Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
I never understood why it was so taboo for a married couple to be so afraid to show that they’re actually happy together 
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
I know right?!?
shaadi se pehlay jaiyiz nahin hai…shaadi ke baad jaiyiz nahin hai… 
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
^^ Exactly… so confusing.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
perhaps because it reminds all the unhappily married couples of their sad state… 
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
I think at times part of it stems from the fact that many elders had very bad, unhealthy marriages. Esp in the cases of the older women - our naani, daadi etc. Even ladies from our mom's time faced it where they had awful in laws, arranged marriages, miserable times with their spouses. As they never got attention and affection from their spouses it makes them jealous and angry to see that other young women are getting what they never did.
I'm sure you can't explain all this behaviour that way but I've seen enough cases like this. That's why I don't get joint family system either. Your home is a place you want to be able to show affection to your spouse and not have to restrict yourself. That being said - growing up I didn't see a lot of adults show affection to their spouses physically and so I am very careful about this in front of family. Esp. since I know how negatively some conservative people perceive this. However, we do as we please in our own home. My parents have got very mellow now and I will see them holding hands sometimes, which is sweet but as I didn't grow up seeing this, feels a little odd still.
@ Muzna - I've seen guys show affection by holding hands in Pakistan! lol It's odd to see it when you're not used to it. Esp older men doing this.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
I wonder if saggirl will ever come back......
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
LOL @ X2’s comments .. can’t stop laughing!!! 
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
*I think at times part of it stems from the fact that many elders had very bad, unhealthy marriages. Esp in the cases of the older women - our naani, daadi etc. Even ladies from our mom's time faced it where they had awful in laws, arranged marriages, miserable times with their spouses. As they never got attention and affection from their spouses it makes them jealous and angry to see that other young women are getting what they never did. *
I'm sure you can't explain all this behaviour that way but I've seen enough cases like this. That's why I don't get joint family system either. Your home is a place you want to be able to show affection to your spouse and not have to restrict yourself. That being said - growing up I didn't see a lot of adults show affection to their spouses physically and so I am very careful about this in front of family. Esp. since I know how negatively some conservative people perceive this. However, we do as we please in our own home. My parents have got very mellow now and I will see them holding hands sometimes, which is sweet but as I didn't grow up seeing this, feels a little odd still.
@ Muzna - I've seen guys show affection by holding hands in Pakistan! lol It's odd to see it when you're not used to it. Esp older men doing this.
I agree with the above completely. These type of mothers need a reality check. Instead of feeling bitter/angry/resentful towards their DILs and son... They should sit back and be happy that their child is happy and his marriage is flourishing with his spouse. Shouldnt every mother want that?! And why is it MILs are happy seeing their daughters do xy and z however when their son/DIL do the very same thing its an issue?
I dont think joint family situs work at all... I use to be a strong believer in living with parents in their old age.. But not with the paki culture that is enstilled so deep in them which actually contradict religion. The constant observation of ILs on any couple can be detrimental to any marriage. Couples need space and privacy and that can only be achieved if living seperately. A son must fulfil his duties both to his parents and to his wife however they must be easy on him too. I have seen the two very important women in a mans life ruin everything. Its all about balance and speaking up when one is doing wrong - be that your mother with their silly demands.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
Monk- conversely how many ppl expect the wife to go to her parents home every weekend?
Btw, I hold begums hand in front of my parents, not like all the time but when I do it's not an issue. I have seen my parents hold hands off and on too. It's a little hidden, watching movies, on long drives etc, but it's all cool. And yeah they are very religious , haji? Regular prayers, kind gentle ppl, my mum wears hijab too. Now that they are both retired, they do Quran recitation together with the tafseer that is on TV, and they both cheat at ludo and snakes and ladders.
You have cool parents. :D
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
Monk,
Guys hold hands to show affection back home. I don't know if this happens still but it sure used to happen a lot. That wasn't considered socially awkward. Why is it awkward or inappropriate for a husband and wife to do so?
.....and frankly, not every part of our culture should be preserved.......some things we need to accept as wrong and change......isn't that what enlightenment and growth is all about?
I don't know what to tell you. Some time I think there is BIG disconnect between what you post and your self.
" Why is it awkward or inappropriate for a husband and wife to do so?"
