Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Did he not bring the $10k ?
Assuming he made good money with stocks in Pakistan, may be he wants to try here as well. If as you said he is book and street smart, may be he will be successful.
I know a person who is doing very good financially and the only thing he does is stocks.
Why not ask your husband, not accusingly, to use his savings and try out whatever he wants to do with stocks.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Tell him your parents are paying for the down payment Nd thg you will need to repay it in the future. It's different when man tells his salary to his wife. She can't usually take extra money without him allowing it but it's different in a woman's situation.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
lol no, that guy was in a different field. To be honest, my friend is expecting a kid, and like once he found out, the guy like immediately started to get better. If anything that makes me like think my husband might change too.
Im sorry... but kids arent a bandaid and they should never ever be treated like one
when things go bad, you may end up resenting them too
just my two cents in all of this hoobla
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Im sorry... but ***kids arent a bandaid and they should never ever be treated like one
when things go bad, you may end up resenting them too
just my two cents in all of this hoobla
^This!!! Treating children as the "solution" to a troubled marriage is terribly unfair to the children. Not only that, but having children in the hope that they bring about some sort of change in your husband is quite a huge and extremely ill advised gamble. What if being a father and having children have no effect on the guy and he doesn't change? (And yes, there are men like that.) Then what?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I agree with most of the comments here, especially the kids comment they are in no way "bandaids". If God forbid it doesn't work out and the problems became unsolvable you will have no idea how the kids could be affected by this. They may even hold it against you that why did you have kids if you knew it wasn't working. Why bring them into a hostile environment.
To the people who say she should discuss her financial standings, this is one of those situations where it is difficult to see which side may be right. Some cases we are told not to divulge such details but sometimes when we divulge to much it comes back to haunt us. We will never know the other side and neither do we know if he really is willing to work and earn a honest living.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Trust me, he seems like one of those douchebag husbands that my friends are dealing with... Don't tell him your salary because he'd be making an invisible plan without your knowledge how he'd be spending your money if you did...
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I think only CPA can gauge her husband the best cuz she's the one living with him and knows the most about it. We can just give her different perspectives but in the end ofcourse she is going to do what makes sense in her situation. How I see it is that the husband probably has potential in him (since CPA saw he's street and book smart) so I'm guessing he's probably not a bum. But the situation he's in, could be its making him feel really useless, out of his control and emasculating (cuz CPAs doing all the breadwinning). Maybe he's just trying to feel more accomplished without the embarrassment of doing a menial job. Coming from Pakistan, and being in a marital home and not a student setup, I think maybe hubby thinks it would be even more embarrassing (than sitting at home) if he was working somewhereflippinh burgers or at a cash register when he is well qualified (Im assuming) and came from an upper middle class background.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I think only CPA can gauge her husband the best cuz she's the one living with him and knows the most about it. We can just give her different perspectives but in the end ofcourse she is going to do what makes sense in her situation. How I see it is that the husband probably has potential in him (since CPA saw he's street and book smart) so I'm guessing he's probably not a bum. But the situation he's in, could be its making him feel really useless, out of his control and emasculating (cuz CPAs doing all the breadwinning). Maybe he's just trying to feel more accomplished without the embarrassment of doing a menial job. Coming from Pakistan, and being in a marital home and not a student setup, I think maybe hubby thinks it would be even more embarrassing (than sitting at home) if he was working somewhereflippinh burgers or at a cash register when he is well qualified (Im assuming) and came from an upper middle class background.
He is a guy and he needs to know his responsibilities. 1 of my friends is making really low income and her husband is making exceptionally well income but he still forces her to contribute every penny of it because he knows what she is making. He doesn't want her to have anything.... OP should not expose income to her husband... She can help him if she wants to but not tell him what she earns.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
If he is feeling useless, why not get out and get a damn job. He has green card for over an year. Exams is just an excuse for not working. I have known plenty of people who work, prepare and take exams, and support their families.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
He is a guy and he needs to know his responsibilities. 1 of my friends is making really low income and her husband is making exceptionally well income but he still forces her to contribute every penny of it because he knows what she is making. He doesn't want her to have anything.... OP should not expose income to her husband... She can help him if she wants to but not tell him what she earns.
why shouldnt she contribute?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
I think what she means is that her friend shouldn't have to give her whole paycheck to the household and should get to keep enough spending money for herself as well, especially since the husband is making good money.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
why shouldnt she contribute?
You are not in her condition. Even she is making money but she has to ask him for $20 and her credit card is used by his family. She is with him for only kids and she has already adapted this lifestyle.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Larki ka paisa larkay per haraam hai if she doesn't wish to contribute. Lannat hai aisay admiyo per jo apni zimadari na puri ker sakay!
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
but BSB vhy she no using le dowry to rescue rescue?
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
but BSB vhy she no using le dowry to rescue rescue?
I don't know much about her family... She has adapted to the lifestyle her husband wants where she is working like a dog and fulfilling her wifey and motherly duties.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
He asked you for 1000 bucks to put on the stock market?
Ridiculous. I agree with you not wanting to give him that cash , you should not. But my point is why make excuses? If my husband asked for 1000 bucks of my money to put in the market and play investment banker meanwhile he isn't working...
Here is what i would do.
-"no thanks, I don't want you to invest my income anywhere"
-"if you want money to invest then please use your savings"
-"please look into getting a job or college seat or part time schooling or online classes or something - I expect you to be on your own in 1 year."
-"what? I'm being unreasonable? Ok. That's nice dear. You still do not get 1k to put in investments. That's not stable use of income. Good night dear"
-"what am I gonna do if you don't have a job in one year? Well dear we will need to re-eval our life goals then. Good night. Sweet dreams"
Be direct about your feelings and expectations.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
Be that direct and then get the divorce word thrown at u. I think she was tactful enough to diffuse the situation. She probably knows how direct she can be without getting into an argument. I think she knows that her husband will harbour ill feelings if he knows she has the extra cash but is choosing not share, rather then if he just thinks she doesn't have it or can't spare it.
I think op u should reassure him (if u think he's not a moocher) that u understand he's feeling useless (find a better word) but that it's ok he should just finish his exams and then job hunt and try to focus on that. If he's in accounting then suggest to him that he get an administrative job in an accounting firm to ride him over if he feels he's wasting his time (which maybe he is). That way when he's actually qualified and then job hunts when he interviews he can tell them he wanted to work as closely in his field as he could even if he wasn't allowed to practice his skill.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
PyariCguria, I used to be exactly like this before marriage. But being straight forward will ONLY work if the other person is straight forward as well. If that person is not, your basically giving him all your information where he can easily use it for his advantage. Look at this thread, I mentioned howmuch I actually make and alot of people started saying oh you could afford to give him.
To be sucessful, in general, you have to be tackful. Corporations call it Professionalism, people call it being tackful. "keeping it real" doesnt really work in a marriage
"keeping it real" doesnt really work in a marriage
Then you my dear, are not in a real marriage. Keeping it real is the only thing that makes a marriage work.
I just don't understand why you are still married to this guy. You are upset with your husband for not working, using you for your money, disrespecting you by meaningless threats yet you choose to stay with him. I think you're justified in feeling this way based on what you've written but I just fail to understand why you still continue to be married to him? Are you seriously comfortable with spending the rest of your life like this?
P.s. and I assume you meant tactful as opposed to tackful. Tackful reminded me of thumbtacks.
Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
when I say keeping it real, sorry I ment keeping it real like black people keep it real...lol
If you dont know what Im talking about see youtube keeping it real goes wrong, dave chappelle.