so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

And this why you should say MashaAllah when your sasoo maa resentfully remarks on how her son takes more care of you than he does of her. At least try to reduce your chances of nazar if nothing else. :/

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Well.

Last night.he apologized a lot. Said was totally his fault. Not mine
And that he has failed. He seemed ashamed.and promised never to do it again. I don't wish to call.him a violent man since this is h? First time.in 8 years and I wouldn't call it a beating but nevertheless was violent and scary.

I usually want to forget and be happy again but I can't and maybe I won't. Maybe I want more grovelling or more obvious attention from.him. rather than just that. He isn't talking to me.not.even looking at me.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

^He feels ashamed and that's why it's hard for him too look at you and speak to you. But don't expect him to grovel more. It will take time to move on from it. But from your end...avoid making comments that you know he'd be very, very sensitive about...and he should also be careful. If he pulls something like this again (hopefully he won't)...then leave him.

I don't think u should tell your mil about this....at least not with the expectation that she'd react in the way you'd like her.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

No will.never tell the in laws.

I am taking advice from here. Really I am.

But yes I do expect more. Grovelling? Yes. Maybe its still early days.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

I get why you wanna make him work for forgiveness, but think of the times you've hurt others. Would you like it if they expected you to grovel some more even after you had apologized to them? Would u like someone to do that with u? Taking a break to cool down is fine but to derive pleasure from prolonged groveling doesnt sound right. You did hurt him as well. The dig about your cooking wasnt nice...but it's a skill that can be developed over time. How much a person earns...is pretty much a fixed thing...it can be hard finding another job and unless u get a raise... Ur pay is what it is despite the hard work u put into it.

126

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Hi there. Long time reader, rarely a poster. But I'm sorry I have to reply to this. You say you are 29 years old. You say you've been married eight years. You say you have two children.
Are you honestly being serious?
You expect more? You want grovelling? What's wrong with you? Have you no common sense? I'm genuinely asking here cause you just seem like you have no clue and you come across as really immature. You do not act like another of two or a grown married woman.
OK your husband made a mistake which by the way YOU helped along in the first place and now when he apologises you want to humiliate him more? Ifyoh can see that he's sorry why not do the grown up thing, accept his apology and APOLOGISE for YOUR mistakes. You are not the saint in this equation. You are not blameless. Why can't you just growup?
If you haven't learnt how to deal in a respectful and mature manner with your husband in eight years then I'm sorry no one here is going to be able to help you here. At least grow up for your kids. You sound like a spoilt petty child.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Look you obviously seem to know this poster a bit better but honestly I think this is a lost case. Surely she should KNOW that her attitude needs fixing. Is she honestly genuinely like this? Cause it comes across as trolling.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

I am.not trolling.

I may be immature yes.

But if I had done what he did I WOULD grovel. Am.I wrong to expect.more.

But yes maybe need to take a step forward now. Although what that step is I don't know.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

That at is the gist of most of the posts here.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Nobody "deserves" to be abused. But some people see a fire, and instead of putting it out/ moving away from it to keep themselves safe they add wood to it. Such people only increase their chances of getting burnt.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Yes you are wrong to expect more. You should be accepting his apology and apologising to him too. Like I said you are not the saint in this e
equation. Have you apologised for calling him inadequate in bringing home money? Did you apologise for aggravating him at dinner? Whst about your mistakes? At least he apologised. You've not done anything except demand grovelling as though you're some queen. You say you know you are immature. You say you don't know what the next step forward is. Its to grow up. You know the problem yet you don't apply the solution. If you know you're immature why don't you try to fix that hmm? Why not act in a mature manner? Have you thought how your immature behaviour will and probably is affecting your kids? You're being selfish. Sorry to be harsh but you need a wake up call.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Apologise for taunting him. Cook something you're good at and know he will enjoy.

And make lots of dua to Allah that your relationship is mended and that your lives are filled with love and respect iA. Then make a sincere effort to achieve it.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

All of the above. I also suggest in future you and Mr Nadz spend some quality time together doing something fun like watching hum tv dramas like Shanakht. It has an interesting storyline involving a British Pakistani girl moving to Pakistan after her marriage. It is about how she tries to fit in and about how she is constantly compared to Qurat-ul-Ain. That way instead of coming across situations in real life you can discuss fictional situations on Tv as a team. It will also make both of you realise how lucky you are not to be in those situations in real life.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Kill the ego...everything else will follow.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

At the end of the day ask yourself this:

Are you happy in your marriage? What do you want out of it? Because frankly to me both of you seem miserable with the situation. And only you know the answers to those questions.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

You know what the really sad part is.....one person may be ready to kill the ego.....but there is always one that decides they will not and that is the greatest undoing.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

I have also heard that she's trolling. The thought is there in the back of my mind..and one that I've even expressed a few times in the threads. I was about to do it this time, but given the nature of the topic...I thought it would be callous. So, I decided to give the benefit of the doubt. Allah knows best how much is truth or fiction. There are several people here who have actually dealt with spousal abuse, so it would be sad to troll about the issue for kicks.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

^ That.
And the fact that we have readers here that may be able to benefit from the discussion or deliver the messages we share to someone that might truly be in this scenario.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

I don't think anyone is saying that she deserved it. If they are then they are completely misguided.
Nobody deserves to be hit.
Period.

When either man or woman resorts to raising their hand it reduces them to the calibre of an animal.
And at that point, that is the company in which they belong.

I'm not sure what you mean to say here. Are you saying that when a woman complains of abuse she should be comforted without any regard for her own actions?

Or are you saying that because the victim here is a woman then we should all close our eyes and support her unconditionally?

Please clarify so I can better understand your point.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

You see thats the problem. Desi woman is another desi woman's worst enemy. One would expect a woman to better understand the situation and feel what she is going through since she is a woman too. But sadly some of the folks don't. Yes, when a woman complains of physical abuse she should be comforted and should be empathized with. Here most of the folks are talking as if she was the one who ensued this debacle like if she would have just kept her mouth shut, then none of this would have happened. This is quite depressing. I guess most of the women here has never been a victim of physical abuse to know how ****ty she must be feeling right now. She is not perfect, she is immature, she does not how to handle her husband, she has bad manners but that does not mean that its ok for her to be beaten up and its not ok for you or others to make her feel even worse. She probably can't turn to anyone or talk about it to her family. So she posted this. But here all she was hearing is victim blaming.

And for the other questions, whats wrong with supporting a woman who have been physically abused? Of course you can give her direction like other nicer folks here did as what she wants to do? divorce, time-off, try to console her if there is no meeting-of-the minds then she should move on. How difficult is it to understand?