First of all I would like to say that a man who hits a woman (or anyone) because he can’t reason with words is a coward and a loser.
Having said that. I am sorry but I do not believe your story. No I was not there with you people, but all your previous threads/posts (about how you want to leave Pakistan) and especially the parts I made bold in your quote make your story sound weak.
Dear Nadz, you are not even sure whether he pushed you, or hit you, you cant remember him raising his hand on you.
Did all this really happen or did you want this to happen so badly (so that you had a valid reason to leave him) that you actually have started believing that it did happen?
What I have noticed about your threads is that when you open a thread about how your husband did some injustice to you, then your next thread is consistent with the comments you received on your previous thread. I see that pattern. And what I see here is in your previous thread you got quite some support from people here and that resulted in this thread.
I hope you are not letting the virtual world leading your life. Because again you are asking guppies to tell you realistically what you can do. And the problem with you is that you will literally follow it which could most probably make things worse.
Whatever step you take, do it after good consideration, after very good consideration and NOT by following some stranger’s advice on the net. You are a smart girl, you know what is right and what is wrong. Even if you want to believe that you are the only one who is good and the rest is bad, still then listen to your conscious, because deep down we all know what the real truth is.
Don’t do anything that you will regret later on.
I sincerely hope things turn out good for you and INSHALLAH I will pray for you and your family.
ur relationship wasnt strong as it was yaar and u got urself preg again...u will have 2 kids in a few days...its not easy to live without ur husband with 2 kids..
i tink u need 2 sit down with him and have a heart 2 heart...im not saying hes right to hit u...BUT i dnt tink u shud leave him on that basis..
Dont get me wrong..i dnt knw u well enuff...but from ur posts u dont sound too mature..and all u ever say is u want 2 go back to UK...I know its hard darling...I wud feel the same as u coz i have been born and bred in UK and cant think abt living elsewhere..but u knew abt this when u married him...and then u quickly had a child too not thinking whether this relationship will work or not...
u r now a mother...and more than anything u have 2 think about ur kids....have a heart to heart with him..just you two alone and get it all out...however do warn him that if he ever raises his hand again u wont ever sit down and give him another chance again....life is hard...but it can be made easier...marraige is compromise..we dont always like how our hubbies treat us..but then u shud put urself in his shoes...how does he feel abt the way u treat him..
4get every1..4get ur MIL AND FIL..this is ur life...and if u leave him today it wont make any diff to them..but y ruin ur life for them?
I hope i dont offend u or ne1...but u need 2 talk 2 him..communication is key..and dont whine everytime u talk 2 him..dont mention UK baar baar...u said that he has agreed to go back to Uk in a year or sumfin right? Concentrate on making ur marraige work....its not easy..but it is achieveable..
i will remember u in my prayers..may Allah paak make it easier for u and ur family inshallah ameen xxxx
Also..asking ppl on the net doesnt make any difference..we dnt knw u well enuff..if we tell u to divorce him..will u just do it?? You need to be mature about this...relationships last long when there is give take...it is a compromise...u have 2 be mature about this..good luck
You know Nadz, I think you ar really pushing him to do this. You know he is angry (may not be for the right reason), at least let him calm down before talking to him. Yes he is wrong, but how right are you by brining all this up when you know he is upset about few things that's been going on in his life. You need to be your husband's support in hard times not provoke him to hit you or be more angry. There are times when my husband is stressed about his job/studies etc. and I fight with him for no reason and it seems to get worse when he is going thru this stage. I do realize that its my mistake. Forget your husband, what are YOU doing for all this to happen??
He pushed you, umm big deal. You did the same, you are no less. A slight push didn't hurt you I am sure. Think about the time he took care of you when you needed it. When you gave birth and he was there every single second with you. Now when he needs your support, you sit and ask him, provoke him to do things that he doesn't even want to do.
Nadz, I honestly think you need to go back to UK asap!
you need a break from this man, and the in-laws. You and your better have half need to think about things. See if he calls you when you go to UK, see if he expresses any love or misses you. See if you miss him, that way you guys both can realize if things can work out and what can be done. You are preg, and you should not be going through any stress. go to your mom, and relax for sometime. I have read your previous posts and it seems that things didnt go the way you expected. The distance between you and your husband is not good. You both need to go away from each other to realize at what stage your relationship is emotionally. I really hope things work out for you!
Before love, respect, kids, money or anything else, one thing girl deserve and expect is sense of security from her husband other things come later. If you feel insecure with your husband nothing will fall in place. So if you have that sense of insecurity and its not going away, you should move out (either back to UK or to some other place in Pakistan), let things cool down and then think whats needed to be done.
One can not even think sanely and decide about any relationship with that sense of insecurity looming on your head.
