Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Lifestyle Relationships
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Sick and tired of my husband cheating

When there are kids involved it is not so easy to kick the beghairat to the curb and move on. Life is horrible for Divorced single mom. The kids will absolutely suffer . However, Shareen become strong. Educate yourself. Get a degree and don't act like a doormat. every woman has the capability to fight with the world and protect her kids. Does he have any elders at all? He thinks you will do nothig and continue to stay with him and figured you are weak. Become strong and Educate yourself and make him realize that you can live without him while you still married to him . Start fighting for your rights while being married. Take care of yourself , dress well, take care of the house and make friends. The truth some men need more than one wife. They are wired to be players. Was this an arranged or love marriage? men who have a wandering eye sometimes have an addiction for women and sex. Try to go to the masjid and keep him busy with children's work.

read dua and ayatul kursi on him. And try to make him realize you are not weak. Raise your kids well. You are in difficult situation no doubt but focus your energies on your kids and positive work. What does your husband do for a living?

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

and men like her husband will not talk, they avoid the TALK. He will come back to her, assure her that he only loves her and the kids, he needs her and there was nothing back in pak with that girl. But when he sees a female that he likes he will try to grab the opportunity, but thank God he seems to be loser with females who see him as time pass or visa application but not someone they want to be with. So he avoids the talk as he knows he is a loser, all he has is his wife, who will allways be there for him when times comes to fall back to someone.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

dont be rude! she was being sacarastic. He wanted to marry a sikh female, his reasoning that he will convert her, where as she made the point, first become a muslim yourself before u start converting others! which is a fine answer, i am sorry that u dont understand.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Yes I'm sure that's how the Sahaba's did it...treat their existing wife like ****t, cheat and bring a 2nd one into marriage.

Stop defending this hypocrisy. People like you make Islam look like a joke!

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

I am not defending it, where am I defending it.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

What does me being married have to do with anything Saadia? I'm simply stating my opinion, and also do I need to be married to say something that married members here have agreed with (by the likes received)? Let's not forget that idiots aren't exempt from marriage either, case in point the OP's husband. Like I said before, whilst she doesn't know the extent of his infidelity.. there is still issues with him being intimate and flirting around with other women. Something that she should nip in the bud if she wants any chance of saving this marriage. Now if he doesn't want to try, and keeps shutting his phone for days when she DOES want to talk about it.. then what does that say about their ability to communicate and sort this out? Not much, that's for sure. I'm not saying she should trust him blindly, but to work on it and regain that trust. Again, if he doesn't want to.. then there is little chance of reconciling in the long run.

As for thinking of the kids, sometimes keeping the kids in mind and separating can be better than trying to stay together and causing misery for everyone. Kids aren't stupid, they'll eventually pick up on the fact that their parents' relationship is somewhat hostile.

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Sick and tired of my husband cheating

People who are telling her divorce him haven't been in a position where they have to protect their kids. yes you should not marry such losers but nobody knows when they are marrying what kind of circumstances they will have to face. Keeping a family together is both a woman and mans job. But often woman make a bigger sacrifice for their kids. There is nothing wrong with that. Many men do Stupid things however it's another woman who has no regards and goes after a married man with children. Some women who are not married go after married men Bc of their unfulfilled needs.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

And some of us are also giving her advice based on being children of divorced parents who know the flip side of what it's like to live in a home with parents in a troubled marriage.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Twinklestar, even if a woman goes after him he should have enough self-control to say 'no'..

Protecting kids shouldn't mean staying in a marriage which is basically a lie.. By staying in a bad marriage you're often teaching your kids that this sort of behaviour is 'normal' or acceptable imo

(My post isn't specifically aimed at the OP btw.. I mean in general)

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Just coz some of you witnessed a trouble marriage with your parents, doesnt mean all marriages are the same if troubled and have to end with divorce. I guess a lot of know about the other side of the coin. what I gathered by her post that her husband is a good father that the only issue that she has is that he gets attracted to other females very easily. For this the Op should work with her husband and maybe try to spice up her marriage life. maybe he needs romance at home., when we have kids we forget that we have a husband wife relationship instead we concentrate on being mom and dad.

as someome wrote before she needs to get out, meet ppl, go and visit places, do a course, learn something new, join gym and start loving her self, if she finds herself attractive, and looks fresh, then her husband will not look beyond her, not that i am saying she might not be attractive.

so instead of jumping to divorce as some ppl are saying, first try to work it out... see if you find a way to get to his heart again. another thing is that men think that their wifes are allways there, ghar ki murgi daal barbar, so if she

is hard to get, like if she is busy witherself and he has to conquer her again, he will pay attention to her and not other females.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Other day I was listening to one hadith ... don't remember the right words but it was something like ... Allah don't answer prayers for three people ... the one who didn't write down the agreement and now is in trouble ... the one in bad marriage, and tells everyone how bad it is but doesn't get out of that marriage ... and 3rd one I don't remember .

