Should I or shouldn't I?

Lifestyle Relationships
101

You are just one person. You are not a professional agency. Give the social workers idea a shot. And when you speak to them.........be persistent. If someone doesn't help you............ask to speak to their manager. That usually works to get serious attention.

You know what you struggle with Noto? I've read many of your past posts and you keep dwelling over the wrongs that others have done. Yes, these kids in your neighborhoods and their parents are PAGAL KUTTAY!!!!!!!!!!!

But can you control others? Can you change others? NO, you can't. Just like you CAN'T control or change your family members/in-laws that have hurt you. You can only control and change yourself and your own situation. Don't wait for the bullies and oppressors inside and outsider your family to "develop a brain and a conscience"............cuz that might never happen. We already know that these people are arseholes. But your complaining about them on a public forum is going to do little to improve your situation. That's why you need to take concrete action. Dwelling on their injustices accomplishes nothing. You've tried patience. You've tried tolerance. Now, you're justified in taking authoritative action. Don't dwell........I know it's hard not to.........because I can be a dweller myself..........but turn your pain into power, girl.

102

That's what I don't understand either!

103

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

^ ur children arent the ones who need to be ur witnesses and testify for u.... stop waiting for an opportunity to gather evidence... Khuda na kare, somethign more severe happens. They're just kids... they need protection.

104

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

Don't bother understanding those fools. They're too dumb to even understand themselves. They're animals. Actually I take that back. Even animals have more decency and are above them. They're LOWER than shiiiit. Cuz even shiit is worth something and can be used as fertilizer! These people are the lowest scum of the earth. They are beyond comprehension. Do not waste your time tryingt figure them out. It is said that 80 percent of what you learn comes from home. Perhaps their parents never taught them about basic respect. And you can't UNDO years of bad parenting. Don't worry about what's going on in their minds. Only worry about how it's affecting your family's peace of mind.

105

I'm going to take them today to try to talk to social services and see if it will be any help.

Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil mein Khayal aata hai...
106

THANK YOU. Now you're thinking straight. Wooohoo! :)

Just remember to be persistent. Tell them all the details. Let your kids speak to the social workers. And tell them you've talked to the police to no avail. And ask them to either help u find a new place to live..........or take serious action against these kids because they are engaging in vandalism, theft, and violence. Ask them if the police.......or social workers can go the homes of these devils and give their parents a STERN warning.

107

ive never seen this side of u!

good job!

108

I'm going to try to do that. I hope it'll help.

I'm feeling my energy back again. In Pakistan, I wouldn't have to do anything in our family home, it's ready as it is and we could move in there anytime. But here, I will have to do everything again in a new home. But if the neighbourhood will be better, it will be worth it. My energy is back again. If they can really help us find a new home in a better neighbourhood where my son can play outside without being beaten up, I will be very happy.

I feel like I'm going to try to do something that might be helpful, it's giving me hope and energy again. I hope they will believe me this time.

109

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

ur neighbours are a bunch of losers

install a security camera (preferably hidden) and catch them doing the act
then go to the police with evidence
and have their @$$E$ in jail

then sue the parents

110

I went to the police station and this time they did really listen and have agreed to let my son tell what they did to him. We wanted to press charges against the kids who beat him up this time, so the other kids won't dare to beat up my son again, when they hear about the charges being pressed. But those kids aren't old enough to be charged! So there is nothing I can do about it. They stole my childrens bikes, I can press charges against that too, but will I get those bikes back? I don't think so.

The social service person I talked to also thinks it's no use moving to another neighbourhood. He said that perhaps the people in the neighbourhood are treating me negative because of myself, which is strange because from the first time I moved here, most of them were unfriendly and the first months I kept smiling and greeting everyone. When things didn't change, I stopped greeting them too. After that, I only greeted the people in my own side of the building who still greeted back. But other than that, I don't have contact with them. I don't fight with them, insult them, nothing. So how could my behaviour have been the cause of the negative attitudes against me in my neighbourhood? Oké, in 2007 and 2008 I did for the first time, try to defend my children and myself and then I did ask those kids to leave us alone, but they had started with their negative behaviour in 2004, from the moment I moved here! I didn't start, I endured in patience and silence, yet everyone was against me and my children. So when I finally tried to defend myself and my children in 2007 and in 2008, it was against the things they have been doing to us starting from 2004. After all that time, one day, it's enough.

But I notice, I remain nowadays more calm than I used to be in the past.

