Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
All my immediate family are doctors except me and tbh it does my head in. I always told my parents I didn't care what job my future husband does as long as it's not a doctor (or any other medicine-related job), it would be just too much for me to handle..
Re: To the Doctor’s Wife…just wondering
OFF TOPIC
PyariCgudiya - this is for YOU!
your name is so cute but your avatar looks like a punk with green hair who is drunk n’ smokin sh*t
lol
sorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy I always feel that that avatar is a drunk guy but then I end up seeing the name is totally opposite 
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
Marrying any one who has a good steady income will involve a lot of give and take. I married a doctor and I have seen days during his residency when we didnt even have money for diapers because doctors at that stage make pittance.
And yes you do get a more comfortable life than some, but that isn't all there is to life. If money ends up being the focus of the couple or the family you are losing the most significant focus, being a family.
Any person who is hard working, will find themselves working long hours. I have a family of engineers, accountants and doctors and all the wives have the same complaints..our hubbies are never home!
Its not what the husband does that should matter. It should be what the persons personality is like. An average salary guy could potentially keep you happier than a rich one can. He has more time to give you and where he lacks in money, he may make up in gifting you with lots of love.
The only thing that being a doctors wife seems to have, in the eyes of parents anyway, is prestige. Parents want to be able to say..."Hamara damaad doctor hai!"
I hope you find a wonderful loving, caring guy...doctor or not!!
LOL.. a thread for me.. I am sure there are other doc's wives around or even docs themselves. Life is not easy to be honest. Yeah have the money, luxury and all. He is still doing residency but I am sure he earns as much as a simple graduate with years of experience in his/her field does. So with years in his own field, i am sure that my husband will earn a lot more. So to answer your question, life isn't a piece of cake for me. I do a lot more than a wife with a husband that does only a 9-5 job does. My husband goes away for over 24 hours and I am alone at home, taking care of groceries, bills, cooking, cleaning, going out to see relatives, ALL ON MY OWN each time. I go to his work to give him proper meals when he works long shifts. When my husband does get time, we do have enough to spend on anything we want. So its good and bad both. As a wife I do take care of all his needs because I know that he has a stressful job and long hours. Ours was an arranged marriage and with a lot of differences that includes cultural too. I only post when I see if I can adjust to such life, why can't others. I think we all choose our own lifestyles and what we are willing to give up. I love my husband and I understand that if there is any time issues, he is doing his job and providing me with everything I want. I was aware of this lifestyle before I got married to him. My siblings are all docs and his parents/siblings are docs as well. So no complains :)
wow, i dont know who u are but your post is EXACTLY what i would have posted!!! my hubby just started residency...and before that he was studying for his USMLE exams ever since we were married (3 1/2 ) years....so i totally get the 'hectic' lifestyle and all of the going to places and peoples house alone! i also do everything, cooking, cleaning, bills, even go and give him food when hes on call. mine was arranged marriage too..we've had ALOT of ups and downs...but like you, i have learned to adjust and be happy in all circumstances, Alhumdullilah
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
So males married to female docs have it way better than females married to male docs...
So why is it so much easier for a male doc to find a wife, than a female doc to find a husband?
And once again, desi culture makes sense. sarcasm
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
I don't know who thinks or says this but I have never seen anyone reject a girl because she's a doctor. I don't think it's difficult at all for any female doctors to find a suitable match. There are many, many in my family and they have had no issues getting married, infact, it was always the highpoint that 'larki doctor hai'...
And no it's not because anyone is a gold digger, it's because I have always seen people in my family value education, regardless of gender. All the women have been sent to the best schools and encouraged to study. Sadly, I have seen a few non-related aunties say, why does a girl need to study, all she has to do later on is be a housewife. Fortunately, I don't come from a family where anyone has that mindset.
I left medicine mid way and heard things like, 'you're not a doctor, you're not an engineer, how will you get married?' and my husband, who I was dating at that time would tell me that it doesn't matter whether you're a doctor or not- your career shouldn't be the deciding factor for falling in love or getting married. There are many, many other things to consider as well. I guess it depends on one's priorities.
