Make him to repeat all his confessions, record them and then tell him about the recording and that you are going to present this recording to your and his parents. Record his reaction as well. Then upload it on youtube with his name and particulars/ show your parents and let them decide.
good idea. but what if he sues the OP for invading his privacy and defamiing him by putting it on yt? What if he told her that it was just made up and to test her belief in the relationship and him?
Don't do it OP. The title of this thread remind of that song that has the lines.."so confused..my heart's bruised. Was i ever loved by you?" From what you've told us i think the answer is no.
Like the character in the song before your heart gets bruised notice the signs that others are pointing out and realise both of you were never meant to be. There is someone else better out there for you. Someone you could have a better life with.
Ditch him. He already seems dodgy and who knows if it'll still happen after marriage. Escape whilst you still have the chance. He does not deserve you. Do not settle for less.
good idea. but what if he sues the OP for invading his privacy and defamiing him by putting it on yt? What if he told her that it was just made up and to test her belief in the relationship and him?
Fortunately yet unfortunately, most of the Pakistani's who are still in Pakistan don't have a very good idea of privacy and it's invasion, let alone the very concept of suing someone for the crime. And fortunately yet unfortunately, my intent was not as serious as it appeared to you. So nothing to be worried about much.
Don't do it OP. The title of this thread remind of that song that has the lines.."so confused..my heart's bruised. Was i ever loved by you?" .
Okay c'mon that's a bit dramatic and we don't need to encourage dramatic thinking in the OP through songs or to make her think her equation with this guy was "love" as the heroine of the song views it to be. Op shouldn't be entertaining the thought that wgat she feels for OP is 'love'. Op never talked to her fiance since getting engaged and chances are she didn't talk much to him prior to it. So with almost zero to little communication, I don't think it's healthy to view it as even a one-sided love.
Make him to repeat all his confessions, record them and then tell him about the recording and that you are going to present this recording to your and his parents. Record his reaction as well. Then upload it on youtube with his name and particulars/ show your parents and let them decide.
Maybe just infiltrate his facebook. I doubt the guy's smart enough to be hiding behind privacy settings. (BUT DON'T ADD HIM)
I get the feeling that you're not taking anyone's advice seriously, but still, if I were stuck in your situation, this is what I would do..:
I'd have a chat with my Mum. Completely casual, and absolutely no need to give The Boy any advance notice at all.
I'd say something like "Mum, would you be OK with me getting married to someone who's failed a university exam? It might not be the guy's own fault. There are lots of distractions for students nowadays. What if the guy was really nice? But what if he did drugs? It doesn't sound like he';; be able to get a very good job in the future, but you never know, he could get lucky and sort himself out in a couple years." and I'd let her think about it.
Then I'd ask "What do you think about people who have boyfriends and girlfriends before they get married? I don't think it's too bad. But what if someone cheated on his fiance and had a girlfriend at the same time? It doesn't sound like he has any morals or decency, but you never know. Would it be OK if he came from a good family background? What do you think?"
And obviously no one's mother is a fool. She'd know something was up. Then, I would explan all the details from the chat between you and yourlow-life fiance. I'd sum it by saying "the boy sounds like the worst match possible. I don't want to get married to a cheating drug user who has no manners and can't even speak to me pleasantly. But it's your choice. If you think I deserve a husband like that, then don't do anything. If you think I deserve a better life than that, please break it off."
I think her parents will just say it's not true, it's malicious gossip or he'll change after marriage - even if deep down they know otherwise..
I find it hard to believe that with him being her cousin they don't have even the slightest inkling..
Listen, you're on the verge of making a mistake. He's clearly telling you all of this and there is a reason behind it. If he truly wanted to marry you then he wouldn't tell all of this to you. This has seriously disturbed you and he knows that, perhaps he wants you to be doubtful about him. Ask yourself, if you wanted to marry someone and genuinely liked someone would you tell all the gritty details of your past that would jeopardize your relationship? You wouldn't tell them that but you would improve yourself and hope for the best in the future. It bothers me that he is telling you all of this. He has no remorse that what he's telling you could disturb you. He has no care for your feelings. He doesn't think twice that what would be going in your heart, the pain the sorrow upon knowing that he slept with multiple girls. That he smokes and drinks, he seems very self centered and if you do decide to marry him he'll probably care about himself more than you. You have to discuss this with your parents, you cannot risk your entire life just because of their "Happiness". Did his confession come as if he's trying to improve himself or does he still do it? How do you know if he still doesn't do it? How do you know if he's going to stop doing all of these things? You're only 19 and you have your whole life ahead of you. You have to choose wisely.
He said he's telling me all this because I deserve to know and he does not want our relationship to start on false hopes. He said I'm not shareef as your parents told you I am. Also, the first day of Ramadan he asked can you please pray that I become better. He said I can let go of the girlfriends, drugs, and drink but trying to stop smoking will be hard.
