Re: The career woman bride
Hypocrisy is awesome isn’t it? 
Re: The career woman bride
What I have NEVER understood and iwll enver understand is why the mother and sisters butt in when it comes to the girls looks...esp if the guy has no issues with a certain physical type. that "preference" argument only goes so far, why do others have to find her attractive??
Re: The career woman bride
BTW, you people do realize it's only our muslim "civilization"... (haha, as if you can even call it that at this point) that has such a hang-up about a woman's own personal development and active role in society. The rest of the countries that have moved ahead all have an active work-force made substantially of women.
Look, I'm not saying both husband and wife should be workaholics. You need to give your kids time. But don't give me this BS about a woman cannot work. I have had 2 muslim colleagues - both desi - who have been very successful, and both their moms were doctors. And it's likely that their moms were educated, that they were raised educated as well. They knew they had a standard to live up to.
But I'm honestly not surprised that these things don't matter as much to Pakistanis. Even in our male population, we don't churn out as many professionals as Indians and other cultures do, and our emphasis in childhood is certainly not on education, evidence by how many moronic kids are running around on the streets of Pakistan in perfect target of moving cars.
Our people don't have the brightest bulbs...
Re: The career woman bride
Slims - It sure is my man, and life1 is the epic of hypocrisy.
Sara - Perhaps because its the mothers and sisters that do the initial meetings? If a guy's mother and sisters visit a family, they are going to see the girl and will go ahead depending on whether or not they consider the lady attractive. If they do, they will move things ahead, otherwise the guy won't be visiting the family at all. They are like the first filter. Having said that, I honestly believe the whole desi rishta process is fuked up, but oh well, gotta do with what you have.
PCG - Nobody here is saying that women can't work. This whole idea is about personal preferences. Some of us prefer career women, some of us don't. Good luck finding the right guy for you who does. And before you jump to conclusions based on your comparisons, look at the total population figures first you einstein.
Re: The career woman bride
total population figures?
Please show me a truly accurate set of statistics that show we churn out more smarter people than Indians. Please. I need it to boost my ego, because it is withering away when I go to a masjid or a local chat house and look at my people and their retarded, overweight, slow kids playing on handheld video games looking frightenly like small tiny Homer simpsons.
Re: The career woman bride
While I am quite certain that it is the only reason why your ego is withering away, I don't have the statistics. Don't know what kind of Pakistani rednecks you hangout with, personally most of the people I have met so far are very refined professionals. Any individual who puts in a good effort into his education, knowledge and experience, is going to be a good thorough professional, whether Indian or Pakistani; but comparing people from my own field (Accountancy) I could be biased but I do think Pakistanis are brighter. Perhaps it has to do with a relatively more strict evaluation criteria of the institute. Anyway, honestly I have seen plenty bright educated and accomplished Pakistanis and looking at some educated Indians doesn't really shatter my ego.
Re: The career woman bride
So it all boils down to...to each their own and you should do what makes you happy as a couple.
There has never been anything wrong in my opinion with staying at home to raise your kids. I will probably do it myself, Inshallah. I would just like to know that my contributions are also being considered and appreciated...just like his will be.
Re: The career woman bride
^ <3
Re: The career woman bride
May God save all girls from controlling mothers who judge a woman because shes educated and successful, and "dismiss" her based on such insecurities. ameen.
They ruin a perhaps, great potential marriage due to their petty issues, no wonder desis have such messed up marriages.
understandable though, they need someone who will have 50 kids and do their "khidmat".
Re: The career woman bride
^ Phils you ought to go through this whole thread first, you have picked up right from square one 
Re: The career woman bride
^ right. And philo, staying at home really doesnt mean that she ll have 50 kids.
Anyways as per our religion, the criteria for any man or woman in selecting partner should be his / her level of imaan. there is a hadith, which goes something like this: Prophet Mohammed PBUH said, that a woman is married for three things, her beauty, her wealth and her imaan. its best if you marry a woman for her Imaan.
I dont have the exact hadith here, but plz share if someone has it handy.
Re: The career woman bride
^ Funny enough, I once took a gender studies class that had me ponder that very question. Yes, if women demand equity and equality, then why are they unwilling to extend the same right/privilege/expectation to men? Why is a man expected to be the sole breadearner for the family, isn't he entitled to rest or not work if that is his choice? I don't have an answer other than, if he wants to deviate from societal norms (as he is entitled to do), then he too should discuss it within the family unit so that the decision is mutual.
I think this question arises naturally.
Men have been pushed to the wall with growing expectations from society, media, and the feminist movement. But men should not lose sight of the fact that where the women movement empowers women, it also (or at least SHOULD) empowers men. There are some responsibilities that women want less of, so men should be able to shrug off some of their's also. There are some liberties that women want to take, men should also be able to do that.
Taking the equality point further, I think that husband & wife should chip in equally in the monthly household budget, determined by the lower salary of the two. Rest of the money should go in the separate bank account of the higher earner for his / her personal usage. Its only fair.
