Staying with the same woman

Das_Reich · January 25, 2009, 5:07am

pretty much ....whats wrong with that

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I know this is not the nicest question..so anyway for how long are you going to rely on your bro, what will you do when gets busy in his life, wife, kids

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my brothers already have kids they are older than me ...i dont rely on them financially if thats what ur implying

Niksik · January 25, 2009, 5:07am

Re: Staying with the same woman

Das Reich, as a woman, i should pobably be mad at you for thinking like this, but I can understand the hesitation you may have especially if things didn't work out last time. I remember as kids, asking our parents...mom dad oh my God you've been together for so long, how do you guys tolerate each other! At that time sex wasn't even a thought. But eventually I got married, been married for almost 13 years now, and I must say that marriage isn't a smooth joyride all the time for sure. Everyone has their share of struggles and victories. But the blessing is the fact that you have a lifelong partner who is going in the same direction as you ... in fact there is no other person in this world who can share the exact same path as your spouse...not even your children, because one day they get married and go away. So you when you enter a marriage, you enter with positive expectations, with a committment to make it work no matter what. Yes sometimes people end up getting divorced if things were too tough, but in other cases people find good in each other, learn to fill each others gaps, become friends... the attraction thing is natural. You find out what your spouse likes, how he/she likes you to be, to appear...and there's other things. Believe me brother, if it was so hard, the concept of marriage would be a failure. The more you thing about it, the more complicated you will make it.

glamorous · January 25, 2009, 5:10am

then i think about dat
wut if where i work i meet a really handsome
guy who is sooo funny and is perfect

Das_Reich · January 25, 2009, 5:10am

its not very practical in this day & age unfortunately
i can get a second wife from a poor background but i know that my first wife will leave me if i do that even if doesnt want to her family will make her] as polygamy is thoughtof as the ultimate insult to women these days
i have thought of all options including legality of concubines /mutah but these things are not clearcut according to our times and there is a great danger of falling into sin /commiting fornication

_MuNiYa · January 25, 2009, 5:10am

Re: Staying with the same woman

insert shah rukh accent here

Baas ji apko kissi mey rab dikai ga tho apko bhi pyar ho ga

Das_Reich · January 25, 2009, 5:13am

why are u assuming that i "destroyed a poor girl's life"
do u know my ex wife? or the situation in which the divorce happened ?
u are just generalizing .....

Lusi · January 25, 2009, 5:13am

lolz

choti_jaan · January 25, 2009, 5:16am

Re: Staying with the same woman

so all you need a woman is for sex? Das REICH -"pretty much ....whats wrong with that"

What in the world am I supposed to think when you say something like that. That it's okay? Your an angel for thinking like that?

you say you respect women, that is not respect.

Monk · January 25, 2009, 5:16am

Re: Staying with the same woman

dude be with some one and move on!!
till you fell like if a women is keeping you for life she is doing YOU a favor.

choti_jaan · January 25, 2009, 5:16am

Re: Staying with the same woman

.

_MuNiYa · January 25, 2009, 5:17am

Re: Staying with the same woman

^^ english bolo man english

Reha · January 25, 2009, 5:18am

DR, I hate to be rude here but what exactly do you think marriage is? It doesnt sound like you're even close to ready for an emotional commitment. Im not saying you're going to ruin someone's life if you marry them, but you might if you marry them with this mindframe.

Maybe you're a man that is sought after? You think you're a good looking guy so you deserve to have a several women at your disposal? That there should be some sort of cure for this ailment you have of not being able to stay faithful to one woman? If you feel that one woman is not enough for you then my friend you havent really learned how to respect a woman.

I think I know what you need...you need a woman you respect and love. You may think respect and love dont belong together, but they sooo do. If I dont respect my husband, this marriage will not work. Ive been in a relationship where I loved the man but didnt respect him because of his lifestyle among other things and you know what happened? It ended up down in the dumps. What keeps people from cheating on each other? Respect for your spouse and the love you have for them...and the fact that you might go to hell if Allah swt doesnt forgive you for it.