Oh well, I tried what I could. Now I'm going to be with my own family, because one thing, my family and I can be angry, tell each other we hate each other, my family and I can argue hugely, my family can have a different opinion about something and not admit they do something wrong, but in this case, they would help me. I first thought, that they had let those people argue with me, you never know. When relationships were bad, I really couldn't understand what was going on, so I thought, if I didn't fight them, is it my own family who is letting them harrass me? But they told me a few weeks ago, when we had a conversation, that they had nothing to do with it and they were very angry that those two women had beaten me up. Then I knew for sure, that it had nothing to do with my family. That's why I now know, my family has nothing to do with the negative behaviour against me in my own neighbourhood. So why is every one doing this to me then?

One thing, my uncles and aunties and parents all have argued with each other and me and I with them, but one thing, if any one else tries to harm us, they do help us. My Uncles and Aunties who don't have a nice relationship with my parents, still would help my parents in cases like these. If anyone in my neighbourhood does something, I won't be alone now. If those Turks can help each other beat up my son, who didn't even start argument, well, then my family (which is huge) can help defend my son.

My parents can kill me, which isn't nice of course, but they won't allow anyone else to kill me or my children, or beat up me and my children. That much I know now. And I could perhaps kill my familymembers, but I won't allow anyone else to kill them. I don't just have Allah, I have my parents and my brothers too.

111

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

^^ Just wanted to say ... you are talking a lot of rubbish .......... but plz continue. I know some people here have much more patience than me for this "crap".

Anybody here from Dubai?
112

^
Sure, thanks.

It's kind. I also often notice how, when people turn against me in my environment, people turn against me online as well. :)

Also, nobody has to read what I write. People can either say negative things, which from 2003-2004 I'm getting used to hearing anyway, or completely ignore all my posts.

It doesn't matter that much. You see, even if everyone on every website would even perhaps hate me some day, I can still be happy. :) I am already happy without other people in my own life. Then why do I have contact with my own family? So my kids won't get beaten up again. For the rest, it doesn't matter.

Everyone can say whatever they want to me, for me or against me, it won't upset me as much as when my son gets beaten up for nothing.

Give me friendly criticism, like you just did. You told me in a very polite manner how you feel about my posts, which I appreciate. Other people can even say very negative things, which I'm used to by now, since the last 4-5 years. So it doesn't really hurt me anymore.

I am someone who lives without other people, first not because of my own choice, now chosen by myself out of habit.

Perhaps some day I'll stop communicating online as well. I can even live without internet. So people can hate me, ignore me, accuse me even if they wish. I have my books, peace in my own home, it won't do much to me...

But you, I just want to thank for your very polite and friendly critisism. Which it seriously was. :)

Full Time Masti - May 2013
Full Time Masti - May 2013
113

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

hi i have skipped a few posts.

Now i really dont want to be mean or sounds horrble i understand you are going through a difficult time, i really do.

But....you have a pattern of people being unfriendly towards you in other neighbourhoods and in school days?

Can you think of any reason why? i dont mean arguing with them just any other reasons?

If there isnt fair enough fine, i was wrong, ignore me.

Also i believe if you are to move away make sure you research the neighbourhood very well. Dont go to a similar kind of neighbourhood as you have had two bad experiences.

Somehow i feel your story is a lot bigger and deeper than you are saying here, i feel maybe there are other deep rooted problems somwhere. Again i may be wrong so please ignore me.

You must get to the core of the issue then take action.

is it the type of people? ok move to an area with good educated quiet people maybe where there are old people?

Is it racist? ok move to a place with a bigger community

etc etc...if you dont solce the core the problems will always remain.

And please talk to SOMEONE about what is going on....i mean emotionally.

114

I've never had any arguments in any neighbourhood while growing up. Only at school kids used to tease me in most classes, because I was the only person with a shalwar kamiez. And some kids in my neighbourhood sometimes. But that never resulted in any fight. I never did anything back. What can one do?

Also here, I wasn't the one who started any argument at all. I've been silent and in my own home. Sometimes they went so far, I had to say something back. But mostly, I ignored them.

Only when they kept beating up my son, I had to open my mouth and say something about it. Other than that, nothing has happened. I have not started fights with anyone. Only when people keep harrassing or insulting, then I have to say something about it. I don't know why these people, most of them I don't even know, are doing this to me and my children. I have no idea. Sure, I could guess, maybe this, maybe that misunderstanding they have, but I really don't know.

By the way, I just gave my kids permission to do something which feels very good. Of course I'm going to tell every one that like my neighbours I "didn't notice". I bought them eggs. We walked nearby the homes of the kids who threw eggs at us. Of course I didn't "notice anything" today. I yelled and cheered, because ... oh, just because I felt like it. Perhaps some of those kids will later on notice something on their homes that looks like the stuff they threw at my home. I don't know, I have "no idea who did" it, I "noticed nothing", just like my neighbours. :)

Oh, and by the way. Last weekend both the bikes of my children were missing. Now I think our neighbours should watch their own childrens bike very carefully...

