does anyone here hide how much savings/salary they have? I ask because my husband keeps on randomly asking to see my paycheck/know my salary/see my bank balances. I never show him as, a) I feel like since he doesnt contribute anything, and isnt working. why should I tell him. b) I feel like once he knows how much I earn, he will get an idea of howmuch i save, how much i have in savings, and incase something happens between us, I will end up having difficulty protecting my assets. c) on multiple occations, during arguements, he has said "ill take 50% of everything you have. and has said Inshalla we will divorce/Ill leave you.d) he keeps on demanding I forgive his haq mahar.
I know its pretty toxic relationship, so just wanted some feedback, if I am doing the right thing by not showing him my finances. I feel like with all this going on, I would be dumb to show him my earnings. But then I was thinking in the future, when he earns and we file joint tax returns, he will see what I make anyway.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Hey,
does anyone here hide how much savings/salary they have? I ask because my husband keeps on randomly asking to see my paycheck/know my salary/see my bank balances. I never show him as, a) I feel like since he doesnt contribute anything, and isnt working. why should I tell him. b) I feel like once he knows how much I earn, he will get an idea of howmuch i save, how much i have in savings, and incase something happens between us, I will end up having difficulty protecting my assets. c) on multiple occations, during arguements, he has said "ill take 50% of everything you have. and has said Inshalla we will divorce/Ill leave you.d) he keeps on demanding I forgive his haq mahar.
I know its pretty toxic relationship, so just wanted some feedback, if I am doing the right thing by not showing him my finances. I feel like with all this going on, I would be dumb to show him my earnings. But then I was thinking in the future, when he earns and we file joint tax returns, he will see what I make anyway.
Wait, what?!
This is not normal. Do you even have a normal relationship with this guy outside of financial problems? A wife is not a hoor pari who should not have to contribute to household expenses. If she earns, she should contribute. Somehow everyone seems to be okay with this double standard. I don't get it. Unless this guy is a d***, you should contribute even when he is not working. That is the whole point of marriage. If it's okay for you stay at home, it's okay for him to stay at home.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Unless your husband is an attorney, I wouldn’t pay much attention to what he think he can/will get during a divorce. If things were that black/white, lawyers wouldn’t be able to get so rich.
As you said, if you two file joint tax returns, he will find out details of your entire financial situation anyway. Unless you insist on filing separate tax returns forever.
As for your fears of losing your money in the event of a divorce… lol. What do you think lawyers do? Whether or not you tell him what your salary is doesn’t have any effect on asset division during a divorce. His lawyer will easily get records of ALL financial documents (including all YOUR information). So while you want him to know right now how much your income is up to you…but don’t think you can hide that information during a divorce.
BTW, I believe you’re in NY. If I’m right then read this link. It may clear a few things for you.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I want to try to make it work as im already married and I dont want to like be a joke in my extended family. But if it doesn't work out I want to be on the safe side.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I want to try to make it work as im already married and I dont want to like be a joke in my extended family. But if it doesn't work out I want to be on the safe side.
Do you have kids? If you don't, you should really think about whether you can live your ENTIRE life with this guy.
Yes, I did read that he does not work. I don't know what are his circumstances. Like I said, you should know if he deserves to be taken care of by you. If he doesn't, why are you wasting your time?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
cpa, you've already written several threads about your relationship with your husband, both before and after he moved to NY. It seems like both of you threaten/think about the end of the relationship as opposed to working on the actual relationship, which makes an end to the relationship a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I would suggest truly sitting down and discussing your goals and objectives - what you both want out of this relationship and what you expect from each other. If you both can't/won't commit to making an effort, ending this relationship is better.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
SO situation is this...
I got married in pakistan, he came to the us. It takes time to get adjusted. I realize this, so I never asked him to start working, he has like 10k in savings so he lives off of that for his personal expesnes (like i dont give him pocket money) But I pay for everything, including his cellphone bills.
As for why did i marry him, Obviously, he acted 100% different during engagement. The day we got a nikka was a day he started to change. I would have broken it off but everyone knew I had a nikka.
I dont think im going to find someone else, and to be honest I dont want to take another risk with getting tricked into someone. I dont have kids but I would like to have 2 atleast.
Its not always bad, but I know if i compromise to the point, where it can negativly impact me, thats when I must stop compromising.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I totally understand that it makes a recent immigrant some time to adjust to life abroad, especially getting their credentials/qualifications recognized. But does he have a short/long term plan to work? That alone speaks volumes about the respect and consideration a husband is extending to his wife. Even if if he didn't work for 3 years, but was in school I would think he's making an effort.
