Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
So basically the problem is on your side but you were trying to find another angle that perhaps it was your MILs problem.
You shouldn't have put yourself in this position. If you knew your mum would not be okay with it, which is fair enough since you're not married and you're MIL is away, you should have politely voiced these concerns and told her you will need to ask your mum's permission.
I think you should own up to your mum coz it's bound to come out later. Call your MIL and ask if her daughter can come and stay with you guys or spend the days with you instead. If she agrees, suggest this to your mum as an alternative.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
Thanks alot for understanding the issue.
You might all freak out but i havent told my mother that my MIL is out of country.. if i did my mother wouldnt let me go to their house AT ALL. hence i kept it to myself, but now im not able to manage it. my mother in law didnt impose it on me, she kindly asked me to do whats possible. but i've become like a family member which i really love and i dont want my place gone? its a weird insecurity cause his brothers girlfriend comes alot.
but my MIL didnt trust her with it, she trusted me. im not really old so this responsibity seems really heavy on my shoulders.
im afraid of disappointing my in laws while keeping my parents happy and in the end i feel burdened by their gifts.. so this i feel would pay offf.. although there isnt any pay off in families but im not blood.
Note: i know my thoughts are very scattered. thats why im writing it all here. lol trying to take it off my mind cause i can barely sleep!
Your mother doesn't know that your MIL to be is not in the country!!!
You must have been born and bred in Britain.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
FIRST...talk to your mom and work out some possibilities together. Then tell your MIL. Again, your mom and you might decide that you'll visit a couple times a week (maybe drop of some food...like something the little girl will like eating)...and the rest of the days you can CALL. Or you and your mom might even be able to have the girl stay with you a few days. But unless you don't talk to your mom about it....you're going to continue feeling frustrated...whereas she can help you manage the situation. And since you're not married yet....she especially has the right to now...because actions taken during this time could potentially affect her (your mom/family as well). Let her know.....she may get upset at first....but you're her daugther and she'll work out a way to help you out if YOU EMPHASIZE to your mom that you'd like to help your MIL out.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
FIRST...talk to your mom and work out some possibilities together. Then tell your MIL. Again, your mom and you might decide that you'll visit a couple times a week (maybe drop of some food...like something the little girl will like eating)...and the rest of the days you can CALL. Or you and your mom might even be able to have the girl stay with you a few days. But unless you don't talk to your mom about it....you're going to continue feeling frustrated...whereas she can help you manage the situation. And since you're not married yet....she especially has the right to now...because actions taken during this time could potentially affect her (your mom/family as well). Let her know.....she may get upset at first....but you're her daugther and she'll work out a way to help you out if YOU EMPHASIZE to your mom that you'd like to help your MIL out.
So this decision of mine to keep this away from my mother,... is it going to show a bad picture of my mom in front of my mother in law?? im sorry i didnt fet this part.. about "potentially affecting her"
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
The Mother-in-Law is an evil incarnate. A wolf in sheep's disguise. Beware. She is going to suck your blood, slowly, enjoying your sufferings and pain.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
So this decision of mine to keep this away from my mother,... is it going to show a bad picture of my mom in front of my mother in law?? im sorry i didnt fet this part.. about "potentially affecting her"
What I meant is that you're not married yet....you're still living with your parents...under their roof. So, they have the right to know when you undertake decisions which CAN affect them. Hypothetically speaking...what if something were to go wrong on your visits or because of your visits to your fiance's home....and your parents have no idea about it...no idea where you're going...etc. Have you thought about that possibility?
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
Redvelvet, can you explain what you mean by if something went wrong on my visits?
that my parents found out that my mother in law is out of country? thats not possible as we dont have people in common..
i dont see any other dangers?
Yes im under my parents roof and i want to do everything as they wish.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
Redvelvet, can you explain what you mean by if something went wrong on my visits?
that my parents found out that my mother in law is out of country? thats not possible as we dont have people in common..
i dont see any other dangers?
Yes im under my parents roof and i want to do everything as they wish.
Never mind....just never mind. If you can't understad it...then at least understand that it would be a common courtesy to inform the people you live with. That's it....or is that tough to grasp as well?
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
^ Priceless! You lie to your own family, you don’t know what or how you should behave with your future in-laws, you seem to be clueless about basic daughterly loyalties you owe your parents, yet you’re quick to get upset with someone who’s showing you a mirror for your actions I wonder how your mom would react to your actions?
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
BTW I just am getting an idea that perhaps she cannot go over so freely to her MIL's place. From the way the OP posted at the beginning it seemed like there was free flow of visits and communication between the homes but I realise now that it is not so and the family conforms to the norm of the girl not visiting inlaws place regularly or alone as such before marriage.
Given that, OP should ask her mother to intervene and handle this in a proper tameezdar manner
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
Probably give her props.
Does it hurt to have common sense? because she’s given you plenty of good advice, as have most people…if you’re too immature to understand it, that’s nobody’s fault but your own.
How much more specific do you want someone to be? Why do you expect a stranger to lay out every single thing that can happen?
.. and that’s a problem?
I wonder how your mom would react to your actions?
…first time seeing advisor and advisee gettin it on…