Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
My husband couldn’t find the courage today, lets see what happens tomorrow!
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Im sort of in the same situation…in-laws are coming to live with us after moving from abroad and although I’m okay with them living with us for a bit we both agreed that eventually we would like to have our own space and we would like for them to live somewhere close to us but in a separate house. The problem is my husband has not discussed this with them yet and he said he will talk to them once they stay with us for a bit.
Its scary because I know at the end of the day regardless that it is a mutual decision the blame will always come to the wife that it was her idea and she wanted us out. I know I will be hurt when I hear that but its the only way, we both agreed we like our own space and it doesn’t mean that we are kicking them out, we will see them all the time but just need privacy.
It was hard because first Hubby was adament that the in-laws stay with us forever because that was the plan, but I had to convince him first and then he understood that what I’m trying to say does not make me “evil.” and eventually he understood as well.
Its always better to have your own space rather than living with in-laws unless they are super old and/or disabled and need round the clock care, or if they are a single parent. If they are independent and young enough to take care of yourself and still know their son is a few minutes away.
Living together always leads to problems eventually because you can’t be “yourself” when you are at home, and in-laws end up monitoring when you’re having a bad day/or you don’t make food for your hubby/eating out all the time..kids aren’t being taken care of because wife doesn’t have time etc.and the blame always ends up on the wife because son is always perfect.
If you want to have a good relationship with your in-laws which I do as well, its better to move out but still stay close enough and more importantly keep a good relationship with them after they move out.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Are they coming from abroad because they think this (you guys living together) is a permanent solution? If so, I think your husband needs to have that conversation with them ASAP.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
yes they do think that! and we do need to have the convo before they come I agree!
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
It’s so cute people always run for answers in the world from other people like they’re perfect and living a perfect life.
Here’s what you should do my sister.
1- Whatever trouble you’re in reach to Allah not only this time but always.
2- What Islam has to say in this regard. Remember you’re going to be a mother one day and in the same situation. Just deal the situation you’d like yourself to be dealt with.
3- How sensitive the situation is if you take extreme measures.
4- How much you and your husband are on the same page.
5- How much of man your husband is when talking to his parents.
6- What’s the worst that could happen and how much you can afford it.
7- More people means more life, empty houses usually eco.
8- Grand parents usually come in handy raising children when both of the parents are working.
10- Sometimes wait/sabar/patience is the best option.
11- Never take away someone’s happiness just because you’re allowed in Islam.
12- Mutual grounds are always better for a family in the long run.
All the best!
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Its sunday afternoon and we have a dinner party this evening in about 4 hours- don’t think its going to happen.
In-laws are looking at houses to buy and MIL has been calling family today to tell them about my job and telling family I will be living at home.
I told my husband it is very unfair on them that they build all these dreams and hopes and he is just allowing it to happen we need to tell them ASAP - lets see what happens
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Well, its unfair **if **your husband really is going to keep his word to you and move out. If your husband is truly committed to moving out…then yes, it’s very jerk-like behavior for him to not “man-up” and talk to his parents ASAP…especially if he knows that they are spending their time/energy looking for houses to also accommodate you two.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
^Paheli..first of all..you cannot expect for someone who has been raised in this kind of houshold to take such a stand against his parents. Just because, we may like this to happen..doesn’t mean..it is how it’s going to be. Period. Everyone is different. But yes, he may have to start telling them of idea of moving out drastically. Pulling the plug in one shot is bad bad idea. I see her husband’s point of view too. So keeping everything balance..let’s not lose the sight of the fact that…he is their son..and he very well knows how to deal with them. Wife can encourage him to talk to his parents that is her right.
And inspi..i would like to say ..Kudos to you for putting up with such behaviour of their in laws. I have seen..some wives become very dis-tasteful that their husband is not taking such stand and therefore make an issue out of it. You’re brave woman..and i pray that…May Allah give you and your husband..what you want. And at the same time..bless his and your parents as well.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Based on the underlined sentence, I have no idea exactly which part of my post you don’t agree with but here is my response anyway…
The husband has no “point of view”. That’s the problem here. According to OP, he did not speak to them this weekend b/c he did not have the courage…not b/c this is part of some “plan” of his based on his knowledge of his parents. He’s nervous/downright scared of having this conversation with this parents b/c he knows they’re going to freak out.