You know what would stop me from leaving my husband or (God forbid) cheating on him? Knowing that Ill be butchering something so good and pure, I cant really expect to be happy after this. Knowing how much he loves me and what he does for me. Knowing how much pain I will cause someone who is so good to me, my parents, my sisters, etc. Its not always about physical attraction DR, it goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay deeper then that.

Im sorry DR, you've got a long way to go before you end up marrying someone. If you have trouble telling a woman how you feel and coming up with rational explanations as to why a relationship isnt working...you arent ready for a relationship. If you cant seem to understand such a basic concept, then you need to wait before getting married.

redvelvet · January 25, 2009, 5:19am

Well said Spock. A relationship (doesn't have to even be marriage) that is only based on superficial qualities such as physical appearance is not going to last long. And hopefully you'll take into account other qualities besides looks such as compatibility . And relationships evolve right? That initial attraction will hopefully develop into something stronger, resulting in a companionship that comes from being together for a long time.

I guess some people like the thrill of the chase and the excitement of new things. And there's no denying that is exciting. BUT there's a comfort in being with someone who has, over the years, come to know and understand you so well that you can be yourself completely around them. Kind of a like a close friend. Or an old favorite t-shirt that fits perfectly and is so familiar to you.

Even if you were to leave your spouse and find someone "new" and more "attractive," how long is it going to be before you find this "new hot model/item" boring as well?

And Das Reich, what if your potential life partner was to think that about you? Would you feel comfortable with the idea of her leaving you for a newer better model after a few years? If two people sincerely put all their effort into a relationship over the years, only to destroy what they have built because a beautiful stranger comes along, is that right? You do understand that even with this "new person" you're going to have to go through the SAME *charade of flirting, courtship, compromise, arguments that you went through with your spouse, aka the *"older model."

There are temptations everywhere; alcohol, drugs, gambling, adultery what have you. But do have to give in? You always have the choice to be ABOVE these things. And I believe that the desire to escape is a part of human nature. Sometimes you feel like escaping from work/boss, life's chores. Sometimes people feel like abandoning their loved ones. I'm sure even parents feel like getting away from their kids at times. BUT if you truly and sincerely love/care about someone, you'll find that what you have is too meaningful and important to give up/throw away so easily.

I don't know what "decision" it is that you have to make. But it's very natural to have doubts and second thoughts regarding marriage. After all, you're talking about a life-long commitment. So, maybe you should take some time out to think things out thoroughly before making such a huge commitment. If your goal is to forever be chasing beautiful butterflies, then forget about settling down if you feel that the temptation is too strong for you. Why hurt someone if you don't share the same goals with them. And if you desire something deeper, then sit down and think about what exactly it is that you want in a partner. Think about your priorities and evaluate the situation at hand before making a decision. Otherwise it can lead to hurtful consequences for you and the other person. Try praying Istikhara for guidance:)

_MuNiYa · January 25, 2009, 5:21am

Re: Staying with the same woman

Waisai BTW how would you feel if your dad was the author of is thread ---

And if he wouldnt ever write such a thing then you shoudl go ask him.

Monk · January 25, 2009, 5:22am

tum ko samajh meen naheen aaea munnia ki bachi ?

choti_jaan · January 25, 2009, 5:22am

well said. Ask your dad.

_MuNiYa · January 25, 2009, 5:22am

naa--
allah jaani kaun si language bolthai ho --

Monk · January 25, 2009, 5:24am

Re: Staying with the same woman

ani taraf sy to english hi try ki thi
you are so mean. :(

_MuNiYa · January 25, 2009, 5:26am

Re: Staying with the same woman

Acha na – zyada maath ho

you notice something PunchingMonk.. jiss thread mey you adn me hotai hai uss thread ka yogurt baan jatha hai?

we should really practice staying on topic.

Monk · January 25, 2009, 5:28am

Re: Staying with the same woman

ab ziada mod ship na bhigaro.
get me a samosa.