My parents broke my rishta off on my say-so. It just wasnt working out between us and we didnt see eye to eye on a number of things especially career and children. Plus his family were very traditional and we arent. We used to get along so well but the arguments have started getting worse and really crude. I just made the decision that I cant live with someone who is so controlling and unwilling to compromise.
I feel like Ive been hit by a bus because he was such a nice person and I feel like I gave him alot of grief which I will be punished for. It's just sad that it didnt work out and I keep getting upset about it. I know time is a great healer but the wound is too big right now.
I feel like there is no one else out there but my parents keep reassuring me that there will be many. Although we argued so much, there were many times when we we understood each other very well.
So, no wedding in July and no move to Canada (which I was really looking forward to) :'(
Has anyone else been through this? Were you able to find someone better?Did you ever look back and say "I made the right decision?" because right now I feel like I didn't.
Hey Stardust,
The intensity of the pain will Inshallah decrease with time. Right now, since the break-up was recent, it would be unreasonable for you or anyone to assume that you'll get over things quickly.
You invested time and energy in this rishta. You had hopes and dreams for the future associated with this person. All of this can't be turned off instantly like a light switch. It's naturally going to take some time for you to heal.......and you will.
It takes two people to make or break a relationship. You're reminiscing about the "good times" that you shared with him. Those moments where you both were happy and got along and understood each other. But you know what???? Even in marriages that are severely dysfunctional or abusive.............I bet the couple can definitely conjure up a few good memories with their partner where they both understood one another and everything was peaceful...............IF ONLY FOR A WHILE. But........unfortunately the "negative moments" are greater than the good times. Unfortunately the FREQUENT harsh words and hurt feelings OUTWEIGH the few joyous moments. And that's not a healthy relationship.
^ Sure you had good times. Most relationships (even the most toxic of them) have had a few good moments.......................but if you find yourself more often miserable/angry/frustrated than happy....................then it's better that you got out of it, Stardust. Things are this bad now........imagine how much worse they can get if you both had married........it would be harder to get out then.......and unfortunately an exit such as a divorce carries dire consequences for desi women. What if children were in the picture? That complicates things further since there's such a HUGE difference in mentality (traditional vs liberal).
Wish him well. Avoid contacting him so that it will become easier for you to move on. Don't email him......don't call him. Focus on yourself. Pursue a hobby or goal you were always interested in. Take a class. Go for a higher degree if possible. Get involved in volunteer work. Travel. Hang out with friends, work out. Try things you've always wanted to. Keep yourself busy with loved ones. Easier said than done, but try not to dwell on the break up too much. Everything happens for a reason. Have faith in Allah that He'll take care of you. Pray regularly to find some peace and order in your life. Develop yourself confidence by focusing on yourself............get to know yourself and your needs.............and that way, when the right rishta comes along.........you'll have the confidence and self-awareness to know whether or not its the one for you. Best wishes :)
Just keep patience!Everything is going to be alright.Remember,everything happens for our own good.
