So he hit me.....advise now.

[Mirch]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Nadz , it seems you two need a timeout . You both need to go to sidelines and think over how you two are going to go forward with this game of life.
Right not what I see from your post is he said she said and he did this and she did that. People are basing their advice on this he said she said and he did she did.
You are in the middle of it , you know everything , you make your own decision based on better analysis of situation. There is lot of hostility in that home , you are hostile , your MIL , SIL and husband are all hostile. Looks like you cannot win your MIL and SIL but you can win your husband because he has a strong tie and strong bond with you because you are mother of his kids and his wife.
How you win your husband back , it is a million dollar question and should be dealt in another thread.

[Spiral]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@TT

Not really. Stories like Nadz are very common and it is irritating to see people question and ridicule her as if she made up the whole story and they think she is wrong for making it an issue.

off topic but are you married??

[Mirch]

Re: So he hit me…advise now.

@Enigmatic

what is the point of making personal comments and firing off at each other - when somebody seriously needs to have sense knocked into her and wants sane practical advice at this time ..where a slightest ignition takes place and the whole thing could just explode off !
alot of things we say here are way easier said than done.. sigh

I can relate to your concerns but since Nadz has been sharing a lot of her life on these forums , it does not seem that things are at a point where they would explode and everything will blow out. So relax please.

[TT]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@ShahreyarKhan

thats ok, i dont care as long as you dont give your biased advice

I haven't given Nadz any advice and if I were Nadz I wouldn't take any advice from people on this forum.

[TT]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@Spiral

off topic but are you married??

No I am not.

[Dil_Pakistan]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@TT

Not really. Stories like Nadz are very common and it is irritating to see people question and ridicule her as if she made up the whole story and they think she is wrong for making it an issue.

Nobody is rediculing her.
If there is one person who does make fun of her than its nadz herself.

Even the title shows that: 'So he hit me...advice me'.

Last thread was about him being rude infront of others. replies were most in favour of nadz. But not convincing enough en see here, today comes a thread that he hit her and tell her please what to do. Voila, the replies are stronger this time.

I can already guess what the next threads will be about.

And yes i was not there with her, but common sense tells that this story is incomplete and edited.

[ChocoholicsAnonymous]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

i feel like the reason she cant remember the physical act was because she might have had a feeling of imminent threat and adrenaline might have been a factor in the situation. human reaction is to get away from threatening situations ASAP without deliberate thought. its common to have foggy memory of traumatic events because of this basic human flight response.

[Dil_Pakistan]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@ChocoholicsAnonymous

i feel like the reason she cant remember the physical act was because she might have had a feeling of imminent threat and adrenaline might have been a factor in the situation. human reaction is to get away from threatening situations ASAP without deliberate thought. its common to have foggy memory of traumatic events because of this basic human flight response.

I was already waiting for a respons like this one :)
And you actually believe that?

[kakee]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Does it matter?
If you don't think its true just look at it and don't respond.
end of story.

[TT]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@Dil_Pakistan

And yes i was not there with her, but common sense tells that this story is incomplete and edited.

No actually common sense wouldn't say that, but your common sense seems to be unique.

[Dil_Pakistan]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@kakee

Does it matter? If you don't think its true just look at it and don't respond. end of story.

It is a discussion board and everybody gives their opinion and so did i. I am not asking anyone to agree with me. Just adding what i think.

[ChocoholicsAnonymous]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@Dil_Pakistan

I was already waiting for a respons like this one :) And you actually believe that?

Yea i do. ive been there, done that.

[Gaia]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

**This is huge Nadz!!! You need to call your parents NOW AND LEAVE. If you stay this will only get pushed under the rug and slowly fade away, and in no time people wont find it such a big deal, UNTIL OF COURSE HE HITS YOU AGAIN.

As an abused woman you get one chance to stand strong, which is the FIRST TIME HE HITS YOU.

If not UK, what about close family in other parts of Pakistan? **

[Sara516]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

I wonder if the responses would have been different had it been someone else who opened a thread..and not nadz

[Enigmatic]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@Mirch

I can relate to your concerns but since Nadz has been sharing a lot of her life on these forums , it does not seem that things are at a point where they would explode and everything will blow out. So relax please. :)

hehe thanks for that Mirch bhai ..i just got irritated by a few posts above me..instead of giving advice lately ppl have been in a habit of just making sarcastic remarks at each other and getting personal...

[Spiral]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@Sara516

I wonder if the responses would have been different had it been someone else who opened a thread..and not nadz

lol maybe

[stoppit]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

I don't know if you will even reach this post nadz. But my advice is that you try and pass the time until after Eid as best you can. Yes, do the all the compromise and keep your mouth closed. But after that, tell them that you want to go back to the U.K for the birth. You have to be calm and collected and don't get angry if they say no. They need to see that it's a mature and rational decision and not a reactionary one and you need to hold fast but without getting emotional.

Why am I advising this? Because the reality is that you are unhappy and not being looked after and those are no circumstances in which to have your baby. Especially in a foreign country where you won't have any support. The way your husband is acting, I doubt very much that he will take care of you after the birth either.

