Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
Besti- insult . I guess?
I thought the urdu word for insult is beizzati.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
Besti is the Punjabi pronunciation of the word.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
I don't think there's any point in talking about whether or not the kaamwali SHOULD be washing undergarment. Nadz is living in her MIL's house where the MIL makes the rules. The kaamwali is employed by the MIL. This particular kaam wali doesn't like to wash other women's underwear.....Nadz already had this info. b/c she complained about Nadz's sister. The MIL is ok with the kaam wali NOT washing underwear. Whether its right or not.....that's the situation. There is nothing Nadz can do to change her MIL or the kaamwali's mind about this.
But for the first time I'm with Nadz here, with 2 small kids,feeding them,changing their dipers,running after them, how she will have time to wash her undergarments?.
Umm....the same way countless other women manage to do it? I know quite a few stay-at-home mom's with small children (including one of my best friends who has THREE kids that're 6 and under). They all manage to cook, clean, grocery shop, do dishes/laundry etc. I'm sure it's not easy for them.....but since they don't have the luxury to hire a "kaamwali"....they get it done.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
Yes many stay at home moms do,
We Were 4 and my mom did all alone,
But everyone is different,Nadz is from Uk moved to Pakistan, life is not easy in Pakistan as compare to Uk n USA,
But still some can manage to do but some
Can't.
I don't think there's any point in talking about whether or not the kaamwali SHOULD be washing undergarment. Nadz is living in her MIL's house where the MIL makes the rules. The kaamwali is employed by the MIL. This particular kaam wali doesn't like to wash other women's underwear.....Nadz already had this info. b/c she complained about Nadz's sister. The MIL is ok with the kaam wali NOT washing underwear. Whether its right or not.....that's the situation. There is nothing Nadz can do to change her MIL or the kaamwali's mind about this.
Umm....the same way countless other women manage to do it? I know quite a few stay-at-home mom's with small children (including one of my best friends who has THREE kids that're 6 and under). They all manage to cook, clean, grocery shop, do dishes/laundry etc. I'm sure it's not easy for them.....but since they don't have the luxury to hire a "kaamwali"....they get it done.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
I think this is an expected norm in desi household that undergarments should generally be washed themselves. I have always been told this way. Esp if one is living in a joint family system.
although I can relate to where nadz is coming from since her MIL does create unecessary hue over stuff. But you should be aware of that by now nadz. so it's best to let go and just apologise to her and then ignore.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, …
I agree with that too. I still dunno how to use the typical washing machines used in pak 
I find washing clothes harder there!
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
But everyone is different,Nadz is from Uk moved to Pakistan, life is not easy in Pakistan as compare to Uk n USA,.
When it comes to this one thing....isn't it harder in the UK & US? Overwhelming mothers here can not afford to hire maids to do their daily cleaning. Majority of the women here (desi and non-desi) do not have their MIL living with them and doing all the cooking. Every time I go a grocery store, I see mom's all around me with 1/2/3/ small kids with them.
Your mother did it all alone with 4 kids....and I assume that wasn't her choice (ie. its not like she chose not to have kaamwali's do all the housework). If Nadz's MIL got rid of the kaamwali tomorrow and refused to hire another one....I'm sure Nadz will figure out a way to make sure she and her kids have clean clothes. When the option of getting help goes away....somehow we all manage to do everything that needs to get done.
Again, by no means am I saying that raising 2 small children isn't hard. But I find it difficult to believe that Nadz has absolutely 0 time to do ANYTHING else in the house except take care of the kids. If I remember correctly her MIL doesn't expect her to do any cooking or cleaning around the house. She also wrote another thread that she's stuck in the house all day so buying groceries is also out. We're talking about her washing her underwear here. Not cooking a meal for 100 people.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
you and your MIL are both drama queens.
as has been mentioned above pakistanis are big prudes and its not much to ask someone to wash their own underthings.
on the other hand this isnt something to make a big drama over, your mother in law shd have just asked you to wash the underwear yourself without so much hue and cry
and whoever said that working ladies are aplenty is completely wrong. it is very difficult to find trustworthy domestic help and i would never fire the help for this as it is a very reasonable demand.
i shudder to think how fighty your home is. it seems like a war zone, neither you nor your MIL is adjusting to sharing your territory and i can remember these sort of threads from when i joined GS so it must be at least a year.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
so my mil walks into my room and tells my husband she wants to discuss me, with him as well. she starts venting about how i shouldnt give the kaamwali my undergarments to wash as its disgusting and the kaamwali apparentlydid mil`s besti about this, and said she wont wash it and why cant you samjhaa your bahu.,.
mil was angry, she waited for husban d to be in room and decided to talk to both of us about this. she then started doing a big crying scene when she saw how my husband didnt think it was a big deal and why was the kaamwali making a big fuss and why cant the kaamwali come and tell ME this why does she always tell mil.
