Mothers going 'rishta shopping' for their sons with their own set of criteria doesn't happen in all cases. In majority cases, mothers ask for their sons' preferences and search accordingly. And when a mother actually states her preferences and limitations i.e. wanting a homemaker instead of a career woman to a lady's family BEFORE going ahead with the meetings and all, it is considered as being rude and jaahil. But when these ladies want ideal rishtay, a well educated tall handsome bloke who is making good moeney, with absolute freedom to choose your own lifestyle without any interference from the man whatsoever, and a life sans inlaws right at your doorstep, in a silver platter, that is considered your inherent god given right.
Most normal moms do that yes...they keep their son's interests in mind when looking for brides. However, the older I'm getting, and the more people I am meeting I am seeing that many moms become extremly selfish when bride shopping and look for what works for them rather than their sons. They look for girls who will be easily "mouldable," one who can dedicate their lives "serving" the entire family, etc...I'm not saying any of this is wrong, but come their daughter's turn, they look for inlaws that are far far away with the least possible interaction. Please don't say this isn't true as I have seen this within my own family as well.
Yes of course there are many women who like to get into marriages with complete independence from in laws. They get stressed at any little non-issue and raise their guards unncessarily.
IMO parent's opinions and "razamandi" hold a lot of weight in our culture and potential rishtas. Parents project not only their hopes and dream but also fears of what they hold true onto their children. That's not fair to some degree.
I agree with you that being on the same page with your parents is important. I think poster indicated that the guy didn't have a opinion at all which is not surprising.
You're right, fears and prejudices are both projected onto the children. Which is why the guy should try and make an informed decision while taking his parents' opinion and preference into account.
Just because a mother prefers a homemaker doesn't necessarily mean she thinks a career woman is bad or evil.
total population figures? Please show me a truly accurate set of statistics that show we churn out more smarter people than Indians. Please. I need it to boost my ego, because it is withering away when I go to a masjid or a local chat house and look at my people and their retarded, overweight, slow kids playing on handheld video games looking frightenly like small tiny Homer simpsons.
You can't really base your opinion on the limited cross-section of Pakistanis you've come across. Like Jaanwar most Pakistanis I know are professionals in different fields, accounting, law, economics, research, medicine, engineering. Every profession in the book. If anything, Pakistani parents tend to place way too much importance on education in childhood while ignoring their kids' development in extracurricular activities. From what I've seen in Pakistani parents it's all about their kids achieving high grades in school.
First of all do you know what my point of view is? May be you dont know, but I am a career woman too As some one asked you to read the thread from first post and dont start commenting randomly.
2ndly I dont know why listening to a hadith made you so angry?
3rdly where on earth did i say that a career woman wont be good in her Imaan ?
4thly How what I cited seems misleading? Kindly let me know and give me chance to understand your Philosophy. note that I did say that hadith goes “Something like this” i remembered the message from hadith, may not remembered the exact text.
Anyway here is the exact hadith as per Sahi Al- Bukhari, for your information:
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
I agree with each and everything Jaanwar said…and i also see that his points (or what was pointed out by other ‘guys’) are read once…and instead of trying to understand that viewpoint…we get a post like this…
Yes…we see thats ok..BUT…blah blah blah blah blah… basically not paying any attention to what someone is saying…and then repeating the same thing which was addressed…
^ LOL like you said man, its a never-ending monologue. I think all has been expressed and discussed here. Now dear ladies please carry on celebrating your own and each other's ideas and views - the typical life1 sisterhood-fest.
Guy having no opinion is weird. Girl being rejected because she had a career is also weird.
One thing to note, the OP mentioned that they're both successful in their careers; this can be a problem as generally speaking, you can't have two people with power careers without neglecting the kids. So when the time comes, one of them would either have to take a break or both will have to scale back a bit, but that would be up to the couple. I agree that it's none of the MIL's business.
As for women being good moms as well as working: this obviously varies from person to person. A demanding career such as a high ranking lawyer or corporate executive will simply not be able to devote as much time to her kids as she would like. So in some regard, you could say she is not as good a mom since her time with her kids is limited. That's a choice people make when their careers are so demanding.
So yes, a lot of women work as well as being successful mothers. Are they as effective as SAHMs when the kids are young? No. But to label the working woman as uncaring or the SAHM as simple is being jahil yourself.
As some one asked you to read the thread from first post and dont start commenting randomly.
Kindly let me know and give me chance to understand your Philosophy. note that I did say that hadith goes “Something like this” i remembered the message from hadith, may not remembered the exact text.
I thought you didn’t read my first post…but i am glad you got my point …