Re: So Very Confused!
So I’ve been engaged to my cousin for a year and he recently just messaged me if we can talk,. I said yes, even though my mom/ dad said they would kill me if I ever spoke to him before marriage, but I really wanted to know what he had to say so I did. He told me that in our culture women usually aren’t given a choice when it comes to marriage and whether or not I was okay with marrying him. I told him I was given a choice and I’m fine, I asked him. He said that his parents didn’t really ask him, but it was more of a telling thing but he was okay w it. As we got further into talking, he told me that he failed his 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] year of masters and I asked him if it was whether it was just hard or did he get in to other things.** After talking more I asked him what exactly, and he said smoking, weed, beer, clubbing, and girlfriends,* including sex with 2 of them on a regular basis* while KNOWING he engaged to me.** When it came to the girlfriend part, he kept saying sorry like 10 times at least. I asked him why did he tell me these things and he said he was an honest person and didn’t want our relationship to be started on false hopes.** He also told me that one of his other cousins told him that she is engaged to him after his parents did OUR rishta and he started to believe her and he said he fell in love with her for a while, but then he snapped out of it since he said he thought it was wrong. I asked him why did he believe her when she said that she and him were engaged and he said that when someone you trust tells you something, you just believe it.**
Also later on in the conversation, he was talking about how personality matters more than looks and he really doesn’t care about looks. But afterwards, a while later, he asked me for my pictures and I sent them, and he replied with a smiley face and said theek hain :PP. does that mean he thinks I’m pretty or not? Most guys give me attention but if he can’t even tell me I’m pretty, that sucks. When I asked him for his, I told him he was cute.Anyways I’m confused, why would he ask for my pics if he says he doesn’t care about looks at all? He already knew what I looked like before, so why would he ask?
I’m so confused as what to do now. We haven’t talked for two days. None of our parents know we’re talking, he said he wouldn’t tell anyone except 2 of his friends. Should I marry him? Is he telling the truth? Did he really do all of those horrible things or is he just lying because he wants to marry his other cousin but is too scared to tell his parents that he wants to marry her so he’s hoping I don’t marry him? PLEASE DO QUOTE THANK YOU
Gonna give you the benefit of the doubt OP and assume this isn't trolling.
See all the parts in bold? That is what I would tell a girl in an arrange marriage situation if I wanted things to end. That's reasons not to marry. The bold, italicised, and underlined portion indicate boundaries. Once he crossed these, that shouldve been it for you. For most girls.
Just think about it. He knows he was engaged to you. He had sex with not one but TWO different girls. Did he cheat on one of them? Perhaps. On a regular basis? It wasn't even a moment of weakness. Nope. He thought to himself, yes I have a fiance back in Pak but I am happy and cool with this.
Guys like this don't know what they want. You are a backup plan. A link to his culture. If you are cool with that and content to wait and despite everything make this work, wow you have a big heart. Good for you. If you want something more, call it a day.
Or you dont understand the gravity of the crimes he committed and their implications on your married life.
I quoted, you're welcome.
