Single girls in North America

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Hmm.. interesting ...

You know I think the problem is you girls (of all cultures) are so stuck on this soul mate crap. Come on!? Where did you get this whole idea from anyhow? Movies, TV, romance novels? That there's someone and only one person that was created for you… and you just gotta find him? Stop dreaming and wake up already!

Do tell! How do you know when the person is the right one!? Lemme guess! Cause you just know it! It just feels right!?

Tell me how reliable are those same feelings you were so sure of if they betrayed you in the past?

Yeah it gets more complicated and difficult as you get older ..Cause you make it more so!.

Ok one thing is instinct… but here's another thing to consider:

Now this applies to guys and girls both..

Why is it when we really, really like someone we cannot stop thinking about them? We feel the need to be with them as much as possible. To be close to them both physically and emotionally? The very thought of being apart is so devastating you feel death would be a better fate.

That doesn’t even make any sense ? You lived so many years and managed quite well before you met this person.. and now suddenly your whole world is turned upside down
!?

Like it or not and this may take the whole romance out if it.. but we humans are just animals too and a lot of the feelings and emotions we take as ‘being in love’, that high you get is just how we were biologically designed to react to someone we think is, well basically, a suitable mate.

I mean why you think like in the Average Girls post.. the guy’s just all excited and thinks the girl is ‘the one’?! Based on what? Cause she's hot? In some ways he’s more honest!? Lol

Women have slightly different criteria they look for but it basically boils down to the same thing

So if being in love, infatuation (what we tend to call it when things don’t work out) is just a not necessarily intelligent emotional physical response..How sincere is it really?

My personal dilemma has been finding girls who no doubt liked me quite a lot.. but when it came down to actually caring about me.. Not really!? It was all about making themselves happy..

Now love the kind you should be looking for or perhaps my interpretation of it is simply caring about someone selflessly without any expectations..Why? Simply cause you choose to! So find someone who will do the same with you!

A better and far more realistic way to be looking for someone is..Or again my take on it anyhow... is find someone who will be your best friend, you get along , have similar or complementing interests and values and ideas of what you want in life.

All the rest is bull! I don’t care how much you take care of yourself.. We’re all gonna rot eventually… if we live long enough lol

Also it doesn’t really help if you have not had much or any experience with relationships of any sort and you’re just going by some imagined ideal you have of what a relationship should be like!

Desi culture is all about instant ready made everything! Your parents do absolutely everything for you ..and you expect everything to be perfect and just the way you want it right from the start.

If you don’t live in the real world.. you will not find what you ‘want’.. cause it simply does not exist!

Then there comes the actual meeting someone period!? Do tell where the hell all you desi people are hanging out? I do so much and go to all kinds of stuff .. working out, play sports, visit all kinds of places in town, museums, concerts, cultural communities etc etc,, guess what no desi or muslims guy or girl anywhere to be seen?!

And within our own community gatherings? What a freaking joke? Don’t look, don’t talk, don’t even think about it!?.

42

oh come on Waqas, why are you still single? Isnt your mum always trying to hook you up and you always reject the girls for some reason or the other? Ive got a feeling youre also a fuss pot.

43

no.. my mom's not gonna even introduce me until I fix my hoolia lol and given she has not done much to motivate me to even think she's been looking ..it just ain't happening!

I don't believe in pretending to be something I'm not ..just so I can have the opportunity to have my parents propose to some total stranger on my behalf.

If I'm still single.. it's cause I have not even come across any muslim/desi girls in the last 8 yrs ?! Which is basically since I left pakistan..so any 'rejecting' I did was back then.. I never let things go beyond being friends anyhow cause I saw right away that they were not even sincere as friends..

44

<<Now love the kind you should be looking for or perhaps my interpretation of it is simply caring about someone selflessly without any expectations..Why? Simply cause you choose to! So find someone who will do the same with you!

A better and far more realistic way to be looking for someone is..Or again my take on it anyhow... is find someone who will be your best friend, you get along , have similar or complementing interests and values and ideas of what you want in life. >>

See even you have certain criteria and it all sounds all wonderful Waqas, I think youre also living in a dream world. Love selflessly yeah, but all that comes after marriage. how do you know shes going to be selfish or not, she could pretend to be an absolute gem before you marry her! Youre scared of marriage dude.

45

oy! don't be changing the topic here ! lol

how did this become a discussion of why I'm single? lol

I'm not scared of marriage and believe me no one in their right minds gonna waste their time pretending to be nice to me..just so they can get me!? lol

for the record :

sincerity, integrity and sanity ! lol that's all I ask for!

ok enough about me now!

back to the main topic....

46

I can understand where Waqas is coming from as well. see this is not a simple thing. It is as complicated as the people themselves and the huge variety of people perspectives and the combinatiosn and permutations of this stuff.

I too had not gone for rishtas because there seemed to be no basis other than some aunty who knew me and knew some girl wanted to hook us up, and then it turns out that we had very different outlook on life. There was on situation when an aunty ji who had not seen me for a decade or so and even before that it was just a salam duaa sort of terms, thought she knew some girl who was perfect for me. I was swondering, how does she think this girl is perfect for me, when she does not even really know me. I was seeing soeone at the time and politely refused and that same girl's sister married my cousin and made his life miserable. One of those folks who like to use religion to their own advantage when it suits them ya know.

The issue with having anideal and being picky is that we are unable to differentiate between what is really important. Does teh fact that she is into outdoors activities as much as you are more or less important than her perspectives on family life and a good personality? whether or not she shares the same interests as one, is that as important as that she has her pen interests, has a dynamic personality and is not too clingy or possessive.