Re: The career woman bride
None of the women here have stated they would like to be exempt from the responsibility of raising their children though. All they're merely saying is instead of an order, it needs to be a joint decision both come to. And why not? Its a partnership right? So consulting your partner should not make anyone feel like less of a person...that would make for a really small person to begin with.
"Joint decision" is a term that only you have used here. Most of women posters have commented saying, "don't want to be told what to do", "wouldn't ask anyone", "would just inform the husband". Women don't say that want to be exempt from raising the children but they do say that they want less of that.
All this makes me wonder, why can't a man just get up one fine morning and tell his wife, "Honey, starting next month I will be working part-time only. That is all I can do. We will be taking an income hit. Please be ready to deal with it."
Re: The career woman bride
unfortunately whenever given choice, our society will prefer career bride women over career woman bride.
Re: The career woman bride
"Joint decision" is a term that only you have used here. Most of women posters have commented saying, "don't want to be told what to do", "wouldn't ask anyone", "would just inform the husband". Women don't say that want to be exempt from raising the children but they do say that they want less of that.
All this makes me wonder, why can't a man just get up one fine morning and tell his wife, "Honey, starting next month I will be working part-time only. That is all I can do. We will be taking an income hit. Please be ready to deal with it."
I think the issue is simply that we like being considered part of the decision making process because we're half of the marriage. Men make one-half and women make up the other half. We want to feel that way. Since a lot of women are told to stay home and it seems unfair to us when we're not given the choice - the natural inclination is to do the opposite of that. To NOT be told what to do.
And another thing, as much as women on GS go on and on about our rights...we all know...that once we're all married and have families...if our husbands ask us to stay home with the kids...we would not fight it. Because we all know our priorities and have no issues dealing with them. The conflict comes in when the woman gives up her career, takes a break from the working world, loses experience, stays home, is with the kids non-stop and at the end of the day...no one seems to think its a big deal. Its expected and she should just shut up and do it. When men bring home the bacon, we appreciate it. At least I would. When women raise their kids, its their job.
I was at a restaurant with a few friends once. Behind us was this guy with his daughter...he was trying to feed her and she was being a bit fussy. All the girls just did a big old "awwwwwwwwwwwwww...how cute". When was the last time anyone did and "awwwww" at a woman feeding her child? Thats her job, right? But if a guy does it, its like "wow, what a good father"...come on! Similarly, if a guy cooks or chops up some veggies for his wife..."wow, your husband is so sweet"...but if a woman cooks "namak kam hai khanay mein". If a man provides well for his family..."mashallah he is a good earner and provider" but if a woman works and brings home partial bacon it feels like she is being a brat by wanting to work.
I dont think its about anything more than being appreciated and valued for what women do. The happiest marriages I know of are ones where the women ARE home (they've worked in the past) but their husbands value what they do.
Re: The career woman bride
Because some mothers are overprotective and even paranoid to some extent. They try and forecast every little detail when looking at a rishta, they only want the best for their sons. It might not be right but they are entitled to their opinion, I'm sure if the guy in question wanted this rishta badly he would probably get his mother to agree.
IMO parent's opinions and "razamandi" hold a lot of weight in our culture and potential rishtas. Parents project not only their hopes and dream but also fears of what they hold true onto their children. That's not fair to some degree.
I agree with you that being on the same page with your parents is important. I think poster indicated that the guy didn't have a opinion at all which is not surprising.
Re: The career woman bride
When was the last time anyone did and "awwwww" at a woman feeding her child? Thats her job, right? But if a guy does it, its like "wow, what a good father"...come on!
You get plenty of men these days saying not only awwws but ooohs & eeehs also. So that should cover for some of the missing awwws that you mention : )
Anyways. Your points are well taken.
Re: The career woman bride
When was the last time anyone did and "awwwww" at a woman feeding her child? Thats her job, right? But if a guy does it, its like "wow, what a good father"...come on!
Thats so funny and true, a lot of my girlfriends have children and when we go out somewhere they say 'husband is babysitting' I mean, come on, the father of a child is never ever a 'baby sitter', it's their duty too to look after the children.
Re: The career woman bride
I have. and I stand by my statement with more conviction after reading such polluted posts.
Re: The career woman bride
^ right. And philo, staying at home really doesnt mean that she ll have 50 kids.
Anyways as per our religion, the criteria for any man or woman in selecting partner should be his / her level of imaan. there is a hadith, which goes something like this: Prophet Mohammed PBUH said, that a woman is married for three things, her beauty, her wealth and her imaan. its best if you marry a woman for her Imaan.
I dont have the exact hadith here, but plz share if someone has it handy.
stop mentioning hadith left and right...cite them properly, not according to how they fit your opinion. don't you fear misleading people in the name of religion? how is your hadith relevant to a career woman..can she not have imaan? education doesn't replace imaan. or are you trying to suggest that she shouldn't have education or a career because of the hadith you quoted [out of context] doesn't mention education/career?