Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
negative and positive reinforcement?
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
I agree that the advances should never be made…but it doesnt mean that the kids should be left on their own…after all they are just that ‘kids’. I dont think they should be left on their own coz if they choose the wrong path at this age then these same kids will end up becoming adults who are upto no good.
So parents need to act responsibly, and by responsibly i dont mean they should not allow the kids any freedom at all. The kids should have a lot of freedom and at the same time they should be made to understand whats right and whats not.
I’ll give u a sad example, my aunt went to a party a few days back and there were these 13-14 year old girls there who were wearing backless dressess and were sitting on a bench and thats not all. Mature men were not only ogling at them but whenever they got a chance were trying to rub against them.
Now tell me should the kids that age be allowed to dress like that?
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
See I dont understand that - the male fetish with really young underage girls old enough to be their daughters - its so much more common than you’d think.
I wonder if its just natural 
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
PCG depends...my wife went to Barnard at Columbia...everyone except her and one of her cclose friend in the circle had daddy issues and married/dating someone atleast 15-20 yrs their senior. it is just not men...women too are guilty of co-dependency issues. In desi culture this translates to guys opting for a ghar vaali like their fat assed momma and girls wanting a daddy figure to spank them a little and keep them in their place for the rest of their lives.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
spanking ??
Hm...I guess for girls it would be more of a maturity/security issue. I'm sorry, but when I was younger, I figured 20 year old guys would finally be matured up (mentally).
Yeah...I dont think you men mature up until you have grand children and are choking over too much ghee-based food.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
Ansoon - believe me, I wish more would try to look like Shahrukh Khan :D
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minah pa, I disagree - kids are kids, but at the age of 12, one should have sense. Dont tell me they have no part to play when they themselves are dressing like sluts. A lot of these kids are dressing this way despite what their parents teach them.
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In my teens in my parrish it was taught to me that if you wore red, you were a common street whore. In that day, red was "the" color. In the 10th grade, I snuck some red blush and red lipstick out and wore it all day. I had it on thick, I had no idea how to apply or anything about make-up. I felt so grown-up, but I am sure I looked like a clown. Or the time in the 11th grade that I snuck my mom's high heeled shoes out and wore them thinking that I was grown-up.
Kids are going to play "grown-up" and they will miss the mark at times and come out too slutty or inappropriate (in words and clothes). They are still kids and haven't found that balance yet between sexy and good taste :) Yes, they are responsible for the way they look only and should be pulled up on it by adults, but that is how they learn.
Alot do dress that way despite parents, unfortunately, yes, they do. But then, we all did. Sometimes it is because they think we are behind in fashion or too old. But that still doesn't change the fact that they are still kids. They cannot be held responsible at all for the behaviour of a grown person.
As far as behaviour of kids (ie wrapping legs around girl and girl allowing it, making out in public) that I would attribute more to the parents as being responsible. Character is character, we are in charge of forming that in our kids.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
Angel - again, you are focusing on the children and nothing was said about the "men" (word used loosely of course, Matsui - where are you when I need you?)rubbing up against children.
Men do that because 1) the girls are blamed if they do and 2) they have a problem, not the girls.
Poor example if that was what you are trying for. Also, if it was an event they went to with their parents, well, who is more responsible for bringing them there?
PCG - a good spanking never did anyone any harm :D
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
That is true - my parents beat it black and blue in me not to wear even short shirts - if the shirt came up to my waistline, they didn’t like it— but that’s all you’ll ever find in the mall anyway!!!
And its a hell of a lot more covering than a tank-top or a bra-top!
So, anyway, last night I went to get some water after exercising, but I had already taken my shirt off to get into the shower…I was so tempted to throw on a zip up sweater, leave the top open with my bra showing and walk to the water fountain like a rebel…
I couldn’t even leave the dorm room without zipping up the damn thing first…i’ve been sooooo conditioned!!
