Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
i think he is just full of hot air, could he be just playing with your head?
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
You should tell her.. there is no question about it. This is what will be considered morally correct!!
Now, you should not just go & break the news to her out of the blue... i mean, talk it out with her & ask her not to react spontaneously... a lot of thinking will be required on her part. She will have to determine a nice way to confront her hubby.
I am sorry to add this, but it is horrible how you can say he is a 'caring' husband. No caring hubby can cheat on his wife....!!
Well anyway, so the simple answer to your simple question... is YES.. you ought to tell the poor lady about her hubby's disgusting acts!
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
She ain't your sister. Its none of your business. Its amazing really if the woman is at fault the advise given is not to get involved. If the man is at fault all the advise is to get involved and be a busy body.
Well done ladies.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
I would not tell her, this is something she has to figure out herself and she will. Truth will come out sooner or later. I would however end the friendship and ask this person to stop coming to my home because I personally cannot befriend a person who is not honest to his family and is committing such an act!
She ain't your sister. Its none of your business. Its amazing really if the woman is at fault the advise given is not to get involved. If the man is at fault all the advise is to get involved and be a busy body.
Well done ladies.
There is an issue of health here. You haven't seen someone die from HIV, have you? It's nasty.
In your thread, the lady in question was just biatching about you.
I think that's fairly understandable.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
LMAO! The issue is not of an individual or of personality which is rather typical of Pakistanis. It is one of a supposed moral obligation. Funguy has no moral obligation to do anything in this regard. Why should he? He is not related to her. He has no vested interests.
There is this old phrase when it comes to giving advise. Only give advise you are willing to take yourself. In this situation I bet half of you would never tell the girl. Why because the fallout is damaging.
Considering you women ***** about the Pakistani community and its gossiping ways so much, what do you think would happen to Funguy and his "rep" in the community? I can see it now. Funguy liked the wife that is why he got involved. He wanted the woman himself. Or he did it out of spite and made the whole thing up.
Then of course is his friendship with his friend and the simple fact would the wife even believe him?
Its not worth getting involved in someone else's life and wrecking it. Funguy is in a no win situation and in that case one he should walk away.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
No don't get involved but at the same time do see if you can fix that person a bit. Starting from convincing him to have safe sex to not to have it at all out of his marriage. I know its a hard work but it totally depends on that how much you care about that person.
If you think you can't handle it at all than at least keep reminding him that he is doing absolutely wrong and he needs to stop it. It might sink in one day.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
WOULD ANY OF YOU WANT TO KNOW IF YOUR SPOUSE WAS BEING UNFAITHFUL TO YOU???
Forget your sister, mother or daughter.
Would YOU want to know if you were being cheated on?
Would YOU want to sleep next to someone who risking your life and their own?
Would YOU want that person near your kids?
Would YOU prefer to turn a blind eye to your spouse's liasons?
Funguy, think about it this way: if you would personally be okay with your wife cheating on you and her best friend knowing about it but not telling you...then keep this secret to yourself.
The fact that you're even asking means you know you owe the wife something...you're just not sure what it is.
The Truth.
LMAO! The issue is not of an individual or of personality which is rather typical of Pakistanis. It is one of a supposed moral obligation. Funguy has no moral obligation to do anything in this regard. Why should he? He is not related to her. He has no vested interests.
There is this old phrase when it comes to giving advise. Only give advise you are willing to take yourself. In this situation I bet half of you would never tell the girl. Why because the fallout is damaging.
Considering you women ***** about the Pakistani community and its gossiping ways so much, what do you think would happen to Funguy and his "rep" in the community? I can see it now. Funguy liked the wife that is why he got involved. He wanted the woman himself. Or he did it out of spite and made the whole thing up.
Then of course is his friendship with his friend and the simple fact would the wife even believe him?
Its not worth getting involved in someone else's life and wrecking it. Funguy is in a no win situation and in that case one he should walk away.
Would I be more worried about what some gossiping aunty had to say over the situation, or would I be more happy that someone told me so I don't die of miserable Herpes esophagitis from AIDS when I'm 36?
Yeah, you're right. This is such a hard choice.
