I haven’t written in a while. I understood the advice each one of you gave. I decided to be patient. Not whine. And to let go of things and love.
Things were going well for us.. Then suddenly his friend told him there is a rave in Lahore. ( Dance party where people take ecstacy and dance all night) and he wanted to go.. Firstly I don’t like him going to parties like that esp without me.
Secondly it was my friends wedding in the same dates and he was dancing and he had previously committed to going with me.
When he told me about the rave..I told him he’s a married man he knows what he should do. He insisted I give my feedback.. So I told him 1 it’s almost a month till we get married so he should not be doing things that hurt me to a huge extent. He realises that they are not a good thing. Anyway I told him that he committed with my friends to dance it will be too embarrassing for me. After a long argument he said he will decide. I said ok..
Next day he messaged saying he’s not going. I was happy about it. Then I called him confirm my booking of room for the walima as it’s in a different city (same city as the rave but parallel dates) ( I asked him a night before to book the room as before I wasn’t sure where I’d stay) he said he had already booked the room for rave for himself and friends. He’s not going but his friends are n they want the booking so I can’t cancel it.. I said where will I stay? He said I can’t be so selfish that I’d kick my friends out. They can’t sleep on the road. I got hurt and I said your wife will sleep on the road and hung up.
After that he messaged me that he’s not coming for today’s dance practice. I said ok.. And then he said I’m not appreciative enough. He’s not my slave. I’m leaving my house that’s normal every girl does that.
I replied that I never said your my slave. And I am very grateful to you. And you don’t know now a girl feelings when she’s leaving her home for another family.
He didn’t reply.. At night I called him once he said he’ll call later and then messaged that we will only fight because he’s upset about rave. I told him I never forced him to stay.
Anyway at night I was feeling very shaken by the hotel comments.. I messaged him that I’m very hurt because I’m his wife and he should prefer where a girl will stay regardless of who she is over a guy. Guys can stay anywhere. I told him I’m shocked and no not contact me. When I woke up he messaged that I’m selfish I want to ruin his friendship. He didn’t go to rave and mein bakwas na karon. My friends are not even his ****. He won’t come on the mehndi unless I apologize and beg him I didn’t reply. Aroundy7 mehndi time he started calling I didn’t pick I had friends around and I didn’t want to talk to him. He said alot of fuk to me in messages and told me if I don’t pick we r done. I didn’t respond.
At night when I got home I called him he was asleep and didn’t pick up.
He messaged me to fuk off and he doesn’t want to talk to me and he won’t come on barat. And I better not be tagged in any fb pictures otherwise he will write bad comments.
Please comment. I have no energy to understand or comprehend.
What the hell is wrong with him? He needs to grow a pair. Seriously, if you were only engaged to him I would tell you break it off. What sort of guy says you better not be tagged in pics, otherwise I'll write bad comments. That doesn't sound like a guy that is married, that sounds like some immature 15 year old boy, you know what that is insulting to 15 year olds, I've seen better behaved 15 year olds than the way this guy is speaking to you.
He won't come on the mehndi unless I apologize and beg him **I didn't reply. Aroundy7 mehndi time he started calling I didn't pick I had friends around and I didn't want to talk to him. **He said alot of fuk to me in messages and told me if I don't pick we r done. I didn't respond.
At night when I got home I called him he was asleep and didn't pick up.
**He messaged me to fuk off **and he doesn't want to talk to me and he won't come on barat. And I better not be tagged in any fb pictures otherwise he will write bad comments.
You have been married barely a month. This should be the honeymoon phase and this is how he's acting? He's already verbally abusive to you and has resorted to emotional blackmail in order to get what he wants.
Honestly, I think you need to tell your parents exactly what happened, pack your bags and go to their home. Send your husband an e-mail politely letting him know that you will not stay in a situation where you are being verbally abused. Let him know that when he is ready to discuss the situation in a mature manner, without name calling and threats, he should contact you and the two of you will talk. And let him know that he really needs to think about his priorities and if he thinks his friends come before you, then you two need to discuss the future of this marriage. If you choose to continue staying with him without insisting that this issue get resolved, that will give him the impression that it's ok to treat you like crap b/c you will put up with it and it will only get worse.
There are BIG warning signs for you. Please sort this out before he gets worse and/or you get pregnant.
I haven't written in a while. I understood the advice each one of you gave. I decided to be patient. Not whine. And to let go of things and love.
Things were going well for us.. Then suddenly his friend told him there is a rave in Lahore. ( Dance party where people take ecstacy and dance all night) and he wanted to go.. Firstly I don't like him going to parties like that esp without me.
Secondly it was my friends wedding in the same dates and he was dancing and he had previously committed to going with me.
When he told me about the rave..I told him he's a married man he knows what he should do. He insisted I give my feedback.. So I told him 1 it's almost a month till we get married so he should not be doing things that hurt me to a huge extent. He realises that they are not a good thing. Anyway I told him that he committed with my friends to dance it will be too embarrassing for me. After a long argument he said he will decide. I said ok..
