So he hit me.....advise now.

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

do you think any of it justifies pushing or hitting?

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

We can't really call it physical abuse, can we? But if he's not sorry and has no sign of regret then I'd be a bit wary of him doing the same thing (pushing or whatever) again.

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

I am so surprised by people saying its ok you shouldnt have done that in the first place. NOTHING JUSTIFIES HITTING OR PUSHING A WOMEN, ESP A PREG WOMAN. its people like these who tell you to endure this BS from desi men that leads to more agressive behavior from men in our society. Women need to stand up for themselves, we are not weak, if he divorces her cause she complained about pysical abuse, then she rather get that divorce then be with a pig like that. enduring this behavior will only lead to our daughters going through the same situation in their lives!

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Firstly guys I don't think he did any of the hitting. A slight push is not exactly hitting. Okay yes he isn't right even then. Nadz husband isn't as bad (read her earlier threads). She praises him a lot. When he was in U.K with her, he took care of her, was there for her. You guys have to understand that he is going through a hard time and needs his wife's support. I am not saying Nadz is a bad person. She needs to be a little more considerate as a wife. There are some really mean, bad husbands out there and her husband is anything but that. Leaving, divorcing, running off to parents isn't exactly the right solution. When you go into a marriage with someone you try to make it work. I don't agree with anyone's advice of going to U.K. He needs her, and she should be there for him like he was there for her when she needed him.

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Shoving someone, which I think is what happened here, is not any different than slapping someone imo. And really why does it matter? The guy got violent with his **pregnant **wife.

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

I am afraid, it all start with light pushing and not regretting it.

47

Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Shoving is not the same as slapping.
If somebody provokes me and doesnt get out of my way and i want to leave, then i will shove that person away to get out of there (hypothetically speaking).

Nadz does remembers all the details of the spoken conversation, but the part that should have struck on her eyes and mind (the so called hitting part) she cant remember... rings a bell.

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Again how do you know all this? Nadz husband has never come here and expressed any of this. Why do you feel the need to defend an act of violence towards a pregnant woman?

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Re: So he hit me…advise now.

the ‘leaving bit’ isn’t making sense to me. nadz is pregnant ..already has a kid - life wouldn’t be easy for her if she was just to get a divorce from him and move back to the uk.

Secondly, we don;t know nadz or her husband personally…but we have already been listening to one side of the story and all the sorry threads and mazloomana threads nadz has been posting here about her IL’s and her husband’s behavior.

  1. nadz is pregnant, she left the UK and moved to pakistan in conditions where for anybody who’s brit born or has been living abroad for a long time, settling and adjusting would take a LOT of time - BUT it isn’t impossible

  2. her husband also moved back with probably a good job ( i dont have the background info of their circumstances while back in the UK) and now he has to live in the same conditions in pak jobless and struggling to find one

  3. being pregnant is making nadz let’s say OVER emotional (which is saying something being the hot-tempered dramatic, sensitive woman you already are)

  4. the way she posts her woes here just think how many times her husband would have gotten those :
    a) i hate pakistan
    b) i want to go back now
    c) your mother is always against me …i don;t like them ..she said this …said that and so on and on

(why if you remember from your previous thread you felt really bad because you didnt like to see him taking care of his mother and you only wanted him to care for you…selfish wasn’t it)

  1. Either way both of you with your own set of problems have come to a point that you are getting on each others nerves … ok so he pushed you/hit you (you aren;t even sure yourself ..and you probably were in a spitfire mood yourself at that time) and you hit him **back **(not a very civil thing to do !!) if you had just been dignified and walked out of the room - he would have been guilty …and later you could have calmly talked to your MIL.
    am sure your MIL wasn’t quite pleased with your shouting/screaming/and i wanna go back rants said in a childish manner. To be honest it made your position weak. Although your husband was at fault.

