Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
No, I am full of intellect on most matters, and full of ignorance on few..
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn’t like your hijab
I wonder what if its only the hubby who has taken a diff path? May be his bad company is commenting or making fun of his wife’s hijaab? And since he seems to be so involved in his bad company, and so impressed by them that he has now this inferiority complex inside that his wife doesnt match the standards of his peer group? He knows that asking her to remove Hijaab is first wrong, 2nd she wont do that. Hence he is frustrated and confused.
As far as I am understanding the wife is not doing anything wrong. Its all the husband who is into bad stuff. May be the wife has tried too much already.
So the actual problem is his infriority complex. That needs to be eradicated. How ? Two ways are there, either with 
or 
I do not have the bullet point on the two above options i.e. what to do and what not to. He is her husband and she would know better which way will suit him more.
But D I V O R C E is not an option. Plz keep it aside.
P.S. may be there is some other woman in his life.
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
going to the bar =/= drinking alcohol.
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
I think even if she removes her hijaab the issues pointed out are beyond that -
He needs to stop going to the bar.. and maybe if they both sit and figure out the triggers to the attitude it might get easier to talk about it - if he's bothered by her being so overly involved in the religious stuff she should definitely take a step back and realize that its ruining her married life and inturn if things move on it'll really be hard on her children.
On the same note, im sure that the wife is pretty bothered by him going out to the bar and chilling with friends etc. Surely, why would he want to look after the kids if the wife doesnt want to take responsibility and would rather sit in a discussion about religion(i dont mean that, im jst making an assumption - incase someone decides to attack me :D)..
I'm not a mother yet, but i do knw that if i go to a religious lecture/class, I want to know more about my deen, so that I can teach my children the right way to do things w.r.t Islam! - which is prolly something that the wife might be doing aswell - however, they need to figure out a way to keep things in perspective. Sometimes though, these things are just stepping stones to bigger things that might be there in the marriage which they arent acknowledging or trying to see! so maybe counselling for both of them and even a separation for a little while might make it easier for them to really figure things out!
I hope that they decide to do whatever is best for them and their kids..
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
May I suggest a little talk with her 'religion mentor'? She might be the reason the wife is increasingly 'busier' in the religious activities sacrificing family time?
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
I agree with other about the company husband keeps. He shouldn't frequent bars bcos he can get sucked into drinking...
Well it seems to me that she made a mistake by marrying the man (probably knowing that he isn't religious) & now having to deal with his behaviour towards the hijab. Hijab is to represent modesty.. prevent other men from looking at her beauty.. and for a husband that is against that seems pretty amusing to me.
I myself got engaged to my cousin in the past and realised that he didn't like my hijab.. what did I do? I broke my rishta not just because of my commitment to wearing the hijab but for the reason why he didn't like it. HE didn't understand the benefits in me wearing the hijab.. but the MAIN reason why I broke my rishta was because me wearing the hijab was such a huge deal to him that he forgot about other problems we had as a couple. He was so focused on one bloody piece of cloth that the whole relationship got so silly and I thought.. why am I wasting my time?
Now alhumdulillah I'm with someone who has accepted me for who I am islamically and loves the fact that I wear the hijab- it's not an 'issue' to him. This girl has obviously put herself in that situation and now it's her duty to try and adapt.. if she really cannot handle the situation & prefers to chose her faith over her man then there is no wrong in that- she should act quickly though.
Him going to bars etc and her comitting to her faith is a huge clash- this is where couples go wrong.. knowing that they are completely different yet still trying to adapt to the situation when they know it's not going anywhere.
Neither of them are in the wrong really.. she's comitting to her faith.. and he is just being himself- you cannot change over night but what you can do is meet half way and help each other out as that's something she should be thinking about..& try not to judge him at the same time. HE needs to get over the whole hijab thing coz it aint even a big deal- gosh some men!
I agree with other posters that it sounds like both have fallen on opposite ends of the extreme. Niksik, I didn't get the feeling from your post that the guy is necessarily uncomfortable with hijab, but that he might be embarassed by his wife wearing niqab and discouraged by the amount of time she's putting into religious activities.
