I know its Islamically wrong to say “uff” in frnt of my parents. I have done it before and i regret doing it and dont want to do it again.
On the other hand my dad is pushing me to do it. Feel like my head will explode. My parents r showing no respect, I am getting jealous of my siblings when i see how i get treated. My dad has got me emotionally and financially disturbed, he is not reasonable enough so i cant discuss a matter with him. He uses all the islamic quotes to tell us how we r wrong but doesnt even think that ALLAH will ask him about being unfair too.
Am i Islamically allowed to speak up and tell my dad he is doing wrong.
Hmm...well, I guess, your father took it negatively. Why don't you go and tell him that what he said about your wife "marrying locally" really hurt her? See what he says. InshaAllah, he'll realize his comment.
But, I still don't think it was that big of a remark that it made your wife cry. If this happens a lot in your family, and may Allah Ta'ala stop this, then you should tell your wife to not take every little thing too seriously.
You definitely need to talk to your parents about this. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you have to be badtameez towards them. Just talk to them in a mature manner and if they continue with this unfair behaviour, you might have to consider living separately. But once you sit down and talk to them without losing your cool, I'm sure many misunderstandings will be taken care of.
I know I would want my husband to do something about it if I was in a similar situation. So you must talk to them regardless of whatever they might think/say. Ask them to leave your wife out of this and first discuss why they treat you the way they do. Did you unknowingly upset them or are they just scared of losing you now that you're married? Tell them love multiplies, not divides. Your love for your wife doesn't mean you love them any less. It seems like you MashaAllah respect and care for your parents so make it clear to them that you'll always be there for them provided they love and respect you and your wife too.
Islam ask us to stand up against wrong and if that wrong is one of the parent, you should speak up but at the same time, Islam ask us to be polite with parents. So formula is speak-up politely.
I know its Islamically wrong to say "uff" in frnt of my parents. I have done it before and i regret doing it and dont want to do it again.
On the other hand my dad is pushing me to do it. Feel like my head will explode. My parents r showing no respect, I am getting jealous of my siblings when i see how i get treated. My dad has got me emotionally and financially disturbed, he is not reasonable enough so i cant discuss a matter with him. He uses all the islamic quotes to tell us how we r wrong but doesnt even think that ALLAH will ask him about being unfair too.
Am i Islamically allowed to speak up and tell my dad he is doing wrong.
Islam ask us to stand up against wrong and if that wrong is one of the parent, you should speak up but at the same time, Islam ask us to be polite with parents. So formula is speak-up politely.
This is why i cant talk to him, My wife has really bad image in front of my parents. She is been working on it for 6 months. We try to take everything and not talk back
You will need to take a look at the broader picture. Why is that your wife has a bad image? If its because you had a love marriage, then I think you and your wife will bear all this for life. If the bad image is because of one particular incident, you can clear things up with your dad regarding that incident. Small issues and arguments can be because of one major cause. You might need to look for that cause. Try to find out why your dad does not feel the same as he feels for other DILs. Discussing in a polite tone with parents is permissible in Islam and you can convey your concerns to your dad but in a manner that you do not lose respect for him. Perhaps you can convey your concerns through your mom or any other brother/ sister with whom your dad is more closer.
I've heard that if your parents are doing something un-Islamic, you have the right to go against them.
As far as saying "Uff" is concerned....i think think that most of us, if not all of us, have fired an uff or worse when dealing with our parents. The littlest things can drag you to hell...the littlest things can take you to heaven. I don't know how judgment is going to play out for all of us in the end.
I've heard that if your parents are doing something un-Islamic, you have the right to go against them
Yes I heard that too, your not allowed to do outright rebellion but you are permitted to explain to them thier wrongs and make good your escape if they persist in bad ways.
However I think the best way to diffuse arguments with Parents is to accept what they say listen to them, repeat thier viewpoint and then tell them where you have a problem. Learn to literally draw the line and talk to your parents with respect... no need to get angry simply point out where you stand and that you love them but you are bound by limits and they should recognise these too. :)
Allah bless us all with kind and understanding Parents and all Parents with Loving and obedient Children. :)
BadPerson. Your story is really strange. Yours is an arranged marriage. Still your parents don't like your wife (according to you). Normally, I have seen rifts between MILs and DILs but fathers in law are usually very supportive of DIL and they do not engage in family politics. If fact, most of the DILs I have seen have a very warm, cordial and friendly relationships with their FILs. So your case is an exception.
Here we Guppans have concluded that we give advices on hearing just one side of the story. Are you sure you and your wife are always right? Are you sure you and your wife have not done anything wrong which have made your father like that? Was your father behaving the same way with you before your marriage or you have seen this behaviour only after your marriage?
You need to do self analysis and self accountability to know the reason behind your father's attitude and then only you can solve this problem.
I think you are in the best position to have an idea whether your father is in habit of using the language he used against your wife or he was pushed to do that. In any case, just as you will not bear your wife saying anything hurtful for your parents, or if any such thing is said to you by your inlaws, you need to compensate. Its very sensible not to misbehave with parents and inlaws but if you see things are really not in favour of peaceful living, save your marriage and arrange to live separately. Sooner or later, such misbehaviours from the side of inlaws would and should be discouraged. Think of being in their place, its already a die hard task to leave your home and manage with another family. It automatically gives the DIL a hard time. Insulting behaviours/ criticism and hurtful comments will only add fuel to the fire.