Guys and girls look at one another as i look at electronics, cameras or cars..really, it is annoying...features, reviews, tech specs :) That is really why I have told these few pals of mine that guys, u are my pals but i can not help you with you finding a hubby or a wife.

47

Pir Sahib maybe you can help me .. i will settle for nothing less than 5' 7 megapixels errrmm inches.

48

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Baba G: *
Pir Sahib maybe you can help me .. i will settle for nothing less than 5' 7 megapixels errrmm inches.
[/QUOTE]

dont you get junkmail advertising stuff for that ;)

49

you are right and I agree with you, I would prefer a american born girl over someone from back home anytime and I have :slight_smile:

50

they are single bcos they don’t want to marry. sheeesh, is it that difficult to understand?

PS : SP probably will remain single for ever bcos no one will ever fit her criteria, and from her posts, its kind of evident that she is not willing to compromise. rest of the girls, they are simply too busy in changing boyfriends that they don’t get much time to think about settling down. :halo:

51

^ zain yaaar aap ki post bilkul angoor khatay hai wali post lag rahee hai. Itna jal bhun kar likhi hai

52

i love khatay angoor :yummy:

53

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by cat-woman: *

Amelie, cute pic :)
[/QUOTE]

Yaar...you freaked me out. :) Had to scan through and make sure I didn't put up a picture.

That was Saima's baby (or is that a baby x2?) pic..not mine. :)

54

Firstly, Eid Mubarak folks…

Secondly, re: the few posts above, 1) It is very possible for us girls to have gut feelings about men regardless of whether these gut intuitions are right or wrong. A girl can be totally rational and look at a man from the perspective of an electronics item, as Fraudz said, or she can fall for the guy despite his shortcomings. My one weakness is to fall for the person by giving my all without considering the consequences, and I tend to get burned. I am too naive in this sense sometimes. Although I hate to sound so cold here but I sometimes do wish that I could be like those girls who feel nothing and move from man to man like a breeze, taking relationships with a grain of salt. Unfortunately or fortunately, I have a heart and I sometimes give it a little too quickly without considering the consequences (my stupidity!..but it IS a Leo trait). I place alot of value on relationships as I think is appropriate. If not, please tell me I’m not living in the 21st century?!

To another remark above, I am NOT “settling” for any man. Not now, not when I’m 50, not ever. It’s utter nonsense to settle for someone who you will be unhappy with for the rest of your life than to compromise a little bit if you have to and be happy in the process. You have one life to live, why waste it?!

:flower1:

55

SP

the situation I have seen is very similar. you ask a person so what are you looking for and they give you a list, you find someone who meets and exceeds those requirements and then all of a sudden these other requirements come out.

One pal of mine asks, I am looking for someone who is balanced b/w east and west and is confident, grew up or educated abroad, good family values, tall, fair, slim etc etc..so pimp daddy fraudia goes out on this clown's behalf..knew someone in who is a physician, very pretty fair, and all round great girl, is like a sister to me I introduce her very and then he is like

"yes she is pretty and fair, but just not the right look, i was looking for someone more similar to so and so in her looks and not to so and so."

I have introduced him to god knows how many women now, and finally I just said..dude i dont have the time or patience, I am all out you find someone on yer own.

here is the genius remarks of yet another such person I tried to introduce to a pal of mine. she is in her late 20's was looking for someone who is a go getter etc etc.

the guy I wanted to introduce her to is an Ivy league grad in North America, an architect who has designed buildings worldwide, works for a major firm and has his own architectural design business, mover shaker type of family. dude's inheritance is worth millions..great guy, good personality etc etc so anyways she sees his picture and says

"he looks a little older than 33. I dont know I dont think he is the right person."

Both ppl in these cases, looked at one pic..did not want to talk to the person or get a feel for them, it was purely on pics. The ppsl i was introducing to them were not even bad looking..

as a principle, i have let ppl, even pals take care of their own intros. I do not want to be in situations where I mess up my terms with one person i know because the other person i introduced to them was too wishy washy.

56

I don't know about this culture gap business; what I can say for certain is that Western/American born desis are more forgiving of someone's "past mistakes".

57

Frauds you need to perform a gap analysis before introduction, do a bcg matrix set up and then pass on the expert consultative report along with intros :).

Really though, my experience would say that people are way more limited in their requirements when introduced to by their parents as against when they go out looking.

And secondly, people have much higher expectations earlier on in the search (cause they assessing whats out there) then later on in life.

So if you really like a person make sure to introduce them to several other people before you ask them out yourself :) By then their expectations would have become more realistic.

58

Fraudz, I think this topic can be beaten to death so we have to lay it all out as it is...that at the end of the day, if it happens that you see someone you like, all these expectations/requirements/qualifications of the person go out the window. You simply start out from scratch seeing them in a whole new light. It's like all of a sudden you've been struck by Zeus's lightening rod from the heavens. It may be inconceivable but I've seen it happen more than once.

59

It has finally hit me.

Ive been asked over the years what my ideal is in a guy, and I always say I have no idea, Ill know when I meet him. Ofcourse there are those qualities I want which every other girl wants as well, but today it finally dawned on me and now I have everything nicely in perspective! Its such a relief.

60

haseeb your last sentence is intestesting :) did u try it yerself?

I am really out of the business of introducing ppl, because even by your terminology of gap analysis, once you have found a good match, they come up with 5 more requirements.

SP

Yes the requirements go out of the window at some point for one reaosn or another when they meet soemone they click with, but until then they have rejected many good ppl on shallow basis.