What TLK said. I had the same thoughts as him....that there must be details about past problems you've had with your husband (that you've omitted) which lead you to feel so certain that he's cheating on you, but based solely on the limited information provided in your post....it could be speculation because you have no solid proof for what happened on his end even if he was at that girl's home.
You need to listen to his side of the story. Without any hard, concrete evidence....it would be wrong of you to tarnish that girl's reputation before the entire family (much less your husband's) especially if she's innocent. That said, slow down.
The girl didn't have to call you, but she did and you were closed-minded with her, so that means you won't make the effort to listen to your husband with an open-mind. I don't think it's common for the "other woman" to call the wife to explain that nothing happened. That rarely happens. Usually the "other woman" will call to tell the wife that her husband did have an affair with her. Have you thought about it from this angle, Shareen?
Maybe Allah is testing to see if you will surrender to suspicion without evidence or if you can rise above that. I am not saying that your husband is 100% innocent, but you need to slow down and keep an open mind. Your husband might have track record of cheating on you that even the rest of the family could be aware of.......but if this woman is innocent, it would be a gunnah for you to tarnish her image.
She phoned me because she was scared I will disclose this matter to everyone because I threaten my husband I will if he doesn't come back and I am sure something is going on between them because first of all he lied to me and ok if he did went there there wasn't no need to stay there 10am till next morning he lied to me he knew I would dislike him going there but he still went there risking his marriage.
I will not tarnish her image innocent or not innocent because I know like you said I have no proof what went there all I know my husband is in the wrong to go there in the first place.
Why would this girl contact you if she wasn't guilty?
If you're innocent, you'd be livid at the thought of someone accusing you of such things. I would be angry, break off all contact and never give a rat's *** about what happened to who. Its not my problem, not my marriage and I don't want to be involved in anyone's drama.
Who goes out of their way to call up someone else's wife to give safaiyyan like this?
She phoned me because she was scared I will disclose this matter to everyone because I threaten my husband I will if he doesn't come back and I am sure something is going on between them because first of all he lied to me and ok if he did went there there wasn't no need to stay there 10am till next morning he lied to me he knew I would dislike him going there but he still went there risking his marriage.
I will not tarnish her image innocent or not innocent because I know like you said I have no proof what went there all I know my husband is in the wrong to go there in the first place.
Fear of disclosure is one reason. But another reason for her phone call might be that your husband didn't think you'd believe him, so he asked her to talk to you to strengthen his case. It would be rather embarrassing for him to start an affair with his SIL's niece; it would cause so much drama within the family. Rather than take that risk, I imagine it must be easier to start an affair with someone outside the family.
If your husband has truly betrayed you in the past, it would naturally make it harder for you to trust him......but do you watch his every move like a hawk? If he tells you he's going out to get the groceries, or his hair cut, or spend time with his friends.....do you watch the clock to see how long he's been away.....do you call frequently? Maybe if your husband had told you from the beginning that he is going to visit this girl's home, you might have gotten angry....so he didn't tell you to avoid the tension. The interesting thing is that if your husband cheated on you 2-3 times in the past......wouldn't he try to be more khoshiyaar this time around? Usay poori planning kar jaana chahiye tha.....he should have planned clever excuses to tell you when you called to cover his back. If he's in another state/country, he could have come up with a host if excuses. Instead he actually admitted he was at this girl's home. I am not saying he's innocent, but I think you need to hear what he has to say before making a decision. When the girl called, why didn't you ask her all these questions? You should have asked her why your husband came, why he stayed over-night, etc etc.
And, no, you shouldn't base your decision of whether you should leave this marriage on his ability to return home within a week. How long it takes him to book that flight doesn't tell you anything about the situation, so don't use that ultimatum. Slow down and wait. Take some time out to examine your behavior. Think about whether your behavior might be causing your husband to hesitate in telling you the truth.
I know he's your husband and you have rights over him and he should be with you and children because you all are family. But really stop stalking him , seems like you're running after him and he is running away from you .....husband and wife relationship should not be like this.
You're thinking alot too and remember hasty decisions are seldom the right ones. Stop following him frantically and just be quite for sometime and see where things goes. You yourself know that all this chasing and investigations on him has not yielded you a thing.
