If a guy decided to disrespect me in a way that I could not stand...I'd slap him. Straight across the face.
Why?
Because he asked for it.
I am NOT saying it was right of him to hurt her. It wouldn't be right of me to slap someone either.
What I am saying is...since you're married to this guy, you have two kids with him, you live with him, you've left your home for him...........why would you not do your best to focus on your marriage and make it work? What is the reason behind the irrational choices? And what other options do you have? Stay this way? Dissatisfied, unhappy, angry and upset all the time?
You know...I distinctly remember a time when you actually really liked him and cared for him. What happened?
Well, for the past few months it seemed that Nadz was making progress....if anyone remembers. She was trying to bond with her mil and things b/w her and husband seemed to be better. In her last thread ...which was only a few days ago...he was thoughtful enough to get her medicine as she was sick. So, it's kinda surprising that he had such an outburst.
i know it is. What I am trying to say is no guy would just kept his mouth shut. It depends on the persons upbringing which of the ways he would go for to show his resentment.
True. He could talk it out with her. If she said something he could respond verbally.
Well, for the past few months it seemed that Nadz was making progress....if anyone remembers. She was trying to bond with her mil and things b/w her and husband seemed to be better. In her last thread ...which was only a few days ago...he was thoughtful enough to get her medicine as she was sick. So, it's kinda surprising that he had such an outburst.
That is thoughtful but isn't it natural to get your wife/husband medicine and take care of them if they are sick? Or to do that for any family or close friend. Isn't it part of duty of husband and wife to take care of each other?
Maybe you can talk to him about the situation? Or if that is scary at this point in time you can write him a letter about how you feel. Start off by talking about his good qualities, good memories you have shared and what you admire about him. It might be hard at this point in time but try to distract yourself for a moment. Then mention the incident and how you never expected him to act this way and that it is beneath his character and upbringing to act in such a manner. You want things to go back to how they were before.
Maybe after reading that he will apologise and promise not to act in such a manner again. Then maybe if you are both open to it you can see a couples counsellor who can give some strategies to deal with anger and frustration through talking rather than other means.
You’re probably feeling a little vulnerable and alone right now so it might be good to talk to someone like a close friend who you can trust and who will keep information confidential. If you don’t think you can trust anyone..you can try these numbers in Pakistan.
Madadgaar is the first hotline for women in Pakistan. Madadgaar
You can contact them on here and they can give you an ear to talk to if you require it.
They also do virtual counselling. It is completely confidential and they also have skype account. Madadgaar
Reha meant that if a guy disrespects a woman which he can do by physical violence she would respond. There's nothing wrong with that. It is self defence.
That is thoughtful but isn't it natural to get your wife/husband medicine and take care of them if they are sick? Or to do that for any family or close friend. Isn't it part of duty of husband and wife to take care of each other?
Savera, just give it a rest will you? All I meant to say was that things seemed to be going well between them of late and so I'm surprised at his volatile outburst. That's all.
There is no justification behind what the husband did. I am not going to put her hubby down but there is a saying that says something like - "the size of a man can be determined by the size of the problems that bother him". If maid not ironing his trouser is bothering him so much that he is physically abusing his wife, then he really needs to work on his attitude. There is nothing that nadz can do about it.
I don't know OP as well as others here, but generally speaking, There is often a lot of sociopolitical shenanigans going on in households in Pakistan. Girls who are born and bred in the west will often find it hard to adjust to these sociopolitical dramas.
You see many threads in this section dealing with this issue. Even just visiting in-laws in PAK seems to cause commotion.
I hope that he has apologized wholeheartedly and has promised to never ever repeat it, and that you have forgiven him too. I further hope that together you have decided to work on your marriage harder, to make it a better union, for yourselves and your children.
There is no justification behind what the husband did. I am not going to put her hubby down but there is a saying that says something like - "the size of a man can be determined by the size of the problems that bother him". If maid not ironing his trouser is bothering him so much that he is physically abusing his wife, then he really needs to work on his attitude. There is nothing that nadz can do about it.
I agree that he needs to sort himself out and that his actions can't be justified; he is more in the wrong. However, I do feel that Nadz can do something about it. It was not so much the maid's incompetency that set off the husband; it was Nadz's comments....they were below the belt. What he did was despicable and, that too, in front of the children. However, her comments were a cheap shot. What do poorly ironed trousers and a poorly cooked meal have to do with not making enough money? Nothing at all. He attacked her cooking and she wanted to get back at him even harder by attacking his ability to provide....and for many guys that is a big deal. Not all guys would physically harm their wife for it, but I imagine that it's a hit to their self-concept or self-esteem. She couldn't keep a lid on it and he couldn't control his hands.
Even if what she said had not resulted in physical harm...It could potentially result in another consequence such as him kicking her out of house, or divorcing her on the spot, or driving a deeper wedge into their marriage.
Up until now, we have not heard of the husband laying a finger on her...but we have consistently read about Nadz's complaining and moaning and retorting, etc etc.
Imagine if they were to split up....the split will not put an end to the issues they both have. What I mean is that even if Nadz were to leave him, she'd still be carrying her tendency to complain/argue into the next relationship unless she works on it. Same thing with the guy, he'll take that attitude with him unless he sorts himself out. If you provoke a jaanwar and it attacks you, is it entirely the jaanwar's fault? But people will argue that insaan aur jaanwar main faraq hota hai....insaan has more aqal and a greater ability to control himself. The husband is capable of greater control, but so should be Nadz. Her arguing might not have resulted in being dragged out of bed; it could have led to something else that may not entail the use of physical aggression but could still be just as bad or worse.
No shaa you are wrong. Reha didnt say if a guy disrespected BY physical violence. Just disrespected. Please read properly.
The reason I am also confused is that on one side you have women condemning him harshly for his actions then you have a woman saying id do what essentially mr nadz did were I in the same situation.
Its only violent when men do it. Women are allowed to be violent as long as they say I know its bad. Didnt u know that? Only women are allowed to react violently.
Savera, just give it a rest will you? All I meant to say was that things seemed to be going well between them of late and so I'm surprised at his volatile outburst. That's all.
Ok. I see it is good to focus on positives. I don't know the full story from the past to now. I am not sure what she can do about this. Maybe the comments were not wise but she can't reverse them now.
No shaa you are wrong. Reha didnt say if a guy disrespected BY physical violence. Just disrespected. Please read properly.
The reason I am also confused is that on one side you have women condemning him harshly for his actions then you have a woman saying id do what essentially mr nadz did were I in the same situation.
Its only violent when men do it. Women are allowed to be violent as long as they say I know its bad. Didnt u know that? Only women are allowed to react violently.
Being the head of the household does not give a husband the license to go roaring about using his fists. The Islamic admonition to mind your tongue and temper holds for both genders. Even if you remove religion from the equation, common sense tells you that it applies to both. Being the wife or the fairer sex does not give you license to inflict invisible punches on your spouse and marriage with your words.
Redvelvet give it a rest will you? You asked shaa to maybe you should follow your own advice. I condemn violence. Im saying that men and women should be held accountable to the same standards of violence.
I never fought the argument for men being violent so u need to read properly and understand before you commence having a cry. I was simply pointing out people didnt really bat an eyelid at a woman who said she would strike someone for the same reason that mr nadz did.
Please read and comprehend before you start dropping your holier than thou nuggets of wisdom. Kkthx.
But its okay. This wouldnt be the first time youve completely missed the point and had a rant about nothing.
