so the **** hit the fan, ....

[Shak]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

@sweet.i.f

i know right. man, all this time i'm like wtf she bestied your mil so they're.. like besties? then i realised what she was actually saying.

wow that sounds so blonde fml.

Incomprehensible as usual is sweeftie.

[Demilitarize]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, …

If after such a detailed and comprehensive reply, nadz still doesn’t understand, then I don’t think there is anything more to say.
Kudos to you Muzna for taking the time out to patiently and thoroughly talk over everything.
:k:

@Muzna

okay…

1. 3 times is 2 times too many to be told the same thing. This is not your mother that will keep on telling you the same thing again and again. This is your MIL who, by your own admission, expects perfection. You continue to expect behaviour from her that you have already stated is not forthcoming.

2. If you are cleaning the garments first then what need is there to give to her at all? Are you saying that you pre-wash and they are so dirty that they need a second wash? How long do you wear a pair? Do you need to be taught to change every single day?

3. How in the world is she supposed to know that they are pre-washed? If you are giving them to her to put in the washing cycle then obviously she will think that they are dirty. Do you expect her to inspect the undergarments and figure out if they are washed or not?

4. The terms of her employment/agreement are irrelevant. She is not employed by you. She is employed/paid by your MIL. You have no right to criticize what she gets for free or comment on how much her family earns as a total income.

5. I don’t live there but the few times I have visited for extended periods I have come to understand how hard it actually is to get and keep good help. Help that does not steal, gossip with the neighbours about what’s going on in your home and cleans to your standards is definitely hard to come by. If your MIL is satisfied with the quality of her work then she has every right to retain her at whatever cost the MIL deems appropriate. If you don’t like the way she works then hire your own help.

6. Nothing but assumptions on your part. And reinforced by your husband. Sadly this suspicious attitude only confirms what everyone else is saying about not being able to find reliable help.

7. If this, an assumption/co-incidence/speculation, is the only example that the entire household has been able to find to pin on this worker then consider yourselves lucky. This certainly is not reason enough to dismiss her or even assassinate her character.

8. There is no rule against a worker being clever. I can see how this might bother you because it seems that her cleverness surpasses yours’ since you are unable to manage her adequately.

9. You should not be passing on your household arguments to your mother. Ever.

10. Whether or not this happened with your sis years ago is irrelevant. Fact is that it has happened to you more than twice. You should have learned your lesson the first time.

11. Because she didn’t like what you cooked/how you cooked it, you decided that to stop doing it altogether would be the perfect solution huh? How’s that working out for you? Perhaps you might want to try taking a different approach? How about asking her to teach you how to cook things her way? How about swallowing your pride and letting her be the “revered and respected queen of the castle”? She might be in a better frame of mind if she simply got her way.

12. What’s the big deal about waking up at 7 am to cook? MIL probably does this because she goes off to work. Why can’t you wake up at 7 am? What time do your kids get up? Are you one of those that can’t drag their behinds out of bed until 10 am?

13. Chances are that if you did 1 and 2 then MIL would have enough faith in you to do the cooking and wouldn’t care if you did it at 7 am under her supervision or at 11 am once you have had your sleep in.

14. If the household chores that you have done in the past have been cause for complaint then why can’t you learn to do them the way she wants? It is her domain, accept that. If you want your way then move out.

15. I don’t blame your MIL for being sharminda. It is a cause for embarrassment when your DIL’s used undergarments and bedsheets with questionable stains are made available for the help to witness. She is not wrong to ask for an apology particularly when she has made this request/instruction clear to you twice before. (It doesn’t help that your sis committed the same faux pas years back. It just reaffirms her belief that your mother may not have done a good job in raising you guys. Whether this is factual or not is a different story.)

16. She is wrong to call you a sinner. She simply is not the authority to make that determination when it comes to religion. However, if you offer up your mother’s namaz ritual as defence then you are, in effect, admitting that you have been taught but you don’t practice. This, by inference suggests that you are in fact guilty of the sin that she is alleging.

17. Why does she have an opportunity to do your be-izzati in front of the help? What do you do that gives her this chance?

18. You should be apologizing. No doubt about that.

19. She may have cried out of desperation since your husband was supporting you in a situation where you were obviously wrong. I’m not suggesting that this was right of her to do.

You are not getting backlash. You are getting feedback on a scenario that you posted.
Whether you get upset by it or you learn from it is entirely up to you…

@Muzna

You are right. It is about respect.
In this case you cannot assess the full impact without taking into consideration the amount of negative history that exists between the MIL and DIL.
One cannot expect the MIL to treat this as an isolated incident.

@Muzna

perhaps the previous two times she did…

I don’t know for sure but I’m just saying.
Afterall the MIL is not here to speak for herself, is she? We always get one side of the story.

[sweefs]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

@Shak09

Incomprehensible as usual is sweeftie.

Mashallah kahein

[Shak]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

Celebrating your dumbness? Aw :(

[sweefs]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

you better be nice to me :)

so do i still get my posts removed for going off topic? whats the CM ruling for this? please.. enlighten me

[Shak]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, …

Aik post likhi hai mai ne, chup karo.

[Demilitarize]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

In that situation I had assumed it would be doing 'normal' things like tidying up, cleaning, helping prepare meals so no, not dealing with these other situations so prehaps you should also think before making such assumptions about me.. You DON'T have to be a nurse to bathe or take ppl to the toilet and a 'nursing home' is not a hospital..

