Allah (Swt), your husband and the niece know if anything foul happened. Decide if you are better off with or without him ( financially, mentally, and socially). There are women who are able to raise their kids and face society singlehandledly. However many women realistically cannot handle 4 kids, work in and outside the home. It all depends on what your background is and how financially secure you and your husband are. Many women stay in "bad marriages" Bc of this. If you decide to stay in the marriage Bc of the kids then try to become stronger. Take good care of your physical appearance and become active and try to keep your husband busy with kids. Also try to accompany him to overseas trips if possible. A woman knows if her hubby has the wandering eye .
Ok,I am going to play the role of devils advocate here.....If your husband has cheated on you before,he could and most likely would do it again.I personally do not believe in giving second chances to cheaters,because although I may forgive welcoming the person back into my life can be poisonous for me and him.So, its great you have given I'm so many chances,but thread a very careful line before pointing fingers at another women.You need to realize and maybe pray to god that nothing happened between them...And if he cares even an ounce about his kids,he would have done nothing wrong.If he has and you have physical evidence I suggest you move on.Its best you part ways then live a life full of hate for each other.Other than being totally true to yourself,you need to seek guidance from Allah mian, because GOD will offer you a path none of us can help you find. Take care:)
If i was constantly suspicious or doubting my love's faithfulness, it would eventually cost me my sanity because i would probably suspect he's having an affair with every woman he speaks with and emotionally I would break down or get worn out or get jealous of her, if he's been unfaithful before.
I'm not sure but did you ever tell us what were the past times that you thought he was unfaithful. Can you just give the gist of what happened that made you suspect him so much in the past?
I agree with twinklestar, supporting 4 kids on your own is difficult for a single mother. Live your own life in the marriage, you don't live for your husband and especially if he is the type to be unfaithful but think about whether you would be able to live the life of a single mother of 4, working and taking care of yourself and the kids every day without him. It's easy for us to say leave him or don't leave him but since you're the one that knows your husband and yourself best, think about whether you can go to someone that specializes in couples therapy and see if there is anything you can do to get him to change his ways since they are detrimental to the marriage. These are questions you need to consider before you think about leaving him.
I spoke to my husband he said he went there to meet her old father and her brother, the reason why he never answered his phone was because I would get angry and shout down on the phone and that he was sleeping in the same room as her brother and he didn't want him to hear.
I still don't believe him how come he couldn't tell me this from day one when I found he went there, I have no proof but deep inside me I know he went there because of her and now he is sticking to his story that I warned him to stay away from her and that's why his phone was switched off and he wouldn't answer my phone.
I said to him I don't believe you he then used abusive language and said said that I don't own him I didn't buy him of the market and that he has to listen to me. He then said it's finished between us and hanged up on me.
I was very shocked he then kept ringing me I answered it and said what else is there now he got to say and he said he was angry and he didn't mean it.
He told me he would never cheat on me and I have to trust him. He then said he loves me and he put the phone down.
I'm still not convinced but I have no proof. I don't love him anymore his words really killed me I had nikah with him what does he mean by saying I don't own him?
I have to be honest with him today and tell him how his words hurt me and the language he used was way out of order he said a very rude word involving my mum . I can't forgive him.
I can't sleep and eat I'm up every night 2am can't get back to sleep.
I'm also losing weight I don't want to go to the doctors I'm scared the social will take my kids away from me. I don't know what to do ya Allah please guide me!
I spoke to my husband he said he went there to meet her old father and her brother, the reason why he never answered his phone was because I would get angry and shout down on the phone and that he was sleeping in the same room as her brother and he didn't want him to hear.
I still don't believe him how come he couldn't tell me this from day one when I found he went there, I have no proof but deep inside me I know he went there because of her and now he is sticking to his story that I warned him to stay away from her and that's why his phone was switched off and he wouldn't answer my phone.
I said to him I don't believe you he then used abusive language and said said that I don't own him I didn't buy him of the market and that he has to listen to me. He then said it's finished between us and hanged up on me.
I was very shocked he then kept ringing me I answered it and said what else is there now he got to say and he said he was angry and he didn't mean it.
He told me he would never cheat on me and I have to trust him. He then said he loves me and he put the phone down.
I'm still not convinced but I have no proof. I don't love him anymore his words really killed me I had nikah with him what does he mean by saying I don't own him?
