Ive been engaged for 2.5 years, ive known my inlaws for more than 3 years. They really love daughters, however didnt have one so adopted one.
My MIL treats me like her daughter.. theres no formality there. ( in my sisters case her mil loves her but when she goes theres a formality like her MIL makes loads of food and all like you do in case of any guest? all that is absent in my case. she makes food but doesnt serve like guests)
Now the thing thats bothering me is, she just got back from america and her daughters green card got cancelled but she had to go back in emergency for a week after spending only 4 days here.. so she asked me to come whenever possible to see the daughter (shes only 6) and help her with arts stuff like making cards and all.
and as she was here for 4 days she couldnt unpack her bags and the weather changed all of a sudden.. so she asked me to unpack the bags, to put sweaters in one and so on.. obviously with the maids help..
does this attitude show that she takes me as a family or is she making me do her work in return for the expensive gifts?
she makes her sons do the work too, whatever there is but they cant handle clothes..
note: shes really nice with me, always caring for me.. like my feet are small so she got tons of shoes as she knew she wont be goin to america and i would need a years stock.. get it? i like make up and she got me nars and mac stuff.. so im lost here?
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
When ever i am invited anywhere i like to go myself to the kitchen and help there in every possible way. whether its setting the table, or cleaning afterwards. even if it requires me to wash the dishes i would do it.
not only its a good courtesy but also it helps u do something productive....and the question why i do it is cuz our beloved Prophet Muhammad PBUH, went to an old ladies house and do all her chores without any favors.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
Lol.. insaan kisi haal main khush nahi hai. You need to visit Life1 more often to appreciate that kinda of MIL. She treats you like a daughter uss ke baad bhi complain. You don't think you should do help her either with or without her asking for help. Heck, when my MIL visits me I do all her packing because she is clueless about it. I volunteer because I know she can't do it all on her own.
Like Sahar said don't create an issue out of a non issue situation.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
You said that she asks her OWN sons to help out with things. And you know there are SOME desi moms who believe that their sons need not move a finger. You ALSO said that her sons are not good with handling clothes. That said, she preferred a family member who would be better suited for this task. She also asked the maids to help you out.....so it was not like you were alone. Have you considered that maybe she wanted to a FAMILY MEMBER (in this case, you) to be involved because there's a greater level of trust as opposed to ONLY getting the maids to do it...(the idea that maids might tamper with the clothes, mishandle them, steal them, etc)? Some MILS might not trust you enough for such things.
I don't know how far you live from the US....but if it's let's say in Pak....that's a really long journey and the jet lag can a take a few days to wear off. You say that she got you "tons" of shoes....that'll last you a life-time. Well, the help that you're providing her will only take up a few hours or days.....so it could even be argued that her gift would last longer than your requested assistance. She could have gotten you one pair of shoes....or none......she could have deliberately bought you cheap quality gifts of a color and make that you wouldn't have liked.....but no, she splurged on you and took care in getting you things she knew you'd like. She could even be the kind to believe that it's your DUTY to serve her as your MIL ......and that in return she doesn't even have to give you basic respect let alone gifts. Factor into this equation the time period (more than 3 years) that she's known you....and you're only engaged. There are girls who get married and their MILS are still strangers to them. You, on the other hand, have had plent of time and plenty of opportunities to let that bond develop.
I know it's hard to give the benefit of the doubt....but try to. If you want her to treat you more like family....then understand that this type of relationship will be more comfortable/flexible....it won't have that curtain of hesitation that more formal relationships will have. If you prefer a relationship with more boundaries....then you should set them/adhere to them.
Re: This is my relationship with my in laws, is this normal?
Ive been engaged for 2.5 years, ive known my inlaws for more than 3 years. They really love daughters, however didnt have one so adopted one.
My MIL treats me like her daughter.. theres no formality there. ( in my sisters case her mil loves her but when she goes theres a formality like her MIL makes loads of food and all like you do in case of any guest? all that is absent in my case. she makes food but doesnt serve like guests)
Now the thing thats bothering me is, she just got back from america and her daughters green card got cancelled but she had to go back in emergency for a week after spending only 4 days here.. so she asked me to come whenever possible to see the daughter (shes only 6) and help her with arts stuff like making cards and all.
and as she was here for 4 days she couldnt unpack her bags and the weather changed all of a sudden.. so she asked me to unpack the bags, to put sweaters in one and so on.. obviously with the maids help..
does this attitude show that she takes me as a family or is she making me do her work in return for the expensive gifts?
she makes her sons do the work too, whatever there is but they cant handle clothes..
note: shes really nice with me, always caring for me.. like my feet are small so she got tons of shoes as she knew she wont be goin to america and i would need a years stock.. get it? i like make up and she got me nars and mac stuff.. so im lost here?
Shes treating u with love. She is TRUSTING u to do what she cannot do in her absence. She has CHOSEN YOU as her standin disregarding anyone else. U should be proud