And being raised in such a household…no matter when or how his parents find out, it will be a HUGE deal. I’m sure Inspi’s husband knows this which is why he is choosing to delay the conversation. Meanwhile he has told his wife that he’s going to do this (ie. her hopes are up). And at the same time, his parents are getting their hopes up, spending time/energy looking for a house that will also accommodate Inspi/husband, and are even going around telling people that Inspi will continue living with them. 
Inspi doesn’t have to do or say anything distasteful. She needs to remind her husband of the reality of the situation. Each day goes by and the in-laws are searching for a new home and going around telling people that Inspi will be living in the new home with them…the more drama will happen later if and when he finally decides to speak up.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Paheli..i see where you’re coming from and you’re not wrong. But sometimes, realities are different behind this computer screen. That is why, i said, While her husband may have to find other way or whatever to try conveying to his parents…but parents like this..you don’t just pull the plugs. It’s ok…i am sure inspi and her husband knows situation on-ground much much better than you and I. They can motivate each other and encourage each other in better way. And lets not not make this a “cause”–a bit strained between husband and wife. Which normally it does happen. So one has to be very very careful how we are dealing with this.
You’re right. It took my husband alot to tell them that we are moving out. In our marriage it always felt like they got the final say and my husband wasnt at times ever allowed to have an opinion just like ok this is it do it etc. it can be tough especially when you have a lifetime of this and no nothing but.
Inspi just support your hubby dont pressure but also just make it clear that he must speak to them and just try and express the reasons to move
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
The conversation needs to happen asap. I my opinion it should have happend before the dinner. I find it weird that your husband itsn’t saying anything, he should understand that he is not a kid anymore. he is married and responsible for your too now.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
No doubt, it’s a difficult conversation to have with your parents, especially if it has always been in the cards that you would live with them afterwards. However your husband really needs to talk to them ASAP because the more he waits, the more plans they will make and the more people they will tell, the more hurt and disappointed they will be when you tell them about your plans.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Still no conversation and on top of that MIL has stopped talking to one of my SIL as this SIL said look these guys need to be close to hospital , and also she has just bought a house with her husband and MIL was very very happy for them and bought them lots of kitchen stuff, which is fine as my mum would do same for me but SIL said hey your own daughter bought a house and is not living with in laws, you yourself moved out of your in laws home 30+ years ago when it was more taboo - infact neither SIL is living with in laws but second SIL in laws live in a different country - so you cant tell inspiron and husband to stay at home.
MIL got upset and said sons are different to daughters and is now refusing to talk to her.
Don’t know what to do, I have been hiding in my room all day until husband gets home as its too awkward to go to family area.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Good to see you have people on your side who’ve broached the topic. It will take time for your mil to adjust and it’s best if the seed of this possibility is planted in her head as soon as possible.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
The longer you leave it the harder it will be. Atleast your SIL is on side - make sure that your Husband speaks to your MIL or atleast broaches the issue soon, especially now as its kind of a hot topic in the house at the moment.
Its all well that your SIL is speaking to your MIL about you guys moving out but really the talk needs to be between your MIL and your Husband (and you if you wish). Good luck
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Very well said! Imo, the most realistic post on this topic.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
Did the conversation happen? A cousin was facing the same situation. She wanted to move out. Her hubby spoke about it and alhamdullilah MIL FIL were happy and supportive. They bought a home close by to the in laws. In laws dropped by every weekend. Cousin had a baby 7-8 yrs after shade and MIL FIL were more than happy to look after their grandson. 
Recently my cousin moved cities. Her MIL FIL also moved to the same city but they bought got different homes. 10-15 mins away. MashaAllah I find this situation perfect.
Re: The moving out of the in-laws house conversation
it happened today. more deets in a couple of hours.