Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
no no STA the right question is:
"WHY ON EARTH did you married in pakistan?!"
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
^I was about to say the same..
There are some seriously messed up replies in this thread..
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
This is the beginning and this is how domestic violence starts. Protect yourself and your child. Men who think it is ok to hit a woman or even slightly push her are cowards it should not be done under any circumstance. Hitting, pushing, slapping your wife especially when preganant is wrong, no if's or but's - period.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
i would say the same except that she doesnt remember what exaclty happened...could it not have been that he had had enough of the argument and wanted out of the room so he tried to get passed her to get out of the room and accidentally pushed her in the process to which she got so pissed she assumed he had done it deliberately and proceeded to get violent with him right back?
im just saying how can we label it as abuse (or the beginning thereof) until we know exactly what happened
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
Peace nadz123
Say I don't care whose fault it is ... that you want him to apologise ... if he does not apologise ... then don't serve him food ... then you will realise whether you should stay or not ...
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
first of all
i take this as a direct personal attack
justfiy myself or not: i will justify to an extent this time around (although i have no respect for you left)
regardless of my background, education, where i live, what i do, how religious i am, I have one of the most strongest support of women who are oppressed/taken advantage of by their men beyond any of you women here. having said that i can assure you that you cannot comprehend as to what i mean here.
but when it comes to being stupid/ignorant/etc. no compromise men or women
rest i wont justify
and since its ramadam i will not retaliate to your personal attack
live and let live!
D55sT13
So.....she had it coming?
You--and the person who "liked" your post--are pretty disgusting excuses for men.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
I don't understand why people have this ego issue.
In an ideal situation nobody should be disrespected....either in private or in public. But we aren't dealing with an ideal situation are we? Hardly!
Hubby disrespected you in front of his sister.
You did not retaliate at the time -- good.
You chose to bring the matter up with him right after he has sat down to a meal -- not good. Generally people don't like to address controversial subjects while they are eating.......it puts them off their food.
You justified your position by pointing out to him how wrong he is religiously --> "fasting isnt just to stay hunry theres more to it" -- not good. Instead of telling him that you were hurt by his words because you value them, you decided to point out to him how he is a bad muslim; this wasn't going to win him over.
He responded angrily and told you to get out of his face -- you reacted by angrily pushing the water bottle aside. Was there any need to show this aggression? If you had simply left the room and refused to speak with him until he apologized for his words the matter would not have escalated to this degree.
To make my position clear......I'm not condoning his behaviour. It is deplorable.
But justifying your own actions based on his is as deplorable. You should be in control of your own actions and, by now, have a pretty decent understanding of his beliefs, moods and immediate state of mind. Use better judgement....pick your battles.....
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
oh...now you finally got the 'point'...based on which you can go back home........
i say book a ticket ASAP..and leave the hell hole..........he pushed you...... there is no going back for him now.............this is physical abuse of worst kind........i think you can base a divorce case on it too...good luck
What is up with the sarcasm? Hmm? You know, even the women on GS don't always support Nadz blindly in her complaints and have made it clear in her previous threads. In her last thread, you said that her husband has finally "snapped." Why bring up the past...why not just look at the current issue? Even the guppys...who have the marital experience...for example TLK/Mirch could see that the husband was in the wrong. They could admit it...they weren't looking at the past problems...they were focusing on the current behavior. After a point...the "woman is always wrong" stance just gets old. The whole "beti, it's not the worst thing to have happened, there are others who are going through worse, endure endure endure"....can't always be used as justification. It's so easy to have the sarcastic view point that "Oh it's the worst thing to have happened...and you had it coming...he finally snapped".....when it's someone else....when it's a woman from your own family...mother/sister....it's different.
She's angry, she has a right to be.....doesn't necessarily mean that she's going to get a divorce. Even if she were to take a break from him...still not the same thing as a divorce. There's a lack of empathy and understanding here that I find unreasonable and even immature....and then you wonder why the women have issues with you. And no, this isn't a "go" at you.
Yes, it's her STUPIDITY for marrying a guy who had plans to settle in Pakistan....knowing fully well that she was against the idea from the get-go.
But, it's not easy to move to Pakistan especially when you've lived in the west for so long....the lifestyle is very different in so many ways.....it's is a HUGE adjustment. She's human...and while I don't support the idea of grumbling all the time....it's not unusual to feel uncomfortable or complain about such a huge change. But y'know what....she did it anyways. She moved there. Whether or not she made an effort to settle there.....we can't say...we don't live with her. She wants to have a close bond with her husband, to spend time with him in Pakistan........and that (to me) shows that she doesn't want to just up and ditch him. She could have left before......she didn't have to wait for someone to hit her...to do so. And people have their self-respect, Nomi. Nobody desires getting "hit"....just so that they'd have a "point." Forget it...I don't know how to explain it...and you'll never get it. It's pathetic.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
Where is nadz? I'm sure by now nadz and her hubby have already made up.
