There seems to be an abundance of attractive, intelligent and well-educated single girls in North America, and they are well into their late 20s. Why is this the trend? I dont quite understand. I dont think its that they dont want to get married, is it really difficult to find a nice guy these days. Girls in North America, please explain why this phenomenon is so.
They're just more fussy and are under the disillusion that they can do better.
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I can speak for myself and tell you how my girlfriends think.
I am in my mid-twenties and like my girlfriends, I just find myself busy in what it is that I am doing. I have come across several risthas in the past as have my girlfriends but it simply was a no-go. I believe when the time is right, things will happen, and my girlfriends feel the same way.
Unlike how some people make it out to be, my girlfriends dont feel that they need to compromise as they get older. I dont understand this notion of if one gets older, they start "rotting", so that someone younger is preferred. Who says? Society? I see the snares I get from some aunties and uncles for not accepting rishtas earlier, but I think I am a lot happier than those same aunties. Not to mention the fact that younger guys still approach me for marriage, because they can look past my age.
This is a bit of an extreme example, but look at the Prophet(pbuh), and his wives. They were considerably older and what a wonderful human being they got for a husband. People shouldnt lose hope, and shouldnt "settle". You dont settle when you're young so why settle when you're older. It would be insulting to me for my husband to tell me he "settled" for me. Would you like that? So why think like that? Unless you cant live with yourself for making such a decision(which some people cannot). I can, and I am glad that I did not marry in my early twenties. It's good for some, and not good for others. It's not some feeling I or my friends have that "we can do better if we wait". I still have a Bachelors, not a Masters, I havent increased my education to snag a more eligible bachelor. That to me is silly. It just wasnt the right time, right person. Feel free to disagree with me. It's my personal opinion. smile
Re: Single girls in North America
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*Originally posted by cat-woman: *
There seems to be an abundance of attractive, intelligent and well-educated single girls in North America, and they are well into their late 20s. Why is this the trend? I dont quite understand. I dont think its that they dont want to get married, is it really difficult to find a nice guy these days. Girls in North America, please explain why this phenomenon is so.
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Well, there are intelligent and well-educated single girls in South Africa/Japan too, who are in their 20s. Why is that?
Re: Re: Single girls in North America
Now that needs a Brain Surgeon to answer…or does it??
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*Originally posted by Munni: *
I can speak for myself and tell you how my girlfriends think.
I am in my mid-twenties and like my girlfriends,
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I knew u weren't 36!.. :p
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*Originally posted by The new COOLDUDE: *
I knew u weren't 36!.. :p
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haw hai The secret is out. grin
Going back to the thread...ahem
yaar, this phenomenon is on the rise not just in North America but everywhere in the world, including, yes! including pakistan...
i think the main reason behind that is these days most girls, atleast in cities like karachi, lahore islamabad who come from educated families get higher/professional education before getting married, and also most guys also try to get well settled before they get married, and so that pushes up marriage age for both genders...
there still r families who believe in getting their sons and daughters married early, but the trend among the middle class in big cities is changing...
Munni, you make some points that are right on the money.
I am 29 and although I was briefly engaged at 24 (which didn’t pan out simply due to the distance factor–my ex-fiance was in London while I was here), I have come to the firm realization that it just isn’t my time yet, as the saying goes. It’s definitely not that I have this mentality that no man is worth my consideration or that I am too good for anyone, not at all. I am very much on the lookout. It’s just that I haven’t found that person who I can say, now look here is someone I can see myself marrying and will be a good spouse to me. That simply has not happened yet. I can thankfully say that I continue to get decent rishtey, it’s just a matter of “finding” that one person and I am very much looking seriously to get married insh’allah within the year. Granted that I have a nice career, am completing my MBA, etc. but I definitely don’t have this job or the MBA to snag a better man! Why can’t a girl try to better herself without people thinking there’s a huge scheme behind it? In any event, everyone’s time is different and when Allah mian wills it, it happens. In the meantime, you don’t lose hope, don’t settle on the wrong person, and don’t sit there wondering why you’re not married yet. God has a master plan folks, and we’re all a part of it.
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*Originally posted by Munni: *
This is a bit of an extreme example, but look at the Prophet(pbuh), and his wives. They were considerably older and what a wonderful human being they got for a husband.
