Re: Speechless
Moving on or splitting up is not always the best solution nor should it be the first resort. There will be many, many times in a marriage where either the husband or the wife (or both) will be unreasonable, or petty, or selfish, or act immaturely.
Clearly, without a doubt, the guy was wrong. But nevertheless there are a few positives. For example, he has the ability to think about his actions and apologize for them. Not everyone can humble themselves enough to do this. According to Op, he is typically not like this and that's a good thing as well. Lastly, while it was wrong of him to give the room to his friends, at least he stuck to his decision of not attending the rave party.
Newbee13, you said that "lately" he has been snippy with you. So you need to think about what you have been doing in the past few days and weeks that is making him upset. Have you been complaining a lot about his family or his home and other things? Have you been needy or clingy? Have you been demanding or uncompromising? Think about your own behavior and actions; maybe you went wrong somewhere.
You both need to stop giving first priority to material things, stupid cultural formalities, and other people over your marriage. And before expecting a change in your spouse, you need to make that change within yourself first. Sometimes what happens is that when you behave pettily, your partner may keep that in heart and get back at you for it later. So, you have to pick and choose your battles.
It's possible that maybe he fears losing his freedom to marriage. In which case, give him some space to hang out with his friends.
You are now questioning if he is the right guy, but isn't it a bit too late to do that if you're already married to him?
You seem to have some idea as to where your mistakes are. You admitted that you let him talk to you however he wants. Next time calmly let him know that you will talk to him when he can speak respectfully like an insaan. Then give him silence and space and go about your life. Let him be the one to reach out to you first sometimes. You told him that you love him after this recent argument. Umm...why? I personally think that was unnecessary. And then you were bummed that he didn't say "I love you" back. It's okay to tell him that we'll work through this but don't reward him with lovey-dovey affection when he's behaved like a jerk. It sends him the subconscious message that he can treat you however he wants and you'll always be receptive to him.
You asked about what you should talk to him about. Well, if I were you...I would tell him that lately I've noticed that he's been annoyed with me and that is there anything wrong that I did so that I can improve upon that. Then I'd let him know how his words made me feel and how we shouldn't have that sort of communication in a marriage because first of all it's a gunnah and secondly it shatters the trust and respect you have for your partner. And that if it continues or if it's going to become a habit, then maybe the parents should be involved in the future. But don't reward him with verbal affection when he's being an idiot.
