Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
And how to protect your assets from him in case of divorce? Start making monthly payments in cash to your parents. Consider it paying back their education loans, or $$ they invested in your schooling, etc.
That money, they can take and keep it separately in their account or another account they open in their name only.
A nest account or so. In case of divorce, if there is anything in your parents name ONLY, it will not go to him.
As for the house, I'd recommend you purchase it ONLY in your parents name, not in yours. Your name should not be on that property AT ALL.
In case of divorce, he will not be able to touch it, and as long as funds are being moved over slowly in slow cash payments to your parents, that income should be protected.
The rest, honey, if he's gonna take it, I'd spend it at this point down to the point he's not gonna get anything. Your assets get counted in divorce, but so do your liabilities.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I don't think you should tell him anything about your finances...there's no need at this point if the two of you don't pool your assets.
Does this apply when the sexes are reversed or do the assets begin to magically pool once the couple starts sleeping together? I mean it cant apply in reverse because a woman brings 'intangible value' to the table, right?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
hey just to let everyone know, I showed him my paystub, and just changed the numbers in pdf, to the point where its very little left after expenses.
You are ignoring the root cause of the problem which many people have pointed out to you in this thread multiple times. Please consider that being dishonest to your husband is not going to help matters and is worse in the long run. You need to recognize that he needs to do his bit full stop and he needs to realise that too. Changing your pay slips is not going to cure the problem, that is, his lack of disregard for you. And the fact that he even asks you for money is downright shameful on his part and a person who doesn't realize that...you have to MAKE him realize or he never will and you will be stuck with this mentality forever.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
It seems like there are two losers stuck in a marriage with no trust or love.
Go get divorce.
yea, i make a 6 figure salary, am a cpa, have a vp title at a large bank, and Im a loser? Ive probably accomplished more before 30 than you will in your entire life.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
^that loser is not in your career sense. you know what he meant. and yes he was harsh. and if salaries are what make us the smartest then why make decisions based on what a certain bunch of relatives are going to say if you pull away from a prospective messy relationship. and then as if that is not enough you keep taking your pessimism several notches higher thinking i will never find a decent guy, the next guy will also be a similar risk , i am already old enough and so on and on. I profusely apologize if i came across as harsh . and if you can stand the toxicity of a relationship, bear all this stress isn't it too easy to overlook certain jibes fired at you from people who you already know don't think your best. if you will step out of your cocoon and let a little bit of positivity take over you, it will not do you much harm honey.
Again i am very sorry for hurting you and if you want i will erase this junk post
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I have seen my husband's frustration of not having a job when I was working and supporting him. Also have seen day dreaming of getting rich
fast (in another person). I know that frustration gets the better of a person.
Give your husband some benefit of doubt. It is an arranged marriage. You do not know him very well.
May be he is a fraud, may be he is not !! but if you start your relationship thinking you will end up in divorce, all of your actions and talk is going to reflect some of your thinking.
Do not be stupid about your finances but do not doubt him all the time either.
Sasha gave you good advice.
Now that you have shown him your salary, may be you will find out why he wanted so desperately to know it.
Getting him a credit card with a low limit will not hurt you a lot financially but may be will give him some sense of freedom. You dont know for sure if he will go on a shopping spree or what. If he does, cancel the card.
Do not keep telling him that you are responsible for supporting him.
I think only if he uses some government benefits that he is not qualified for because of your income, you have to pay the government back.
Search the term means-tested public benefit to find out more. I think for 5 years he cannot apply for food stamps and medicaid.
If he finds his own place, you are not responsible to pay his rent.
Ask him to share household duties. May be he cannot cook but cleaning the place does not require a lot of skills.
We both work and my husband still shares household and kids duties with me so if only you are working, why can he not share the work.
For some initial time of our marriage, my husband did not know how much I had in savings either.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Hey,
does anyone here hide how much savings/salary they have? I ask because my husband keeps on randomly asking to see my paycheck/know my salary/see my bank balances. I never show him as, a) I feel like since he doesnt contribute anything, and isnt working. why should I tell him. b) I feel like once he knows how much I earn, he will get an idea of howmuch i save, how much i have in savings, and incase something happens between us, I will end up having difficulty protecting my assets. c) on multiple occations, during arguements, he has said "ill take 50% of everything you have. and has said Inshalla we will divorce/Ill leave you.d) he keeps on demanding I forgive his haq mahar.
I know its pretty toxic relationship, so just wanted some feedback, if I am doing the right thing by not showing him my finances. I feel like with all this going on, I would be dumb to show him my earnings. But then I was thinking in the future, when he earns and we file joint tax returns, he will see what I make anyway.
i read your comments and realized my advice is useless since you aren't listening anyways.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
yea, i make a 6 figure salary, am a cpa, have a vp title at a large bank, and Im a loser? Ive probably accomplished more before 30 than you will in your entire life.
