of patience , from everyone especially from man's side . He can try to improve his financial situation and move out .
Er ghusay kay issues hain maam saheb ko?
Unless there is only one son, or parents' need to be taken care of what is wrong with living alone? My parents are self-sufficient, have excellent full-time jobs mashAllah, and only want me to marry when I can get my own place and afford my own expenses like a man instead of mooching off my maa baap and I agree with them. My wife will leave HER home, ghar, family and I think it would be easier for her to adapt if its ony me and her living alone. In later life when my parents' or her parents' need help then ofcourse Ill have them live with me, that would be coomon sense. What is so cold hearted and un-loving about that?
Does it look like I am having issues with my parents?
I am making stupid statements?
Aap ki post dekh kay lagta hai aaj school se bachon ko jaldi chuti ho gai hai, the phrase 'moo khlonay se pehlay sochna zaroori hai' seems apt here for you :)
1) When your wife was living ather parent's home, apparently she didnt have any problem living with her family for 20+ years then settling with her new family shouldnt be that hard. BUT for that it is important that she takes your family as her own.
2) Its about unity, living together and having a united family. NOT that you can be united if u live apart but why live apart if there is no reason for it. I don't think wanting a seperate home is any good reason. What for?
3) There are much more advantages of living in a joint family set-up. As for the issues, well we have them even when we live with our own family but does that make us live apart from them? No.
I apologise if i was harsh in my earlier post but i just get so disappointed seeing people have no interest in joint families set-up.
He posted his opinion which wasnt disrespectful or harsh in its nature. You are looking for opnions on this forum so be ready to get them. Lots of men prefer to live separately and for various reasons...it has nothing to do with being callous towards one's parents.
Often times, the household is too large to accomodate another couple with their own wishes of how to live.
Often times, an older brother is already taking of parents so younger ones dont really have to physically be there...and will support finacially.
Often times, you will find men who understand how their mothers and wives will interact and try to save the relationship pre-World War IV.
Often times, for their career they may move for a little while but then come back later.
Not only that, every girl wants to be the lady of her house. Every woman gets married thinking she can live her life the way she wants to now. SO if her husband is sensitive to that need and also tries to establish himself in close proximity to his parents...that is being mean and stupid? How?
Ya i know, i did ask for opinion and my reply was my opinion.
1) So what if older one is taking care of his parents? does tht mean u r nt liable anymore? huh? who gives a damn abt financial support, there is alot more to a sons n daughters responsibilities towards their parents.
2) Lady of the house? Hahaha....Rite. I think its more about the lady wanting to get rid of her inlaws and getting her family into the house which goes against the law of nature. So tough luck.
I am def against inlaws pressuring their sons or dils for anything or interfering too much but i believe if u r sensitive towards them then there r 85% chances they wl be fair to u as well.
Re: To the Sons n Husbands!
two points :-
!) woman is a nurturer , a home-maker in essence. A house of her own for a family of her own where she can have her say is what she needs to feel secure and wanted. If my mom can have it so shud my wife. and i guess its my responsibilty to provide her with it.
2) its every child's responsibility to look after their parents , give them time, honor ,love and respect and take care of their needs especially if they are ageing or ailing. After all my wife will be a mother too and she will get old too and she wudnt want her son to abandon her so she should understand.
SOLUTION: buy a home near ur parents and divide ur time. simple! If u can take out time for ur own born. u sure can fr whom u were born to.
But for the most part, the bride who's used to doing things her way in her maika, feels self-conscious fitting in with the in-laws since she's the new variable in the mix - cooking, cleaning, schedules, socializing, conversing - there might be minor, inconsequential differences, but they feel amplified when two styles comes together. If anything is slightly off-kilter it's easy to say, pehlay to aisa nahin tha.
That's where the in-laws duties n responsibilities come in. They ought to provide their bahu with a comfortable atmospher, space and lots love so that she adjusts eaisly. That's why my post did mention that IF there was no valid reason for moving out.
The way I see it is before marriage, you live life according to how parents dictate. After marriage, there should be some freedoms...
How Funny. So why not rebel against our own parents first for dictating us?
Kya rules hai boss. Apne parents ke liye different and inlaws ke liye different.
After marriage I think its more of a team building exercise . Of course if man and wife can live alone then chances are that they'll be able to build a stronger team . For the very same reason we have concept of 'honeymoon' . Both need to be in sync . Having your own place to live is ideal situation .
But considering living conditions in Pakistan and current economic situation I doubt if everyone can afford a separate living . In this situation if there is any friction between the people living in a house then it must be very uncomfortable . A man can provide a communication bridge between two parties and tries to ease the situation . One of my friend solved the situation by telling everyone at home that if I'll see you guys fighting then I am not coming back home. :D
So yea it requires bigger team building strategy and a LOT of patience , from everyone especially from man's side . He can try to improve his financial situation and move out .
LOL. That's mean! its better not to live together if it is done for financial reasons.
Btw, i wonder wht kind of a strong tream will be the result of disoriented families. I doubt it would be any good.