SO NOW:

sit down …please do look back and think of all the things both of you have done … you were wrong and am sure he hasn’t been on his best behavior with you too..

physical abuse in a marriage is ALWAYS serious and on this issue a woman has to put her foot down but hun the way you reacted too wasn’t very mature ! just stay patient, keep your temper at bay and talk to him or just observe him for a week …If things are deteriorating and if he hits you or abuses you again- it’s best to take a break and go away to the UK

but just calling him names and swearing at him isn’t making you sound a mature nice woman who has been a victim of her husband’s physical abuse or ***zulmana ***behaviour ! no it seriously doesn’t

(PHEW..probably my longest post :bummer:..but i think you really need to cool down and think of all the consequences of both staying with him OR getting a divorce and heading back with 2 kids to raise on your own)

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

i think your responses are biased

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Now a slight push is going to lead to a divorce??!! Allah maaf karay.. tsk tsk tsk..

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

if i remember correctly nadz: you asked for advice and did exactly what ppl here said, now this is what you ended up with

seriously

please talk to someone who can really help you (not from GS for God's sake), if help is what you really want and not destroy your marriage/life

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Even your pregnant wife?

Nadz doesn't have to prove to anyone if it was a push or slap. It could have been a combination of both. She sounds like a functioning human being who can differentiate between an act of violence and non-violence, and she obviously felt that her husband touched her with a violent intention. It may not have harmed her but the intention was there.

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Hmm.. I'm sorry to hear that things are not going well for you Nadz, but how could they? When you are that negative about everything? .. I've lived with someone who was only 10 % as depressive about leaving their home country and trust me I (not even hubby or wife) wanted to smack the daylight out of them after a few months, because such behaviour is THAT stressing for others!

So.. he hit you or he pushed you .. you dont remember, thats how angry you were indeed. Obviously you're angry cuz you cant remember what he did, but you were able to tell in details that you also pushed him and hit him as well .. so basically you gave back, do you think it is ok for a wife to hit or push her husband? I'm not saying it is ok for a husband to do it, but do you think its a right given to you by your being wife? .. Secondly, I noticed you wrote, his shirt buttons came off .. Okay, so you not only pushed him and hit him, you actually ripped his shirt off too .. thats quite dramatic dont you think? .. I'm pretty sure a shirts buttons dont come off just by pushing eh? .. and then you run off to your MIL to involve her? the MIL who cannot stand you and who you dont like either? why?

Dear Nadz, I'm not saying you are wrong. But I'm not saying you are right either. No woman or man deserves the behaviour the two of you have displayed here. From all your posts from pre-wedding till post-wedding, all I can say is that, you both are SO immature! On top of that you my dear are bit of a drama queen. I dont understand why you married this guy and agreed to all these conditions about moving to pakistan etc etc. because if I remember clearly, it was not a love marriage, so you could not be blind by that, what were u blinded by?

My suggestion is, calm down! Leave your husband alone! Take care of your child! .. AND COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR HUSBAND WHEN YOU ARE BOTH CALM FOR GOD SAKE!

Ps. I dont understand the water bottle incident? Did u throw water at him first?

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Yup they are. I don't condone violence as a form of communication. The posters I am questioning have a habit of ridiculing women for no reason other than to "defend" men even though they are clearly at wrong in most cases that are presented in life1.

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Some of you are so good at adding fuel to the fire :)

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Re: So he hit me…advise now.

what is the point of making personal comments and firing off at each other - when somebody seriously needs to have sense knocked into her and wants sane practical advice at this time ..where a slightest ignition takes place and the whole thing could just explode off !
alot of things we say here are way easier said than done.. sigh :naraz:

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

thats ok, i dont care as long as you dont give your biased advice

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Re: So he hit me.....advise now.

Not really. Stories like Nadz are very common and it is irritating to see people question and ridicule her as if she made up the whole story and they think she is wrong for making it an issue.

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Re: So he hit me…advise now.

see my biggest problem with this whole situation is that she comes for help/advice on GS few days back and now look what happened