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
^ I wouldn't marry a doctor or a nurse. Unless she quit her shananegans and sat home.
As a desi man, I need to be taken care of and paid attention to 24-7. I like parathay on the weekends and occasional home made roti. I need daily spooning and feeding of my ego. So you see as a desi man I am the only sick baby that needs to be taken care of.
For those of you marrying doctors for $, watchout. With obama's socialist agenda, doctors will soon be making as much as the hawai chappal wearing south indians from karnataka on H1 visas working helpdesk. hallelujah
... The WIFE has a better life - now doesn't she?
You nailed it NJ.
Wife indeed has a better life.
^ I wouldn't marry a doctor or a nurse. Unless she quit her shananegans and sat home.
As a desi man, I need to be taken care of and paid attention to 24-7. I like parathay on the weekends and occasional home made roti. I need daily spooning and feeding of my ego. So you see as a desi man I am the only sick baby that needs to be taken care of.
For those of you marrying doctors for $, watchout. With obama's socialist agenda, doctors will soon be making as much as the hawai chappal wearing south indians from karnataka on H1 visas working helpdesk. hallelujah
This my friends is typical desi men thinking... no i am not picking on bigdaddy, just validating my point. This is why many male docs don't marry docs.
Marrying any one who has a good steady income will involve a lot of give and take. I married a doctor and I have seen days during his residency when we didnt even have money for diapers because doctors at that stage make pittance.
And yes you do get a more comfortable life than some, but that isn't all there is to life. If money ends up being the focus of the couple or the family you are losing the most significant focus, being a family.
Any person who is hard working, will find themselves working long hours. I have a family of engineers, accountants and doctors and all the wives have the same complaints..our hubbies are never home!
Its not what the husband does that should matter. It should be what the persons personality is like. An average salary guy could potentially keep you happier than a rich one can. He has more time to give you and where he lacks in money, he may make up in gifting you with lots of love.
The only thing that being a doctors wife seems to have, in the eyes of parents anyway, is prestige. Parents want to be able to say..."Hamara damaad doctor hai!"
I hope you find a wonderful loving, caring guy...doctor or not!!
I agree with you!!
My husband isn't a doctor...he isn't an engineer...But he respects me for being more educated than him...NO I'm not a docotor....or even have a very very good career...I lost it everything!! He knows that...But he still loves and respects me a lot....
He even wants to study now....His parents (unfortunally) didn't spend a lots of time on his studies or his brothers/sisters....He is a normal business man....at the moment.....earns money with his mehnat..buy things for me I like...even it's expensive...he'll buy it for so that I'll be happy!! Even if his mom/sis are angry with him coz he buy something expensive for me..he doesn't bother...He even doens't tell me but I get to know..somehow..haha
We both have are planning to have a business together...The reason is that we'll be together all th time..and 2nd we both have experience running own business...
I'm very happy for girls who married a doctor or others having a great proffesion...But I think you guys have a very difficult life....Maybe sometimes even loneliness?
In every relationship it's most important to have respect and love for eachother....great profession or not!!
I don't know who thinks or says this but I have never seen anyone reject a girl because she's a doctor. I don't think it's difficult at all for any female doctors to find a suitable match. There are many, many in my family and they have had no issues getting married, infact, it was always the highpoint that 'larki doctor hai'... And no it's not because anyone is a gold digger, it's because I have always seen people in my family value education, regardless of gender. All the women have been sent to the best schools and encouraged to study. Sadly, I have seen a few non-related aunties say, why does a girl need to study, all she has to do later on is be a housewife. Fortunately, I don't come from a family where anyone has that mindset. I left medicine mid way and heard things like, 'you're not a doctor, you're not an engineer, how will you get married?' and my husband, who I was dating at that time would tell me that it doesn't matter whether you're a doctor or not- your career shouldn't be the deciding factor for falling in love or getting married. There are many, many other things to consider as well. I guess it depends on one's priorities.