I have to be honest with him today and tell him how his words hurt me and the language he used was way out of order he said a very rude word involving my mum . I can't forgive him.
I can't sleep and eat I'm up every night 2am can't get back to sleep.
I'm also losing weight I don't want to go to the doctors I'm scared the social will take my kids away from me. I don't know what to do ya Allah please guide me!
Please call a psychiatrist also for a visit maybe.
Unlike any famanazi person or Reha the prime example of those thinks, I would say the same to a man who says what is said above in red.
You're planning to go for hajj. So you seem to be religious. That said, when you don't have concrete evidence for something, it's better to leave it alone. Islam advises us to avoid suspicion and you are toying/obsessing with it. Allah knows best if your husband is guilty because He sees everything....and here you are trying to accuse him of something without evidence....you are not God. I could understand if you had evidence, but you only have his word to go by. Actually not only your husband's word.....you also have that girl's words....so there are TWO people telling you that nothing happened and still you're not letting it go. If even ten people from your family told you that nothing happened, even then you wouldn't believe it.
You keep asking the question how come he didn't tell me from the beginning. And the answer is rather simple, but you don't understand it. Here's an example. There have been times I have lied to my mom about my whereabouts....not because I am doing something wrong....but because she can be strict and overprotective. So instead of telling her the truth, at times I have fibbed to avoid the drama. This is what I think your husband did. And this is why I told you to think about whether you are maybe suffocating him by watching him closely.
Since he has to book a ticket to come back home, that means he is another state or country. Being miles away from you....it's easy for him to make false excuses on the phone. If he has been caught cheating by you before, he could have done better planning this time. He could have told you that he was running wedding-related errands with the family....or out with friends....or his cell died...or this that or the other. And you have less of a way of checking up on him cuz he's miles away from you. But even being in another country/state he still admitted he was at the girl's home. He could have lied to you to protect himself. Plus when two people are angry and emotions are running high....it's hard to talk reasonably long-distance. It's easier when you both are in front of each other. Don't already make the decision that you cannot forgive him when he hasn't even come home yet. Let him come home...let him rest a bit from the jet-lag....and then talk to him. Don't make final decisions yet. You can talk to him about the language/cursing he did...but that is not the main issue her...so don't base the entire marriage on the language or suspicion.
^Can't say for sure that she's trolling. But giving her the benefit of the doubt, she still has not told us how she caught her husband cheating in the past. The question was asked earlier by Queer and Slims and it's an important one. Don't know if it was overlooked or evaded.
^Can't say for sure that she's trolling. But giving her the benefit of the doubt, she still has not told us how she caught her husband cheating in the past. The question was asked earlier by Queer and Slims and it's an important one. Don't know if it was overlooked or evaded.
My husband cheated on me 3 times in the last 16 years of our marriage I forgave him because our family got involved.
He went pakistan for his brother wedding and his sister in laws niece come to help and stayed 2 Weeks anyway I knew she was there so I warned my husband to stay away from her as she is bad news.
The next thing I know he has been very close with her I heard from other member of family I then confronted him on the phone he said he was only helping her with the wedding.
The wedding finished and she went home she lives 1 hour away.
After few days my husband phone was switched off I phoned his mum she said he left for my brothers mother in law house which 4 hour away so I rang my brother mother in law who is my auntie if my husband reached there and they said no. I then rang him today 3am his phone was on ringing but he would not answer I rang him 3 times but he still would not ansar and then he switched it off. He answered his phone at 6am and he said his phone ha no reception and was on silent I asked him when he left his own house he said just now I shouted at him I said your lying I know where you are at that ***** house he admitted it and said he went to visit the ***** old father and he stayed the night. I know he stayed there because of her and god knows what happen between them as she has very old parents.
I have now given him choice to book his seats in 1 week and come straight home to save our marriage
I am so depressed and thinking what he will do now I have threatened him I will disclose this matter to his family and her family he swears nothing happened but I know he is lying.
I am sick of his lies.
Tomorrow I wil find out about his decesion Shall I stick to my decision if he doesn't come back I should finish with him? Please advise.
And why did you warn your husband to stay from her particularly?? Maybe that's exactly why he didn't tell you he is going to see her family because you would just be speculating that something is going on between them.