Next day he messaged saying he's not going. I was happy about it. Then I called him confirm my booking of room for the walima as it's in a different city (same city as the rave but parallel dates) ( I asked him a night before to book the room as before I wasn't sure where I'd stay) he said he had already booked the room for rave for himself and friends. He's not going but his friends are n they want the booking so I can't cancel it.. I said where will I stay? He said I can't be so selfish that I'd kick my friends out. They can't sleep on the road. I got hurt and I said your wife will sleep on the road and hung up.
After that he messaged me that he's not coming for today's dance practice. I said ok.. And then he said I'm not appreciative enough. He's not my slave. I'm leaving my house that's normal every girl does that.
I replied that I never said your my slave. And I am very grateful to you. And you don't know now a girl feelings when she's leaving her home for another family.
He didn't reply.. At night I called him once he said he'll call later and then messaged that we will only fight because he's upset about rave. I told him I never forced him to stay.
Anyway at night I was feeling very shaken by the hotel comments.. I messaged him that I'm very hurt because I'm his wife and he should prefer where a girl will stay regardless of who she is over a guy. Guys can stay anywhere. I told him I'm shocked and no not contact me. When I woke up he messaged that I'm selfish I want to ruin his friendship. He didn't go to rave and mein bakwas na karon. My friends are not even his ****. He won't come on the mehndi unless I apologize and beg him I didn't reply. Aroundy7 mehndi time he started calling I didn't pick I had friends around and I didn't want to talk to him. He said alot of fuk to me in messages and told me if I don't pick we r done. I didn't respond.
At night when I got home I called him he was asleep and didn't pick up.
He messaged me to fuk off and he doesn't want to talk to me and he won't come on barat. And I better not be tagged in any fb pictures otherwise he will write bad comments.
Please comment. I have no energy to understand or comprehend.
LMAO! I have to hand it to you. I think this is the best thread you could have come up with, compared to your other pages worth threads you've started in the past. Very entertaining.
You have been married barely a month.
Sorry to correct you Paheli, but she's been nikahfied for like 7 years and her rukhsati is in a month. OP's the one who's had a problem with buying her own bedroom set, and wasn't happy that she would get the smallest room in the house with no closets at all.
Sorry to correct you Paheli, but she's been nikahfied for like 7 years and her rukhsati is in a month. OP's the one who's had a problem with buying her own bedroom set, and wasn't happy that she would get the smallest room in the house with no closets at all.
Ah ok.....I forgot about the 7 years nikah part. But I do remember her....issues....with the bedroom set.
Regardless of OP's own....tantrums.....I still do not believe she deserves to be verbally abused. These things generally tend to escalate over time. If he's telling her to "F off" now...who knows what he will do 1 year from now. I remember OP mentioning issues with her in-laws before but I don't recall her everyone that the guy himself was treating her badly. And how that she's living with him, he seems to be changing rapidly.
Either way....if OP doesn't want this to get worse....she needs to put her foot down and deal with it.
Not sure why OP is being scorned here (maybe scorn is too strong)
Re the history I think as humans we do take it to heart when there is unequal treatment. The behavior of her husband in the past month is not her fault.
@Pisiform gulcharre udane jate hain aajkal ke ladke ladkiya..satyananash ho..aag lage is rave party ke jinn me..gana bjate hn..aunty police bula legi.. bt party yun hi chalegi..ruk jao nasmito..party baloN ! hum lagayen phone tumaye mataai-baap ko? (hame to kisi ne invite kiya hi ni ajtak, bad bad friends)
Not sure why OP is being scorned here (maybe scorn is too strong)
.
You are right. There is nothing funny about the post. We shouldn't derive amusement or entertainment from other people's problems or trials...even if we believe them to be partly or fully responsible for the mess that they are in. By doing so...who knows...we may end up inviting troubles into our own life...if not of a marital nature then perhaps of another nature.
Op, maybe his friends brainwashed him about being a whipped husband or he's fearing losing the freedom he enjoyed in his singledom. Just a guess. Neither of these reasons justify the poor response he gave you.
It's a good thing that he decided against going to the rave party even after letting his friends have the room. I wonder how you reacted when he told you this. Did you explode at him...which may have agitated him further. Perhaps if you had calmly asked him, "Well if ur friends are going to stay in the room you booked, could you please book me another room?...he may have given a better response. I'm not blaming you; what he did was wrong. But when one partner is acting like a child, the other has to push themselves to remain level headed and not lose their cool.
Is this the first time that he has behaved this way or is it a frequent problem? I agree with Paheli. Send him an email and be careful how you word it. As tempting as it may be, don't use a condescending or abrupt tone. Tell him that when he's cooled down, that he should call you and that you two can work thru the issues together. And let's see how he responds. If he's open to communication, then you need to address the issue of how conflicts should be managed in the future...ie without hurling gaaliyan. If he inclined toward deen, then discussing the marriage from a deeni pov may be helpful. If he continues to disrespect you even while you remain calm, then it's time to get your parents involved and to seek their guidance.