My comment to you is born out of the fact that even before he came, you mentioned that he started to act in a controlling manner. I wonder how he shows his respect/care and affection for you - do you guys get along at all?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Was this a random guy or families know each other? Is he doing something to get a job here like studying for exams, etc? Has he tried applying for school?
What were the plans before marriage in terms of realistic expectations of him getting a job here or what would be involved in him getting a job. Sometimes converting your degree here means peanuts and so guys with decent jobs in Pakistan start from ground zero when they get here - was he aware of this?
Did he demonstrate being financially responsible for his family in Pakistan? Or were his parents financially responsible for their household?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
But I refuse to compromise on something like "hey show me all you financial assets, or give me a credit card" I have excellent credit. I KNOW, by doing this, he is going to go on a shopping spree, and I will suffer.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
cpa, you've already written several threads about your relationship with your husband, both before and after he moved to NY. It seems like both of you threaten/think about the end of the relationship as opposed to working on the actual relationship, which makes an end to the relationship a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I would suggest truly sitting down and discussing your goals and objectives - what you both want out of this relationship and what you expect from each other. If you both can't/won't commit to making an effort, ending this relationship is better.
There is a saying that people who don't do anything, will say the biggest things. He says his life goals is to make a billion dollars in the stock market. Im serious. He does know what he is talking about, but lets be honest, stocks is like rich peoples gambling. Even if I did that, talking only works with somewhat honest people.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Was this a random guy or families know each other? Is he doing something to get a job here like studying for exams, etc? Has he tried applying for school?
What were the plans before marriage in terms of realistic expectations of him getting a job here or what would be involved in him getting a job. Sometimes converting your degree here means peanuts and so guys with decent jobs in Pakistan start from ground zero when they get here - was he aware of this?
Did he demonstrate being financially responsible for his family in Pakistan? Or were his parents financially responsible for their household?
Before marriage he used to say "your money is your money, and my money is your money"
He said that it would take him a year to get on his feet, pass some exams. His parents were responsible for their household. He talked about becoming really rich, of saving money, getting a house.........
Look I think I mentioned to you, going to pakistan is a crapshot, either you get a good guy, or you get a loser. Thats it, and you really have no way of knowing until the guy actually gets here. My biggest error was that when we were engaged, he would stay very very quiet, and try to get me to talk more, and a couple times I mentioned it, like why are you so quiet. My problem was he showed himself as a completely different person.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Just get a divorce. You aren't looking to make this work. You are basically acting superior to him.
If I wanted to get a divorce, I wouldnt try to ask people for ways to solve my problems. I want to make it work, Ive seen girls who had marital problems and they fix it, make it work, so why can't I?
how am I acting superior to him? I would really like to hear this
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I totally understand that it makes a recent immigrant some time to adjust to life abroad, especially getting their credentials/qualifications recognized. But does he have a short/long term plan to work? That alone speaks volumes about the respect and consideration a husband is extending to his wife. Even if if he didn't work for 3 years, but was in school I would think he's making an effort.
My comment to you is born out of the fact that even before he came, you mentioned that he started to act in a controlling manner. I wonder how he shows his respect/care and affection for you - do you guys get along at all?
We do get along, we watch tv together, go out together, but he is controlling. And controlling people, tend to start slowly. They don't go like in all at once. Hence my apprehenions with sharing my financial info
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
CPA: In post #12 you gave us a list of things you do that make you a good wife. Why don't you tell us what makes HIM a good husband? Since the nikah, how has he shown you that HE cares about you and respects you as a life partner? Most importantly......what qualities does he have that would make him a good father for your children?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
When I read the tittle, I thought OP is one of those women but know I think you're husband needs a serious lesson. You mentioned that it's a toxic relationship and he talks about divorce openly, what's the deal with that?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
CPA: In post #12 you gave us a list of things you do that make you a good wife. Why don't you tell us what makes HIM a good husband? Since the nikah, how has he shown you that HE cares about you and respects you as a life partner? Most importantly......what qualities does he have that would make him a good father for your children?
He doesnt ask me to make him breakfast in the morning, and I dont have to iron his clothing. If there are days Im busy and don't have time to clean the apartment, he doesnt mind. After our nikka he got me a gold set. He is book and street smart. I havent seen him with children so I can't say. When I first started cooking making roti, I set off the fire alarm :) (because of like smoke, not because I burned anything) and he laughed, ( some husbands get angry if the girls are not good cooks) but he was ok with it, and he complements me if I do cook something well.
Im not really sure what your looking for answer wise, but this is what I could think of.
