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He might be feeling guilty for what he's said to you but the way he's acting seems like you're the one who said something hurtful to him. He's trying to make you feel guilty and mend things because his ego won't allow him to apologize.
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you are absolutely right in this as i told before its in his mind that i am not good to his mother and i should be guilty of it
she is kind of mother in law who for example wants to keep my jwellery with her and stuff like that which i just cannot do and this is how my husband thinks i am not good with his mother jo aurat mujy gher me nai rakh sakti meri jwellery rakhkna chahti hy she already has wht she has given to me but wants k me apny parents ki di huii cheezain b uski custody me de dun
which is not possible for me to do
so i can never make her happy ... me khidmat krti hun unki kabi oonchi awaz me nai boli otherwise she is ok with me but issues like these have tension
Tell her that you’ve given the jewelry (that your parents gave you) to your parents. So, if she still wants it…she’ll have to ask your parents. And if she doesn’t do it…that makes me wonder about her intentions.
This is not the first time I’ve heard something like this. You never hear about in-laws doing stuff like this in other cultures. Why are we so weird like that? Common sense…jewelry given by your parents…you have more of a right to it. You’re an adult…you keep it. Wonder how your Sasoo Maa would feel if her daugther’s MIL wanted to keep the jewelry that was given to her by her parents. Bet she’d object to it. We don’t respect common sense boundaries in relationships…and then there are some sons who have taken respect for their amma to a a very unreasonable God-like status. Just messes everything up. The wife has to give your moms the utmost respect even when they don’t make sense…but switch it around to your sisters and daughters…and the same doesn’t apply. Pathetic.
yes this is what exactly me n my parents are concerned about her intentions actually .... she is very sweet in front of everyone and her son says tum apni chezain ami k pas rakhwa do tum gumm ker do gi .... he knows i am well educated and can keep a locker though i have said that my things are in mu mums locker ... aaj tak aik sui tou gumm ki nai mainy ... that was initial stages when this poison started now he argues like .... akhir tumharey sath masla kia hy tum meri ma pe trust ai krti tum muj pe trust nai krti ... un pas hon ya tumharey parents k pas its the same thing tum is terha ki baton ko issue bna leti ho (jub k issue wo bna rha hota hy)
its so complicated for me
in his mind his mother is clear ager me unko apni possessions nai b deti still she is good with me loves me and cares for me but un bechari ko dukh hota hy jub me un pe trust nai kerti thats how me unka dil dukhati hun merey husband ki nazar me
he just dnt want to use his common sense ya phir my MIL keeps on getting his emotional hamdardi
Yeah so just tell him, I love your mother and trust her but I need to start taking responsibility for my own stuff. I don't want to burden her with my jewelry, that's so disrespectful, aap kaisi baatein kara hai hain jaanu? Turn the tables on him and make him feel guilty for burdening his mother and ask him why he doesn't trust you
Does your husband have a sister? I bet you that your MIL wouldn't like it if her own daughter was pressured in the same way.
When your husband says that koi farak nahin parta agar jewerly meri maa rakhay ya tumharay parents.......THEN you tell him: HAAN EXACTLY....jab tumhari nazar main koi farak hi nahi parta, phir tumhay koi takleef nahin honi chahiye agar jewerly meray parents k paas rahay. Aur agar meray parents khud chahtay hai k woh meri jewelry rakhay....to tumhay koi aitraaz to nahin hona chahiy. Akhir tum meray parents ko apnay parents ki tarha samajhtay ho. Jab tum mujhay yeh advice de rahay ho k aik hi baat hai....to aik hi baat hai. Throw it back in his face ever so sweetly. Ridiculous men...who take every single common sense refusal as their amma ki tauheen.
At the end of everything say, is this what the whole argument was about? The fact that I respected your mother and didn't want to burden her with MY belongings? Then here, I will give her my jewelry because I love her and I love you and I would do anything for you guys (that'll will make him feel really guilty)
Then give his mom all your chandni ke sets and maybe one gold churi, and say, this is all I have. Bass yehi meri haisiyat hai.