You know OP, sometimes, we start seeing things that we want to see. I would say don't make any decisions until you have any proof and definitely don't go around slinging mud on that girl's character. And I am not sure but I think you still haven't answered everyone's question, if you had proof that your husband has previously cheated or you just had that "gut feeling" that you have now?
There are no good, cheating husbands. They exist and always have. However there are some Shakki women who think their husband is superman (or some irresistible movie star) that every women wants a piece of. Is your hubby very good looking, rich, famous, or powerful? There has to a reason why another would risk her reputation especially in a country like Pakistan to have an affair with a married man.
Shareen trying warning the drama shakk on Ary digital.
Hey there some low life who cheat and always manage to find women who are willing to cheat and have one night stands but remember it is far more difficult to carry on an affair on Pakistan than it is abroad.
someday I would love to hear from a person that grew up in a family where the father cheated on the mother frequently and she just put up with it........
I wonder how this sort of behaviour, both the father's and the mother's, influenced the person and how they perceived the situation then and now.
Why would this girl contact you if she wasn't guilty?
If you're innocent, you'd be livid at the thought of someone accusing you of such things. I would be angry, break off all contact and never give a rat's *** about what happened to who. Its not my problem, not my marriage and I don't want to be involved in anyone's drama.
Who goes out of their way to call up someone else's wife to give safaiyyan like this?
Why is the girl contacting you and insisting she has no connection with your husband? That means she knows you and your husband had a fight over her...and who told her this info?
Why is he even staying over her home in the first place? He could find no other place to sleep? Please.
You're planning to go for hajj. So you seem to be religious. That said, when you don't have concrete evidence for something, it's better to leave it alone. Islam advises us to avoid suspicion and you are toying/obsessing with it. Allah knows best if your husband is guilty because He sees everything....and here you are trying to accuse him of something without evidence....you are not God. I could understand if you had evidence, but you only have his word to go by. Actually not only your husband's word.....you also have that girl's words....so there are TWO people telling you that nothing happened and still you're not letting it go. If even ten people from your family told you that nothing happened, even then you wouldn't believe it.
You keep asking the question how come he didn't tell me from the beginning. And the answer is rather simple, but you don't understand it. Here's an example. There have been times I have lied to my mom about my whereabouts....not because I am doing something wrong....but because she can be strict and overprotective. So instead of telling her the truth, at times I have fibbed to avoid the drama. This is what I think your husband did. And this is why I told you to think about whether you are maybe suffocating him by watching him closely.
Since he has to book a ticket to come back home, that means he is another state or country. Being miles away from you....it's easy for him to make false excuses on the phone. If he has been caught cheating by you before, he could have done better planning this time. He could have told you that he was running wedding-related errands with the family....or out with friends....or his cell died...or this that or the other. And you have less of a way of checking up on him cuz he's miles away from you. But even being in another country/state he still admitted he was at the girl's home. He could have lied to you to protect himself. Plus when two people are angry and emotions are running high....it's hard to talk reasonably long-distance. It's easier when you both are in front of each other. Don't already make the decision that you cannot forgive him when he hasn't even come home yet. Let him come home...let him rest a bit from the jet-lag....and then talk to him. Don't make final decisions yet. You can talk to him about the language/cursing he did...but that is not the main issue her...so don't base the entire marriage on the language or suspicion.
Thank you all for your advice and red velvet you are right I should wait for him to come home and then make the final decesion insha Allah.
Hi just wanted you all to know the wedding DVD has arrived I watched it and I got all my answers he is flirting with her she even feeds him sweet and they were always together. He phoned me I told I don't want anything to do with him .
He still does not admit his affair I had enough I'm deleating his number.
I know it will be hard to raise my kids alone but have to think if we live together we will be arguing all the time.
I also rang her brother he said he was not sleeping in the same room as my husband so I had to tell everything to her brother and he promised me his sister will never go down his house and he would not let him come down her brother asking me to save my marriage and that he will make sure he keeps his sister away.
Her brother didn’t suspect anything? He didn’t deny or show disbelief and instead believed that something must have been happening between his sister and your husband? I find it interesting that he was so cooperative. I don’t know what to say. I wish the outcome had been different. But I’m glad that you waited to learn more about the situation. I hope things become easier for you and your family.