My sister - my parents weren’t so rigid with her, and she was recently found secretly buying g-strings 
So yeah, upbringing does matter. But still, my sister is 15 - she knows damn well what she’s buying and how provocative it is - no need for my parents to open up g-string 101 lecture on her.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
Minah_Pa...thats exactly my point...parents need to act responsibly.....in every issue concerning their kids. I am not blaming the kids for wearing that dress...they wore those dresses and came with their parents or another elder...so that person is actually responsible
1) Keeping an eye on them
2) Making sure they stay near and safe
Sadly though........ those girls were flirting with the men....actually enjoying all the attention they were getting.
Now i am not going to blame those girls, coz kids love to be the center of attention....they are growing up and want to be heard and seen. Copying from whatever idols they have formed in their minds. But dont you think the elders should be more careful? atleast they know what kind of a world this is and how kids can be easily manipulated.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
Angel my mistake, I thought you were placing the blame at the feet of the children. Definitely the adults were more at fault then, especially because they allowed it and didn't monitor things.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
I'll give u my example,
As a kid my parents always gave me the freedom to choose and decide for myself but at the same time if they felt what i was doing wont be good for me they made a point of letting me know and even then didnt force me to actually do it....the final decision was mine but knowing their opinion helped me to see the situation in a different light.
Even though i didnt always make the right choices....... after all i was a kid :), their understanding and trust helped me gain confidence & has made me a stronger person.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
tell me about it Angel
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
is going to be worst if u send them back . here u go i am 17 years old and i also teach at high school. rather than taking any direct action i prefere to mix with them and then make a logical point to make them understand that what u see it’s not true. if u just give them lecture or try to have a eye on them all the time it won’t work at all . all of u who are mothers,you better change ur enviorment at home then u might able to do anything further other wise it will make worst nothing else.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
Nothing worse than a person who is not a mother (or even an adult) trying to give broad advice to people who are.
insan - 17 and a teacher? Hmmm smarts, good, then you should know to give pratical examples. Just saying change your enviroment to all mothers without 1) knowing the enviroment or even saying which enviroment you are speaking about and 2) not saying how is not helping anyone.
Another point is -- a mother can never "mix" with her kids. I tell my kids all the time, I will never be your friend, I am your mother first, I care more than a friend and I do things to keep you alive first not happy. Once I see you are alive and safe, then I will work on happy.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
hmmmm u want pratical example. ok here u me my self what i do personaly i make friends and play with them eat with them and when time of prayers come i take them with me and on that moment they can’t say “no”. while we are going to masjid we make jokes and dicuss stuff and on that moment i try come up with something which they can understand.
yah u r rite it’s hard for mother mix with them but stll u can do a lot of things. rather than showing too much love u jsut show upset face on not praying. but don’t get angry . if they are little like 6 or 7 then u can make up thier mind from now on. but f they are 12 or 13 then u have to make deal for example:
i had class room and i have around 24 student in that class mostly age of 14- 15 . i told them if u work the i want to then u will get this this this imean make some kind of deal but do not force them give them choice see how much water tey are in .
if they are 17 or above then i will say u have work hard because u alredy spoile ur child but nothing else. don’t have eye on them just don’t just don’t ask them why u were filrting with those girls, nothing like u don’t know, second if they do some thing worng do not yelled at them, do not force them to do anything, make them busy with something for example :
tell them to work or get the job but do not get angry if don't get it keep encourage them. make a deal if u work then we wll pay for ur cell phone and what ever u get from ur job u can spend as a pocket money. make deal on school grades that see if u get A then u will get this. and next year make higher deal that if u take advance classes and make A then u will get this.
if they like a girl/boy then ok ask them who are thy rather then getting mad, look at ur son/daughter personality and then look at the partner they choose if u think it’s fine then ask ur children in personal how far they wanna go with that person,i mean ask them they just want to date or time pass or want to have sex, just ask logical question and leave them alone it will reflect on thier mind all day long ,
if u son or daughter mature enough for example 18 or above then make deal if they get enough money to soppourt the family and will get the bachlor degree as soon as possible then they can get married.
most important thing u have to be open with them . MODS please do nto ban me because what i am going write it might be impropriate to write but i think it will help some of the children.
minah baji u ask pratical example here u go that was share with my student and reflect them so hard that they start thinking even my own friends,
student: what is ur plan for future?
me: well think i will be done with my bachlor by next two years. thinking to get married and then go for medical school.
student: married ??? man u going to be 19 or 20 and u want to get married???
me: yes coomon man don’t u want to BANG some one.
student: yah but common mariiage is likely whole life with one person.
me: yah but then u don’t have to worry about banging . i mean i can bang my wife as long as i want. fun huh at least i don’t have to bag to girls or wait until they make move to get naked . what do u think ???
student: thats true .