I'm irritated too. This is such petty b.s. This whole thing is what made him make such an insensitive comment towards his wife who just lost her baby. Sad.
Aish i have said all stuff like that which clearly makes sense but u know what i get to hear is .... unki zidd hy tou tum poori ker do tumhy kia fark par jaey ga ager meri ma khush ho jaey gi akhir tum un pe trust kiun nai krti
and when i come up with logics he says ma bap chahy acha kahen chahy bura wo kabi ghalat nai hoty .... he has learnt so many ahadees on MA but dsnt know any1 about a wife
and i am so bad that i cant be a meethi churri i just talk on logics as u all are doing as any normal human being does
RV i have only MIL in my sural and her parents and my MIL and her mother are more than enuff for me
i have already said that .... he says so ur parents dont want k tumhy apny gher walo pe trust ho wo nai chahtey k tum apny gher me baso
tell me me in nonsense baton ko kese handle krun .... this the point where i say k mujse chup nai raha jata i have to defend me self but he has answer to everything
Can you tell him, I've discussed it with my parents and they want to keep my jewelry with them until I move in with you
Can you blame it on your parents and say you've tried your best to convince them or something?
Honestly, that's such a cheap thing to get mad about. I'm sorry but your MIL sounds like a cheap cheap lady. Eugh. May Allah (SWT) give her hidayat
^Exactly. That's what I had in mind as well. Make it seem like it's the parents decision to keep it. Although I wouldn't be surprised if he accuses her of turning her parents against his Amma. And then if the MIL doesn't approach the parents.....it does make you wonder about her intentions? Why become so adamant about this?
Or she can compromise and let MIL keep the jewelry that she's given...and give her parents the jewelry they gave to her. That's fair. But if he has problems with even that........something is just shady.
Ask him…“Aik ghar ka basna sirf jewelry par depend karta hai? Tum yeh kehna chahtay ho k agar jewelry tumhari Maa ko na di jaaye…to hamari shadi toot jaayegi…ghar nahi basay ga…sirf is baat par? Mujhay FORCE karna k main tumhay apnay parents ki di hui jewelry doon…yeh ghalat hai/gunnah hai. Jo jewelry mujhay parents ne di hai…jo k meri hai…woh main apnay paas rakhoon ya meray parents rakhay…there is no gunnah in that. But tumhara yeh force karna is a gunnah” I dunno…put it on him and make him feel guilty and silly.
I thought that Islamically …what you receive as a gift was yours to keep. And if you compromise by letting his mother keep what she’s given you…that should be enough…otherwise you’re not even required to do that…it’s a gift and the recipient has more of the right to keep it.
Set your boundaries. Aur agar woh is topic ko phir chairay…to just tell him that mainay bata diya hai k meray parents khud chahtain k un ki di hui jewelry unhi k paas rahay. Tumhari Maa chahay…to jo zevar unhon ne mujhay diya hai…woh apnay paas rakh lain. Main is topic k ab nahin discuss chahati. Tumhay agar abhi masla hai…to tum jaa kar meray parents se discuss kar saktay ho." Don’t even argue with him about the matter with him anymore if he brings it up. Just walk away from him.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he and his mother never approach your parents about the jewelry. They’re hoping that they will pressure you to the point that you will give up and do as they wish. If their intentions are clean…then let them approach your parents. If they dont…
i want to compromise .... u know what i think in my heart .... its like me her cheez un k munh pe marun n unka munh band ho jae atleast merey husband ki ankhain tou khul jain gi k i have done that for him as he said .... and us k bad ziada se ziada kia hoga .... ager uski intensions buri hain and meri kismat buri hy tou ill be divorced is se ziada kia hoga .... i ahve also talked to my parents k acha nai hy jaldi yeh sub ka result aye and jaldi meri jaan choot jaey abi i am just 25 well educated and good looking .... bcz i know sooner or later mujy un logo ki batein manuni parein gi to make myself in peace so why not now .... but my father says that doesnt make sense that we give them a free hand for that
i am seriously ****ed up n dnt know what to do ...