Just leave everything for some time and just carry on with your life with your children , give yourself some mental peace and let things settle on it's own and please don't give him ultimatums.
and I am not calling you wrong , may be just may be if I were in your shoes I would have acted the same way but you need to cool down . I really hope things get better for you hugz
A marriage without trust and respect is no marriage worth keeping IMO. You seriously need to think about the example that is being set for your 4 children. Is this the healthiest environment for them? Sometimes,** the effort put into "keeping the family together" is actually more detrimental in the long run**.
I only made my comment to " sometimes, efforts to put family together is actually detrimental" stated as a philosophical statement.
Its like saying:
"Sometimes, giving CPR to dying person or taking that person to hospital actually is detrimental"
Hmm...this is being posted in a thread where a woman is asking for advice on how to handle a cheating husband.
What if it were a cheating wife? Your advice would not be the same because according to you...man does not need a woman.
Sometimes...its better to look after the health of your family versus just keeping them together locked up in a house where people are unhappy. If he cheats on his wife repeatedly...your advice to her is keep trying to make this marriage work? What about the effects his infidelity have on his children? Are children that unintelligent in your opinion? Do they not grow up and become a product of their environment?
Sometimes the demands of our culture from a woman really surprise me.
Maar khao, jootay khao, shauhar ki ulti seedhi harkatein bhi bardasht karo...sirf is liye kyun ke shaadi hogayi. Jaise gaye ko khambe se banda jata hai...vaise aurat ko banda jata hai. Hmm?
I only made my comment to " sometimes, efforts to put family together is actually detrimental" stated as a philosophical statement.
Its like saying:
"Sometimes, giving CPR to dying person or taking that person to hospital actually is detrimental"
if person giving CPR is dr. acula, then it might be a praablam.
I only made my comment to " sometimes, efforts to put family together is actually detrimental" stated as a philosophical statement.
Its like saying:
"Sometimes, giving CPR to dying person or taking that person to hospital actually is detrimental"
I think a better analogy for what KC was trying to say was if a person becomes a vegetable would u rather pull the plug and let them die peacefully or would u have all the tube feeds and sponge baths only to have them die from an infection from all the bedsores. (sorry if that was too gore-y). But CPR is for someone that just momentarily passed out and KC means long term dragging of a dead marriage.
On a seperate note I think I would drag the dead marriage.
if he actually did cheat on you before,like some poster said, you caught him red handed or he admitted it then there is a higher probability that he cheated this time too. If you warned him to stay away from that girl(based on your previous experiences), he should have stayed away if he was honest with you. There was no need to go to that girl`s place and stay for such a long period of time. but being in a similar situation as you, i would say if you can stay with him (for the sake of your mother or your children), then stay. Maybe wait till your children are old enough to understand and handle the situation.
(Assuming you have solid proof of your husband's infidelity)
I really feel for you! It's impossible to forgive and forget when your husband has cheated on you thrice. I'm sure you know the pros and cons of getting a divorce vs staying together, but the most important question for you to assess is what will be best for you and the kids in the long run. Will you be able to give them a normal, stable upbringing if you stay together? How will dad's behaviour impact them and their value system? Will they grow up to respect their partners and marriage in general? I've seen first hand how messed up families get when dad is unfaithful. The son of this couple - he was caught trying to solicit call girls while on vacation.
As for your mom and everyone you're close to - remember that ultimately they want your happiness and well being. You just need to convince them that the decision you've taken is making you happy.
Someone who might care about their marriage and understands what the wife is like. Clear misunderstandings. Thats how its done.
A guilty person has just enough cause to not bother.
If you are innocent you may not act this way. Others might. Doesnt make them guilty.
Definitely not the factor that decides whether shes guilty or innocent.
Someone who might care about their marriage and understands what the wife is like. Clear misunderstandings. Thats how its done.
A guilty person has just enough cause to not bother.
If you are innocent you may not act this way. Others might. Doesnt make them guilty.
Definitely not the factor that decides whether shes guilty or innocent.
I would feel insulted if someone thought I was capable of something so low!
“i would never do that, hence cheater!”