Not sure why OP is being scorned here (maybe scorn is too strong)
Re the history I think as humans we do take it to heart when there is unequal treatment. The behavior of her husband in the past month is not her fault.
You are right. There is nothing funny about the post. We shouldn't derive amusement or entertainment from other people's problems or trials...even if we believe them to be partly or fully responsible for the mess that they are in. By doing so...who knows...we may end up inviting troubles into our own life...if not of a marital nature then perhaps of another nature.
Perhaps you two are referring to my post. I'm going to have a sense of grand-iose for a minute or two, and assume so. So let me clarify my post, if it wasn't clear for you two. I am not making fun of her. Instead I am implying that the OP is being the biggest troll of the month (or 6 months, who knows), on here, these forums, and is merely making up a situation just to mess with all of us, and is instead sitting on her (or his! who knows?) chair and is laughing his/her head off at how seriously we are taking "her" post. Please, both of you put on your reading glasses and re-read my post. No where did I imply in my post that what she is going through is what she deserved.
No need for anyone to come on their high horses and defend the damsel in distress for any implied offense on their character, on their behalf.
Perhaps you two are referring to my post. I'm going to have a sense of grand-iose for a minute or two, and assume so. So let me clarify my post, if it wasn't clear for you two. I am not making fun of her. Instead I am implying that the OP is being the biggest troll of the month (or 6 months, who knows), on here, these forums, and is merely making up a situation just to mess with all of us, and is instead sitting on her (or his! who knows?) chair and is laughing his/her head off at how seriously we are taking "her" post. Please, both of you put on your reading glasses and re-read my post. No where did I imply in my post that what she is going through is what she deserved.
No need for anyone to come on their high horses and defend the damsel in distress for any implied offense on their character, on their behalf.
I can't justify regarding your doubts. All my problems have been true and are not made up. I do not have any wishes of being in such unfortunate situation.
If you continue to have doubts. You can inbox me and we can talk. It might help in clarifying things.
No he has never been abusive with me. Maybe once a long time back.
He's not an abusive person that's why I'm in shock. I believe it is his friends who are brainwashing him because they are unmarried.. And one friend got married and he never meets them so maybe the friends are now thinking he'll do the same.
I do not know what to do. I have been trying my best but lately everything I do makes him angry.
Our last fight was a week back when I messed up the honeymoon booking dates. He didn't abuse but used alot of sarcasm. ( It was his job to do the booking not mine)
Later he apologized and told me i only did his job.
I told my sister about the situation as I was avoiding posting here. My sister was blank regarding solution but told me it's probably the wedding stress on both ends.
I do not want to make a mistake by marrying him if he's the wrong guy.. But I don't know how I'll find out.
If I message him to discuss matters.. What do I talk about?
Perhaps you two are referring to my post. I'm going to have a sense of grand-iose for a minute or two, and assume so. So let me clarify my post, if it wasn't clear for you two. I am not making fun of her. Instead I am implying that the OP is being the biggest troll of the month (or 6 months, who knows), on here, these forums, and is merely making up a situation just to mess with all of us, and is instead sitting on her (or his! who knows?) chair and is laughing his/her head off at how seriously we are taking "her" post. Please, both of you put on your reading glasses and re-read my post. No where did I imply in my post that what she is going through is what she deserved.
No need for anyone to come on their high horses and defend the damsel in distress for any implied offense on their character, on their behalf.
Thank you very much.
How do you know for sure that she is trolling? I don't think she is and I've read her former posts. Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. I am inclined to believe that when a member also seeks advice outside of the threads, then they're likely not trolling. High horse? Horse to door ki baat hai; I am not fit to even ride a donkey, lol. Mohtarma, I don't think that my character is superior to yours. I am no farishta. I've made my fair share of slip-ups on the forum; you can go looking for my idiocies if you'd like and you'll find many. I didn't assume that you thought she "deserved" her predicament. However, in a general way, I did say that even if a reader thought that OP was partly to blame for the mess she's in due to her poor decisions and judgment (as reflected in her former threads), it's still more disturbing than funny that things are this bad with a valima around the corner. She said that she's tried to implement the advice people gave her, but I think this recent scenario is something that even she didn't see coming.
I am not "defending" her. Defending Op would mean showing support or solidarity for her actions and I have not done that in this thread. I just gave her suggestions which were along the same lines as Paheli.
But what are you defending? Are you defending your open expression of finding entertainment in her predicament? Is it an achi baat, or is it a sahi andaaz? Is the choice of words proper, sensitive, or beneficial? If you believe it is all of these things, then great. In that case my apologies; maybe my sense of humor is impaired and needs fixing among other things.