WTF? Yeh koi baat hai Larne ki? Do you really care about the jewelry? I am guessing no. I know the issue is deeper than just who gets to keep your jewelry. If your mil is indirectly trying to show you that she is still the boss then just let her think that way. Give her the jewelry your inlaws gave you and tell her you didn't even care much for it in the first place. Tell them you are giving back their jewelry since they insist and you are keeping the jewelry your patents gave you with your parent. Baat khatam!If your husband keeps telling you to listen to his Amma then remind him that's his mother and he should fulfill his responsibilities himself and not hand them off to you like a loser!
She wants the jewelry but doesn't want her DIL living with her. Lol. Really?
There is no reasoning with her husband either, he has an answer for everything. It seems like he knows his mom is being unreasonable but he wants to listen to her anyway because "parents are always right." Now the issue is turning into trust which is so stupid and doesn't make sense.
dumdumde: you need to not be so blunt when you talk to your husband. Do exactly what his mom does. You know what's going to start happening pretty soon? He'll start saying you don't love him, you don't respect him or his family, because if you did you would've done something simple as giving his mom your jewelry.
For now, don't stress yourself out and think about divorce. You're jumping to conclusions, just take it easy. You have some time to think about how you want to handle this, give it some time and thought. Sleep on it.
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Ask him...."Aik ghar ka basna sirf jewelry par depend karta hai? Tum yeh kehna chahtay ho k agar jewelry tumhari Maa ko na di jaaye....to hamari shadi toot jaayegi.....ghar nahi basay ga.....sirf is baat par? Mujhay FORCE karna k main tumhay apnay parents ki di hui jewelry doon....yeh ghalat hai/gunnah hai. Jo jewelry mujhay parents ne di hai...jo k meri hai...woh main apnay paas rakhoon ya meray parents rakhay....there is no gunnah in that. But tumhara yeh force karna is a gunnah" I dunno...put it on him and make him feel guilty and silly
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u think mainy usko is terha ki batein nai ki hon gi .... everything on earth i have said to him
uski aankhain nai hain usko aqal nai hy .... he knows everything still forces me jst bcz uski ma is me khush hoti hy and wo apni ma kok khush kerna chahta hy by hooks or by crooks .... chahay us me biwi kitni hi hurt kiun na ho
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There is no reasoning with her husband either, he has an answer for everything. It seems like he knows his mom is being unreasonable but he wants to listen to her anyway because "parents are always right." Now the issue is turning into trust which is so stupid and doesn't make sense.
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here you get the exact story
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dumdumde: you need to not be so blunt when you talk to your husband. Do exactly what his mom does. You know what's going to start happening pretty soon? He'll start saying you don't love him, you don't respect him or his family, because if you did you would've done something simple as giving his mom your jewelry.
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he has already done that
can you imagine i am resisting this issue since a year
his mother is not just letting it go .... he says me ma ki zidd jo ho gai hy kia ho jata hy tum poori ker do tou if you love me and ager apna gher basana chahti ho tou apny husband ki khushi k liye hi ker do
u think mainy usko is terha ki batein nai ki hon gi .... everything on earth i have said to him
uski aankhain nai hain usko aqal nai hy .... he knows everything still forces me jst bcz uski ma is me khush hoti hy and wo apni ma kok khush kerna chahta hy by hooks or by crooks .... chahay us me biwi kitni hi hurt kiun na ho
1) You can try just staying quiet whenever he discusses the jewelry....and continue being respectful toward him and his mother. Ho sakta hai k ....kuch dair k baad....woh dono bhool jaaye iss baat ko.
2) He keeps accusing your parents of not wanting to basaao your ghar. Aisa karo....have your parents invite all of you over to their home for lunch/dinner one day. And maybe your parents can CALMLY/CLEVERLY discuss the matter. It would be interesting to see how your husband and MIL behave in front of your parents. And then maybe your parents can tell your MIL and your husband....that they hope k iss baat ki agay koi tension nahin hogi. Like kind of giving a friendly but subtle warning.