I agree with this. Unfortunately that doesn't happen in our culture for the most part. Profession does play an important factor in choosing a spouse..
Same happens in my family. Women are encouraged to study and get educated but each person is different. My husband always felt and saw that his parents had to give up a LOT in order to raise their kids. They are both docs so he didn't want the same lifestyle for himself.
He doesn't care if he makes hell lot of money. Infact as somone mentioned Obama's health plan, he is in favor of it.
oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! you looking for trouble! Your ego is up there - ain’t it!
The only way all of YOUR Shenanigans would be accepted is if you are making lotsa mullah! and SHOWERING IT ALL on wify dear 
You were aware of this fact , hence mentally prepared.
Some guidence for me to learn from your husband.
Correct , it is willingness that makes a couple happy and prosperous.
My father in law is Surgical Doctor and i can see results of their willings in marriage.
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
I am a doctor's(surgeon's) wife and a doctor myself(non practicing right now) and for a marriage, as wildhalcyon said, what matters more than money is a good family life and being able to spend quality time together. A reasonable earning and contentment should be enough for a normal life rather than 'kamaaye koi aur uraaye koi' policy since in this profession (and many others as well) and era of inflation, anyone who is earning by HONEST means can live a comfortable life only at the most and to do that, husbands (doctors for example) have to work long hours (mine works 7 30am till 9 30 pm normally with two night shifts per week) and are seldom there for the family. I, being in this profession, never wanted to marry a doctor for the same reason since I was used to seeing my dad (a bank officer) at home by 3pm and there for us all evening..but thisis what we call fate :) I chose a doctor (a surgeon to top it off) because when we were dating around, it was not his profession but his personality that appealed me more..though now I feel lonely at times when he is away all day and comes home really tired and is not usually late or not there for family dinners and birthdays and shopping and groceries and all..and I am happy that I chose to quit job after my baby !
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
haha- why is it assumed that a doctors wife is the only one in the world who has money/luxuries? other positions make the same amount if not more money..
but that isn't what matters.
any position a man or husband serves is a service to God and they should do it with that intention and that intention only. Good doctors do this. However there are other professions that are noble in their own right too.
I find this type of thinking so incredibly archaic.
My husband is a successful tv writer since he was 24 (he's 26 now). He was one of the first pakistanis to make it as a staff writer on a cable tv show. His goal is not to make a million by 30 but rather to create social justice and awareness through his writing and use media was a subtle yet impactful way to change society. I really admire him. Because of his perseverance and struggle from the day he graduated college he has become successful. On his first show he would come home at 10-11pm (working from 9am) because the industry is so demanding. It was hard to adjust at first but I wanted to serve as inspiration for him rather than a leech or a nagging housewife. I believe it is important to truly treasure your husband and what he does in order for him to be successful. WETHER OR NOT HE IS A DOCTOR. Good doctors are amazing but so are a million other professionals. and i for one admire someone who goes against the grain and becomes successful in doing so.
I am so lucky to be with someone who is self made. Who bought my wedding ring on his own. Who bought me a house on his own. and who has created a successful career for himself without pandering to what pakistani social norms expect of him. and all the while being a good muslim and staying true to his heart.
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
Yeah I did it, I'm a doctor's wife.... err, I mean husband. Life isn't all fun and games, at least not until residency is over. We are about to find out how life gets better after residency, I'll update in a few months, she starts her private practice on 9/1 inshallah.
Re: To the Doctor's Wife...just wondering
Why do so many people expect doctors' families to have a tough or lonely life? Not all of them do, not all of them work around the clock and not all of them are workaholics.