I am sorry I don't follow your life and posts closely so yeah I have no idea you are a law student or what. You said you worked in a nursing home, I said (and I am sure someone else also stated after your post) that it is part and parcel of a nursing home. And since I am a doctor, I know the difference between a nursing home and a hospital (just in case you don't follow my life and posts)

I simply pointed out the cultural differences in how these things are viewed.. Yes, we do MOST things ourselves, not sure why you're jumping on this one thing (just because you find it 'disgusting'?) ** Yes I do find it "disgusting" when able bodied folk cannot find the time to wash their underwear themselves and hand them over to someone else to wash. If you aren't aged, or infirm, or somehow unable to do it yourself, this particular task should be done yourself. You would not ask someone to regularly come and wipe your behind after you go to the washroom would you? That involves cleaning possible bodily residue as well. Noone has issues wiping their own behind. People would have issues wiping others'. **

and you mentioned Nadz' doesn't do housework or cook or clean when I'm sure she has mentioned she has.. ** Nadz's posts are so famous in life1 that we all know (since she mentioned) that Nadz does NOT do housework or cook or clean. **

Yes, Nadz made a mistake in that she should have realised it's not common in Pak but as she has been born + brought up in the west it's not that much of a stretch to believe it wasn't intentional.. In any case it's not the big deal that you're making it out to be and certainly didn't warrant her MIL making an issue..** A quiet word in private would have been better..

---

MIL had the quiet word before as well. Sure if we want to speak of what should have been better, let us consider that the undies Nadz takes off never get dirty and come off scented with flowers and shimmery clean. Real life: Nadz's MIL WILL make a scene. And undies need washing post wear. **

Yes, when in Rome and all that (tho let's face it it's a LOT more applicable to desis moving to Pak rather than those coming to the west in terms of dress, lifestyle etc) people need time to make adjustments.. A bit more understanding on her mil's part would be nice.. ** Two years, two kids and marriage into the family and moving to your own country and being raised well by your pakistani parents, such a person should not require so much of an adjustment period for her own sake. **

answered within quote

[queer]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

that awkward moment when half of GS has its ego vested in a nadz vs. mil thread about dirty underwear etiquette.

[Muzna]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, …

[Iconoclast]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

@queer

that awkward moment when half of GS has its ego vested in a nadz vs. mil thread about dirty underwear etiquette.

Thats what we love about this section.

[Kinzz]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

OK. the first time mil told me not t give her dirty underwear, i said ok, il clean them first

By saying dirty do you mean those monthly days??

If yes,then my own sagi maa always said us that first wash your unmentionables ( in those monthly days) by your self then they will go to washingmachine.

And I'm agree with Pahlee, you should post whole story in first post,first you always come and give us half Info we give you advice, and then you come and add other half info,
And again we Are like oh forget my first post but here is what now im thinking.

[Deeba1234]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

Desmesne, you find it 'disgusting' and I don't (and by the looks of it some of the other posters who also live outside Pakistan).. Why not just admit there's a difference in cultural attitudes and leave it at that?

Personally if my husband was having his underwear washed by the maid I would assume it would be ok for her to do mine as well because where I am there isn't a difference.. If it happened to Nadz twice or three times yes, she prob should have known but we all make mistakes..

Anyway, I have no interest in getting involved in this sort of backwards and forwards pettiness.. I've explained my points and I'll leave it at that..

[Demilitarize]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

@Deeba1234

Desmesne, you find it 'disgusting' and I don't (and by the looks of it some of the other posters who also live outside Pakistan).. *Why not just admit there's a difference in cultural attitudes and leave it at that? *

Personally if my husband was having his underwear washed by the maid I would assume it would be ok for her to do mine as well because where I am there isn't a difference.. If it happened to Nadz twice or three times yes, she prob should have known but we all make mistakes..

Anyway, I have no interest in getting involved in this sort of backwards and forwards pettiness.. I've explained my points and I'll leave it at that..

^ cos I think it is important to try to SOLVE an issue when someone posts about it. And whatever the difference in cultural sensitivities, Nadz needs to learn to conform to where she is living for a happier life rather than being patted on the back and told it is ok to act like she does, since acting like she does gives her more grief in general.

[Iconoclast]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

Google Ads on this page :
How to wash clothes
Buy washing machine
Hard Water Stains

:D

[aniiisa]

@Iconoclast

[quote="queer"]

that awkward moment when half of GS has its ego vested in a nadz vs. mil thread about dirty underwear etiquette.

Thats what we love about this section.
[/QUOTE]

Lol I loved these comments

[Southie]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

What about the other two halves?

[Ghost14]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, …

@queer

that awkward moment when half of GS has its ego vested in a nadz vs. mil thread about dirty underwear etiquette.

Don’t you mean “that awesome moment”

@Iconoclast

Google Ads on this page :
How to wash clothes
Buy washing machine
Hard Water Stains

[Ghost14]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

@sweet.i.f

i know right. man, all this time i'm like wtf she bestied your mil so they're.. like besties? then i realised what she was actually saying.

wow that sounds so blonde fml.

Lmao that would be an epic thread. Hilarious fails ftw

[kakaballi]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

so the **** hit the washing machine's tumbler......

[chaibiskut]

Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....

@Muzna

If you are cleaning the garments first then what need is there to give to her at all? Are you saying that you pre-wash and they are so dirty that they need a second wash? How long do you wear a pair? Do you need to be taught to change every single day?

Wow, this was pretty mean-spirited. I'm sure one sneering MIL at home is enough.