Staying single

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Staying single

its not easy for a girl to stay single now a dayz,our society our surroundings are not good for a single women.

42

Re: Staying single

What society, what surroundings? Where I live, it's totally fine - lots of women living single lives.

43

Re: Staying single

Fair enough, but what was she supposed to do? She was not networked in the community at all. Never met a potential at a younger age probably and now she is alone.

This is now a common trend especially with girls in the west increasingly building careers, and boys' families increasingly wary of such girls, prompting them to go Pakistan to get a wife. I've met plenty of guys, but they all have their nakhras too. There was a time when girls just said "Ok" to every demand by a guy's family and it doesn't happen anymore, unless there is a visa involved. That's why it's so easy to get a rishta from Pakistan for a boy, because those families are more willing to negotiate...well their girl gets a chance out of a very dangerous and unstable country, so "surprise surprise"

We're going to see a lot more cases, such as the one you described above, and instead of hating on that aunty, one should try and help her or...just don't criticize her at least. I doubt she woke up and said "I WANT TO BE ALONE".

I'm hypersensitive to this, because right now I am alone. But what I do is I try to keep a circle of friends, and when I need other friends, I make them. I have plenty of friends and family, plenty of nieces and nephews, and when I get old, well...guess what? I'm not going to sit alone, I'll do what I can to adopt and take care of the kids who are already in my family.

So, as I age, if I never get married, oh well. But I'm not gonna marry someone who has unreasonable demands. I met a perfectly nice guy, fine fob, but whatever, I was willing to overlook that but last time I saw him he had the nerve to say "Well I thought you were willing to move to Pakistan". I was like no. If that's what you want - why dont you look for a girl in Pakistan? Then you see guys who get married to girls from Pakistan, can't relate to them, and are now wanting to cheat - met a couple of those idiots as well.

I'd rather be alone, single, and yeah, coming home to an empty apartment in my 40's later on in life. I'm not going to be hitting on your husband or your husband or your husband. I've built a decent life for myself, and I'll keep myself busy with my hobbies and such. What's the difference, btw, between the woman in this scenario, and the woman who finds herself divorced and alone at 40, which you have to admit, there are a lot of those women out there too. You think they sit down and beg for friendships? No, they have friends, they have kids in their life, they have nephews and nieces and huge families. I have two aunts who NEVER got married, but they live with their extended families, and they keep themselves busy. They have a routine. They go to work, they come home, and they take care of their sibling's kids. They have LOTS of friendships, they go out, they have fun. And guess what? I'm gonna take care of my two old aunts as they are single and they age. In fact, went to Pakistan a few weeks ago for vacation where I met up with them. Assessed their home situation, they're all ok, they're doing fine. When things change, I'm bringing them to live with me.

In all this, I strongly believe it's better to be a good person and to work on your deen and iman, and work on your job and doing a GOOD JOB, having a good work ethic, living a healthy lifestyle, than necessarily getting married. Plenty of women who have gotten married ,that don't do any of that...now do I need to really be married into those sort of families that don't put any emphasis on the above?

No, thanks.

I'll marry when I meet the right person. Not gonna grovel to marry any moron that comes along needing a wife.

44

Re: Staying single

And the other thing is that I think there is a generational issue. The new generation of kids who have been born and raised in the US (can't speak for other countries) are more well-adjusted. They're generally educated, they're now going to college, they're getting scholarships, they're involved in their deen, they're involved in their local mosques, and they're active in their societies.

My generation - I can tell you that I was one of like 3 girls who got a professional degree ,and in my community, one of a handful of girls who went to a 4 year college. A lot of these same girls, who got married at 19, and 20, are sitting at home, and on facebook talking about the latest drama episode of some drama or other. Or they post pictures of some dessert they made at a party. Ok, fine they got married. A lot of those girls are now going back to get their associates, or something, because they're flat out bored sitting at home. One girl was like..."You did the right thing..cuz now I'm thirty and I'm like...well now what?" She's happily married with two beautiful children, and I said, what do you mean now what? You raise your kids, that's what..isnt that what you wanted?

She says at least I have goals and such, she doesn't have that.

Well, whatever, to each his own. Having a marriage is IMPORTANT, and having kids is IMPORTANT, but just because you dont get married at 25 doesn't mean life is over, and there is this TENDENCY in our pakistani community to assume as such, and that just speaks to what an ignorant community we are. I mean, this is the same community that finds it totally ok, that their city Karachi is being treated like someone's backyard toilet, no one has regard for law and order, and somehow instead of building values into their kids, their kids are running around acting like criminals phone snatching and such. So, do I really care about the standards of marriage set by this very community?

