Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write
You see thats the problem. Desi woman is another desi woman's worst enemy. One would expect a woman to better understand the situation and feel what she is going through since she is a woman too. But sadly some of the folks don't. Yes, when a woman complains of physical abuse she should be comforted and should be empathized with. Here most of the folks are talking as if she was the one who ensued this debacle like if she would have just kept her mouth shut, then none of this would have happened. This is quite depressing. I guess most of the women here has never been a victim of physical abuse to know how ****ty she must be feeling right now. She is not perfect, she is immature, she does not how to handle her husband, she has bad manners but that does not mean that its ok for her to be beaten up and its not ok for you or others to make her feel even worse. She probably can't turn to anyone or talk about it to her family. So she posted this. But here all she was hearing is victim blaming.
And for the other questions, whats wrong with supporting a woman who have been physically abused? Of course you can give her direction like other nicer folks here did as what she wants to do? divorce, time-off, try to console her if there is no meeting-of-the minds then she should move on. How difficult is it to understand?
Pisiform,
1) Did you not show your support for Zafra's post? There was no warmth or sugar-coating in his post. Zafra , very bluntly, said in his post that he would have divorced Nadz a loooong time ago due to her nagging and that there is only so much a man can take. I know Zafra and I know he does not advocate physical of abuse of women and I get that he placed some accountability on the wife. However, it was was a blunt and harsh post and you supported it....so that tells me that....even though you SYMPATHIZE with the OP and that your heart goes out to her.......you STILL believe that both partners have to be mindful about nagging and verbal disrespect. And I believe that most of people who have responded here sympathize with her.....but also believe in being patient and controlling your zubaan.....which is exactly the message you endorsed when quoting Zafra and showing support for his views. And it must have been a slap in the face for the OP to hear another guy say that he would have divorced her and to see yet another guy (YOU) support the former guy's opinions. ***** So, at that moment...you yourself weren't being so warm and fuzzy and sympathetic toward the OP (much as she would have liked it) by agreeing with Zafra......you were trying to be FAIR and OBJECTIVE. So, how are we saying or doing something drastically different than you? I don't think we are.
2) In one of my more recent posts, I pointed out that Nadz showed some maturity by going to her husband and offering to cook him something else to eat. So, credit is given where she did good, but nobody is going to give her a pat on her back for kicking her husband in the nuts by telling him he doesn't make much. One has to be fair in their assessment of the situation. Verbal disrespect is a "lesser bad" that physical abuse.....but they're BOTH bad. Her husband is more in the wrong and greater sympathy IS being shown for her but not without reason. If OP had made absolutely ZERO mistakes, I can understand showing her pure, unadulterated sympathy. But if she HAS made a mistake (which she has).......then to sympathize without alerting her to her own mistake is like enabling her.
3) Look at what she's doing now. She wants her husband to grovel and shower her with attention. What does this accomplish other than providing her with an ego boost? I could understand if she wanted to take a break from him because she truly wants to. But to "pretend" you're upset at your spouse just for a little while longer only so that he could serenade you.......doesn't sound right, does it? Does this sound like a woman eager to get her marriage back on track as soon as possible (if at least for the sake of her children.).......or does it sound like a woman that is currently more interested in flattering her ego and being wooed like a heroine? I recall her saying that her husband apologized to her.......but I don't recall reading that she apologized to him. There is no debating that the husband was MORE wrong.....but he deserves an apology for what she said to him........but currently she's not bothered by apologizing for her own mistakes, she wants to be serenaded. The showering of gifts and praise and time and attention will not permanently erase or undo the memory of what her husband did......so why place so much emphasis on groveling?
**4) **The longer that she takes in moving on...(just for the sake of getting attention).......the longer the kids will see that there is tension between mom and dad. Picture it Pisiform......Dad tries to talk to mom....tries to be nice .....and mom gives a bland or cold response because she's secretly flattered and hoping he'll give even more attention to her..........HOW does this look to the 4-year-old? She sees dad trying to communicate with mommy but she's pushing him away. So, the more that Nadz prolongs this.......she'll just delay "normalcy" for her children.
*********** At the start, Nadz mentioned that my husband dragged me in front of my 4-year-old. This seems to indicate that she's concerned about the impact this would have on her child. Where is that concern for the child now, Pisiform? Why is she not thinking about the kids now? Why is she not thinking that I should try to get back to normalcy faster.....since my 4-year-old already witnessed an epic melt-down only days before?
I don't think we're a callous bunch, Pisiform. I am all for sympathy.....but not blind sympathy. Blind sympathy does not help in the long run even if it does "feel good" to the OP in the short-term.