It depends if you tell her or not.
1)Does the wife trusts you?
2) you don't have any proof if you tell her and may be later her husband tell her that you are lying or prove it what will you do?
3)Its not your bussiness
4)Morally its good to tell the wife but if you think about result it will ruin one khandaan, one family
5)Jo kisi kaa parda rakhta hai ALLAH us ka rakhta hai its not court where you have to be a witness so think about it first before telling
6) According to my experience don't get your hands dirty in other's personal matters but on the other side stop listening to your friend. Whenever he tells you something you should say can we talk something else or I don't wanna hear you because I am not a betrayer.
I know its his wife right to know about cheating but let her figure out herself that whats going wrong in their relationship. Because sometimes husband wife forrgive eat other and then they will blame you that you didn't try etc etc.But the point is think before telling the wife.All pros and cons
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
Why not send her an anonymous note?
Be like, look I saw your husband with so and so. Just a tipoff something might be going on with your husband.
And don't sign it. How will she know who sent it to her? It could have been a co-worker or someone.
Then you can sip chai with across the street and watch the tamasha from your window.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
tell his wife (period).
Am I morally obligated to tell? That's my simple question.
What is your basis of morality?
Religion: I don't think religion obligates you to tell his wife. Religion does ask you to stop him, however. Religion also asks you not to spread the words about vice.
Health: Definitely, people need to know what risks they are getting exposed to.
Otherwise (social, cultural): No obligation at all. It is your choice to tell or not.
My opinion will not change in case of my or anyone's else sister as well. My opinion will also not change if a friend's wife was doing this sort of thing.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
When people cheat there's a reason, may be the wife is not being a good wife.
LMAO! LMAO! I heard about that thread in another one. Good point indeed. She must be a horrible wife that is why he is cheating. I mean after all there must be a reason. 
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
Go ahead, be a man and tell his wife 
She has every right to know of his cheapness. Your friend obviously is a screwed up man like many others and he ought to have a screwed up family life too.
There isn’t always a reason some men are just plain stupid and get bored of their wife. It’s about time we started throwing acid over their faces 
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
Wouldn't it be awkward for funguy to go and talk to his friend's wife about such a sensitive topic? Unless they are friends themselves, otherwise it can be very awkward. And suppose if he does decide to talk to her, how is he going to prove it? What if the friend denies and claims that the allegations are false?
I don't think he is obligated in the same way as he would be for a sister or a relative. So the anology is very illogical. If it were for instance a sister involved, he will have some leverage with the guy.( In fact, I doubt the guy would be sharing his exploits with funguy in such a case. ) He doesn't have that kind of leverage with a friend. You can tell or advise a friend not to do something stupid, but you cannot compel them. While it's different with a family member.
If I were the wife in such a situation, and had an otherwise happy life I wouldn't want to be told one day out of blue that my apparently caring and loving husband is cheating on me. I would rather live blissfully ignorant of the fact, then have the bitter reality unnecessarily shoved in my face. If the wife learns about it, it may not necessarily end in divorce or separation. Perhaps the poor woman will decide to stay with him anyway, for the sake of kids, or out of fear of societal and cultural pressure. In such a case, wouldn't she be miserable knowing that her husband is cheating? It would totally ruin her peace of mind.
Maybe he can talk to his parents or someone who is in a position to influence his friend so that they set him staright? Waise I don't think he is obligated to tell his friends's wife.
Re: To Tell or Not To Tell
Silver falcon of kasmir: What would be the husband's reaction if the wife was sleeping around? The husband would utter talk 3 times there and then.
What is your basis of morality?
Exactly. Are you looking at cultural or religious morality?
If you think in terms of cultural morals then no one tells about anyone's cheating spouses to the cheated spouse. No one gets involved between a married couples problem. So your not obliged to tell.
If you think religous morals, then the whole hadith about stopping a wrong with your hands, then mouth then dislike the action in you heart comes in.
So its really upto you to decide, to tell or not. If you do, then you'd be breaking up a marriage. And who knows maybe the wife does know.
Mostly wives do know but choose to remain quiet and oblivious.