the single most hurtful place to attack a man is to suggest that he isn't a decent provider for his family......
you are right, just as nadz lost it when he critized her cooking...
but nadz might be correct to say this to him, as he might be correct to critize her cooking... so in my opinion both lost and they used abuse to get their point accross..
at this time you have to decide or you both what u want in future.. u are not happy in pak and your husband is not happy with you and vice verse....
I am trying to remember but yes he did try to get me off the bed. By dragging.my hand.I did say I would not.get off I was still arguing and he did pull at my hair.
I then cried and he stopped and said something which I can't remember but basically that I.had.lead.him to it.
There is no justification behind what the husband did. I am not going to put her hubby down but there is a saying that says something like - "the size of a man can be determined by the size of the problems that bother him". If maid not ironing his trouser is bothering him so much that he is physically abusing his wife, then he really needs to work on his attitude. There is nothing that nadz can do about it.
That saying makes a lot of sense.
Having said that, I find it hard to believe that it was the ironing that triggered the violence....
I am trying to remember but yes he did try to get me off the bed. By dragging.my hand.I did say I would not.get off I was still arguing and he did pull at my hair.
I then cried and he stopped and said something which I can't remember but basically that I.had.lead.him to it.
And yeah then.he put the TV volume.on very loud.
This does present him in a more favorable light. He used the hair pulling as last resort (not.saying it was right).And he STOPPED as soon as he realized this made you cry. A moment of weakness - which he overcame.
Turning on TV loudly is a DEFENSIVE tactic. He didn't want to hear you cry. Or hear what you had to say.
It was his way of deescalating. By withdrawing from the fight mentally.
**If a guy decided to disrespect me in a way that I could not stand...I'd slap him. Straight across the face.
Why?
Because he asked for it.**
I am NOT saying it was right of him to hurt her. It wouldn't be right of me to slap someone either.
What I am saying is...since you're married to this guy, you have two kids with him, you live with him, you've left your home for him...........why would you not do your best to focus on your marriage and make it work? What is the reason behind the irrational choices? And what other options do you have? Stay this way? Dissatisfied, unhappy, angry and upset all the time?
You know...I distinctly remember a time when you actually really liked him and cared for him. What happened?
Am I the only person who read this as what Reha would have done if she had been the victim of physical violence?
That if her husband had hit her, she would have hit back?
Maybe she can clarify what she meant.....
Am I the only person who read this as what Reha would have done if she had been the victim of physical violence?
That if her husband had hit her, she would have hit back?
Maybe she can clarify what she meant.....
I think she meant she can understand becoming physically violent if constantly provoked.
Slapping him would have been wrong. Just as him pulling hair was wrong.
Having said that, Nadz needs to make more of an effort to make this work. She needs to have a positive attitude. She needs to focus on how she behaves on regular basis with her husband.
I am trying to remember but yes he did try to get me off the bed. By dragging.my hand.I did say I would not.get off I was still arguing and he did pull at my hair.
I then cried and he stopped and said something which I can't remember but basically that I.had.lead.him to it.
And yeah then.he put the TV volume.on very loud.
just for the sake of being factual......where in all this did he hit you?
sounds like he grabbed you by the hand and tried to pull you off the bed......and also yanked at your hair at some point.....
where in all this is the "hit"?
and for those that might consider me being nit-picky, I'm not......when you make such accusations against anyone, it is significantly important to be very truthful and factual and nadz needs to understand that.
I am not suggesting that the gravity of the situation is any less, but the words we use to describe a violent incident can either serve to ameliorate the situation or aggravate it.
Am I the only person who read this as what Reha would have done if she had been the victim of physical violence?
That if her husband had hit her, she would have hit back?
Maybe she can clarify what she meant.....
Basically what SO2 said.
If I was constantly provoked, even I'd lose it. And generally speaking, for some reason its okay if a woman slaps a man if he's disrespecting her. Its a double standard.
Nadz HAS to take some responsibility now. She has to make a change. She has a 4 year old daughter who WILL remember all of this in due time.
Physical violence is never okay. But lets not be unreasonable and expect the patience of saints from normal human beings.