After that, then you can address the issue of you going back or him coming to the UK again. Personally, I think it's garbage. He took you back to Pak because he thought he could get a better job (or it was hurting his pride to be living with your parents) but he is still jobless and you are both dependent on his parents. How is it any better? And now he's acting like a child.

Whatever menial job he was doing in the UK was better than being completely unemployed. That's how most people start off. Both my cousin's (they're sisters) husband's came and were working in a cash carry and carry for a while.. then other retail. But finally with saving money and the help of family, they both have their own business to run and it's not even been that long, maybe 3 years?. One of them had a lot of issues with her husband, amongst those were that he wanted her to stop working and get pregnant when he was still unemployed but they got through that because the elders were sensible. Now he's got his own business and they have moved close to it and she's still working even though she's now pregnant. So they are doing fine.

I think there were some big problems in the beginning that could have been handled differently, but it's too late now. You should have both been working in the beginning, should have got your own place even though you'd be spending money on rent, you should have waited to get pregnant the first time. I'm sure there would have been conflict about all these things as well, but in the long run it would have been better.

One of you has to change. You can't have two hot headed people in a relationship - I should know. I don't think he's a bad guy; he used to take care of you. But for whatever reason (imo pretty common in pakistani men) now he is back around his family he's stopped being as caring and thinks it's okay to disrespect you. In the long run, you'll either have to get used to this and be the kind of wife they want you to be, or you guys need to come back to the U.K, where it seems he was more himself and that kind of behaviour isn't so well accepted.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

totally incorrect reasoning as well as explanation

on the contrary ppl have very vivid memories of such events (if you wanna stretch it to this extent) when they recall them later on and remember them for the rest of their lives

basic flaw on one side you are saying it is a fighting mechanism and on the other side you said human reaction is to get away etc. fight response or whatever has nothing to do with dealing with trauma

anyhow, two possible reasons why she does remember, one - she is preg and other one i wont mention here

@ChocoholicsAnonymous

i feel like the reason she cant remember the physical act was because she might have had a feeling of imminent threat and adrenaline might have been a factor in the situation. human reaction is to get away from threatening situations ASAP without deliberate thought. its common to have foggy memory of traumatic events because of this basic human flight response.

[Bigboi]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

to be honest...after reading your previous threads and how you talked about him in public I knew the day will come when he would hit you.

[STA]

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

@nadz123

*ok read carefully and reply accordingly please nothing on impulse, i want some serious advice. *

so i gave him his dinner, and i coudltn help but tell him not to speak to me disrespectfully infront of others, it kinda spiralled out of control where he said he wasnt, he was already angry, started saying that i asked u if there was salt in it u said no, and then later u said u did put salt, whatever, i said i coudlve forgotten, anyway, i then said fasting isnt just to stay hunry theres more to it, he said oh yeh ur so perfect....etc etc he then told me to get out of his face, he was rude, angry, so i pushed the water bottle to the side angrily, it didnt even toucn him and if it did it was already on the floor i merely punched it aside. i got up to leave, he then hit me....pushed me forcefully, im cant remember if it was a hit, or a puush but it was the same thing. he has raised his hand. so i pushed him back and hit him and in the process his buttons on shirt came off.....think he backed off or i did cant remember he did do it once more i think, then i ran and called his mum. well as much as she could, she took his side. she said u mustve done something, said something...typcial response, she said AGAR isne maara hai hes wrong....so she didnt beleive he did. he said he didnt, he said i was the one who ripped his buttons. he said he only lightly pushed me......his mum most liklely believes him even though she knws his anger is aggressive. she says he hasnt got a job thats why maybe hes angry, hes angry with everyone, etc defending his actions. he then walked out the room and walked out the house. his mum brought him back in, when i walked out the room he was sitting there his mum and sis there too, god knows what story he was telling them. im sure he must be telling them stories cos his mum said i know u two fight people have told me, who? it cant be anyone but him. his mum said its not him, but i dnt beleive her. hes the one who ran to my mum as well to tell her once we had a big fight. i said i wana go back, he said go i dont care, his mum again said why do u always say u wana go back, no wonder hes fed up...excuse me..?

THE THING is all they cared about was his damn buttons, no one even thought about me whose 5month preg losing my baby had he hit/pushed me harder .....hes a ************* and i want to leave. his mum said once ur father inlaw told me to leave as well, just cos i burnt some food...and she defended him by sayingim a woman we have to compromise, i didnt leave how can i leave, so what if they get angry....shes a typcial paki mentality pathetic thinking woman i cant believe it. but then i guess my own mum wont exactly encourage me to leave either.

i want to leave him. i hate him now. but its not easy. i dont know what to do now. advise seriously and pls tel me realisticlaly what i can do...thanku.

Ok you asked serious advice I will try my best to present my POV.

as your MIL also noticed his cranky behavior with everyone because currently he has no job. You should consider it as the point of anger.

because you both are husband and wife and he could only run on you in this case. I know it is not the good idea to start misbehaving you because you are not blood relative to him.

I am not saying he was right but you are from england and never saw such kind of fights back home.

on the other hand, you can bring your pregnancy topic in front of him and make him realize that it is very important thing in life etc. May be it helps to soften his heart.

I have one question from you. why did you married in pakistan?