115

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

notorious two rights dont make a wrong, dont sink to the level of the bullies. You are as bad as them.

Sorry if people disagree. But i think be the bigger and better person nd work hard to get yiur children safe. dont teach them that violence and abuse is the right way to do things!

Full Time Masti - May 2013
116

I have “no idea” what you’re talking about. :halo:

By the way, if someon hits your childs body, then one day, when it continues, you will want to defend him and do something back.

Our Prophet (saww) even defended himself against his attackers. We are allowed to defend ourselves when talking doesn’t help anymore and other kids start beating up our kids severely while nobody does anything about it and even we ourselves get beaten up. We are allowed to defend ourselves.

Everyone can hate me as much as they want, I’m not going to do what I did in 2007 or 2008, I was upset back then, tried to talk to those people, tried to talk to those children, nothing helped. From now on, it’s going to be different action. No more upset me, crying weak me, no, from now on, it’s something different insha Allah.

Everyone can hate me as much as they want. Allah knows everything what happened and it comforts me when I think about that.

117

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

That photo that u took and shared wid all of us........... is not gona do any gud to u.....

police can say that u just took a random guy's photo....

infact that guy when called might sue u for taking his photo without permission......

so forget that photo .....

ma honest suggestion to u is to move out of this place.....dont have money ... borrow it frm ur parents.... go live close to ur parents where u can easily go to their place if soemthing happens...

if possible move into ur parents' house and u can always share the responcibilities wid them and pitch in some money in financial expenses.....

118

I know, I had my doubts about that photo, so I needed to show it to know your opinions about it's being clear enough or not. Obviously not. I still have to delete it.

I know nobody can do and wants to do anything about those eggs and apples. That's why, after the police also told me they could perhaps talk to those people but nothing else could be done about it, I came up with a different solution. Well, some of justice was done today, already.

Nobody is going to get me upset anymore, or really angry and really crying anymore. They can try. Everyone can call me any word he or she likes, it doesn't hurt me anymore. People can try whatever they want.

If I want money from my parents, when they have it and when there isn't any huge argument, they give it to me if I ask for it and don't ask me to pay it back. They wouldn't even take it if I would try to pay it back to them.

I can't move, so I'm staying here. It takes a long time before you can have a new appartment. Sure I could wait, then ask my parents to hire people to paint that appartment and ask them to do everything for me. But I like my appartment, my kids and I did most of the things ourselves, it isn't perfect, we made many mistakes while painting and being busy with the floor, it's really funny, but we like our appartment with it's mistakes. :) Besides, inside my home I'm oké. And my kids can have outside life as well now, with my family members, which is fine for them and with a few friends from school or our area who don't join the bullies, they can go play in playgrounds which are more further away where perhaps those bullies won't find them.

That's it. For me it's all solved and done. Thanks for the advice everyone and for sharing your own experiences in similar situations.

119

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

Okay Notorious........so the social worker was an imbecile. How sad! If he's that incompetent, he should be dismissed from his post.

But I've very PROUD of you for going to the police. And I'm glad that the officer took you seriously this time. Even in an organization, you will find people who are more competent than others. That social worker might have been stupid........but surely there must be others at the agency who are more proactive. (Just a thought to consider if you think you can go back there again).

Now since you went to the police again this time (GOOD FOR YOU!!!)......I understand that those kids are too young to press charges, but it doesn't hurt for those kids to receive a bit of a scare from the police, know what I mean? The smart thing to do would be to ask the officer if the could **conduct a meeting **with you, those nasty children, and their clueless parents. This meeting should take place **FACE to FACE **and all parties should be present. And the police officer should explain to the parents and their children the consequences that could result if they engage in such behavior again. The parents will feel embarrassed to have the police come to their house to lecture them. Because to them, it will be a reflection of their own poor parenting skills. But it needs to be done, Noto.

Don't put your children at risk again. *Go back to the same officer and ask him that you don't want to press charges against the parents (because the parents are ultimately responsible for underage children)...................but request the officer to conduct the meeting. * Maybe when the parents hear that you've been patient enough not to sue them or press charges.........and once they hear what your son has to say...........they might feel a bit ashamed......especially in front of an officer.

Full Time Masti - May 2013
Full Time Masti - May 2013
120

Re: Should I or shouldn't I?

Notorious

Why does your probelm look so hollywoodish?
You live in a wetsern civilised law system i suppose
why is so difficult to get this sorted

i think we live a ina free western society were everybody has the right to b confused however u shudnt act so confused that people would think that other people think you are trying to be stupid.

maybe u need a man like red.velvet