*mil began crying, she said im not ur naukar ( shes never ever done anything for me, dnt know whhy she thinks i think shes a naukar), how i should say sorry to her for her embarrassment at the hands of the kaamwali and that ive never apolgised to her about how sharmindaaa she has been made to feel. *
alsi she indirectly said its against OUR VALUES about the whole underwear thing. how people chup chup ke khudi saaf karke they dont give to the naukar to clean.
in my defence i told her - they were clean - not dirty, i WASHED THEM ALREADY but i wanted them to be spun in the wahsing machine too....she didnt need to CLEAN HERSELF. mil didnt bveleive me. she never does. and then she mentioned the bedsheet once had blood on it - I TOLD HER, it was the panadol for infants, in pakistan, its a red colour. it went on the bedsheet because my 6month old spilled some. kamwali thinks its blood and decided to make a big hoo haa.
anyway mil cried and cried...venting and shouting and then walked off. husband took my side, which made her cry even more.
i dont udnerstand the issue. can someone tell me whats going on is this a big deal??
does anyone else in pak feel underwear is a big deal for the naukar....i mean they clean the mens underwear no issue.
feeling frustrated since that day.
I demand videos.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
And no, I didn't realise I would be taking old ppl to the toilet and wiping their backsides for them if they needed help, undressing them completely, bathing them etc. My dad wanted us to be brought up thinking** no job was ever 'beneath' us.. ** Fair enough if ppl don't want to do it, I'm just trying to point out that Nadz' thinking is not considered strange or anything to be ashamed of in the west.. I have NEVER come across anyone here who thinks this way..
If the western culture or school of thought is as you say Deeba that "no job is beneath us" then she (nadz) could take out fifteen minutes and walk to the washing machine and rewash her already washed undies herself instead of foisting it off on the "kaamwali"
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
that doesnt even make sense.
nadz, demesne is your mil. its too obvious now.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
Someone said life of mom with kids is difficult. The kaamwali probably is also a mom with kids and/ or other household responsibilities - in addition to having to work for a living with no paid days off.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, …
:k:
I agree raising up kids is not easy. But is also not that difficult as some people make it seem like (not talking about serious (health) conditions).
A day is long, very long. And if other then taking care of your kids you don’t have much to do, then you have tons of time to wash even your whole neighbourhood’s undies.
I don’t have sympathy for nadz that next to raising her two kids she has to wash her undergarments. How is that even pityful? Even if she did the rest of the household aswell.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
@Kinzz - Families in the UK and US, like Paheli00 mentioned, a vast majority of them cannot afford to hire a maid to do the cleaning around the house. In Pakistan, you get a maid to come over everyday and do your cleaning/dishes/laundry/ironing...heck, even chefs/cooks are affordable in Pk. Nadz should be able to take care of her kids + whatever other chore she has of her own.
In the end, she's still living in her MIL's home...she should abide by her rules/demands.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
Put yourself in the kaam walis shoes and then think, "Will you wash her undies?". No you will not. Because it is downright disgusting. Wash your own stuff, it's not that big of a deal. Keep some detergent in the washroom and whenever you change, just wash them yourself. Trust me doesn't even take 5 minutes.
Maybe your MIL was harsh with you and made a drama about everything but I think you should know better by now. It's not that you came into this house yesterday. You know how things work. Is it so hard to compromise and make an effort?
Stop being so silly and grow up already.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
Lol What a flipping drama queen she is!! How did you ever agree to marrying someone from That kind of family? Girls a lesson... Please please don't go all goo gaa and think what life will be like 4/5 years ahead .. Be streetwise
I thought she came from the same family.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
And no, I didn't realise I would be taking old ppl to the toilet and wiping their backsides for them if they needed help, undressing them completely, bathing them etc. My dad wanted us to be brought up thinking no job was ever 'beneath' us..
