Someone I know is having major connection issues with her husband because he is uncomfortable with her purdah and he doesn't like to hang around her as he feels overwhelmed by her spiritual involvement. He feels intimidated and feels that he's constantly being judged.
During this time, he has strayed away from namaz and basic Islamic practice and has found friends who are non muslim and even hangs out with them after work at bars. Though he swears that he doesn't drink or goes out with other women, his company isn't exactly what can be called ideal.
People have advised her to loosen up a bit and spend more time with him, and if necessary, give up on some of her practices and meet somewhere in the middle.
He has agreed to counseling.
Meanwhile, my question is, as a muslim wife, what mistakes do you think women make to land up in this mess? Or is it the man's fault for being too judgemental...or is it a bit of both?
Because practice of religion is an issue here, please do discuss that aspect also.
Hey Nikki,
At least the guy has agreed to counseling, that's a positive. Perhaps the wife can try different styles of hijab. I've seen girls wrap hijab in the most stylish ways. And your overall look makes a difference too. For example, it's not only the hijab.......but clothes and makeup that also bring the whole look together. So maybe your friend can play around with these various components.
I don't think that she should have to give up a religious practice that she's doing for the sake of Allah. And her husband needs to understand that she can't and should not put him above God. If he has hiccups regarding her hijab and other more fundamental Islamic practices.....then perhaps he is lacking in religious knowledge. And in such a scenario, he should take the time out to learn more about his deen. Of course, this should not be forced upon him. Rather he should motivated/encouraged to learn more about his religion.
The wife needs to understand that there is deen and there is duniya. The Prophet SAWS advised us to stay in the middle path rather than becoming extreme. So, there is nothing wrong with him hanging out with his friends....even non-muslim friends.......as long as he is also confident about his own faith (Islam).
I think that your friend needs to spend more time with her husband and try to connect with him. Focus on common interests and hobbies. Go out to a nice restaurant, movies, theme parks, traveling, etc. She can trying surprising him with a favorite meal or a gift. Gifts help foster affection. But I don't think she should be giving up practices that she's doing for Allah.
So whose fault is it? There are way too many factors that play into this. And it's hard to determine this since neither of us lives with the couple and we're only getting one side of the story here. Did he know about her hijab and level of faith prior to marryig her? Did she know about his level of faith and social lifestyle prior to marrying him? These things should not be ignored during the rishta process because they influence a couple's compatibility. Also, a common mistake that I think some couples make is to impose beliefs on each other. A religious practice should be done from the heart and not from fear/threats/ridicule/emotional blackmail, etc. Both parties can, in their own way, (intentionally or unknowingly) make mistakes that can hurt the relationship.
