Re: tell husband how much savings you have? what your salary is?
PyariCgudia, do you really think that when I went to pakistan and met him. He said hey, im going to just chill and ask you for money? Or that I will randomly be cruel, throw the D word around like its nothing?
He was a yes man, he said things like My money is your money, and your money is your money. He acted completely different. My biggest regret is saying upfront that I expect this and that. Because he litterally had to just agree to what Im saying, do you think someone who wants to come to America, is going to say no I expect this or this?Most will agree to whatever your saying to get a Visa, then once they get a nikka, or once they get here, they may change.
Noone will marry someone they KNOW is a jerk. At this point, I dont really care if the marriage works out or not. But let him end it, why should I?
Listen I'm not gonna make digs at you, and everyone deals with a situation differently depending on their personality, values, and circumstances. Many of these girls if put in your position might do what you're doing.
I get that people can lie. It's scary. But I can also tell you guys from the US aren't any better - they will also be "yes men" until they can start pulling their real personality out. It's never a guarantee that you get what you're initially seeing.
I wanted to marry this guy, who about 6 months ago bailed on me, and it totally sent me and my career reeling, honestly. I was actually out of a job, because I made decisions to delay looking for a job till after my graduation once we were married and I had moved to where he was living, so I didn't have to pay 600 dollar roundtrip tickets for each job interview. No lie.
He was a yes man all the way until about month 6 of the relationship when he informed me that he wants to make all the $ decisions. I posted here, and these same girls, some of them warned me, and others thought - well he's just being a man. Nope. Another month or two later, the same guy is telling me he doesn't believe marriage is 50=50, it's 75=25, he expects I'll be home by 5 to make chai, if I wanna buy a purse with my own money, I can't because I have to ask his permission first, no penny will be moved without him knowing about it (and I make twice his salary now btw), he doesn't think any gold gifted to me at time of wedding actually belongs to me, and that it's actually HIS gold, etc etc.
And that guy was here, he wasn't even looking for a green card.
A deceptive guy is a deceptive guy. Doesn't matter what his location is.
The green card leads to more weasels coming forth trying to con women. That's for sure.
But what I don't get in all this is...what was this guy doing in Pakistan? What were his credentials from there? Had he shown that he was responsibly caring for his family in Pakistan? These are actually better indicators of what a guy will do when he gets to the US. If he was mommy's boy living on inheritance money and the job was an easy phone call away from his dad's business connections, then that guy is not gonna make it in the USA. If he was busting his behind and a hard worker, and had great financial sense, and there was proof of that in Pakistan, that's different. And even then, there still is no guarantee.
There is NEVER a guarantee.
I hope you dont' get divorced. I hope things work out with him, and that he gains his senses and things start moving for him on the job front, and then I think your stress level will decrease when you have some real help, and you guys will actually enjoy your relationship. Maybe that's the angle your discussion with him should take. I think it is fair for you to let him know you're exhuasted doing the providing plus the household chores and cooking. It is a lot for ANYONE.