The end
i hope no offensive to anyone because i just use word “BANG” . i understand minah u can’t be that open with ur children but all of u have to understand that ur children getting message of SEX every single day , doesn’t matter how religous u r i promise u they are getting affected. now it doesn’t matter to them if they had sex with person or one person thier object is to have sex. ok no problem they can have but after the mirrage thats why it’s better for them to get marry as soon as possible.
second if ur child is going very nice i mean nothing doing wrong or he understand all those stuff then please encouraged him u don’t know how he/she is struuggling with that enviorment.
esp. guys who are controling on thier self it’s very hard for them to go thru such suituation . like me . i still have hard time but much control now i have from last year. 
i hope those small tips will help u out minah baji but remeber do not tell them u r pakistani and this not culture and blah blah . this stuff is not going to work
be open guys u r growing ur children here in usa, so be opennnnnnnn with them . and last thing teach some islamic stuff for example when u have to get gusul when u have cut ur hairs. rather than sending them masjid and sit with qari saab. father and elder brother can teach what should be with boys and mother or elder sister can teach what should be done with girls.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
You did that very well and I liked it a lot better than the last post. :D
And the fact that now I understand you are a boy (I have a boy your age hon, can't say man yet), you have a lot to learn about lecturing women on raising kids, seriously. Not a good thing to do unless you are raising a family yourself and understand the dynamics. Being a part of a family is not the same as running one, emotionally or economically.
There is a difference in the role of a teacher and a mother. Both teach but in different ways. Some of the things you are saying a mother should do are just not realistic.
Children do not willingly have conversations like that with their parents, some may, but not all. I have one child (16 soon) who does and one child (17) who doesn't. I am open with my kids, again, you are lecturing people without knowing any situations here. I can try all I wish but it makes him uncomfortable and he shuts down, he does the same with his father. Different kids require different approaches and techniques due to personality. A parent understands that, teachers wouldn't.
I also wouldn't advocate having children marry as soon as possible, again, not realistic. I would rather they take the time to figure out what they want out of life and the type of partner they need, that takes maturity, not something you have as a child or even a young adult.
Not totally discounting what you are saying, you did make some good points about patience and praying, and about giving them responsibility. I also like the fact that you believe you are there to guide, you must make a great teacher.
One other little thing ---- Did you read anything in the thread???? This thread was actually about behaviours see on the street and outside the home, not in it. It was also somewhat about children and what part of the responsibility they should or the adults shoulder.
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
wait why do they care if she wears Gstrings? unless she’s shoving her pants down so the crack shows or wears a tiny skirt, then why is a thong/gstring such a big deal?
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
Sarah - I was going to ask the same thing, lol, got caught up in something else.......
Yeah PCG - what about that :p
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
It’s not only PCG, I know a lot of ppl who say Gstrings are for whores, or disgusting or haram, kinda like how they taught you “red” was for prostitutes (though i never encountered that kind of thinking in catholic school :halo: ) like my sixteen year old female cousin whos always yelling and cursing her older sister out for wearing those even though her sister covers up totally, and in fact doubted if i was even Muslim coz i told her I bought a halter top:rolleyes:
Re: The Intimate 5th/6th Graders
Minah - i am not blaming the kids i am blaming the parents/carers. If 12 year olds r going to dress/act like 18 year olds they will get treated as such. It is irresponsible to say they r being kids, they need to be aware of the possible consequences of their action. An example - i took my 6 yr old son to our high school end of year show - the pupils barely 13 were dancing in such an erotic manner i had to take my son out.
As for dress code it isnt just for girls, i have 2 boys and i expect them to follow a dress code also. Kids today have extreme pressure on them to look a certain way, wear certain things we have to equip them to fight that pressure and make the right choices and understand the possible comeback of the actions they take.