No one in their right mind should. There are so many kids in Pakistan who need a home, in fact, so many kids around the world. That if you find yourself approaching 40 and you have NO ONE in your life, then adopt a kid for crying out loud. Bring someone into your home. Go and babysit some elderly people in their homes. Go and volunteer somewhere. Go and travel and see the world that you wouldn't get to see if you were tied down by a family. GO AND LIVE A LITTLE.

shrugs

Baaqi making people feel bad that they're not married...that's something that jaahil dozakhi type laug do.

45

Re: Staying single

This is post of the day friend!

46

Re: Staying single

100% agreed.......... i was thinking the same...........

To OP
I know one lady who couldn't get married (she was very young when her parents died, she was independent and had very high demands for potential rishta and rejected all at that time). most of her life she used to live in hostel provided by her employers......... but after retirement she came back to karachi. I haven't heard any bad thing about her from our society and people (as people think that desi society is very conservative and they are very nosy type). But yes she owns a house but she can't live there alone. she spends most of her time with her widowed sister (who is my tayi by da way)............. and stays at other brothers and sisters house as well..........

My mother's cousins are unmarried too. They had high standards too for their husbands-to-be and didn't get a match according to their expectations. but they are independent women. All sisters live together..........

In both cases, women are not really happy with their status. They are repenting.
They think that they should have got married at the rite time. Obviously your friends and sibbling when get married, get busy in their life and they don't have enough time for you. When you are earning good money you think that you can live alone, but in reality it is not easy.

You can stay single........... but we all need companions or life partner to whom we can share our life. Its a natural need we all have. Staying single by choice is not a wise choice. But yes sometimes circumstances play a major role............. then in that case you should be independent.... so that you would not be a burden to anyone in middle age even to your parents or sibblings.

47

Re: Staying single

cutefifa, there's no saying that the women you talk of would be any happier with a douchebag.

Just sayin'. Maybe it wasn't that they were too picky. Why don't we look at the facts. The guys in our society, if you lined them up, are not all that entirely educated, not all that bright, and not all that moral. It DOESN'T surprise me that there are so many single desi girls. Who would agree to being married to a scumbucket? I wouldn't.

And just based on the statistics, some of us are just gonna get trashy proposals. Does that mean we go ahead and appreciate what we're getting and accept them? No. Hell no. There are a hundred better ways to live your life.

The women you speak of could have easily adopted in Pakistan, but there is honestly NO CULTURE of this in Pakistan, and it's sad, because it's honestly part of our deen. That way, they would not have been alone.

I had one aunt - distant cousin of my mother's - who was a doc in Pakistan. Never got married, she was too much of a tomboy to be serious about marriage. Never heard her regret it honestly. She adopted a boy, raised him, he's now a doc too, and he married and had kids, and so she has a bahu and grandkids all living with her, and she's happy as pie. Actually she is so old now, that she is happily retired and happily demented.

I have two close aunts, also unmarried. You wanna knock them down? Try to. They're strong women. Right now, one is carrying our remaining family in pakiland as she's the only one with a stable job. Her bro, my Uncle, was too busy playing cricket to get a real career and now his financial situation is sorta iffy. She may be a spinster, but she puts food on their table.

The other aunt, ran an entire charity school on her own, responsible for pulling A LOT of women out of poverty, and she is now a solid 70 years old, and I can tell you that I was OUT OF BREATH keeping up with her walking in the bazaars when I went to Pakistan a few weeks ago. I was SHOCKED. I'm like...a 70 year old ELDERLY WOMAN is walking faster than me...what the hell. She too provides a lot of the financial support in our family, and up to about age of 60 or so was running the family business on her own with her brothers and sisters just picking up the paychecks at the end of the month. Otherwise, she did the entire business on her own, and when one of her tenants tried screwing her, she took him to court too, and even threw a solid punch in his face at the age of 60 when he actually tried beating her up in public.

Neither of these women are unhappy that they're not married, they actually scoff that if they had gotten married based on the rishtas they got, that they'd have more work, because they'd be taking care of deadbeat husbands.

shrugs Are they gonna be alone as they get old? Nope. Cuz I'm gonna take care of them.

Kehdo society ko jo kuch kehna hai.

48

Re: Staying single

Oh and rahi baath of the girls in the family who DID get married. Let me tell you their stories, as if they're happy bee's.