I think it's a positive thing that the husband has some friends, including non-Muslims, that he spends time with, but if he's drinking and is not living up to his religious obligations that's another matter.
Do they live in an area with more than one masjid? Perhaps the wife is involved with a masjid that has introduced her to a stricter/more extreme community. It's important for the husband and wife to have some religious common ground, and I think they should try going to jumma' together, attending some mosque activities together, but at **a more moderate masjid **where the husband doesn't feel as threatened. That will help the husband grow in his faith and maybe also help the wife adhere to a more moderate way as advocated by the Prophet himself.
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
When he married her, she wore hijab and he accepted her as that. Im sure he respects her a great deal for being so close to her faith and trying to practice it as much as possible.
I feel that when people get married at lets say the age 21...they will not necessarily be the same person as when they are 26. Even preferences in perfume change over time so why not personalities to a certain degree? Its maturing and moving on with life.
Personally, I feel she has moved onto a different portion of her life and in her enthusiasm to follow her faith the best possible way, she forgot her husband. By this I dont mean to say what he is doing is right but it is a reaction to not having a best friend or close confidante at home. You obviously reach out to the next best thing and for a lot of people...that's a coworker or a colleague. Most of our coworkers are not Muslim so we end up doing what they do for fun: going to bars. Him going to bars will automatically stop if she is home for him and realizes she is his wife, best friend, companion, etc before anything else.
And, I know I say this a lot and it may seem shallow of me or even laugh-worthy but I dont care...it makes a huge difference in attitude:
Please ask her to pay attention to herself. Looking good makes you feel good.
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
^well said PS! its true looking good and dressing up for when your husband comes home makes a TON of difference!
i mean i see it everyday - if im in pj's he will still love me but i knw when i dress up wear makeup have myself ready and set he loves it even more -
so maybe if she can start paying more attention to loving herself iA hopefully the husbnd will start doing the same!
sorry again
but thread like these r really stupid
i agrrw with everything r.h said.
Is it hard too arrive at the solution?
Firstly the lady should DROP The Behaviours she does that are NOT Required in Islam, and be a bit condierate to her husband, by dropping her extemism.
Secondly, showing her comprimse to her husband.
She should ASSERT TO HIM his definte wrong or out of limit acdts and tell him to comprimse somwhat as she did.
I BELIVE IF THEIR IS GENUINE LOVE BETWEEN THE COUPLE THEY WOULD LISTEN TO EACH OTHER AND SACRIFICE/COMPRIMSE TO SOME LEVEL.
You Know how you should deal diplomatically with people who you know are not going to change thier behviour at once, by being shown the right/wrong, or by being showed the reward/sin of an act.
Nabi-pak did this.
His treatment of people was not same for everyone, it varied depnding on the person.
And he never forced everything on his people at once. He did it with the pace they they could bear.
I THINK THIS LADY NEEDS TO BE SOMEWHAT DIPLOMATIC With her hsuband
with this note..i think the solutions r now clear
i think we should close this thread..and stop wasdting peopekls valuable time
Gup.sHUP
My NEXT DOOR Neigbour does not speak to anyone he is very anti-social budda...may i open a thread on this.
Why doesnt he say hello to us?
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn’t like your hijab
Amir ji, app mat aayein is thread mein. Hamey baatein kerney dein. We are here to solve the world’s praablems 
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
^ Yeh rite...
More like playing trying to Grab the world attention and hits for Gup.Shup
That is really so selfish u know that...
We are people with normal busy demanding lives..
and your exploting our kind natures by portraying excesiive 'important' attention requring threads.
People might have some job to do...but these post make us fel sorry for the poster and make us have to contribute, sapping up our time needed for real-life
This is taking the mick.
WEveryimt i come into this bloody secdtion...i see people crying everywhere bloody hell
Sto the drama for god-sake
Last advice i think the lady shud divorce him and marry somebody else.
PROBLEM KATAM
JAAN CHORO
*AGER YE THREAD KAAL TAK BAND NA HUI MEINE HARTAAL KER DENI HA *
GOODDBYE
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn’t like your hijab
Let me ask you something Nikki...is it possible the wife doesnt know her husband anymore and simply feels uncomfortable around him herself? We women have a tendency to fill voids in our marriages with endless activities so we dont have to face realities of life.
