Paheli, you admitted above that "there is nothing to directly prove" that OP and her husband ever did drugs or that they'd be into it. And that's exactly my point. The peas in the pod remark reads as the Urdu equivalent of "tum dono to aik jaisay ho." Despite the "odds" that you're clinging to, there's still nothing concrete to back up your accusation. At best it is a suspicion and a judgment or casting of an aspersion about Op's character. That's really all that it is and it doesn't help the Op. Even if your suspicion proved correct, you may enjoy the satisfaction of being right...but there's nothing meaningful to be gained from it.
Going to a music party and also partaking of the drugs is probably less immoral than judging people who go to music parties and partake of the drugs.
That's an interesting question, Southie. And for the sake of argument, I think it can be tough to determine which sin is more or less immoral. It can depend on the situation. The fact is that we all judge. And in some situations, it can be a good thing. For example, when you are considering someone for marriage or employment or deciding whether or not to befriend a person, knowledge of the individual's habits and inclinations can provide valuable insight. There are sins that don't go beyond oneself. There are sins which have the potential to put the well-being of others in jeopardy and that tends to be a very real risk when one's senses are impaired. Anyhow, ur post provided food for thought, hence my rambling.
That's really all that it is and it doesn't help the Op. Even if your suspicion proved correct, you may enjoy the satisfaction of being right...but there's nothing meaningful to be gained from it.
LOL you truly believe OP is going to gain something "meaningful" from ANYTHING anyone writes here (including your posts)? OK....sure. You keep believing that if it you makes you feel better. I'll just wait for the next thread OP opens where the underlying issues of her life are the same.
Can't say if OP is serious or not. But the bigger picture is
1) give benefit if the doubt (unless 100 pct clear someone is trolling )
2) There may be people in similar situations (not exact). And suggestions offered may help others even if OP may appear to be a troll (stating in general, not this specific OP)
LOL you truly believe OP is going to gain something "meaningful" from ANYTHING anyone writes here (including your posts)? OK....sure. You keep believing that if it you makes you feel better. I'll just wait for the next thread OP opens where the underlying issues of her life are the same.
If we all believed that no good was to ever come from what we write then what would be the point of writing it?
If we all believed that no good was to ever come from what we write then what would be the point of writing it?
Well on GS, not everyone writes believing or intending that their writing carry some deep, meaningful words for the initial poster. And not all OP's are ready for change. People write here either to genuinely give advice and/or for simple conversation/time pass. If we started cleaning up posts b/c "no good" is coming out of the writing, at least 50% of the forum would be gone.
Well on GS, not everyone writes believing or intending that their writing carry some deep, meaningful words for the initial poster. And not all OP's are ready for change. People write here either to genuinely give advice and/or for simple conversation/time pass. If we started cleaning up posts b/c "no good" is coming out of the writing, at least 50% of the forum would be gone.
notice I used the phrase "if we all believed".....
the simple belief that we are doing someone some good has got to be motivation, no?
of course there is no way, except a member's repeated posts showing the same behaviour, to confirm whether or not advice is being adopted.....and there's no knowing whether it's the OP actually adopting or, perhaps someone else that's just reading....
Just don a cocktail dress and go rave with your SO. I am pretty sure that girl do wear such stuff underground while covering up in public.
Problem solved!
PS Give your husband an ultimatum that he can party with his "shexy wife" or can party with his "guys". You'll know he is straight by what he does next.
LOL you truly believe OP is going to gain something "meaningful" from ANYTHING anyone writes here (including your posts)? OK....sure. You keep believing that if it you makes you feel better. I'll just wait for the next thread OP opens where the underlying issues of her life are the same.
I completely disagree. You don't know and you should never assume the emotional state of OP at the time of posting. What we say DO have an impact. Sure, everybody takes it in differently but even if there is one out of 10 posters who genuinely acts upon your suggested ideas, you are making a difference. It takes courage to post a personal issue on a public forum so please be mindful
Just don a cocktail dress and go rave with your SO. I am pretty sure that girl do wear such stuff underground while covering up in public.
Problem solved!
PS Give your husband an ultimatum that he can party with his "shexy wife" or can party with his "guys". You'll know he is straight by what he does next.
Best idea. That's what you should do, OP. I know I would.
It's nice that you've found the right guy but I think you guys should have waited. For some people early 20s is too early because they are not equipped to deal with adult relationships. Love is useless without maturity and patience.
So, what is the "ideal age"? I ask because I think that for many people, that age never comes. There is a reason that marriage is a sunnat, NOT a farz, in islam.
No we're not two peas in a pod. I've never been to any party in my life. Or a disco or club or bar. However i know he loves this techno kind of music and I'd like to be next to him whenever he goes to any such place even if it's not something I enjoy.
As far as drugs are concerned.. No we're not druggies. He's done it 2-3 times.. And he knows it's very wrong and he's admitted it to me.
I'm not at all okay with drugs. And he too agrees it's a wrong thing to do and he should never do it.
So please all of you stop judging. And my husband knows very well how much I detest the idea of him and drugs. He knows well that ill leave him if this continues.
Also I take advise given by each one of you seriously.
I agree with Tempe5t.
I feel all of what happened was a reaction to how things have been between us. I have said alot of hurtful things to him for which I apologized but the reaction had to happen.
Things are better now. We are keeping minimal contact and have met a few times for formal things like stage selection. Clothes fitting. And in presence of family.
Things I've realised
1 he has no doubts about me not being there for him he thinks he can treat me like **** and ill be there. This needs to change. He needs to know I won't be there for him.
2 I need to think before I speak and choose my battles. I have argued about a lot of things which don't matter in long run but may have hurt him and us.
3 I need to show him the respect and love he deserves.. I have realised that he feels he doesn't get the respect that he deserves.
4 when we're angry we need to stay away so we don't say anything to each other.
I said bad things to his friends ( his friends force him to go to parties) and then I get angry at them and say bad things ( which backfired obviously.
5 I pray and hope when we live together we realise that we are married and all the responsibilities that come with it. We both have taken our relationship for granted. We don't take it seriously..
6 we need to have boundaries we never cross. Once one person crosses them other person will cross them at some point.
These are the things I have felt need to be changed.. Please add or subtract.
And please refrain from judging. Anyone can go though things like I have. We are all old enough to understand the reality of life and how to tackle it. I'm not good at handling relationships but with help from all of you I can improve. Thank you all.