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

please tell us the source of this hadith.. and what is the defination of a "bad" marriage?

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Nobody is blindly telling her to divorce. Nor is anyone making light of the situation and saying divorce is the only option. Some of us are merely pointing out that sometimes it may be in the best interest of the children to not witness unhappy parents who argue, don't love, trust or respect each other. It has ramifications that will be felt years later when those children grow up and become adults themselves.

We can only advise based upon the given information, so when a person comes and says her husband is a chronic cheater, has given her multiple reasons to believe he's being unfaithful and is not even willing to admit they there is a problem, then I'm sorry, but I don't agree with "ignoring it for the children's sake".

I totally agree with you that the OP should exhaust all remedies and solutions before thinking about ending her marriage. It's not a decision to make based on momentary emotions however I'm amazed that our community still thinks of divorce as an automatic death sentence that will render women useless and immobile for life.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Thank you! Also, her making an effort and yknow rekindling that romance actually does require SOME kind of interest from him to mend things. Like i said before, both of them need to be willing to make it work. Divorce is a last resort. Anyway, OP jaanay aur uss ka kaam jaanay, can’t say much else :hehe:

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

forget it edited.

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Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Yes, I wrote that on the first page and I stand my every word. When children witness distrust, tension and unhappiness day in and day out, see their parents in anguish and turmoil and KNOW that their parents are not happy, it can be detrimental to their own development and view on marriage. What kind of example is wing set for daughters? That it's okay put their own self worth on the line and "look the other way" when a man cheats and is unfaithful? That they should just sit back and deal with it because "that's how all men are".

Or for sons? To have an example of an adulterous father as a role model? Why? So that they can carry that mentality through to their own marriage?

Before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm not at all saying that happens EVERY time. My point is that a child's emotional well being is completely incumbent on the example set by their parents. In my opinion, the best gift I can ever give my children is that of a mutually respectful and loving relationship with my husband. If ever their came a point where my husband and I were no longer capable of providing a stable and happy home for them where they know we are both happy as well, I wouldn't hesitate for a minute to separate for THEIR sake.

And please, not all men have a wondering eye. That is just an excuse to mask bad behavior. If my husband ever decides to disrespect me to the point where he's cavorting with other women (even if it is just flirting or an "emotional affair) he's more than welcome to indulge...I just won't stick around for the ride. My self respect and self worth is to precious to me, I don't need the stress of mistrust and insecurity.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

just a comment on the above statement.....
there is nothing precluding a perfectly fine person from becoming an idiot long after he/she gets married.

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khattichic, I love how you twist words and make the other one look absolutely stupid with their statement. You know and I know what I said was not an excuse for her husband or any cheating husband. But I see that you have been through terrible times and your feelings are of what you experienced.

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Re: Sick and tired of my husband cheating

Wow Saadia. Who is twisting words now? Maybe you should not have deleted your post (or I should have quoted it) so that I could see too how I'm making you look stupid. I'm sorry you feel that way because it's certainly not my intent.

Yes, I have been through terrible times which why I speak up when I have a view that someone else may not...that of a child who has lived through a bad marriage and parents' divorce. And STILL I advocate it as a last resort after all other avenues have been exhausted. But, and this is a big one, I will never look down upon divorce as something shameful or as permanent black mark against a women or her children because it's NOT!

A marriage is a contract between man and women. There are certain terms that must be met on BOTH ends for that contract to be upheld and if EITHER person cannot abide by those terms there is no shame in breaking that contract for the betterment of all. You can argue with me until you're blue in the face but you and I both know that the ridiculous stigma and haaawwww haaiiiii's of our culture over the "D" word are very much the reason women like the OP are starting threads like this.

If man cannot keep his nazar to himself, cannot love and cherish his wife and be a solid example of morals and deen for his children, IMO he doesn't deserve to be married . And any children in a marriage like that deserve better than to have to witness that baghairity. (and the same goes for a skanky or philandering wife).