You continue to amaze me! Very smartly put.
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
I feel as everyone is taking side of husband and blaming the wife only, who poor soul seems to be right. How you all are assuming it that she has moved to another extreme and hubby is left without friend and she doesnt do make up when he enters etc. If she is so religious, dont you think she would be knowing her duties as a wife as well ? I am seeing fault in man here. He is the one who accepted her with hijaab, and now he is the one who has changed ,and not the wife.
Niki.... i donot believe in counseling etc. Tell husband and wife both to sit together, and tell each other what are their expections from each other. Wife should ask him what he wants her to do? Same way he should listen what she has to say. If there is hope as you said, and both were really interested to save their family n home, then i am sure they will come up with a mid way where both are happy. A bit of compromise from each side is required and this will solve the problem inshAllah.
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
Its possible for her to be involved in her religious activities and still be a good wife as well, just needs to have balance. As long as she isnt neglecting the husband and kids and is still spending lots of quality time with them, there is nothing wrong with her being involved in other Islamic activities. If she was instead having parties with her friends and shopping and doing other things instead of the Islamic activities, would he still be upset?
They both should make extra effort to spend time with each other, doing things they both enjoy. They should also discuss the issue fully so they know where the other person is coming from. He needs to understand what her faith means to her and why its important. She needs to understand what his issues are and why they bother her. They need to see what their values are, what they want from life, what direction they are headed in
About her niqab, does she think it is fard or mustahab? If she thinks its mustahab, then perhaps she should consider taking it off, if she thinks it will improve their relationship. But they should meet each other halfway. He should stop going to bars etc and they should start praying at home together. He cant just expect her to change and not be willing to change himself. It is obvious that religion is important to her, so if her husband doesnt respect that and cant live with that, it will make things very difficult for her and she needs to consider if this is the life she wants. I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but if he ever asked me to take off my hijab I would never do that for him, because how can I leave something that I do to please my Creator to please one of the creation, even if its the man I love most
That applies on me too, even though i am not married yet. But we will be in 2-3 years, and as i like drinking/very moderate/i don't like pardaah/etc....
On the other hand, she do hijab sometime, dislike drinking totally, and conservative about nearly every aspect of religion.
As far as understanding concerned, seriously we end up compromise by both of us mostly.. is this right?
What should i do.. i don't wanna end up like that...
Drinkin is Husband's choice right n takin hijab is wife's choice... to bhai'' asaan haal yehi hia .. "apne apne darye main raho na kisi ko "tanz" karo na hi kisi ko insist karo k yeh na kaor wh na karo.."Accept both of each other as they r " n khush khush raho.... wht else???
*U amusing yaself??? right??? *
and above all if u think U both will end up wha Mirchi uncle said then "leave her n look for another one which bears U wid all Urs habbits n all..
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
Usually its other way arnd, Bfr marriage gal dressed differently, after marriage guy expects more pardah from her and stuff.
Anyway I think the company guy keeps might have changed the way he thinks. Most likely his new frndz rnt paki and come from different cultures where hijab isnt considered appropriate. Even My Turkish frnd (muslim) thinks that he doesnt understand y gals do hijab; I dont think he drinks or goes out with different gal every week. He is very sober and i was surprised to hear him say, y dont these gals change; time has changed they shldnt do hijab (those arnt his exact words but i think u get the point). So I think its the change in his company cozin change in his personality.
Re: So what do you do if husband doesn't like your hijab
Nik, there are a few real gems of advice in here. Something to consider also...perhaps the gal wants to be viewed by everyone as "the perfect wife". No matter that her hubby is less conservative and would like her to be less extreme...the thing is that no one will be able to fault her for anything because she is the best hijaabi, the most modest wife, the most helpful in religious and volunteer activities - all things that make her appear outwardly perfect. This can be a really huge thing to some people, esp those who have low self-esteem. Even huge enough to let the private, personal life between husband and wife suffer. Could this be the case with the gal?