If you did not realise this, then you don't have a fair idea of what is expected in a nursing home. You should have known what you were signing up for. Nursing encompasses all of those things. A nurse or a caregiver in a nursing home knows that cleaning bedpans and wiping tushies are part of the deal.
Not every kaamwali signs up for washing people's undies. It is not the standard of behavior in the east. The STANDARD is what is socially and generally acceptable. In the kaamwali association (if there is such a thing), washing undies would be looked down upon. In a muslim country where such things are
A) ignored in general ie topics pertaining to sex and sexual relations
B) considered "unclean" ie menstrual blood , bodily fluids making a person na-paak for namaz
It is understood that you do not foist these personal items over to someone else. You act responsibly and do it yourself
I thought that the DIY concept was fairly common in the west? **Why then, do you claim that:
[QUOTE]
Fair enough if ppl don't want to do it, **I'm just trying to point out that Nadz' thinking is not considered strange or anything to be ashamed of in the west
[/QUOTE]
And lastly, when in Rome. Nadz is no longer in the west. She needs to get with the program if she wants a happier, less troublesome life.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
OK.
FIRSTLY, i have lived here and been here altogether, around 2 years. a year now, and after marriage etc, so the time has been around 2 years i think, and in this entire time the whole underwear thing has happened 3 TIMES. not every flipping month do i give her underwear to wash. i wash my own. the first time mil told me not t give her dirty underwear, i said ok, il clean them first. now the issue is not if its dirty or not, just the fact that its underwear.
secondly, this kaamwali lives in the quaters here. she has free bijli, free gas, free everything, a ups and a generator,free food, just free everything really. they dnt buy anythin themselves. and she still gets paid. her husband also has a job. yet she still complains about most jobs given to her. reason shes still here- cos apparently she hasnt stolen anything yet.
i disagree- my 2 yr old daughter recently lost the back end of her earring stud. the kaamwali mustve thought it was gold, i asked her if she had seen it, she said no, then she asked me if it was real or not, i said no of course not, why would i put real gold on my toddler...anyway later my husband saw her snooping around the tv stand. later i found the earring stoper there, under the tv stand. anyway who knows but shes very clever.
thirdly- my sister issue- well i didnt know that until i told my mum what happened 2 days ago and she told me same thing had happened to my sis years ago.
fourthly- i DO WANT TO COOK, mil tells me not to, just so she can moan later how she does everything. everytime i make anything she wont eat it or complain about it or just tell me how its not good or whatever. so i stopped making it. plyus mil has a habit of cooking meals at 7am in the morning..to get it out of the way.....im not waking up at 7am to do that. ridiculous. esp when we eat the meal around 2pm.
household chores- like i said, so many times ive done things and mil has complained.
also main thing was how i was told about values and given lectures on that and how shes so sharminda and i should be asking for forgiveness....so many times shes called me a sinner- like when i didnt breastfeed my 2 children until they were 2yrs old.....or nwhatever it says in the quran, she told me i was a big sinner.....and it was a big gunnaa, she told me why i dnt read namaz 5 times a day, and then she decided to involve my whole family and blame my mum for not instilling values in me..how dare she. i told her my mum reads 5 times , she just said hmmm.
when me and my hubby had a huge fight last yr, rather than console both of us she just blamed me and said it was my fault.
and mil ALWAYS does my besti infront of kaamwali, so obviously kaamwali will think whatever job i give her is beneath her and she can complain.
thing is, my issue with this thread isnt the kaamwali, or my underwear....god. its mil and her reactions. her monologues that begin and dont end. she brings her bimaari into it, she cried and said i should be aplogising.
Re: so the **** hit the fan, ....
OK.
FIRSTLY, i have lived here and been here altogether, around 2 years.
two years is a long enough time to understand your own family, and your own country, esp when your sister got scolded for the same thing
Re: so the **** hit the fan, …
muaafi maang kay issue khatam kar do gi tau ghiss tau nai jao gi … abb please ‘underwear-underwear’ karna bund karo..I would’ve had sympathies with you if MIL had told you to wash the curtains or razaii you use ! you know MIL created issue on this THREE times earlier so why dont you avoid doing what causes fuss at home ?