There have to be lines you cannot cross. Even verbally. Its not okay to keep pushing your husband. Its not okay to provoke him when you see he's already angry. Its not okay to call him an inadequate provider for his family when that is his most basic role in a marriage.
One more thing nadz. Just because you're husband and wife doesn't mean kindness towards each other go out the window. It won't make you less of a person if you show him a nice side of you. You're not a doormat if you diffuse a situation by staying quiet when you see trouble brewing. Challenging and engaging someone in a fight doesn't make you strong or prove to anyone that you are smart. It simply pushes your partner away from you and makes you post threads here out of frustration. You probably thought you were standing up for yourself but what actually happened as a result of that? Did you make a worthy point to him? Did he understand you? No. Because you haven't understood him or how to communicate effectively with him.
Try to understand your spouse...what kind of a person he is. What he likes and wants from you. Eventually, you will get the same back. Your husband isn't a jerk by nature. He's one of many many men that are caught between the saas-bahu and domestic politics crossfire.
I think she meant she can understand becoming physically violent if constantly provoked.
There is a difference between a guy who weighs around 170lb hitting a woman who is 145 and the same woman hitting him. The guy can do a lot of damage and scare the life out of the woman. I doubt the same can be said of a woman hitting a man. That doesn't make it okay for the women to hit men, but men need to be more responsible in general.
There is a difference between a guy who weighs around 170lb hitting a woman who is 145 and the same woman hitting him. The guy can do a lot of damage and scare the life out of the woman. I doubt the same can be said of a woman hitting a man. That doesn't make it okay for the women to hit men, but men need to be more responsible in general.
Hitting is wrong...period.
Man or woman. Both need to be responsible. They don't have to be...they need to be though IF they want to last.
And I know lots of women who can do some serious damage to their men. Usually those proportions don't apply to our desi ladies anyway. Humari larkiyan kaafi khatay peetay gharanon se taalluq rakhne vali hein. Sams Club or Costco ki memberships bila vaja thori rakhi hein humne.
Wow... Just wow! So grabbing harshly by the arm and pulling hair is hitting/not hitting but apparently its ok because hey, the wife provoked.
Awesome!!!
I am blown over by the double standards.
oh wait, nadz also should be excused for her ill behavior because hey, her mil provokes her.
no?!
Can you quote even ONE post where anyone said its okay that her husband hit her? Even one?
Sure. You can be blown away. Express lots of shock but that won't help.
Nadz can be excused, encouraged and even retaliate against her MIL because her MIL **does **provoke her. And then MIL can use this as an excuse to brainwash her son against an already evil looking bahu. More fights. More arguments. More hair pulling.
No shaa you are wrong. Reha didnt say if a guy disrespected BY physical violence. Just disrespected. Please read properly.
The reason I am also confused is that on one side you have women condemning him harshly for his actions then you have a woman saying id do what essentially mr nadz did were I in the same situation.
Its only violent when men do it. Women are allowed to be violent as long as they say I know its bad. Didnt u know that? Only women are allowed to react violently.
Sorry for my comment being the cause of argument between you and redvelvet. I know it was quoted. I agree a man hitting a woman is as bad as a woman hitting a man. Violence is as wrong whether towards male or female. I am against all double standards whether they favour men or women.
I do also agree with saaed that responding in same way can cause more damage and people should be responsible. If a female slaps a guy he can hold hands down then retaliate in same way. Why go down to that level?
if a 100kg girl slapped a delicate 50kg girl in response that would be wrong as well. So i say this regardless of gender.
My feelings on this thread have changed as it progressed. Hard to know the full story listening to one perspective. All I know is words are better than physical aggression. I think both understand that.
Can you quote even ONE post where anyone said its okay that her husband hit her? Even one?
Sure. You can be blown away. Express lots of shock but that won't help.
Nadz can be excused, encouraged and even retaliate against her MIL because her MIL **does **provoke her. And then MIL can use this as an excuse to brainwash her son against an already evil looking bahu. More fights. More arguments. More hair pulling.
What's the solution? Do you have one?
a lot of people have said that although the what he did was wrong but , however he was pushed into it by Nadz thereby justifying his violence. He should have removed himself from the situation and not resorted to violence. I dnt think there is a solution here. but condoning violence perpetuates the victim blaming