How do we answer why some thing is awkward ??? other then "it is"
".....and frankly, not every part of our culture should be preserved.......some things we need to accept as wrong and change......isn't that what enlightenment and growth is all about? "
I promise you, you don't know what you are talking about. With all due respect.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
WHAT THE bleeping bleep is wrong with Pakistani people? Where has all common sense and logic from our people gone??? Seriously, like what the bleep!!!??? What the bleep??
holding hands with your husband is such a disgraceful act that its making not only MIL but SIL question their decision to marry off their 25 year old adult son!?!?? What the bleep???
It may be uncomfortable for MIL as yes in all reality, open PDA isn't a norm for most families but it sure as hell ain't a crime, or in other words shameful!? Maybe the couple needs to get a hold but shame on MILs thinking and her daughter supporting this absurd thought that THIS makes the marriage the wrong choice. If the family doesn't like it, one of the siblings just quietly needs to tell the couple and I'm sure they'll stop. For gods sake their newly weds and instead of MIL praying for their love to grow she's second thinking the marriage and questioning the girls character WHO by the way is STILL a teenager!!! Unlike her husband who is the adult. What the bleep!???
Pakistanis have no inch of humanity left in all regards of life. I have nothing more to think than WHAT THEEE BLEEEEEPPP??!
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
thousands of years ago your culture was experimenting and writing the Kama sutra. You must be forgetting some important historical details. What were you saying of shamelessness, vulgarity what?
Millions of years ago culture and ideologies didn’t exist so I didn’t realize you have decided to make up facts and apparently Pakistani culture is millions of years old in your bubble brain. Did mulvies teach you this?
But anyways X2 said what was needed to be said.
what the bleep
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
french kiss between a husband and wife......what about that? its a sign of growing love and all that..... would anyone of you find it awkward?
There is something quite wrong with u.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
X2: My lunch hour at work is well spent reading your write up! Just too good!:is:
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
theoder; no, if you've read all his posts in this thread he's been sarcastic all the time (and hilarious), theres something wrong with you if you can't even see that.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
I don't know what to tell you. Some time I think there is BIG disconnect between what you post and your self. " Why is it awkward or inappropriate for a husband and wife to do so?" How do we answer why some thing is awkward ??? other then "it is"
As long as we continue to blindly follow those before us, we will never progress as a race. I respectfully disagree with the notion of simply leaving this particular issue as "it is".
I don't know how you manage to gauge the disconnect. If you want to give an example of the disparity then I'm happy to explain.
".....and frankly, not every part of our culture should be preserved.......some things we need to accept as wrong and change......isn't that what enlightenment and growth is all about? "
I promise you, you don't know what you are talking about. With all due respect.
We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one because I will not budge from my position that certain aspects of our culture have prevented us from following the true and righteous path.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
Is showing feelings for your husband/wife seen as a "bad" thing in Pakistan?
I mean my brother in law got married a few months ago. He got married to his cousin. I heard my eldest SIL and my MIL telling my husband that they shouldn't had let their son get married that's he is still a child etc etc he is 25 years old. I asked my husband why what happened? he told me that his mom told him that she the new bhabi is always holding my BIL hand when they sit together and are always running after him etc etc. And MIL didn't knew that she was that kind of girl. She thought she was religious. And that if they have know they would never had married their son to him. I mean come on they are newly wed at that time they only been married for one month. They live in a joint family system.
If you didn't know it before, now you have it confirmed. Your MIL & SIL are crazy. My condolences and sympathies to you and your devrani for these in-law clowns.
Re: showing feelings in Pakistan
There is something quite wrong with u.
Yeah :-(
1) I am scared of clowns
And
2) I suffer from multiple personality disorder
A- no we don't!!!
Me- yeah see I do cuz all other personalities responded
A- well we did not deny multiple personalities but we don't consider it a disorder and we certainly do not " suffer" from it
group B) well some us do, because of the rest of you!!
group C) hey we were quiet don't drag is into your usual fights
group A) oh shush, you guys can sit there with smug smiles and not engage in a proper interaction because you are too cool for the rest of us
Group C) No, we are just not childish
Group D) hey what do you have against children?
Group C) oh not another group
Me 1- Shut up!!! You don't exist!!
silence....
Group C whisper yeah we do..
Shut up, you are all imaginary, get out of my head!!! You are not real.,
Deep breath , okay... Inhaaaale, exhaaaale...
Ahhh, much better..
Is anyone there...
silence
Hello?
silence
Good... So now lets get to item number 3
Group A) are you still doing that??
Arghhh
Okay enough for now, will be back with
3 later
Group C) no he won't
Group B) stop being childish
Group C) you don't like children..
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Damn it!!!!
(Yes I plagiarized from my blog)