Nadz, I am sorry in advance for my blunt post.
I never replied to your threads and always thought of you being a typical drama queen. I remember your initial rants about stupid things and wondered why we let girls so immature get into serious relationship like marriage. You were so annoying and immature but you were getting married. Next thing I knew there were post about ur pregnancy and weight and I thought why people make such stupid decisions and then you got pregnant again and I stopped even clicking on your threads.......
This one however I can't ignore!!! Your relationship is in a gutter because you were not ready to get married. You were not mature enough to realize what marriage is and how to handle these complicated relations. You are 50% responsible for ruining your life and your marriage............But no matter what he can't hit you!!!
When a husband or wife hit their spouses it is end of the sacred bond. Whether he hit you or pushed you and you hit him and garbed him....I'd say for your safety and safety of your unborn child you need to separate from him. Take a break and live separately from him for some time. You need to work on your self and he needs to resort his issues. See if after some period you guys can get into the relationship as mature adults.
But girl at this point you need to get out of there....you are frustrated and he is too and this sort of episode will happen again if you stayed with him.
Guys Guys... the problem isn't THAT big. She doesn't need to seperate or divorce or leave her husband. Stop giving her this advice. She admits that some of the problem is her created. Why can't people see that the guy is nice... Nadz does love her husband. She has defended him in many previous threads. Things happen between husband and wife. Sometimes we do make mistakes and we do realize that it was a mistake. Don't give her this crappy advice of leaving him. She needs to work on her relationship with him. MA she is a mother and she doesn't need to be going through seperation or divorce. Her problem isn't even that big. She just tends to report everything here which makes us thing Oh wow she is always fighting with him. Reality is, every husband and wife argue and sometimes arguments get out of control. We don't leave each other.. SIGH!
Guys Guys... the problem isn't THAT big. She doesn't need to seperate or divorce or leave her husband. Stop giving her this advice. She admits that some of the problem is her created. Why can't people see that the guy is nice... Nadz does love her husband. She has defended him in many previous threads. Things happen between husband and wife. Sometimes we do make mistakes and we do realize that it was a mistake. Don't give her this crappy advice of leaving him. She needs to work on her relationship with him. MA she is a mother and she doesn't need to be going through seperation or divorce. Her problem isn't even that big. She just tends to report everything here which makes us thing Oh wow she is always fighting with him. Reality is, every husband and wife argue and sometimes arguments get out of control. We don't leave each other.. SIGH!
The issue is not whether living in Pakistan or living in UK is better. The problem is Nadz was born in UK and has lived there ever since - you always have adjustment issues when you live in a new place. No matter how much Pakistanis deny that they are living a beautiful life abroad, at the start they all had tough times .. many worked at tills, as conductors, as sweepers etc. and missed their families. Its natural for her to feel what she is feeling since she wasnt born & brought up here.
I would still say to every one - Please do not suggest ideas like separation & divorce on conclusions based on 500 words text Nadz writes here. Allah hates divorces and we here do not have enough information to suggest to any one no matter what. Really a push and a bottle throwing anger incident should become the reason for such a calamity? Really its shameful for those who are suggesting it. Even if you feel they are on the verge of a break, be a good third party and suggest reconciliation no matter what! For God’s sake they have 2 kids.. one who hasn’t even been born!! I fail to understand how convenient it is for every one to use the word of separation. Do you guys even know the repercussions of it? Every one has heard just one side of the story and suggested they go their ways .. really .. is that enough proof for any one?
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I am just amazed at how trivial, normal, minute natured the word “divorce” is for people here! arghhh! **
Why cry all shock, horror over this word? Because of such attitude in our community lot of people ruin their lives by staying stuck in a relationship that brings them no happiness but all drama in the world. Our women would rather stay stuck in a frustrated, miserable and bitter relationship than seek separation to find peace. Islam doesn’t tell you that you have to beaten to death to consider this option, there are many examples where Prophet pbuh himself advised divorce/separation as a solution to lot of problematic and unhappy marriages that were brought to his attention. And NO I did not base my suggestion on her 500 words post, like i said I’ve been reading about her marriage since the beginning. Dig up her old threads (from the time she was in UK) and you won’t find much difference between the feelings and attitude she has towards her husband. Something tells me that the marriage is based on some seriously messed up values and expectations.
I’m not a supporter of her divorce or separation, but just look at her attitude “work on your marriage” mantra is a just product of a “pathetic Paki mentality”. She herself sound to prepared and fine to break her marriage if she doesn’t her get way, so for me its people like her that are a great insult to sanctity of marriage. And yeah kids don’t really enjoy a happy life if they’re being raised around a really screwed up marriage. So yes if she’s prepared to end this relationship (thats what I gathered from her last post) I’d say she must have a serious thinking session now, her kids are young and damage can be very minimal to them.
The wish to live in UK means so much more than saving this marriage or being a companion to her husband. Right Nadz?
sure but why be at one extreme (never advise divorce) or another (freely throw that advice around)?
I can only speak for myself, I've read plenty of awfully lot similar threads from her (and different posters) and I never even by mistake suggested divorce or separation as an option. So save this "freely throwing around" accusation for someone else.
that was just a general question i posed ...i only posed this question because of the statement: "Because of [the] attitude [we have towards divorce] in our community lot of people ruin their lives by staying stuck in a relationship that brings them no happiness but all drama in the world." Even though this question came to my mind because of the comment u made it wasnt directed at you.
like u said u can only speak for urself and but the question wasnt directed just at you ...just a general question
if you read my post again nowhere in my post am i saying that ur freely throwing it around...uve read her thread so have most other people...based on what we have all read (im including u in this we)...we'll all give her the advice we think is most appropriate in her situation (once again that includes you) - i dont at all believe ur throwing this advice around for no reason you have ur reasons
i apologize if u felt like i was resorting to a personal attack...it wasnt that at all
although everyone is making fair points about living in pakistan etc, the issue is what should nadz do now this this situation with her husband has taken place, not what she could have done in the past.
although everyone is making fair points about living in pakistan etc, the issue is what should nadz do now this this situation with her husband has taken place, not what she could have done in the past.
It might stop her from craving sympathy and people to feed her victim mentality.
by the **'people around' **i didn't mean a particular nation, race etc , i meant the *immediate family *which in her case would be her in laws and her husband ...and in laws can be bad anywhere .. so why blaming the country :)
like didnt we have a thread where we were asking the OP to get divorce because of her husband who used to drink, whose MIL used to lie about little things and the husband who couldn't come when she had a miscarriage ! and it was in the US ...
so whatever the country, city , gaon ,pind etc...may Allah always bless us with loving, helpful ILs, family, friends etc ..who respect us for what we are...
and yes I agree..divorce and separation is something big ! i didnt advise it since the beginnning ...it's just nadz attitude that she hates him , she hates her MIL and she thinks she keeps plotting and 'kaan bharofy' her son against her bahu which makes me quite pessimistic ! if a person herself doesnt want the middle way out ..what could random annonymous GS posters' advice do :(
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