so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Wow, especially to those who say it's Nafz 's fault. Did Nadz hit her husband! No, she was verbal. Her husband could have attacked her verbally too. There was no need to use physical power. And the fact that he's a man is no excuse.

I have seen many couples fight, and both men and women say horrible things they don't mean. But usually they make up. I predict that will be the case here as well. Just lie low for a while Nadz.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

We’ve all done our PhD’s in nadz’ issues/posts/naggings :chai:

You won’t find a single person here who enables her or gives in or agrees with her crappy attitude, incessant complaining or nagging, but that is NO excuse for her husband to resort to physical assault. None whatsoever. Violence is NEVER the answer.

Two wrongs do not make a right, there is no way to justify her husband’s barbaric behavior. If he is that fed up with her bad attitude then he should send her and the kids back to UK and take time to reflect on their marriage…not yank her off the bed by her hair.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

He didn't hit you. He pulled you by the arm and by the hair. And tried to drag you to the floor.

He should not have done that. But he didn't hit you.

If this is the first occurrence cut him some slack.

It is best for one of the parties to walk away from a fight. In this case, he should have. Instead of getting physical. IMO it doesn't appear he is an abuser. This is out of character.

Let it go.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

PhD
pH

25

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

there is no room for violence between husband and wife.....absolutely none.
whatever caused him to be in a bad mood cannot justify his behaviour.
it is even more disgusting that the child was witness to this sort of bickering and ultimate physical reaction.

someone asked earlier......what is it you want nadz?

I do want to ask you though.....when you knew how the day had begun and you knew how it had gone with the food, why not just move when he asked you to from the bed? I get it that he should have moved, but if his attitude had not cooled and you could see this, why prolong and increase the heat? At what point do you take control over your ego and not let it ruin your life?

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

While responsibility falls on both to bring things to this point I'd still say touching/hitting is off limit. You need to tell him that before he starts thinking that its his privileged or he is "allowed". Once that is settled, you need to take a look at your behavior.

Nadz sometimes, its OK to let things go. Its not necessary to answer every time even if you think that you are right and they are wrong. Its not necessary to settle scores in relationships during every discussion, every argument. This is specially if kids are around. Many times if I and begum are having an argument and even if I think she is arguing the wrong point, I just keep quiet if kids are around. There will always be another time to convey the point more politely.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Id say sorry for the way I behaved but also lay ground rules that no further hitting will happen and if it does I would walk out.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

But her husband seems like a total kid really. And nadz you need to learn to pick your battles. You complain so much of this man and his family, why did you have kids with them?

What do you want out of this relationship of constant bickering?

If it's that you just don't have other options either create other options and leave or bear with them. You don't need to back talk or insult your husband. That's family would you do that to your mom or dad or siblings?

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

We all know how...frustrating nadz is...heck we blast her in every thread and most of the time she will complain about little problems that don''t warrant complaining. However regardless of her behavior her husband hitting is stinking behavior. And should never be condoned.

As DC says, after this also have a look at your behavior too. Him hitting you is disgusting and crosses a line but you have had problems throughout now and you fail to listen to any advice people give you. One day you have to sit down and ask what do you want from this marriage?

30

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

There's NO excuse for what he did Nadz...I am disappointed in his lack of self control and blatant disregard for how this would affect his child that was watching.

I feel like you're at a point in your life where you really need to make up your mind about what you want to do NOW. Because physical violence of any kind - if not controlled - usually escalates into other things.

Do you want to stay with this man? In Pakistan? With your Monster-in-Law?

OR

Do you want to split and go back to UK?

If you want to stay with him, you need to learn to pick your battles. Not every fight is worth fighting...it makes you look like an immature brat and that's why he and his family do not take you seriously. You only have complaints and fights to offer him. At some point, patience WILL start to wear thin and I think that's where he is now. If you want to fix things, you will have to learn to keep your mouth SHUT. Zip it. Stop arguing unless the issue is really worth a fight. Why is it necessary to push someone this far? When you saw his day started off crappy, why did you let it end that way? Why did the fight escalate? Why did you not read the warning signs? If someone is pissed off...you don't piss them off further.

Its NOT all your fault but it IS your responsibility to make things work.

Now, if you want to leave him...then its plain and simple. Pack your bags and go to your parents' place.

Whatever you decide, you're at a point in your marriage where you need to evaluate your own behavior and see IF and WHAT you can do to help this marriage. Once you make up your mind, stick to it...forever.

Learn to understand your husband's nature...to this day...you haven't done that. How does he function? How does he communicate? What are effective ways to get him to understand you? When is he the most understanding? What touches him and makes him want to do things for you? What calms him down? What angers him so much he loses control?

Learn to understand your in-laws and their nature...you're still clueless about that as well. Why do they behave this way with you and what can you do to fix this? Can it be fixed or should it be accepted?

Decide and decide soon.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

There are no excuses for hitting you ever. But honestly Nadz after reading everything you have written over the past few years, I am surprised you are still married and have a kid.

I personally would have divorced you a long time ago.

You and your husband are not meant to be married to each other. Divorce in this case will make both of you better people and save your child a lot of trauma.

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so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

^ two kids now

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

For ****s sake. 2 kids? Nadz having kids does not save a marriage. Seriously? WTF.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

the single most hurtful place to attack a man is to suggest that he isn't a decent provider for his family......

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

So true.

It makes him feel like he is inadequate and not good enough. Its the equivalent to being called a bad mother.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

it is better to separate and be happy, rather than together and miserable..

who cares what society might have to say, cuz I know that is the first, second and third factor that plays into stuff like this. if you are worried about something like that, then sorry to say, but society will have bad things to say about a person regardless of the situation, so quite frankly, it doesn't matter what they think. it is YOUR life. and if they cannot help you up, then you certainly cannot let them bring you down.

or maybe visit your family int he UK for a little a bit, clear your head and decide what is best for you

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

agree with this guy. You complain a lot and honestly no one wants to hear it 24/7. Most of the guys would have lost it one way or the other: either hit, divorce, separate or seriously reconsider marriage. And a person only goes so far to save marriage for the sake of kids. Just sit down and contemplate what you need to do? Take some time off? Divorce him? Or for once start learning how to appreciate your husband whatever little he has done for you.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

he got mad at your cooking. remember the guy who threw toast at your face when he came to UK to check you out for marriage? this is a mess.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write


I understand complaining a lot can get on people's nerves. The other options are better than hitting. I feel there's not excuse to justify hitting or violence. If someone is getting annoyed or frustrated take some time out and take some breaths in. Pray or distract yourself.

I don't know what would be the best thing to do. Maybe couples counselling if it is available where they live in Pakistan.

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Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

i know it is. What I am trying to say is no guy would just kept his mouth shut. It depends on the persons upbringing which of the ways he would go for to show his resentment.