Re: So he hit me…advise now.
Read this. Read it once. Then read it again. When you are finished, read it another time.
Read this one as well.
Stop asking other people for advise. Go into yourself and reflect on what has happened to you.
Write everything down, both positive and negative. Do not share it with anybody. Do this for yourself. Put it away when you are finished. The next day, go and read it again.
Only you know what happened, not anybody else here. IF you think you deserved it, then don’t be surprised when it happens again.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
i agree with stoppits.
just because he was nice to you in the UK doesn't mean he won't change around his own comfort zone. with his family, and his home.. anyway, no matter how angry he was, or if you retaliated by shoving aside a bottle of water he has NO right to touch you like that. his 5 month pregnant wife. that's just not on, and i can't believe some people are actually hinting she might have deserved it. you need some time away from him, but don't make it seem like a decision based out of anger and lack of thinking through. wait it out until the end of ramadan, if things don't change.. which i doubt they will. once an aggressive person, always an aggressive person. then go back to UK, clear your head out, focus on your pregnancy and if he calls you back or whatever then maybe you can think about talking it through. i also think you and him need to stop getting others involved in your business =/.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
i feel like the reason she cant remember the physical act was because she might have had a feeling of imminent threat and adrenaline might have been a factor in the situation. human reaction is to get away from threatening situations ASAP without deliberate thought. its common to have foggy memory of traumatic events because of this basic human flight response.
It is also very common to mentally block memories that are too emotionally traumatic.
This is why I asked her to write everything down, just for herself. She needs to face everything once and for all so that she can start healing emotionally.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
Follow the advice from this site and very soon you'll be making a thread saying "so he said the word three times, what should I do now?"
I was having laugh when every tom dick harry in your previous thread was calling your husband names and telling you to give him ultimatums, leave him, kick him over some dinner table mood swings.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
Where is nadz? I'm sure by now nadz and her hubby have already made up.
I pray for this to happen. Ameen.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
I pray for this to happen. Ameen.
Aameen.
Re: So he hit me…advise now.
this can be much much more dangerous than any advice anyone gives here on GS do you realize that?
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
The books do not advise to go out and get a divorce. Read more than just the title.
If anything, it will help her recognize if he has the ability to genuinely reflect and make a positive change. There is no point in an empty apology or saying, "i love you" unless it is backed up with positive actions.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
Nadz, not trying to justify his behavior....but take a look at Sweetmoi and Muzna's posts. They've said it best.
You BOTH have made mistakes along the way...even in the handling of this issue. The habit of complaining to the parents about every problem is going to hurt the relationship and that's something that needs to be discussed. Moving to Pakistan is a huge adjustment and sure, it's natural to complain. I don't support the "you had it coming" view because there is not justification for physical abuse.....but do take a look at your behavior as well. You knew you'd have to move to Pak if you were to marry him. If the frequent complaining can turn off faceless strangers on an online forum...imagine the toll it eventually takes on someone that you're living with. For a guy, it's a big deal to be unemployed and unable to support his family...it's not only stressful...it's connected to self-esteem. Not using that as justification for his behavior...but look at possible root causes provides some understanding.
Take a break and look at your own mistakes. It's not the easiest thing to do or even admit to. It takes courage to do this. Apologize to him for your mistakes and request him to reflect over his errors and the state of the marriage. And this can be said calmly. Then give some space to sort out his thoughts. And that "space" can be like a break for you.
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
I can't believe it, most of you are having a field day out of somebodys misery. Really pathetic!
Anyways, nadz! i suggest you seek advice from a close confidante and it would be great if its not one of your parentm(AND DEF NO ONE FROM GS) as i think you should not be discussing this with them unless you can do it face to face.
I am just sad and hurt reading this topic and about this situation. I am all for husbands' and inlaws rights but the wife is not a slave either that you show your moods to her in such a pathetic manner. You are pregnant and you dont need this kind of stress to add on to your worries. I can understand that your husband must be having his issues due to lack of a job/financial security but this is what it is, the real men is one who is able to take these things with a brave front and definately not by acting sissy and hitting his wife.
I can only suggest you to try to stay calm, keep your distance from your husband and at the same time try and not focus on the fight too much. Think good, think about your new baby, the baby you already have and keep yourself busy with them.
Lots of duas for you! :=)
Re: So he hit me.....advise now.
This thread has made me feel quite sad. I really do hope it has been a misunderstanding, and may Allah (swt) reconcile your differences.
Please do just calm down & think rationally before making any decisions. x x x