Okay so I had a talk with my mom. I kind of didn't tell her the entire story, I kinda just said oh mom he said can we talk and I said yes (and she was extremely mad for me saying yes). Anyways then I said, he just said all these things (kinda like a confession, but my mom thinks I didn't speak with him, he just kinda said all this stuff to me if that makes sense). Anyways, my mom said the same exact thing you guys are saying, that he wants to marry that other cousin and is lying about all these things to get me to break the rishta. My mom said its up to me when it comes to what I wanna do, BUT if we break the rishta a whole lot of problems will happen. First of all, my mom did not want me to marry this guy and she wanted me to marry a man of her choosing, but my dad liked him and my dad's sister (his mom) begged her to say yes so my mom agreed. So the first problem that will happen is that his family will say that we are lying about his behavior as my mom never liked him in the first place, the second problem will be that my dad will most likely divorce my mom given the relationship that they have, thirdly my dad will probably break all contact with his family, and the whole "laug kya kahenge" thing will happen. However, my mom is okay with this given that I REALLY want to break the rishta but the thing is I don't want all of this to happen because of me. Another thing she said is that he will finish his studies abroad within the next year or so and for the next two years his personality will change as he will move back to Pakistan.
I think her parents will just say it's not true, it's malicious gossip or he'll change after marriage - even if deep down they know otherwise..
I find it hard to believe that with him being her cousin they don't have even the slightest inkling..
I only met him once and I was reallly young then, so I did not know much about him. And I agree, even my mom says he'll change, but its very hard to change people.
Okay so I had a talk with my mom. I kind of didn't tell her the entire story, I kinda just said oh mom he said can we talk and I said yes (and she was extremely mad for me saying yes). Anyways then I said, he just said all these things (kinda like a confession, but my mom thinks I didn't speak with him, he just kinda said all this stuff to me if that makes sense). Anyways, my mom said the same exact thing you guys are saying, that he wants to marry that other cousin and is lying about all these things to get me to break the rishta. My mom said its up to me when it comes to what I wanna do, BUT if we break the rishta a whole lot of problems will happen. First of all, my mom did not want me to marry this guy and she wanted me to marry a man of her choosing, but my dad liked him and my dad's sister (his mom) begged her to say yes so my mom agreed. So the first problem that will happen is that his family will say that we are lying about his behavior as my mom never liked him in the first place, the second problem will be that my dad will most likely divorce my mom given the relationship that they have, thirdly my dad will probably break all contact with his family, and the whole "laug kya kahenge" thing will happen. However, my mom is okay with this given that I REALLY want to break the rishta but the thing is I don't want all of this to happen because of me. Another thing she said is that he will finish his studies abroad within the next year or so and for the next two years his personality will change as he will move back to Pakistan.
Ughhhhhhhh
do pray for me guys
Your dad will divorce your mom if you don't marry this dirt bag? Wtf! Let your mom talk to your dad and tell all those things you said to her. I guess I am not aware of where you are coming from but if your dad is a teeny bit considerate of you then he won't force you or create drama to marry. And yeah, one thing, people don't change.
Your dad will divorce your mom if you don't marry this dirt bag? Wtf! Let your mom talk to your dad and tell all those things you said to her. I guess I am not aware of where you are coming from but if your dad is a teeny bit considerate of you then he won't force you or create drama to marry. And yeah, one thing, people don't change.
Yes he will, trust me. I know the type of man he is.
OP is double minded and this will not take her down, i hope N pray. as i said before, she sees the flags [that's why she made this post] but doesn't believe they are all RED. no one can help her if she doesn't want to help herself.
Your mom has to tell your dad what kind of guy he is and the things he's told you. Otherwise this is going to lead in to something you'll regret later on. You're at the stage where if you say yes you'll keep telling your subconscious that things will be ok. You cannot start your relationship on doubts such as these. Even your mom knows the true nature of this guy.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’ve met him once, and you’ve talked to him a handful of times only. And so you know everything about him? You know what type of man he is? Married couples who have been married for 20+ years can’t say what type of person they’re married to definitively but you do only after talking to him 3 times. Mashallah, you must be some kind of psychic.
This is why just because someone’s hit their teens doesn’t mean they’re ready to be married. People who have seen the world a hell of a lot more than you are giving you good advice as to what to do in your situation, but you’re rejecting it all. Because you know what kind of man he is. Because right now all we can tell is that this guy is a liar, a cheat, and is not ready to be married. But you know that he will change. Of course he will. Because ______________________. Fill in the blank for me OP. How can you for sure say that he will change. And don’t tell us because you feel it deep in your heart that that’s what will happen. Because let me tell you, if what he said was the truth, and he really is going to change, he’s not changing for you.
Do what someone else suggested. Ask him to repeat his offences, record it. Skype and smart phones have apps that record your conversations as soon as the call is connected. If anyone says you’re making lies, have them listen to that conversation. If they still don’t believe you then trust me, 100% you should not be married into that family, regardless of their prior relationship to you.
And please, use your brain. Don’t listen to your heart. Do not be swayed by your emotions. Use your brain. You’re 19, not 14. Listen to what your gut is saying, and not to him.