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you're right it's extreme.. those were different times and different cultures and circumstances... not to mention a very exclusive case by allowance from the Almighty... there are no parallels to be drawn.
Cooldude...stop squealing like a single girl in north america...and post your jokes in the jokes section.
As for why ladies aren't gettin married...becoz more and more of them are independent, they know that they can live without depending on a man...they don't have to take mental, emotional or physical abuse from anyone just so they can have a roof over their head.
They can take their time...and think about what kind of man will nurture their heart and soul and not their bank balance coz now most ladies already have a pretty good one.
And I guess with the onset of career and money and power...there;s is little room for patience, understanding and workin towards a healthy relationshisp...funnily enough people work harder at their careers than at their relationshsips..hence they rarely reach the point of marriage
Just my opinion :)..not how I'd live my life...an observation.
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*Originally posted by Soggy: *
you're right it's extreme.. those were different times and different cultures and circumstances... not to mention a very exclusive case by allowance from the Almighty... there are no parallels to be drawn.
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I disagree, but thats my opinion. smile
well in todays times if you're eager to become wife no. 9 then who'm I to object :)
Munni and LK, good points. Women definitely have much more freedom now than ever before in the history of humankind which is awesome. It’s important to be with the right man or no man at all. My opinion.
**Guppies, please be nice to each other…
Personal attacks are not nice and are not allowed, so I’ve removed the offensive posts…
sweetpie, my apologies that you were made a target in the thread…
To the offending members whose posts have been deleted, you know who you guys are, I hope you guys will be more considerate next time…shukran… we are all mature and grown up now and i hate deleting posts and having to give lectures to fellow guppies… I have faith in you guys :k: and know you are not mean individuals…
**
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*Originally posted by irem: *
...and also most guys also try to get well settled before they get married, and so that pushes up marriage age for both genders...
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This is very true!
In the US, the trend among guys postponing marriage for career/financial security is also rising. I can't say the same is true for Europe and UK. Many people I know or meet from UK express shock and concern that I am not married yet.
Personally, I feel this is an extremely positive trend among desi (men and women). It behooves individuals to seek financial security and freedom and having better understanding of self and personal needs before seeking a spouse.
Sweetiepie- That's so awsome to hear that!
It's just insane the way some women still feel they need to get married right away and start a family.. and they jump into it so blindly too!?
It's like they are brainwashed from the begining to not expect or do anything else in life!? And one day many years later their kids are all grown up and off to college or working and they have no idea what to do with themselves!?
I'm totally for women having careers and having an identity outside of being a mom and wife. There's just so much you can do in life!
I wonder how most desi guys feel about this.. ? I think the majority are still insecure and immature and if you take away that 'power' they have over you.. (being the one earning the living etc) they really don't know how to deal with it!?
It's like they want a girls who's 'modern' and educated ..but God forbid she should actually want to use it!? lol
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*Originally posted by waqas72: *
I wonder how most desi guys feel about this.. ? I think the majority are still insecure and immature and if you take away that 'power' they have over you.. (being the one earning the living etc) they really don't know how to deal with it!?
It's like they want a girls who's 'modern' and educated ..but God forbid she should actually want to use it!? lol
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Desi mens' attitudes have changed and are changing just like desi womens'. I want a partner, period; from what I have gathered from my social circle, this feeling is more or less the same.
As regards the power dynamic, people (both men and women) seem to be interested in mutual growth and happiness over unilateral domination of a spouse.
I speak from personal experiences of course, no statistical data here. :)
It still doesnt make sense to me. Im sure there are those who really value their careers and are passionate about what they do and what they have studied, but at the end of the day noone wants to end up alone, so I refuse to believe that girls who are past the 20s halfway mark, still want to be single and have marriage at the back of their minds. These girls do want to get married believe it or not, and increasingly even in my family Ive seen girls who are becoming more and more fussy. I hate to use this word, but the criteria we have are so rigid when it comes to choosing a life partner. Everyone is looking for a soulmate, be it a gori or desi girl.
As long as you guys are right about girls having different priorities nowadays, then its okay.
Umer, lets not talk about me - Im not in my late 20s and I dont live in North America :p ask me in 2 years time though!