And yet you married this guy! You ain't winning either...
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Does this apply when the sexes are reversed or do the assets begin to magically pool once the couple starts sleeping together? I mean it cant apply in reverse because a woman brings 'intangible value' to the table, right?
Pooling assets is a mutual decision between a couple. She doesn't have to tell him what she makes and neither does he.
A man IS actually responsible for the household expenses and his wife...that is a fact no one can really deny just like people were beating the "she's gotta put out no matter what" in the marital rape thread. With power comes responsibility. It IS what it is. You don't have to like it...there are lots of things we don't like but do anyway.
To the OP:
Not telling him how much you make is very different from lying.
When you lie, you don't just hide things...you're hurting yourself and your marriage. Doesn't matter how stupid or painful of a lie it is...its the beginning of a very slippery slope. Lies are bad bad bad.
tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Wow. Best to hide your salary. Trust me, having financial difficulties is very very tough. Lots of couples fight because of this one reason. A man HAS to work. He MUST. Even if he is working as a security guard or at a gas station. Even if he is studying, he should work a few hours a day.
You're a VP- and your husband is a bum (no offence). You have to guide him to start working. I'm sure you knew about his job prospects in US before you married him. If he is not able to make the big bucks, at least try making him work for small amounts of cash! Even 50$ per day!
Giving divorce threats is downright cheap and disgusting. If someone says that to me regularly I'll be the one to ask him to leave. A marriage should not be like that. Threatening for divorce?!?! Every other day?!?! You gotta be kidding me.
I hope that you make the right decision. Try to make this marriage work for the next few months to a yr. see how it goes. If he still doesn't seem to be like the type who wants to earn, I suggest you leave.
What if you have kids and decide to quit the job to spend time with them? What then? How will u guys support ur family if he doesn't work. A man needs to work.
IA things get better. On the bright side, at least he is studying for some exam and will be able to work soon.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
yea, i make a 6 figure salary, am a cpa, have a vp title at a large bank, and Im a loser? Ive probably accomplished more before 30 than you will in your entire life.
Yes, look at your reply....you seem to think you are better than everyone (including your husband).
PS: I also make a 6 figure salary, have my MBA, have a similar title at one of the world biggest defense companies and am about the same age as you.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Such double standards in this desi world. It’s horrible. You know that he has 10k in savings, but he can't even ask you how much you make. Wouldn’t you want to know how much your husband make if he was working. Just tell him and kill his curiosity.
FYI...if you two do get a divorce, whatever you saved once you were married, half of it could go to him (at least that is the law in TX.) Telling him how much you make and how much you have saved will be nothing during the divorce process because you will HAVE to disclose that information NO MATTER WHAT. Any savings you had before the marriage, he won't be able to touch (also depending on your lawyer.) The American system will not have the desi double standard especially since you do not have kids....and divide up the assets. Before filing the divorce you two will try to negotiate and he will ask for a certain amount...if you don't give and proceed to file in court...then you are looking at 15-25k in cost. My brother just spent 16K on his divorce...and that was before they even met in court.
Since you are so educated and not a loser...and know how to use the internet...why don't you look up these laws for NY.
Also, you need to trust your husband a little. He won't be able to charge up more than limit on the credit card. Put yourself in his shoes.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
It depends if she lives in a “community property” state. Divorce and division of assets laws vary from state to state. I think OP may be in New York, from a previous post in this thread. If that is true, than in New York, this is how it goes down:
New York is an equitable distribution state, meaning that marital assets will be divided in an equitable, but not necessarily equal fashion, except where the parties have entered a prenuptial or ante nuptial agreement. In determining an equitable disposition of property, the court shall consider:
The income and property of each party at the time of marriage, and at the time of the commencement of the action.
The duration of the marriage and the age and health of both parties.
The need of a custodial parent to occupy or own the marital residence and to use or own its household effects.
The loss of inheritance and pension rights upon dissolution of the marriage as of the date of dissolution.
Any award of maintenance.
Any equitable claim to, interest in, or direct or indirect contribution made to the acquisition of such marital property by the party not having title, including joint efforts or expenditures and contributions and services as a spouse, parent, wage earner and homemaker, and to the career or career potential of the other party.
The liquid or non-liquid character of all marital property.
The probable future financial circumstances of each party.
The impossibility or difficulty of evaluating any component asset or any interest in a business, corporation or profession, and the economic desirability of retaining such asset or interest intact and free from any claim or interference by the other party.