OK, so many people have to get some sort of mentorship or guidance on issues in life in general…such as marital problems, children realted situations, etc…
You can go to licensed and trained counselors, very readily available these days.
My question is, would it matter that a personal with multiple failed marriages is counseling you on how to live a happy married life? Or a person who had a terrible relationship with her mom is guiding on how to deal with a similar issue? Is professional training in that area sufficient or life experiences important as well?
But but but these so called professionals hide that information , by law they are not bound to tell anybody about their personal life and relationship details. So they are out there to make money. They give out of the book advice . They have no experience of mending the fences.
Take example of Dr. Laura , I used to be such a fan of her, I listened to her show regularly. Then one day I heard her lash out on Muslims out of the blue while she was responding to a lady's question about whether that lady should let her daughter visit a mosque with her class or something like that. That left a bad taste in my mouth , since I knew Dr. Laura is a Jew I did not get offended and did not stop listening to her radio show. But then I read about how her mothers dead body was found rotting in her apartment where this old and fragile lady was living a lonely life. I also read that Dr. Laura did not have a cordial relationship with her old and frail mother. Then I stopped listening to this so called relationships expert.
honeslty i would rather go to someone that has a good life experience. I mean, as with many other things, you need to fix your life first and be an EXAMPLE YOURSELF to have any credibility--especially if your being paid for it!
Yeahyeah, i guess in an ideal world it shouldn't matter, but in the real world it does--Ppl can't help but think certain logical things.
I know the Landers sisters also had many multiple failed marriages, and couldn't even get along with themselves. Did they lose credibility? Yeah. I mean I'd rather just listen to my mom who actually conducted her personal life a lot more successfully!
And how about people who give advice here in the forums?
You can look at it this way: people who have a failed marriage can davise you how NOT to do things. If they can look inwards and know where htey went wrong they can advise someone what not to do.
Usually im not in favor of unmarried people giving advice on marital matters (yes I know I was one of those people!). There are some exceptions, but for hte most part, no.
This reminds me of one of my friends. She’s not married but she likes to give advice on “marital” matters. If u know what i mean. :halo:
honeslty i would rather go to someone that has a good life experience. I mean, as with many other things, you need to fix your life first and be an EXAMPLE YOURSELF to have any credibility--especially if your being paid for it!
Yeahyeah, i guess in an ideal world it shouldn't matter, but in the real world it does--Ppl can't help but think certain logical things.
I know the Landers sisters also had many multiple failed marriages, and couldn't even get along with themselves. Did they lose credibility? Yeah. I mean I'd rather just listen to my mom who actually conducted her personal life a lot more successfully!
Oooh and the women who wrote "The Rules." they got edivorced didnt htey?
Sara, I hear you...but lets say on a public forum you hear advice from someone who had a failed marriage. You do respect and try to understand their point of view... but remember that you are only hearing one side of the story. But sometimes you can pick up on some alerts, big no nos and all that. So yes, this is a good place for collecting notes and definitely there are some valuable lessons.
Forget the unmarried ladies Sara, you hear so many girls who have never delivered tell you about labor pains and how they feel.
I gues it differs from person to person. Like one person, I might have alot of respect for them, so their words will weigh much more heavily for me…regardless of how their personal life may be. Whereas if someone else whom I don’t think highly of at all, i might not take anything they say seriously. But then you really have to “know” someone to do that. That’s not good is it?
would it matter that a personal with multiple failed marriages is counseling you on how to live a happy married life? Or a person who had a terrible relationship with her mom is guiding on how to deal with a similar issue? Is professional training in that area sufficient or life experiences important as well? <<<
If the person learns from his or her mistakes and tries to guide others using that experience than his/her advise should be taken seriously. Actually it holds more merit than others because failure often teaches you more than a success.
That being said if a person doesn't reflect on his wronged relationships and doesn't accept any responsibility than most likely he/she will give bad, self centered advise too.
Unfortunately, when seeking counsel people often are trying to reaffirm what they already believe rather than getting a fresh perspective on things.
I do think experience is important. Like they say, experience is the best teacher.
However, sometimes it doesnt hurt to take a look from an outsider's perspective. Someone who may not be in that particular situation may be able to offer you some rational advice...especially when you're not thinking clearly yourself.
Its pretty simple::: keep an open mind, take the good stuff and leave the bad.
Niksik - I would hear someone's advice but I would take it with a grain of salt before applying it to my life. I would rahter go to someone who knew what they were talking about.
A friend of mine was having martial issues so they started to go see a marraige counselor.
The counselor could not relate or help them because did not understand our culture, values, traditions etc. They ended up going to an Imam - that was able to help them more
This question is why I think it's so important to develop the skill of being a good judge of character. Someone with character and integrity can reflect on their experience in a smarter way, and regardless of their background, can be very good at pinpointing what things make a marriage work well, what's the best way NOT to speak to your mom about something, etc.
On the other hand you can find people in seemingly successful marriages, from seemingly 'good' families, etc., etc., who lack character or the ability to self-criticize and reflect.