^YES...thts why the guy went insane too........when he has to face 'me me me me me me me me me' all the time......... and the 'ultimatums' every now and then.........all this when he is struggling to find a job (i think i read that).........thats when a guy is in a fragile state of mind......and when someone keeps nagging 24/7.........don't be surprised if he snapped...
Before love, respect, kids, money or anything else, one thing girl deserve and expect is sense of security from her husband other things come later. If you feel insecure with your husband nothing will fall in place. So if you have that sense of insecurity and its not going away, you should move out (either back to UK or to some other place in Pakistan), let things cool down and then think whats needed to be done.
One can not even think sanely and decide about any relationship with that sense of insecurity looming on your head.
Shocked at this advice coming from you. We all know Nadz pretty well. Husband is probably not even half as guilty as he's been portrayed. Actually I think her husband is already a Jannati
Shocked at this advice coming from you. We all know Nadz pretty well. Husband is probably not even half as guilty as he's been portrayed. Actually I think her husband is already a Jannati
Its not normal saas sai jhagra, nund sai jhagra, miaaan sia jhagra situation. I normally never give such advise but physical abuse to me is the last act before timeout should be taken. NO ONE deserves and should take physical abuse for any reason.
Seems u got stuck really, but I would give u same suggestions to come back to uk, Im not saying for seperation or something just give urself and him some time alone so he could miss u and realize what he's been doing to u and u'll get some rest as well.
Another thing why these men ur husband and FIl make big deal of buring food or putting salt , I mean these are little mistake eveyrone can do,yeh kia baat hoi they can break mariages just that u burnt his food. Pathetic!
Shocked at this advice coming from you. We all know Nadz pretty well. Husband is probably not even half as guilty as he's been portrayed. Actually I think her husband is already a Jannati
HOW DO U KNOW HES BEING PORTRAYED WRONGLY? HOW DO YOU KNOW HES A JANNATI?
IF SHES COMPLAINING THERE HAS TO BE SOME TRUTH TO IT RIGHT?
she comes to GS to share her feelings as she doesnt have any friend to talk to and feels secure sharing her feelings here. why would she feel the need to lie? its not like we know her personally right? what would she ever gain out of it? she has a kid and im sure in her busy life these things are big enough to bother to an extent that she comes here and lets it out.
if you dont know the story from the other side then dont make judgements on the side you heard from!
If she comes back to UK...he will learn to live without her..his parents will make him more against her..and she will adapt back to life in UK...she will then get stubborn and say she wont go to Pak and he will refuse to come to UK...do we really want that as an outcome for these two? They have probs only been married 2 years I think....she can make this work if she talks 2 him and controls what she says too..
If my hubby was out of a job..I wud really try my best not to pester him with so many things...one thing i have learnt is dont speak 2 a man when hes angry..once hes calmed down things can be discussed in a nicer way!
Its not normal saas sai jhagra, nund sai jhagra, miaaan sia jhagra situation. I normally never give such advise but physical abuse to me is the last act before timeout should be taken. NO ONE deserves and should take physical abuse for any reason.
Yeah but she doesn't even know what he did, pushed, hit. Even if he did push her a little, do you realize what he goes thru each day?? I am a married woman and i know sometimes its better to leave your spouse alone when they are angry for whatever reason, not sit there torturing them, tell me tell me aisa kyon? Let him at least calm down.
^TT...are you prosecutor??? do you know nadz personallY?
Nope, but I don't see her husband giving his "side" of the incident here so it's Nadz words against your vicarious take on the incident.
Also, your lack of compassion and diplomacy in this thread is making you look pathetic. I would get away from this thread if I were you.
He pushed you, umm big deal. You did the same, you are no less. A slight push didn't hurt you I am sure. Think about the time he took care of you when you needed it. When you gave birth and he was there every single second with you. Now when he needs your support, you sit and ask him, provoke him to do things that he doesn't even want to do.
I agree with this part...this might be true as nadz said she doesn't remember clearly what happened so it might not be "hitting".
problem is he does not discuss regardless of her trying to talk it out. In this situation she doesnt have to go to UK Naraz, she can simply say she misses her parents, and the parents wish to meet the grandsons. that way they both can have the space they need for the moment to figure things out.
Yeah but she doesn't even know what he did, pushed, hit. Even if he did push her a little, do you realize what he goes thru each day?? I am a married woman and i know sometimes its better to leave your spouse alone when they are angry for whatever reason, not sit there torturing them, tell me tell me aisa kyon? Let him at least calm down.
Spiral, as i said WHATEVER THE REASON. No one deserves physical abuse. What u r saying here is best way to deal with the situation BUT if someone is not dealing with the situation like you said, does not give someone else a reason to hit back.
