Should i forget and talk to him?

Lifestyle Relationships
81

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

^Hehehe :whoosh:

82

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

He's not talking to you because you haven't given his mother your jewelry

Either you can wait a couple days and then call him, try to act as "normal" and nice as possible. When he asks about or mentions the jewelry, give it to his mom.

The problem/fights/arguments continue because of the jewelry, so if you don't want to give it to her, expect on going laraii jhagray for a while until he forgets about it. If they ever forget about it...

83

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

Well what i am going to say is that why do you get married to such losers and in a family like that anyway?. Don't your parents do search on them?. This is really sad!. Poor girl's mother in law asking to keep her jewelery that's just complete BS.

84

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

[QUOTE]
He's not talking to you because you haven't given his mother your jewelry
[/QUOTE]

this is what i said to him that day k me jub ap k pas wahan anay lagun gi tou me de k aoungi ... he was so frustrated that he said ab tum tub hi yahan ao gi jub tum de do gi verna me tumhara apply nahi krun ga .... i dnt waant to be part this blackmailing actually ... is terha tou he will keep on doing that for diffrent issues for the rest of the life

85

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

Dude,

He is a loser for wanting you to give your jewelry to his mother. Sorry to say but a complete loser.

I wouldn't contact him at all...let's see how long it takes for him to make the move.

You're not asking for divorce, just stop waiting around for his call. If he calls, great. If not, great.

I have some words I would like to use for such families but this is a family forum after all.

86

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

actually i never wanted to marry him on the first place .... i had issues like i did nt liked him for a few reasons but for my parents he was a hero .... the characteristics i mentioned in him were of not so much concern to my family so they made me to marry him

and now they see how correct i was

87

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

dumdumde, you just said leaving him is not an issue or an option. So stop thinking what he might do in the future, there's just no guarantee what the future holds, I'm sorry. You've been dealing with his blackmailing for a while now, and you said you're okay with that. You just want him to talk to you right?

What you need to figure out is how to fix your relationship with him after everything that's been said and done. Obviously he has an ego, and he's made it a much bigger deal than it has to be. The whole situation has been blown out of proportion, OH my God.

Wait a couple days and if he still doesn't contact you, call him and casually ask what's up, how is he doing etc. After that, see what happens. Take it one step at a time.

88

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

Do you want to move? Do you care if you never go live abroad? Does it matter that much to you?

He seems like more trouble than he is worth...really.

89

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

no i am not okay with this black mailing stufff i just dont want him to hurt me and be so harsh on me like this ever
and i want to talk to him bcz obviously i miss him and i have this insecurity that whats goin on in his mind as he is not infront of my eyes to guess that i need to hear from him

90

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

You can't control his actions, you can only control yours. If he wants to be upset and miserable, let him be.

You're gonna go over this in your head a million times without any answers, so stop thinking about it.

Take a couple days to calm down, then do what you want to do. Never make an emotional decision. You never know- he might call you before you call him

91

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

i want to go to him and live with him because he left in very early days of our marriage we couldnt even built up much understanding .... the only time we had was the engagment time .... so if i am married to him i am supposed to live with him ....

and i have this faith that no matter if i give the hell to my belongings only if i get to live with him it will change his mind toward me inshAllah

92

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

Then do it. If you feel it in your heart that he can change, do it.

Just don't be one of those women who get stuck with an idiot and don't realize it until its too late. Case in point: rainbow1987's thread that just got locked.

93

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

AND DON'T HAVE KIDS FOR A FEW YEARS! at least not until you two don't have this problem.

94

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

[QUOTE]
He's not talking to you because you haven't given his mother your jewelry
[/QUOTE]

i went for kids this time bcz i thought this wud be the last thing to save my marriage and i did ... his attitude in my pregnancy became very nice with me thats why i have this feeling that i get to live with him and we have kids he will change in few years inshAllah ... Allah cant take me to such long azmaish after all

95

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

[QUOTE]
Case in point: rainbow1987's thread that just got locked.
[/QUOTE]

what does dat mean?

96

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

Oh my God you cannot have kids to save a marriage. Kids are awesome but they add stress to a marriage. Don't ever make that mistake again. Make sure your marriage is stable enough to survive on its own before you subject innocent children to a rocky relationship

97

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

This is not an azmaish…these are signs you’re ignoring. I feel like Allah swt is practically spelling it out for you but if you don’t want to see it, its your call.

It means a case that would prove my point is:

[http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/515862-dont-know-what-to-do.html

A](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/515862-dont-know-what-to-do.html)ll I am saying is, in my experience people don’t change. Its not normal for them to change their basic principles.

They might drop a bad habit or two for you (picking up his socks, leaving the toilet seat down, knowing which brands you prefer, etc) but do their personalities and mindsets change? No, not that I have ever seen. If he loves his mother so much that he feels the need to be unfair with you in order to be fair to her, his basic principles are messed up. And you, a new person in his life, cannot fix values that have been ingrained him for 25+ years.

This is who he is, like it or not.

98

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

apparently a couple of weeks ago somebody else posted a thread about her bhabi and how things ended up in divorce and one of the 'shikayaat' included were that on the 7th day of her shadi, the DIL had given her jewellery to her mom for safekeeping something like that.

Why do people have such mentality? i fail to understand this ! The jewellery is a girl's possession she can do whatever she wants with them. Such petty issues :/ And alot of people do that. Like for instance before my shadi, my dad suggested to me that you could ask your MIL to keep your jewellery safe with her in the locker, so that you don't lose it. **He said some people might not like the fact that you are keeping your jewellery etc with yourself or your parents and they might make it a trust issue out of it. **I didn't say much then but I decided to keep it with me. Thankfully my MIL infact encouraged me to keep it with me because she feared that she might not be able to look after it.

But now I realise that maybe this was the reason Baba said this to me...it's pathetic honestly! Material things should never come in the way of trust and respect.

I think your MIL is the real cause of all the trouble. She probably stuffs so much in her son's ears that he too has become really frustrated with the whole thing. She is probably making this jewellery thing an ego issue. Dumde what I think is that your MIL wouldn't want your husband to leave you or something (it couldn't be that bad) , she just wants to have that 'am the one who should be in charge of everything' feeling. Also I do not understand why didn't she ask you to live with her?

99

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

Don't give your jewellery to anyone. Its yours. Look after it yourself. Or better put it in a bank for safe keeping.

100

Re: Should i forget and talk to him?

i know he loves me ... but its just he loves his mother more .... and love can change a person ... it will be either mine or hers thats what time will tell