  1. Cousin of mine - a doc - her husband gave her so much tension that she nearly lost her job; then went around telling everyone how she's a bad doc and THAT'S why the hospital was laying her off (such a supportive man, right? she TOTALLY should have married him), and with their marriage NEARLY ending in divorce with the beatings and physical fights that went on between them...TOBA. The only reason they're still married is they have a son and they're not remotely in love. She doesn't love him, she's just stuck with him now. He promised her it's ok for her to finish her residency, and then after marriage did a 180 on her upon his mom's assistance to get her to sit at home.

  2. Cousins of my father - both lawyers - married and then divorced. their in-laws wanted their attorney bahus to come home from court and do jharoo poncha like they were maids, mainly to demean them. They were asked to drop their jobs, despite that during marriage time, families all agreed that it's OK for the girls to finish their education and work.

Are we noticing a pattern here? Good.

  1. Another friend of mine - married out of med school. Not allowed to start a residency. Is not, after about 2-3 years later, and AFTER LEAVING THE COUNTRY TO GET AWAY FROM IN-LAWS, is now about to apply for residency after a lot of fighting with the in-laws.

Again, noticing a pattern here? Good.

  1. My phuphi - her in-laws are awful. Absolutely awful, treat her like trash. She sat at home her whole life and did khidmatein of her in-laws only to repeatedly get kicked in the face by these retards. Mind you, she is the only lady who is taking care of her MIL, even the MIL's own daughters wont help. Her only reward, after raising two solid boys, she's finally able to purchase that nice new lawn print, because her sons now make enough to buy it for her. Her in-laws never even gave her that much respect. I just gifted the lady a pretty lawn suit, I bet that was her best gift of the year.

  2. My khala - finally kicked her BIL out of her home after a solid, what ? 40 years of marriage or so? The BIL lived upstairs, treated my aunt like his effin maid, while her husband just stood aside and let it happen. He comes downstairs and wants chai - she has to get it for him; he needs something upstairs fixed, she's gotta figure out how to get it done; and then he would talk to her like she was some piece of crap. So upsetting. Even when she was trying to set up a rishtaa for her son, her own BLOOD, her in-laws, (who happen to be related to the son by the way) were doing everything to stop the rishtaa from happening telling people the boy's mom (my aunt) is no good. The boy was a good catch too, should have been married like 5 years ago, but his own dad's side of the family kept blocking things.

Getting the picture?

:)

Yeah, being married can be no fun if you married into a bad family, or your husband is a bad person. In that case, I think a lot of the above women would have been happier if they WAITED for a better rishtaa, or if they were just single...they would have been more productive instead of wasting their time on family feuds.

49

Re: Staying single

The other thing is that if girls were just way more selective and not accepting of any random nonsense, then I think it would force our men and their families to fix their ways when they realized they'd have trouble getting rishtas for their sons. Right now, your son could be a total crass jerk, and you'll SOMEHOW find a bride for him. You know why? Because as long as there is money involved, there will be some girl's family who will be ok with it.

The minute our families quit this line of thinking, I think you'd see it MORE FASHIONABLE for boys to be better people. Quit screwing around, get their edumacation, act like decent kids with some manners, and be respectful.

Right now, dunno, maybe it's just my generation of kids who were the first to be brought up in America, but I see a lot of guys who are ethnically confused.

  1. Homeboy - homie only knows ebonics, and somehow forgot to learn English in school
  2. College drop out
  3. Better yet. What-Is-College?-Boy...now running your nearby 7-11 with his dad.
  4. Gas station cowboy. Never went to school, and the only thing he pumps these days is the gasoline in your car.
  5. The full American convert - drinks, parties, has seen more arse than any guy you'd know, living the life. Only connection with the culture he has is maybe his mom comes over his bachelor pad and cooks him a samosa and then tells him what a wonderful boy he came out to be...Islam? What is that?
  6. OTT Mullah. Dude is raised in the USA, but thinks everything down to the rug in your apartment is fitnai and biddah.

I know. I'm talking about exceptions. Sure. Whatever. I see these characters ALL THE TIME.

Someone save me from my life, seriously.

50

Re: Staying single

Oh and should I add to this. The dude who is FAT. Oh my lord, men go to the GYM. Work out. Have you not heard the work-out song???

I WORK OUT!!!!!

Or just eat fewer kabas...anything...anything...oh my God, just fix that waist line...
cannot be having sex with that much charbi on you. i dunno how mechanically feasible that is...

51

Re: Staying single

sounds like zero good men in the family. sup with that, pcg?

52

Re: Staying single

I love it. I cant read what you're saying in reply to my stories. Just LOVE this ignore feature.

53

Re: Staying single

^ LOL.

Btw, most of your posts= harsh realities of life. I wish people had the guts to stand against these stupid expectations.