I know alot who are home by 5 pm. They don't spend nights at the hospital checking patients. When you're doing your residency, yes it's very tough.. but after that, it ALL depends on what specialty you go for. Obviously if you are really ambitious and want to be a surgeon, then you know what your life is going to be like.. but even then, atleast they aren't partying the night away.. they are sacrificing alot to help other people. I have seen many desi people go for internal medicine, dermatology, etc etc where they work a normal 9-4 or 9-5 job. I don't think that's different than any other profession that has the same schedule. It all depends on your priorities and what you want to do. When I was dating my husband, he was studying engineering and I was more than happy with that. He chose the medicine career later on because he felt that instead of doing calculations all his life, he wanted to help people, and when he asked me which specialty he should go for, I told him, whichever one allows you to spend time at home with your parents, siblings, me and our kids in the future. He hates being at work all the time, he's a family man and knows his priorities, regardless of what his payscale is. I consider myself so lucky that I didn't marry someone who dreams about having a mansion or that new BMW or buying his wife diamonds, he's someone who is pro Obama's healthcare plan, wants to give his family a decent life, send his kids away for the best islamic and regular education, cares for people around him and want to give back to the community from whatever he earns. If I joke with him about buying some flashy car or having a big house, I can see him rolling his eyes and saying, there's more to life than just that.
I have known people who work around the clock and it makes me cringe to hear their stories. Recently met this doctor aunty who even works Saturdays AND Sundays, has a house in London, Dubai and Pakistan and what not, lives a very lavish lifestyle with her family.. her husband is in a high earning profession as well.. but what good is that money when you're missing out on your family life and nannys are raising your kids? I can't deal with that. Im happy my husband chose something which iA should suit our lifestyle, he knows I won't put up with him being away at work all day long.. I would rather have quality time with him than that Jimmy Choo which I can buy with his money while he slaves away.
At the end of the day, it's all about making your marriage work and being together with the person you love. This desi mentality of only considering medicine and engineering as the prestigious careers needs to go. When I meet some aunty or uncle, the first thing they ask me is what I studied and you can totally see them expecting a 'Im a doctor! or Im an engineer!'.
The only thing that being a doctors wife seems to have, in the eyes of parents anyway, is prestige. Parents want to be able to say..."Hamara damaad doctor hai!"
I tell my parents/in-laws I'm a CPA. they can pass this information on to anyone/everyone. It's not like they'll be donig a background check on me na ;)
Why do so many people expect doctors' families to have a tough or lonely life? Not all of them do, not all of them work around the clock and not all of them are workaholics.
Grey's anatomy/House/Strong medicine/ER..:D
but really...when i was in HS/college (oh how i love saying the latter :)), marrying a doctor didn't appeal to me b/c I assumed it'd be a lonely life for me. That could work for some people, but not for me. not that it matters anymore tho
haha- why is it assumed that a doctors wife is the only one in the world who has money/luxuries? other positions make the same amount if not more money..
but that isn't what matters. any position a man or husband serves is a service to God and they should do it with that intention and that intention only. Good doctors do this. However there are other professions that are noble in their own right too. I find this type of thinking so incredibly archaic.
My husband is a successful tv writer since he was 24 (he's 26 now). He was one of the first pakistanis to make it as a staff writer on a cable tv show. His goal is not to make a million by 30 but rather to create social justice and awareness through his writing and use media was a subtle yet impactful way to change society. I really admire him. Because of his perseverance and struggle from the day he graduated college he has become successful. On his first show he would come home at 10-11pm (working from 9am) because the industry is so demanding. It was hard to adjust at first but I wanted to serve as inspiration for him rather than a leech or a nagging housewife. I believe it is important to truly treasure your husband and what he does in order for him to be successful. WETHER OR NOT HE IS A DOCTOR. Good doctors are amazing but so are a million other professionals. and i for one admire someone who goes against the grain and becomes successful in doing so.
I am so lucky to be with someone who is self made. Who bought my wedding ring on his own. Who bought me a house on his own. and who has created a successful career for himself without pandering to what pakistani social norms expect of him. and all the while being a good muslim and staying true to his heart.
Great post pakifairy! Your husband's career sound so impressive! What cable tv show did he write for?? I would love to know!!
You said it. 