Iconoclast is really experienced in this. You should PM him for advice.
If its true and if the guy is such a ****head to share with funguy, he deserved to be exposed.
Silver falcon of kasmir: What would be the husband's reaction if the wife was sleeping around? The husband would utter talk 3 times there and then.
Every person is responsible for his/her actions. And they are going to be answerable for it in front of Allah one day. We cannot determine other people's action and reactions.
In this case, the husband is apparently not bothered about morality or conscience, so be it. Just because he doesn't get caught in this world doesn't mean he will never have to pay for it.
What a husband or a wife decide to do in such a painful situation is totally upto an individual. As I said earlier, I would rather not want to know. Because I know that I will never be able to leave my husband, but I would be miserable for the rest of my life. If a husband is cheating or doing something wrong, let Allah judge him, just please keep me ignorant.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
Silver: I'm the complete opposite I would want to know :(
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^To each his own. And what would you do MKD after knowing that your spouse was cheating? Especially if you really loved them and were living happily prior to that knowledge? I think it would be very traumatic. Ignorance is bliss.
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Maybe someone can convince the wife to make a surprise visit to the husband while he's out of town.
;)
SFK, I can't imagine how a person of such character and deceive could be a joy to live with.
I think you do have the moral obligation to tell. Be Brave about it. Friendship to such a person is not worth anything.
Just to give you more perspective, I'd consider doing this:
1) Talk to him and let him know without reservation that what he is doing is WRONG.
2) Invite him to what is RIGHT (use the arguments posted here).
3) Let him know that his wife has a right to know about this if he is to continue on this path, and you must do the job if he himself doesn't.
4) Observe his reaction and gauge what must be done. If he's sincerely repentant, then great - hope for better. Don't do anything until you've further evidence that he hasn't changed his ways.
If he doesn't show flexibility then you know what you've to do.
5) And if you're into investigative work then find someone related to the wife instead of directly telling her -- so she can cope with it better.
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Though it seems like the coward's way out, I do think an anonymous note or message will help everyone save face. If you talk to the wife, she will feel ashamed to continue in the relationship, and will know YOU know, even if she decides she wants to work through the marriage.
The friend will probably suspect it's you. In fact, so might the wife. He may well cut you off, and at least she can pretend not to know.
I'm not sure why people are criticizing others here for sharing their advice and opinions. It was requested. If you don't want to read it, don't click on the thread.
As for the question of moral obligation, well funguy didn't mention in it in his original post, and I don't really have an answer. But I know as the wife, I would prefer to know. Of course it would be a horrible discovery. But I'd rather discover if I'm building my life with an unfaithful loser, and have the option to change my life.
Ignorance is NOT bliss. It's just an illusion.
Unfortunately, I too was in the same predicament a few years ago. The best thing to do is to break all contact and make it obvious as to why you are doing this. Resist sharing the details with the wife, especially if the wives know each other.
The question to ask is, ten years down the road, when you look back at this, will you be okay with your role as the person who brought this unholy act to his wife's attention, so she could take action - especially when kids are involved? I am not very religious but there are no rewards for whistle-blowers but for those who can keep pardah of others sins.
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Funguy I personally would not tell WHY because I dont want to be the one to destroy a family, even though the husband is going a wrong thing.
I had an incident in my family, my cousin tried to do something some years ago, I have not told his wife, who is my cousin also, as they seem happy together and have kids. I have forgatten but not forgiven.
Another incident a husband of my friend tried to invite me for a coffee, I declined but didnt tell anyone, as why destroy someone's life, things dont stay hidden for ever, if he is cheating on her, she will find it out someday and he will get his punishment if not here then in the next world.
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Bigdaddy, there is a reason why divorce laws in Islam are the way they are. If it was women uttering 3 words, imagine what would happen.
Funguy I personally would not tell WHY because I dont want to be the one to destroy a family, even though the husband is going a wrong thing.
I had an incident in my family, my cousin tried to do something some years ago, I have not told his wife, who is my cousin also, as they seem happy together and have kids. I have forgatten but not forgiven.
Another incident a husband of my friend tried to invite me for a coffee, I declined but didnt tell anyone, as why destroy someone's life, things dont stay hidden for ever, if he is cheating on her, she will find it out someday and he will get his punishment if not here then in the next world.
It's not you destroying the family. It's the husband.
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^ He's blameless Sahar02. Funguy will become the 'baddie' for telling on him, at least that's how people will perceive it. Sad, I know.
I don't know, you need to be able to deal with the consequences of whatever you do FG.
LMAO! The issue is not of an individual or of personality which is rather typical of Pakistanis. It is one of a supposed moral obligation. Funguy has no moral obligation to do anything in this regard. Why should he? He is not related to her. He has no vested interests.
There is this old phrase when it comes to giving advise. Only give advise you are willing to take yourself. In this situation I bet half of you would never tell the girl. Why because the fallout is damaging.
Considering you women ***** about the Pakistani community and its gossiping ways so much, what do you think would happen to Funguy and his "rep" in the community? I can see it now. Funguy liked the wife that is why he got involved. He wanted the woman himself. Or he did it out of spite and made the whole thing up.
Then of course is his friendship with his friend and the simple fact would the wife even believe him?
Its not worth getting involved in someone else's life and wrecking it. Funguy is in a no win situation and in that case one he should walk away.
I think CM is onto something here. I might follow his advice.
:k:
Do it anonymously, do not get involved.
The irony of that statement is staggering. How should he tell the wife without getting involved?
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Has anyone considered the possibility that this guy (funguy's friend) might be lying.... what if he's just bragging and making up stories, like some people do... just for fun? Do not believe him unless there's proof.
Send her an anonymous email 
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I just talked to the guy and he says he was making stuff up with me.
Don't know what to believe anymore?
Very disappointed in my friend. I think he is going thru midlife crisis.
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You should jokingly bring it up when his wife is around and say, look at what your husband has been fooling me with all this time.. and tell her what he told you.
Your job will be done, she can take on from there.. with the spies or whatever.
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^ LOL