One gem i had like to share here. Few weeks back got a rishta which came with a condition that the girl should bring in ateast 15 crore worth of property/jewellery because her son was “foreign” educated and the guy’s mother had given her daughter property worth 20 crores just last year on her wedding :smack: so she is basically expecting others to payback:halo:.

54

Re: Staying single

PCG, you honestly need to lighten up a little. Notice how you take the best case scenario when talking about those ladies who stayed single. On the other hand, you take the worst case scenario in the case of married ladies. How is that a fair comparison?

I recently read an article about public discourse in the west in reagrds to iran. They make iran out to be a big menace in order to justify taking out their nuclear facilities. When someone points out that Iran will not take it lying down, they try to minimize the threat it could pose if attacked.

I have been around about 6 years now. I have noticed that you seem to have a negative attitude towards desi men. How are you supposed to find something positive when your perceptions are so negative? When one has a negative perception, they're always looking for that one fault to justify to themselves how right they were. So they might find a guy who has many many qualities but as soon as they find one fault, they go 'aha, I knew it.'

55

Re: Staying single

Oh well, ok, fine. Lots of nice guys out there. They happen to be taken. And a lot of them are in the older generation of men who are in my parents' generation - they got better educated, better schooling, learned a totally different etiquette system in school in Pakistan, and those guys are of a different breed.

For example. Dad went to a convent school in pakiland - that same convent school is now producing still some decent men, but for the most part, their vocabulary, their speaking, their style, their etiquette....all shows that standards have been lowered.

I have a bunch of guy friends who I've gone to school with - most of them are AMAZING catches, and many are married, and make for awesome nice husbands.

Looking for a lady friend for a couple of my guy friends as well. So I'm not against desi men in general. Met a couple of guys who I think were good, but circumstances didn't allow for things to work out.

I'm born in America, and in some ways an ABCD, and in some ways a FOB, and so guys who are extreme on either end don't appeal to me, and I dont think most guys have some decent meausre of desi AND american in them. There are a handful of muslim desi men who are really awesome, but they tend to get married early anyway - back when we were in college, those guys were settling down, mainly cuz they didn't wanna end up sleeping around out of temptation. So they took their responsibilities as men seriously, and started families early. Most of them, as far as I know, are still with their wives.

So maybe I'm seeing the trash that's leftover? I don't know. But I can tell you there is no reason for these guys to exist.

Just another example. Sitting on a dating site right now in the background, dude messages me and we're talking, and I HAPPEN to mention, Yeah, it's hard to work out now, I used to work out when younger, and I was wayyy prettier back then. Then he keeps harping on me showing a picture. Doesn't wanna talk to me. Doesn't wanna get to know me. Just asks me if I'm gonna show him an old picture. I'm like, why do you need to see an old picture - look at the one that's already up, and that's what I look like now. But nope, perv wanted to see an old picture, prolly just to jack off or something.

That was the end of that conversation.

So, please tell me where are the normal guys, and where do I meet them? Because in general, I'm seeing a lot of garbage on the online sites. And there are no real life events to go meet guys. Like none. No single muslim mingling events in this town at all, and we're FILLED WITH DESI MUSLIMS...LIKE FILLED WITH DESI MUSLIMS...yet no events.

So sad, but oh well. I'd rather be single than be married to the dude perving on me online.

Just sayin'.

56

Re: Staying single

In our society, men are usually the ones working hard to put food on the table. How are they not educated, not bright and not moral? Asians are among the brightest students/employees in any part of the world. Come on now, PCG, even the most racist comedians will put down anything about us but the intelligence bit :phati: y’know the indians & computers, and the chinese & numbers jokes…

57

Re: Staying single

@PyariCgudia](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/members/pyaricgudia.html)

Seems like you are in denial and are seeking instances to validate your hypothesis. I don’t see a single such example in my family or friends (of couples breaking up or having a bad marriage). Maybe you should start looking for guys from Pakistan if you cant find one where you live.

What!?!

runs to apply for a foreign degree

58

Re: Staying single

Well the more shocking that is that there are people who are ok complying to such ill demands. I don't have an issue with these people if they want to give their kids this much money/property or even more but the inlaws have no right to make such demands. Plus it only tells what kind of people they must be to be making such demands and God forbid if you loose that status, they are bound to not value you. So why get into such a retarted family?

59

Re: Staying single

You are absolutely correct. One should stay far far away from such people. Sorry to hear that you had to go through such dbags. Hope you get a suitable match soon.

60

Re: Staying single

Thanks and Aameen:flower1:.